A weigh in post and a ride on the Xcal.

I have been walking my ass off quite literally! Its Friday so its time for a "weigh in " post so here goes nothin'. My life has again become about staying healthy, I walk every day, sometimes twice per day, once in the afternoon with my daughter and then again after dinner with the whole family and the dedication to the process is starting to pay off. I watch the scale pretty much daily and lately all its got to say to me is good things and I am breaking back into lower numbers which goes without saying is awesome. 

This morning I stepped onto the scale and the number that flashed was 394.8 and that is 2.2 pounds less than last week and I'll take it. I walked 3.2 miles yesterday afternoon and then after dinner my daughter and I went on a ride together, we left early enough that I thought it wouldn't get dark out before we made it home but the fact is that its getting darker earlier so riding as the sun sets is how it goes. I decided to bring the Xcal out as its been a while that I rode that bike and I think for a while it will be my bike of choice for my evening rides, I forgot how fun that bike is to ride. 

 My new light is BRIGHT, that's a pitch black section and the image does not do the light this thing is throwing off justice.

I will continue to eat properly, walk my ass off and ride when I can until I get to my goal weight, After getting to my goal I will continue to do those same things and keep the weight off while expanding what I can do.

The only thing any of us can do is to keep pushing until our goals are reached because the other opinion is not that appealing and will surely lead to an early check out date and I just cannot let that be something that becomes a reality for me. 

Thats all I got, 2 pounds gone and we'll keep on pushing. 

As Ever

Me

Stepping on the scale, sometimes its so rewarding.

After a week of walking and eating the correct foods my weight has come down again and I am feeling good again. I say feeling good "again" because no matter what I do when my body is not getting what it needs in the way of exercise and intake I never feel as good as when I am eating correctly and moving more. 

I'll keep this post simple and to the point as I want to get out for a walk before it rains, I am down to 397.0 pounds this morning, yesterday morning it was lower but I had a late dinner and barely any sleep last night and it shows on the scale this morning. 397.0 means that I am down 2.6 pounds from last Friday, I'll take it! If I can continue to drop an average of 2.5 pounds per week I will be 330 pounds by my goal date of April 1st and I hope I can get it off faster than that but I do think that 2.5 pounds per week is an achievable goal.

 Making my way back down to a healthier weight, Feeling good again and with some discipline and hard work I will get there again. 

That's all I got for today as my walk calls. 

As Ever
Me

It's your process, fuck the rest.

Walking, riding, eating right and staying hydrated, welcome to my life right now. This is the way it needs to be, I enjoy life like this better than any other way so that makes being a stress eater very frustrating. I see motivational sayings posted all over the internet and facebook etc and I think most of them are pretty silly mostly because I think every person struggling with weight loss though sharing THAT common denominator is in a different place.

5?? pounds.

I can state "The decision is yours! You have the fork in your hand! just put it down!" and some of the people will completely relate and say "hell yeah!" while others will want to say it and feel that way but truth be told they are not at that stage in their process. I find that weight loss and better health is less one dimensional than that and one day to the next can be completely different experiences not from different people but from the same person. When I am on point I feel unstoppable, I am a weight loss superstar dammit and this fat will not continue to loiter around on my front step and that's the end of it, but when a bad day peeks in well yeah. When I am off its a struggle, I mean every minute of the day, Staying true to the process is not easy in those moments and no matter how much I want or need to stay dead solid on track something inside is trying to get me to fail at that task.

I know life, if you want to call it that at more than 500 pounds, I know life at 300 pounds and I know life at 400 knowing how the other two feel after being there so recently and frustration is dug in deep on all levels. When I was 500 pounds I thought there was no fixing it on my own, I felt like it was a hopeless venture and I would be stuck there forever so I tried. That adventure brought me all the way down to 300 pounds, I got invites from talk shows to appear on them and I even went to the Dr Oz show because of it, I have made friends because of the weight loss, I rode my bikes constantly became very active and felt amazing. Then less than a couple years ago I lost my mother, I was 330 pounds on that day and I know because I posted a blog post here and got the call immediately after I posted and days like that tend to stick out in a persons mind. Some other "stresses" dominated my life and I put on at least 100 pounds over the last year and a half or so, currently I am just under 400 pounds after losing at my best estimate about 30 pounds.

320 lbs

Losing weight and better health is not a one size fits all kind of thing, BUT in general if you eat less (and healthy foods) and move more the weight should come off even if its not as fast as you would like. I am extremely motivated and pig headed once I get something in my head and for the life of me I could not drop any weight in the last almost two years no matter how hard I tried or pretended to try or or or.... 

I think that its awesome that blogger X, Y and Z are at that point in their process that they can tout how easy it is as long as you put the fork down or how YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF WHAT YOU EAT! rah rah sis boom bah! awesome... but.. Something I have learned is that no matter who we are, we all struggle with the same problem in very different ways and that is why there is no "miracle pill" that works or will ever work. 

 320 lbs

I am at a point in my process where I can see things from so many angles all at the same time and I almost feel like this is what I needed on a personal level to get and keep the weight off permanently, you know, to see 500, 300 and then start coming back up again so that in a way its like that whole not missing something till its gone thing. I am just under 400 pounds, I need to get back down to a maximum of 300 pounds and I almost feel like I needed to taste that freedom so that I can appreciate it the way that I should have when I was there the first time around. 

