Thursday, January 29, 2009

Madness? This is....

Carrying yourself around at 534 pounds is not easy, walking up a flight of stairs may as well have been going for a run because by the time I reached the 13th stair bliss was how it felt that there was not 14 stairs and my heart was racing, beating very hard all while pride was held in by trying to breath slowly so that my wife would not pick up on the fact that my chest felt like it was going to explode. Sliding into a car and having my belly touch the steering wheel in a full sized car sucking it in when first entering to not let anyone see that it was happening was the norm only letting it out after pulling away because no one would notice while the car was moving right? Life was not fun nor easy at 534 pounds, it was not what one would call peachy. Many nights I would wake up and have heartburn so bad that I could do nothing but get up and eat a couple slices of bread, drink a glass of milk followed by a handful of Tums, Constantly fidgeting because sitting too long in one position started making things ache or in some cases just plain old hurt. I literally had days where my chest felt like it had been pressurized just from minimal movement and have had the thought "Is my heart going to give out today?" and that folks is not a happy happy joy joy moment and if I am being honest it was scary and is what ultimately made me decide to do this weight loss gig.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. making promises to myself and my children and my wife to eat healthy to make sure that I will be around to show my son how to drive a car, walk my daughter down the aisle one day, to hold my Wifes hand while we take a stroll at 70 years old all of these things were but questions not so long ago, will I be here to teach my son to drive? will I be here to walk my beautiful daughter down the aisle one day? will my wife have my hand to hold in her golden years? now that answer is leaning towards the yes column because I am taking control of my health and dropping the unwanted weight that has attached itself to my body over the past few years of neglecting it. Movie theater seats are no longer my nemesis, I have conquered the booth and can honestly say that I have enriched my life as well as my families. I took my weight problem and "This is Sparta" kicked it into oblivion along with many of my fears that I had before making this decision.

I make my own decisions now where health is concerned, food addiction? whats that? while I was writing this a song comes to mind because of the lyrics, Pearl Jam "Elderly woman behind the counter in a small town"

I seem to recognize your face
haunting familiar yet I can't seem to place it
cannot find the candle of thought to light your name
lifetimes are catching up with me

all these changes taking place
I wish I'd seen the place
but no ones ever taken me.

hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away

I swear I recognize your breath
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising
of course you can't see me for I'm not my former

its hard when your stuck upon a shelf
I changed by not changing at all
small town predicts my fate

perhaps thats what no one wants to see

I just want to scream hello
my god its been so long never dreamed you'd return
but now here you are and here I am

hearts and thoughts they fade away.

Apparently so does fat! Now of course that song is not about a fat guy that has lost an entire persons worth of weight but surely you can see where there are parallels that could be applied to how I feel about what I have gone through in the past year. I Know that in my excitement I posted that picture above in a post late last night but I honestly felt that it should be posted again so there it is! a quote from my brother "I cannot ever remember you looking that way, you look like a different person" My cousin said that "You should stop losing weight now so that I can recognize you again" and I am smaller than when I met my wife so she is also seeing me this way for the first time in her life, and it made my mother cry, all of that feels better than you can possibly know if you have not lost a substantial amount of weight. I mean C'mon these are all people that have grown up living with me, next door to me or are married to me, I would be lying if I said it didn't feel good, it was a lot of hard work that was worth every minute and more.

If you are over weight and feel like it is impossible to drop the extra baggage, if you feel like I use to, like there is nothing that you can do to help make yourself a more healthy and happy person please know that you can and there IS a way to do it, the first couple of steps can be hard, and there will be times that you feel like its just not worth the effort but trust me, I was in that position just 394 days ago and it feels much better to be on this side of the fence. I have heard the saying "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" and as a 534 pound guy I always despised that statement and thought "now how can thin feel better than an extra large double bacon pizza? C'mon now" but I always knew that there was some truth to it and I have to admit though I am not "thin" by any stretch of the imagination that "thinner" DOES in fact feel better than any double bacon pizza that I have ever had in my life time and I can't say it any plainer than that.

As Ever


  1. Thank you for the motivational boost in that post! I need to lose about 150lbs and I have lost 9lbs so far. I am currently living everything that you described as far as living life as an obese person. You are is very hard and I am sure it is difficult for skinny folks to understand. Thanks again for sharing your journey with us...very inpiring!

  2. Nice post - and you look fabulous!
    Your eyes look so much bigger now in your second photo.

  3. Great post Tony!!! You've done an amazing job.

  4. Thank you for always posting such motivational and moving words. I've started reading your posts daily because you inspire me to try harder today and to become that person I want to be. Thank you!!!

  5. Wow! I started reading your site a while ago and have been encouraged and motivated with nearly every post. I actually found your site while looking up information about surgery and had the same revelations you did. I have started on a green tea regimen and have been working on portion control as well. Keep posting, I'll keep reading and hopefully start losing.

  6. Wondeful post. I read it all the way through with interest. This is a REAL inspiration to a lot of people. I am so happy for you.

  7. You should print out your entire blog when you reach your goal and turn it into a book. Include all the comments to! ;)

    I am being serious! Can you imagine all the thousands upon thousands of people your writings and goal would help?

    You should totally get in touch with Oprah or Ellen. I am SERIOUS! Not many people in this world can lose so much weight with NO surgreys, just using their own strength. This shows that ANYONE can do it if they really TRY.

    Best Wishes~