Sunday, August 17, 2008

Weight loss Easy? That doesn't work here..

Sunday morning and I am finally feeling a bit better than I have been, actually yesterday I felt pretty good too, good enough that we went out and did some shopping for the wedding that I have to go to next weekend and I sort of hit a milestone that I had not expected at all and honestly haven't thought about. As we were walking around wify said "lets check out the mens section, who knows they may have something for ya" and me being me and not being able to shop in a "regular store" since I was about oh I don't know 18? I thought sure we can look but nothing will fit and off we went to the mens section where I ended up buying a button up shirt! this may not seem like something of a big deal to someone that can shop in normal stores but I cannot remember the last time that I walked into a store and bought anything clothing related right off of the shelf, it has either been in a "big and tall" shop or ordered out of a catalog so this is kind of a big deal to me. I am right on the size line with my pants as well, I am comfortably in a size 46 waist and most stores stop at 44 waist so I am close to being able to buy some new jeans at a "regular store" as well. the store we were in had jeans in my size but it was just not the style that I wear so I passed on the jeans for now but I bought something in a regular store! so I am a little bit excited about that.

Ok ok enough about the shirt, my intake from Saturday was very odd because we ended up out and not really in a position to get food when we should have made time and I ended up eating only 1275 calories with 85 of them coming in around mid night in the form of an orange, I don't feel hungry or anything today and I partially blame being under the weather for not having an appetite as well as the wrong place at the wrong time and not being able to get a meal in when I should have. Intake is pretty good otherwise and I am still happy with my losses and rate of loss and all of that and believe that raising my calories a bit has helped kick my metabolism into gear again.

I was thinking about how I stay driven and motivated during this entire time where I have been losing the weight and getting healthy and it dawned on me that I really don't know how I am staying driven, I don't have a go to plan or a panic switch that I hit when the going gets tough, I just keep doing what I am doing no matter the circumstances and it seems to be what has worked up until this point. I do think that having my lovely wife by my side with the same health goals in mind helps a lot, she is there to remind me when I am about to make a mistake and grab that bag of beef jerky off the rack at the store or to remind me that I wanted to ride the bike a second time on a certain day so having her there as support definitely helps but I think what keeps me on track the most is the fact that I know what I have to do and there I just about nothing that I can think of that is more important than that to me right now because if I do not correct it I might not be here to see the rest of what is important for very long, that and the fact that I believe once you can slip into a state of mind where knowing that you don't NEED the pizza or knowing that you do not NEED to eat those extra fries with dinner it becomes easier and easier by the day, and the exercise becomes an addiction, at least it has for me in the past couple months, I have been not feeling well for the past few days and I am going nuts because I want to ride the bike or go for a walk..something! anything! just sitting here is not cool! with all of that said I think it comes down to being in that State of mind and knowing no matter what, you have to stay on track because it is what must be done and failure is NOT an option, at least thats how I look at it. so maybe I stay driven because I know that I made a decision to lose the weight and I am the type of person that when I make a decision to do something I feel that I need to have the follow through to complete the task, or maybe I reflect back to the first day in my adult life that I actually felt fear when I read that a WLS came with the chance of death and until that point had came to the conclusion that it was my only option to lose weight, I don't know for sure. what I do know for sure is that I have to lose this weight, I have to be around for my wife and kiddos and I have to be around to see all of the things to come in this life and at 534 pounds I feared it wasn't going to last much longer, here I sit at 394 pounds typing out an entry on a blog that I started almost out of desperation and maybe just to put it out there even if only to strangers that I was in fact more than one quarter of a ton in weight and hoped to be embarrassed into submission, I don't know, all I knew is that something had to be done and here I am doing it. does that explain how I stay driven? again I don't know but its what came out when I asked myself that question so I guess maybe it is. There is no easy way to do this, there is no miracle pill and wishing won't make it happen either. the bottom line is that a lot of hard work and a lot of discipline will need to be found and put to use if success is to be found and staying driven is all a part of that, am I driven? Yes I am.

As Ever


  1. I think you are right---that exercise becomes if not an addiction but a habit where youre addicted to the release? the endorphins?

    whether it can forever take the place of Poptarts for me remains to be seen....

  2. Great post, Tony. I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better. Shopping in a regular store??? AWESOME! Now you know how good it feels for a woman to go to the "regular" sized section of the store, after years of being restricted to the "plus" sized section only! I'm really happy for you! Staying motivated: I'm sure that having wify there to help keep you in line really does help a lot! I know that I stay on track much better when I'm around someone that is also trying to eat right. It's hard to be the ONLY one watching calories sometimes.