Walking with my children, riding my bike with my daughter, riding my bike alone on a trail covered in dead leaves on a cool Autumn day, appreciating everything that I can do effortlessly because I am not carrying the equivalent of another human being on my bones  are just some of the things that I enjoy about not being super obese. 

305 lbs, I need to get back here like NOW!

This post is purely written for me, I contemplated not posting it to the blog but I use the blog to reflect back at moments and how I felt at a given moment so it shall be posted. Take from it what you want to, take nothing at all if that works for you but remember we are all walking a road that is filled with obstacles, we all struggle and though the end results that we all seek may be the same, the road taken is rarely even close to the same.  

Stay focused, Stay as positive as the moment permits and with a ton of hard work I believe that we can all meet at the end of that road and share our stories of how we got there with one another. 

That's all I got. 

As Ever
Me   

Weighing in on weighing in. A less profound but more factual post from your favorite fat man.

So a couple weeks ago I weighed in at 403.6 pounds on my scale that only goes up to 400 pounds so I questioned its accuracy from the start but at the same time seeing a number was good for the mind. After that day I didn't get another weight to show up so my questioning it was warranted but since I am a gotta see the numbers kind of fella my lovely wife went out and got us a new scale that  goes to 450 pounds... eeeeeek! I never thought a scale that robust would be needed again but alas, here we are.

In the beginning of the week I weighed 404.6 pounds and this morning I busted through that 400 pound barrier and weighed in at 399.6 pounds. I will give it another week before I celebrate getting out of the 400's but damn I gotta say its a weight lifted off of my shoulders and I mean quite literally along with the figurative part of that statement. 

I have been walking daily 1.8 miles on my "short walk" and a more average 2.3 miles but at least twice per week I do my "long walk" which is 3.2 miles. My calorie intake is @ 1800 per day currently and will remain there until I stop dropping weight. Evening rides with my daughter have slowed down since she started school again but I am trying to get them going again before it gets too cold for her to ride. 

I am feeling like myself again, focused, on point, determined and disciplined with everything that I do. Food is once again merely fuel for my body instead of a "treat" or something to "reward" myself with  and I am embarrassed along with aggravated at myself for allowing things not exactly in my control to beat me back into an unhealthy way of living. 

I am determined to get back down to my low weight and beyond..

As Ever
Me

Getting back into a groove, Yep I sure am.

Feeling pretty amazing lately has got me thinking about how much I have missed out on because I let myself slip back into some old habits and is solidifying this decision to take control again. One of the best things about this is that I am back on the bicycles again, I have racked up more miles in this past month than the entire whole of the year to the point when I started riding again and I have to admit, it feels good. 

We got out for a ride with some friends on Sunday despite the horrific humidity that day we all had a blast! we rode we hiked then we rode and hiked some more, it was nothing intense, I mean we moved at the speed of a set of 8 year olds most of the time but it was an awesome day none the less. I took the K2 out, my daughter on her little pink Trek and we headed out with our riding partners for some pedal time. My daughter was sort of training the other girl because she is new to two wheels and my daughter has been learning the "rules of the road" for the past month or so. She understands no darting into the road, stay to the right, "on your left" when passing someone, announcing your presence to others on the trails with a foot drag or a bell as to not startle them into running into her etc etc and her friend well.. 

 My daughters ride and the K2 above.

 Our riding partners "cruisers" a pair of electras, This is my friend with the Jamis 29er's Cruiser bike.

After the first hour or so both of the girls were staying where they needed to be but my daughters friend still needed to be guided so her father and I gave verbal ques while my daughter kept on being an example. After about 4 hours of riding and hiking around we decided it was time to call it quits as our friends needed to run some errands at home so we loaded everything up and off w went home. 

This last month or so of me being back where I need to be with diet and exercise has been petty awesome, I am feeling good again and my weight is dropping. Getting out for rides and my daily walks with my other daughter are alone reason enough to keep on doing it let alone the awesome that is going into me daily. 

I am setting some goals for myself with where I want to be and I am still growing the beard until I hit 334 pounds again which.. I am happy that colder weather is coming for that one. To recap on the beard thing, I told my wife that I was not shaving my beard until I got back down to where I was in June of 2011, That was 334 pounds so until I get there I have this beard that seems to catch everything that comes close to my face. I would like to be 350 pounds by Christmas but if I am not there yet oh well and I will continue on, as far as the goal setting I am keeping them light even though there are a few but I am keeping them light because something that I learned is that as long as the quality of life is there the rest will fall into place and thats what its all about for me at this point. 

I hope ya enjoyed some of the pictures from our Sunday ride and I am trying to post a lot more often now so come on back and check in with me more! also if you are a twitter user you can follow me @Zeusmeatball if you care to or send me a friend request on facebook (link is top left of this page)  and with that, another post is done. 

As Ever
Me

Flying blind on a rocket cycle...

I have been doing this with the Bodymedia arm band for 22 days now, I have been sticking to walking and eating right for about a week past that and though I know that I am doing everything right I had no gauge because my scale checks out at 400 pounds. Frustrating much? damn right it is, working my ass off but not knowing where the progress or lack of progress is is a little annoying. The 1980 flick Flash Gordon (one of my favorite flicks) came to mind, there is a line in that movie where he says that hes flying blind on a rocket cycle when talking to Prince Vultan and its how I've felt.

