Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Wish in one hand shit into the other, tell me which one fills up first.

I sometimes go back and re-read my older posts to see what I was doing on a given day and this morning I went back a year and read a post from March 30th 2009 and apparently this time of year gets me in the yard! This past weekend I wrote about all of the yard work and how my hamstrings are killing me right now and one year ago I was in the same boat almost exactly so it would appear that I have a pattern of sorts that I need to work on. My mornings start off great and then I bust ass all afternoon and bamn! a bad dinner? for why? Here is an excerpt from my March 30th 2009 post titled "Did I mention that I'm sore?.

"Busy busy busy! that pretty much sums up my weekend, we decided that it was time to paint "the blue room" AKA "the rec room" AKA "the big ass mess" so that we did. We moved everything out of the room and into my sons room so that we could move around in there, we painted and repaired almost all day Saturday to the point where we did not finish. Saturday night we decided that we would have a bonfire in our yard and burn up some of the brush that we have been cutting down in our yard so we spent about an hour dragging logs, branches and brush up the back part of the yard where the fire pit is and a bonfire we had! roasted marshmallows and all. The intake for Saturday was very much less than stellar but I am cool with it, I don't know if it was all of the work from the day or if its just the fat that we were having a bonfire but I ate terribly. Breakfast and lunch went well enough but then dinner was bacon pizza which I had 4 slices of and a bottle of water, hey at least I turned down the soda and chose water right? I had about 4 marshmallows and 2 bottles of Guinness while sitting at the fire so Saturday was a bad day for intake."

See that pattern? yeah the one where I make it ok to eat bad because I busted ass on any given day? yeah well that's gotta go! In the first year of me deciding to do something about my health I was a rock, I was very much a pain in the ass to eat around or with because I demanded that everything be my way or I would not be a part of it and I think that has to come back a bit. The point of me losing weight was so that I could first stay alive longer as I have a feeling that I was on the edge of some bad stuff before I changed the way that I live but there is another side to why I wanted to lose weight.

Being comfortable to move around in daily life is something that I think anyone that's not been huge takes for granted. Any event big or small was a hassle for me when I was 500 plus pounds, birthday party? no fuckin way man, too many people and they will all expect something from me that is more than sitting still on the couch, Amusement park? are you out of your damn mind? why would I want to walk around somewhere all day in the heat and watch everyone else have fun? Catch a movie? yeah sure thing! just don't forget to bring the Vaseline so that I can get my ass dislodged from the seat when its done. Being comfortable was something that I wished for almost on a daily basis when I was 500 plus pounds, I would think about how much easier things are when you don't weigh as much as a full on street bike instead of doing something about it. These days? I am comfortable, I run, I walk, I ride my bike and I play outside with the kids unhindered by weight and I am beginning to think that was the most important thing to me because I have relaxed on being as strict as I was in the beginning.

Right now I am just cruising through this better health thing and not pushing myself as hard as I once did and that's going to stop today, I am not going to wish for anything and I am not going to let my current comfort level be the point where I kick my feet up on the desk and proclaim victory. I am at a point where I love to exercise so that's not an issue, I drink like a fish so no worries there, my issue seems to be that I am way relaxed on the intake part of the equation because I can "judge" what I am eating so well now that I do it more often than I should be. I am not gaining weight so maintaining is a big 10-4 smokey BUT I am not quite at a maintenance weight just yet so back to the annoying pain in the ass with the scale mode I go which is going to suck with the warm weather coming and Mr Carona and Guinness hanging around but we will manage.

Another blogger friend of mine has issued a challenge to himself to drop 13 pounds by May 1st and has asked me if I wanted to be a part of it, by calling me out by name in his latest post and I am going to boldly say that I will be below 300 pounds before May 1st 2010. I will post my Friday weight to complete my April 2nd challenge results and see just how far I missed that mark because I AM going to miss it and start a new weight chart on the side bar to track this May challenge. IF I am able to get to my last Friday weight by this Friday I will need to drop 3.5 pounds per week to hit that May goal and again its an ambitious number but ambitious is what gets me going. If this Friday shows an up in weight which I think it will, that 3.5 pound per week target will be higher and after doing that math just now I am thinking that this is not going to be an easy task for me.

I am going to admit that I am pissed off at myself for not making it to that April goal that I set for myself even though there was a lot that went on in that time that effected the results that goes unmentioned in this blog, either way I am aggravated at myself for not making it. I refuse to be aggravated for a health goal and instead I am going to do something about it, sort of like when I decided that I need to NOT be 500 plus pounds any more. I have been in the last few months whittling away at the weight at a much slower pace than I once was and I suppose that's to be expected but I do know that I am not doing my part as much as I was in the beginning because of comfort and I am deciding that being comfortable is going to cost me some comfort and its time to amp up the workouts a bit and get the intake back into a VERY STRICT rhythm again.

Grab a bowl of popcorn unbuttered of course and watch for those 200's to come rolling around because its been a long time coming and I think its time to get back to what got me here in the first place. Out comes the scale for EVERYTHING and no more guesstimating on my measurements for a while, dropping the weight takes strict adherence to that system while I am finding out that I can maintain without the scale is a great thing I still see some road ahead that I need to walk, Its on...

Thats all I got today.

As Ever

1 comment:

  1. I just entered the 2 part challenge on Clydes site.... thanks for the link.

    As for your pattern.... I tend to do the same thing. It's a little voice (which I notice most of the time now) that says "you've worked hard today.... you deserve a little break.... enjoy yourself, you've earned it".

    These days I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be, but it's definitely something that I'm still learning to cope with.

    The fact you recognize that you have a disruptive/destructive pattern is a victory in itself.... congrats.

    As they used to say on G.I Joe "knowing is half the battle".