Until this morning...

Hopped onto the scale this morning and the little spinning circles were going to stop on "E" again so I barely looked at down but when it stopped t was not an E, no it was not, not today it was a 403.6. So I got on again and waddaya know, 403.6 again and with that I have something to go off to measure progress without looking into the mirror and thinking "I look a little less puffy" so I am pleased with this event this morning. I am taken back to a post from when I started dropping weight in the beginning of 2008 and its funny how clear I remember writing that post. I did not have a scale back then and when I finally got one that would hold me I was 511 pounds, I remember being happy that I was 511 pounds and I mentioned in the post how excited I was and its again how I feel this morning.

I am very much addicted to checking my weight when I am on, Hey! I like to know my progress what can I say? so knowing that I am today weighing in at 403.6 pounds I have a start point, a line in the sand if you will and its time to start crushing it again... hey hey no fat jokes! I crush lots of things but this weight is coming down and the plan is to get it back down to 300 then reevaluate from there. 

I will continue to do what I am doing because its obviously working, I am back on the scale, I feel better than I have in a year and thats enough. I am doing my part now my body needs to keep on letting go of the weight and we will get back to where we need to be and I can get on with not being as giant as I am/was again.

Today I will go on my walk, today I will go on my evening bike ride with my daughter and today I will eat within my calorie limits, see ya back at 300 pounds!

That's all I got for today

As Ever
Me

This is mine.

Every painful step I take up this fucking hill, every rotation of the pedals where my legs beg for mercy, every single drop of sweat that beads on my head and runs into my eyes, I have earned, it is my debt to pay. I have been sentenced to this, it is mine, I own it and I need to make good on all of the late night deals that I made, all of the second plates, the pain now is the price for those things and I accept that as my sentence so my body will have to enjoy the pain because its not going to stop.

Now get out of my way before someone gets hurt, the brakes are gone, there is no stopping this train.

As Ever

The Train

Do what we do...

Its funny how I can be doing so well as far as eating within my allotted calories and going for walks/bike rides daily and feel like I am treading water because I don't know my current weight. It doesn't make any sense that we put so much on that number but we do and until I catch up to where my scale is I am going to have to deal with it, get over it and just keep on pushing through. 

Speaking of pushing through, yesterday on my daily walk about .80 miles in it started to rain, I gave my daughter the option to turn around and try and beat ay hard rain back home or finish the walk and deal with anything that came.. we turned around. So my walk was cut short but thats fine, I did enjoy walking through the rain on the way home while my daughter dodged between trees on her bike in an attempt to stay dry. 

Other than the mental block that is there because of the not knowing my weight I am still on track and am looking to get back down to where I was, I wish I could put a time line on it for myself to gauge a somewhat educated guess as to when I will reach it but since I can't weigh myself right now, it is what it is and plugging along is the plan. Today its once again raining so we'll see what happens as far as my walk goes, my feet have stopped hurting from the walks, my ass is doing ok on the bike and I am tweaking my intake so that its more balanced, we seem to be on a roll. 

Until next time, That's all I got...

As Ever
Me

Do or do not, there is no try..

This weekend went well where my calories and exercise are the subject, Saturday was an awesome day all around that ended with a bike ride with my eldest daughter and Sunday ended with fishing and a walk in a park that's local to us. I am finding keeping myself on task lately easier than its been in a good long while, I am again eating for fuel instead of recreation and that's huge!

Saturday I dodged pizza, I passed on cup cakes, said nah none for me to cookies. decided against ice cream and honestly besides the pizza all of that was pretty easy. My calories are where they should be and I have walked almost every day for the last 3 weeks, I am back on my bike in the order of after dinner rides with my daughter and I setup a longer ride with a friend and his kid for this coming weekend, I am sure I will be damning the cold weather soon enough as I pull my bike trainer out again.... I hope. 

A shot of my bike by the water from a couple nights ago.

I try to snap a few pics when we stop but honestly I am enjoying the rides again so my daughter is actually asking me to snap pics of "our rides" meaning the bikes so I do have a few. I will try and do my part and keep this trend going... wait.. scratch that, I will do my part to keep things going in this directions because in the words of Yoda "Do or do not, there is no try" so we'll go with that. 

So all in all I seem to be on a decent little run here, I feel better than I have in a while and its getting easier to go for my walks with the kids. I still don't know my exact weight as my scale is limited but I can't bee too much more than its limit at this point so soon I will have a weight to post on here and start my progress downward again with my motorcycle comparison weight images.

Until the next episode of as the fat guy turns... tune in to see bike rides, walks and fishing while a fat dude gets smaller... again....

As Ever
Me

Started from the bottom now we're here.

Forward is the direction we go...

I walked 3 miles yesterday afternoon while my daughter rode along with me on her bicycle, my calories were @1862 total and 1 gallon of green tea and more than a gallon of H2O went down the hatch. I am feeling pretty good the last couple weeks and while walking is not my favorite form of activity I am enjoying the time with the little one. Last night around 7:30 I heard "Dad, can we go for a ride on our bikes" how could I resist that? since I have not bee riding my bike was not set up with lights and being so close to sunset I had to have them so we took a few minutes to get out and by the time we were riding it was getting dark outside. 

The ride was short (for me) but that's what I need right now until I get my legs back a bit and we did a few miles just around the neighborhood, it was fun. I walked in the door to a counter top full of banana muffins and zucchini bread that wify had been making and had a banana muffin to finish off my calories for the night. Over all I would say things are on track and I am getting some good time in with the kiddos as well as getting my arse back out there and putting some miles behind me.

Aiming to be back at 305 pounds but more importantly I am aiming to just get back to feeling healthy. 

Thats all I got for today. 

As Ever

Me

A new week

We have a week behind us, but its not just a week its a successful week where my health is concerned. I stuck to my calories all week and throughout the weekend and I am moving more again, I am going to admit something because my blog has always been about accountability. I have a scale, it weighs up to 400 pounds, when I bought this scale I had the option to buy one that went to 450 pounds but in my wildest dreams I never thought I would see even 350 pounds never mind 400 and I find myself unable to weigh myself at home currently. Yep, I am more than 400 pounds currently and not very happy about it so I am indeed weighing myself every couple days waiting for that scale to pop off a number for me to go off of but for now I am as they say flying blind. 

I am not much more than 400 but I am above because my scale gives me a "E" I will continue to do what I am doing, logging my food, walking daily and getting my fluids in and sooner than later I am guessing that scale will give me a number. 

A shot of the moon over the lake I was fishing Saturday.

From Friday to Sunday I stayed active running errands and fishing, I skipped going out to a Polynesian place on Saturday night with my father in law mostly because looking at their menu it was a lot of fried foods and "Chinese" style dishes read: like Chinese fast food and since I have done so well I wanted it to remain that way. I have a walk planned for today some time and maybe some fishing so staying active is definitely on my agenda and I am bringing it back to basics with the walking because it works! 

when I began down this road to a healthier life I walked, I walked some more and then I walked some more, then it wasn't because I thought it to be an awesome weight loss tool (I sort of did) but it was because it was what I could muster being 500 plus pounds. This time around its a combination of the two, walking is something that I can do with my daughter and we both enjoy it, walking allows me to basically have an hour long conversation with her while we do something physical together and well to be honest its at my current pay grade so to speak.

Walking, counting calories, staying focused on the task at hand is my job right now, not because I want to do it, not because I should do it but because I need to do it.... so I will. 

the cycling like a madman will come back in due time... until then its just me and my walking with some light biking tossed in. 

Until next time.

As Ever
Me

Daily Report 4

Starting to feel like a broken record because I am being so consistent lately but that's a good thing right?!  Bodymedia says that I ate 1835 calories and I fell a little short on my steps yesterday but that's because I missed my afternoon walk so I will try and make up for it today a little bit. Instead of writing it daily lets just assume that I am hydrating enough with a gallon and a half to 2 gallons of fluids per day and over all I am feeling pretty good which is different from how its been the last couple months or so. 

I did go out for another walk around the lake stopping at the open spots to toss a line in the water when I came across them, not a single bite last night but the sunset more than made up for the lack of actual fishing. My daughter came along on her bike and over all its been a nice way to wind down my days so I shall continue to do it.

Over all I am feeling pretty good about how things are going thus far, I am not overly hungry at all and meal planning is coming back to me so for the most part I am right where I want to be. I do want to switch back over to mostly whole foods as that seemed to be what was the ticket for me on the last go around so that's in the plans too.

I've not set any "goals" or "rewards" for myself as my goal is to be healthy again and my rewards will be the things that I am missing out on now as a result of my backsliding. 

As Ever
Me

Daily report 3

My Bodymedia says that I had 1833 calories yesterday and my excel sheet that I have been using since 2007 says that I had 1855 calories and I would call that close enough to assume I am being accurate. I walked with my daughter again for just under 2 miles but we shaved 5 minutes off of our last walk time because I talked her into bringing her razor scooter so that we can go at a more me pace, worked great. One gallon of green tea and more than one gallon of H2O went down the hatch so hydrated I am indeed, the Bodymedia says that I slept for 6 hours 48 minutes with a sleep efficiency of , 82% still figuring that part of this new gadget out. 

It was unbelievable gorgeous outside yesterday so just before sunset I went out and walked around the lake with my fishing pole in hand just to get some light walking/fishing in to end my day. I caught the tiniest bass that I ever seen in my life (of course released it) and got a nice end of the night walk in all by myself. 

I have been back "on track" for about 5 days now and its crazy the difference in how I feel whether its actual or just mental because I know I am doing the right things for myself I suppose it doesn't matter either way, it is the result I was hoping for.

Thats all I got for today

As Ever
Me 

Daily Report 2

Yesterday finished off with 1810 calories in, 1 gallon of green tea and more than 1 gallon of H2O, I did not get in anything that I would call exercise and my walk did not happen because it was rainy. Though I got to bed by 11PM it was hard for me to fall asleep and then I was up at 4AM, maybe my body needs to adjust to getting full nights sleep again as I have always required less than 7 hours per night.

After talking with a couple people who have the Bodymedia Fit Link I decided that I would give it a go as I had a gift card that would cover the cost of the device and buying a health related item seemed like a good idea. Last night I ran out and picked it up, created my account and it is charging right now, I am a little worried that it will not be as comfortable as I am hoping but I will find out as soon as these 2 little lights blink green indicating that the device is fully charged.

Of course I will be giving my opinions etc on the fit link and I will continue to post as I can because getting this weight off has to be a priority.

Thanks for checkin' me out

As Ever
Me

Daily report 1

Took a walk with the kids yesterday afternoon, ate 1820 calories for the day, 1 gallon of green tea and 1 gallon of H2O down the hatch. Going to try and keep the momentum going through today and I am going to start using twitter again @Zeusmeatball if anyone is so inclined to check it out, its time to get the JuJu back..

My walk was 1.77 miles at my daughters pace and I got a chance to use my new Garmin fit app which I will be using from now on in as it syncs with my forerunner 305's data apparently so I am looking forward to pairing the two and seeing how it helps me. 

Posts will be short and sweet for now so that I can focus on getting back into a regimen of healthy eating, working out and hopefully I will start seeing the scale moving in a downward trend again.

Thats all I got for today

As Ever
Me

Big ol fattys...

After the swift kick in the ass yesterday I decide to go for a walk to reinforce the message to my body that play time is over, I ended up doing just under two miles with the baby stroller. After I got about a mile out I realized that my son would be home from school in 5 minutes and I needed to be there to let him in so I hustled back for the second mile and just made it as his bus pulled up. If mowing the lawn counts I did that as well as far as exercise and I am coming to the realization that I am going to have to go see a doc about this shoulder pain so that  can start in on my daily push ups again. 

I will touch on the shoulder, nine months ago give or take I started having shoulder pain in my right shoulder, at first it was minor but its since gotten way worse and I believe it to be rotator cuff related. I can do daily life type stuff but anything past that is painful especially if I were to throw a ball, that motion is the worse. I need to look at this go at weight loss as new, when I was 500 pounds I needed to do things a certain way because of where I was then at 300 pounds I was almost unlimited yet now I am somewhere in between and if I think like that 500 pound guy I am in the wrong spot and I am not close to where the 300 pound version of me was so taking it head on as it is a completely new experience is how I need to advance through this. 

Setting goals is going to have to be in my approach because well.. goals help and give a fella something to focus on while turning down brownies and declining the cherry pie. Setting a cycling goal for myself is on the chart and setting weight loss goals will be less prevalent this go around, I mean hell I am a scale addict when I am doing well so I will be aware of what my weight is doing but I have come to the realization that I really don't care what I weigh if I am unhindered in anything that I want to do. This sort of means that if I can do my 25 mile Sunday rides without death finding me on the trail or flattening my bicycle I am happy, currently I am not confident on my bicycles not because I cannot ride them but I worry about breaking something so riding tender will be where I am. 

Riding tender? what the hell does that even mean man? well it means that even being a "clydesdale" rider I am merciless with my bikes, I RIDE my bikes, I do tend to ride light but at my current weight I feel that I may be pushing my luck even while riding light. When I say riding tender I mean literally just getting the pedals turning on easy rides, no standing on the pedals and no off road excursions because "hey that little trail over there looks fun" but I do need to get back out there even if its short trips to get things going again and perhaps gain some confidence back. 

I recently bought some big ol fatty tires for the K2 which is pictured above they are CST Cyclops 26  x 2.4 tires and are extremely ummm rotund so I am using that as a reason to get back onto the bike as well.  My shoulder keeps me from riding as much as I would like to as well, but it is what it is I suppose for now but I am hoping to get things lined back up and having my body begging for mercy again because this me begging for mercy thing just don't fly. 

So with all of that said it is time for me to hit the road and get a couple miles into my day, I am going to try and get a few minutes later for a quick spin around the lake as well because when I am moving the weight typically comes off. I hope that was enough random for your day coming from my direction because that's what I got for today, I have never seen cookies jump into someones mouth on their own before so as long as I don;t pick any up they should stay out of my mouth. 

As Ever
Me

Everybody freeze! this is a robbery!

I feel like I am robbing myself of all of the things that I earned and saying earned is odd because most "normal" sized people need not earn them as they are just a given in most cases. Once upon a lullaby I was a 500 plus pound man wondering if it would be on the stair case or maybe on my way outside to bring the trash out when my heart would grenade and seven poor souls would have to lift me into an ambulance and then that changed. I decided that enough was enough and it was time to get serious about living before death got serious about finding me in a dark alley and cashing in and this here blog was started and viola that along with a piss load of hard work and discipline lead me down a path that ended at a healthy 300 pounds, which sounds funny but its true.

 

I have in my life right now something that DEMANDS my attention and I am an emotional eater through and through if I had a single wish it would be that was not a fact but it is and its not easy to distract myself when the shit hits that proverbial fan and lately trust me when I say that I am covered in it. This is a problem because as you know its not easy to stay on track all of the time without the distractions to use a nice word for them so managing to do what needs to be done while the water keeps rising is not a remedial task at all, but alas.. it must be changed. 

  

Ya see sometimes though over in the corner is that other guy, that guy who battled his way down from 534 pounds to 300 pounds and every day at the gym status. Hes sitting there watching all of this shit go down in front of him and he knows that if he just sits there and allows it to happen that the cage door is going to swing shut again. That guy knows how to do what needs to be done, he understands the repercussions of sitting idly by while shit goes to hell around him and he one hundred percent realizes that even surrounded by stress that sooner or later the hammer will drop and which side of the fence he ends up on is placed squarely on HIS shoulders.  

  

So... What to do about it? Perhaps allowing stress that would shatter most people and I suppose you could say that I am letting it do the same to me, destroy the health of a man who worked so hard to completely 180 his life and the way he was treating his body is one way to go. Something else that could happen is that instead of understanding whats causing the distress and allowing it to dictate what the next step is that maybe, just maybe I snatch life up by the throat once again and tell it to go fuck off because I got shit I still need to do should be the direction I lean instead. 

 

I am stronger than anything that will stress me, I am the one who steers the truck and I can either let go of the wheel and let the shit that seems to be trying to tear me down be in control or I could remain in full control of these things. I think its time to to tell life to reach into the bag and give me my wallet back, I will allow it to keep what it has taken, I will allow it to have its small victory but ultimately it needs to understand something and more importantly I NEED to understand something, I determine what I put into my body, I determine whether I will go for a ride on my bike or for a walk, I decide. 

Yep, Thats the one, its the wallet that says bad motherfucker on it so with that said, and I am repeating myself here its time to turn in my little bitch card and man the fuck up.

As Ever
Me

 

You could spend your entire life walking around in the nowhere land of self doubt.

Where do I begin, I have not had time to sit down and regularly write here, Life is keeping me on my toes and unfortunately its taking its toll on my weight. I am up in weight from my lowest but not close to my starting weight but if something doesn't change who knows where the wheel stop, I am keeping tabs on things to the point that I am not gaining but I am not losing either and I believe the lack of focus is to blame. I'll never make excuses as to why I am not losing weight or gaining on fitness goals, I will say that if you have to shovel shit against the tide while monkeys toss stones at you from the shore during a Nor'easter while your hands are tied together that it's a bit more difficult than usual. 

Something about my blog that has held true since its creation is that I don't like to bullshit, its straight to the point, blunt and typically reflects where I am in my head and that's a part of why the posts have been thin lately as well, why post if its going to be negative? I see people "fall off the wagon" all the time when I read weight loss and fitness blogs, I wish I could barrel through it and keep writing when that happens but it feels so false to me to tell someone "keep on keepin on!" as I sit here, beard covered in cookie crumbs, so I don't. I did sometime last year decide that I could not shave my beard until I got back down to 334 pounds (which is the 200 pounds lost mark) so lets say I am sportin' that mountain man look a little bit these days and as Summer approaches I question that decision.

This morning I decided it was time to MAKE time to write a post, not for anyone that may be reading, not because I was bored and needed to kill some time but for me. I started writing this bog for me back in Jan 2008 and I need to keep that in mind when I write posts. I need to keep me in mind with ever decision because those monkeys are not going to stop chucking stones, the tide never quits but that Nor'easter has to end some time and when all is said and done I am the one that has to deal with it all. I gained enough weight that my wardrobe is umm how do I say? snug would be a nice way to say it and that alone pisses me off to the point where I could get frustrated over it if I let myself but I'm not gonna go there in my head. Its time, time to man the fuck up and put my big boy pants back on and fix this because looking back at life at 534 pounds there is no fuckin way I'm going back no matter what those monkeys toss at me. 

Being a little bitch has never really been the way I roll and in some ways letting my weight get out of control because so much around me seems to be in chaos is well... bein' a little bitch. I am unstoppable when my game is on, I have proved that to myself so the question is not really can I do it or do I have it in me but how to beat this little bitch down and man up. I suppose the answer to that is to just do it because I have said it time and time again, no one can do it for me, I have to just put the fork down and get my ass moving again no matter how much is tossed my way and I am going to quote someone that's helped me get through a lot of shit in my life here and apply it to this.

"If I took the time to bleed from all the tiny little arrows shot my way, I wouldn't be here"

~Henry Rollins~

Now with that said, Harden The Fuck Up fat boy, its time to start beating my own ass again, besides... I want to shave again because there are too many beardist people in the world....

As Ever
Me

My bike storage fix.

So my wife says that I have too many bikes, no surprise there I suppose but she also says that she is tired of stepping over them and since I am not willing to park my Xcal outside and she was not letting go either I had to figure something out. I keep two of my bikes in the house, in my bedroom specifically.. yeah yeah I know but my K2 is set up on the trainer at the moment and the Xcaliber is not going outside so here we are. 

The way I see it is that the bike could be art.. stretching? perhaps but even still so I thought about making some sort of system that would allow me to hang the bike in front of a window that's on the side of my room which would A.) get the bike out of my short wife's way and B.) allow the bike to be inside without bothering anyone. After thinking about it, yep a whole 10 minutes, I ran out to the home improvement store for supplies and spent I would guess under five bucks on some wood and the rest of the stuff I had laying around. 

 

 Not too shabby.

  I did make sure to leave room for the curtain to slide behind the shelves to keep them out of the way and somewhat protected from being up against the tires.

I built two small shelves that would be wide enough for the wheels to sit on yet not stick off of the wall in a way that would be in the way. I measured the window and the bikes foot print fit perfectly and after some quick measurements and some cutting the shelves were made and mounted on the wall, not too bad. For the hanger on the top tube I used a piece of 550 paracord that I had laying around, 2 small carabiners also which I had laying around and a small vinyl coated hook that I had in my box O stuff and viola! the bike was on the wall. After it was mounted and I knew the bike fit it was primed and painted white to match the woodwork  around the window and I used stair tread grip tape in the center just to give the wheel a more positive gripping surface and to keep the wood clean as the tire sits on the tape. 

Over all it works awesome, the bike is out of the way and it cost me close to nothing with the grip tape pack being the most expensive thing I had to buy. I did use a bandana around the top tube just to spread the force of the paracord and keep the paint from getting mussed up, I honestly believe that the paracord is soft enough to not hurt the bike but it is no big deal to put the bandana on.

There you have it, my solution to a problem that didn't exist in my eyes but at the same time it is a pretty convenient way to store the bike when its not being ridden and way better than putting it upstairs in our extra room which is used for storage.

I am attempting to post more often again to get my arse back in gear and share with whoever cares to read along the struggles, triumphs and things like this here post so that someone may take something away from my ramblings that might help them in their own struggle. 

That's all I got for today. 

As Ever

Me

Be your own hero dammit.

When we set our minds to something, we can accomplish almost anything at all in life, I truly believe that statement wholeheartedly. 

Motivation, now that is the key because without proper motivation it is very easy to lose sight of the end game, but how about of you made it to the end game and slid back? then what? We all struggle with things in life, for some of us its money, others its health and that list goes on and on and on. When it comes down to it ain't no one gonna do shit for you in life and why should they? if you do not do it for yourself its just not going to get done and when we can realize this all of the things that make us smile all start falling together until one day we're standing at the top of a peak looking down at the world that was once so much smaller than it is now.

Having positive role models is an awesome tool! I know all too well how strong the feeling can be when you are reaching to be like someone or are attempting to emulate what someone has done but I find myself asking why lately. Why? why does it need to be somewhere else that we find strength? why does inspiration need to be found in others? why? Find it in yourself and it will be ever lasting and I believe this to be key because if you are finding inspiration in yourself then we are forced to hold ourselves more accountable, we are forced to make better choices in whatever we do not only because it effects us directly but because you want to be the best you can for that person that finds you an inspiration. 

That person is You..

Be your own fuckin' hero dammit, put that cape on every day and hunt down everything that makes your struggle difficult and work through it, kick down the doors and demand whats yours. When you can be your own hero you will work to impress that guy and he will work to impress you, it will become a viscous cycle of trying to one up each others awesomeness until one day you will look back at what once was and be satisfied with what you have accomplished. 

what YOU have accomplished.... 

Be your own hero dammit....

As Ever
Me

Why I ride...

A page on facebook popped into my feed and there was a statement "Why I ride" there, I am currently reflecting on things because the struggle with keeping myself in check is in full swing right now and I thought about that statement.

Why I ride....

Why do I ride? I ride because there was a point in my life when riding was not a possibility, I watched from the window on my broken couch at 534 pounds as people walked by and honestly asked myself "why would someone want to just go for a walk or ride a bike?" this is where I was. A decision was made to lose weight and during the time that the weight came off I found cycling again, the last time I had ridden I was a kid. On my bicycle I am free, I am limited only by my own strength, my own endurance so as long as there is a road or a trail I can ride. Going from 534 pounds down to 300 paired with cycling could be compared to being a caged animal, one day you realize that the cage is unlocked and watching other people do the things that you want to do is no longer reality because now the wind is on your own face.

It may sound silly to some people that the freedom riding a bicycle gives to me is a very powerful feeling because knowing how the cage feels compared to moving down a trail is such a stark difference. My life on two wheels includes freedom, freedom to go where I want when I want while getting a high at the same time all while under my own power. Now when you were once powerless this is an exceptional feeling, to be moving forward literally and figurativly seeing life through the eyes of the child that you once were atop a frame bolted to some wheels a chain and some handlebars truly is something to not be taken for granted.

Like the saying goes, "It's like riding a bike, you never forget" the same can be said about that caged feeling when you weigh 500 plus pounds, you never forget....

I will not be caged..and THAT is why I ride.

As Ever
Me

Don't say it, shut your fuckin mouth and keep on walkin'

I started writing again recently and then it hit the fan again, to put it bluntly I have some pretty stressful shit going on in my life currently and trying to stay focused on my health is extremely hard when I have so many other places my attention needs to be. I am stretched thin right now and just don't have the time to get on here and post as much as I would like and it sucks because this blog is a VERY important tool in my weight loss/health regimen but tonight, sleep deprived and feeling pretty fucked about how this weight game is going right now I came across a post that had been shared on facebook from a person that I do not know. 

I will not post her name but if she reads this she needs to know that she IS NOT a fat bitch and kids are stupid. I completely related to what she wrote as I have been there done that with someone taking the time to make sure that their stupid fucking opinion was shouted loudly cementing into a fat persons brain what they already know... Yes world we are quite fucking aware that we are fat, thanks for stating the obvious along with solidifying the fact that you are a complete douche bag. 

Struggling with weight loss is as hard as anything I or any other person dealing with it has ever done and people who have never been there do not have the right to say a single negative word about it to anyone who struggles with being over weight. How about if you feel so inclined to make sure stupidity flies out of your mouth you change it into something positive instead, and if that's too hard for you fucking idiots then just keep your mouth shut.  

We are fathers, brothers sisters moms and cousins to someone, everyone on the planet struggles with something or will struggle with something and verbally smashing their face in with insults is not helping a single person and that goes for any struggle with any person not just us fatties.

If you have something negative to say fuck off and keep it to yourself, have a look in the mirror and ask yourself why you feel the need to belittle someone else because they are fat before you take time from your day to insult someone whom you do not know.

I will get down off of my soap box now but you get my point. 

As Ever
Me

Suffer, it is the only option.

See that wagon over yonder? yeah, the one that I fell off of about a week ago, that's the one, keep your eye on it because I am hoping back on. When stress enters stage left its devastating for my ass, I immediately go to the "stress eating" and nothing helps it. Figuring out how to deal with stress in a different way has to be a priority for me as it is how do they say? my down fall. 

Not getting into exactly the source of stress because its nothing that I can fix or change, I need to change the how I deal with it factor more than the stress itself because life will always include stress on one level or another. I am not making excuses for my lack of control with the eating and I am not blaming "stress" I am just straight up stating the why part of the equation that lead to a screwed week of poor choices when it came to my intake.

Me and my beard full of ice.

My poor Truck

My driveway after using the snow blower and its still not down to black top! to give you a point of reference, that's a Ford Expedition and the snow is higher than the tire.

With that said, I have ridden the trainer more this week than I have all year and with the snow that came down over the weekend I haven't stopped moving with all of the shoveling but that will not make up for the lack of discipline in the refrigerator department. When my weight loss is the subject my intake is more important than any exercise that happens, from the beginning I lose weight faster when I eat within my calories and walk at least a mile 3-4 times per week and this has to go back into place as my basic program.

Making sure that my calorie limit is not disrespected will be my main focus in the coming weeks, I will also be utilizing the trainer and walking to get some movement into each day. I was talking to Wify last night and told her that I really wished that I could figure out why as soon as stress pops its head into my daily that I immediately turn to my old pal food, it is the most frustrating aspect of my life. No matter how hard I try, no matter how far I come or how much weight I drop when it comes to stress in my life the same fix pops into the picture, snatch something up and shove it down my throat, fuck....

This whole weight loss thang is not a race so it truly is just a start over from now kind of a feeling but I have to tell you, looking back at photos of me at 305 may as well be a kick to the throat because its where I want to be. Looking at my closet full of a wardrobe full of clothes that just don't fit me currently pisses me off and yet stress pops in? you know where to find me.

Only one thing to do and that's to put my big boy pants on stop acting like a Nancy and harden the fuck up, allowing food to have this hold on me is weak and fighting with that fact is not easy but its my life and weighing close to 400 pounds is NOT in the fucking plan. 

That's all I got for today, time to ride the trainer. 

As Ever

Me

I want to be THAT guy.

So this week has been less than peachy and I am not talking about the weight loss, I mean life in general seems to be poking me with a stick to see how much I can take. My week started off with no sleep and I never recovered from that, add that our son is not being how do you say? behaved is putting it nicely so we're dealing with some things we ought not have to be dealing with. Wednesday night turned into another long, late night for me and I was not in bed until after 1:30 AM only to be woke up at 5:15 AM by wify informing me that the insane winds have claimed the life of our power and we were indeed in the dark as it were. Children off to school and the wood stove was lit, we were without power for the better part of yesterday which is one of those it is what it is moments but inconvenient none the less. I did not drink as I should have yesterday and though my calories were in range because of the power being out I probably did not have the most nutritious of meals throughout the day, again it is what it is.

Today I should be posting a weight as it is Friday but I did not weigh myself this morning, rotten mood tied to exhaustion I just did not step on but yesterdays weight reflects an ok loss for the week to that point but I will post an official weight tomorrow. I have reintroduced the trainer back into the day, I set my laptop up on the dresser in front of the bike tune into netflix and pedal away and I need to admit something, I am out of shape! A twenty minute trainer ride has my legs sore, I feel it in my abs and mu shoulders are tight, that effect is had on a guy that would ride all day Sunday out on the trail with not a bit of complaining or soreness. The same guy that would go to the gym and start off with 30 minutes on the stationary or spin bike followed with 45 minutes of weight training finishing up with another 20 or so minutes on an arc trainer or treadmill only to drive home to hop on the bike for a 5 mile ride to pick his daughter up from school in the bike trailer.

More interesting to me is that I am wanting to be "that" guy and he is not some washboard stomached fellow at the gym working out hardcore while I watch from my corner of the gym and he is not Arnold or some pro athlete, its me. At the time I thought that I was slacking with my workouts and here I am heavier once again and looking back at that fellow with envious eyes, kind of screwed eh? This realization is going to drive me to get back where I was and since getting my shit together again and hopping back on this wagon I feel completely different than just a month and a half ago so all ig going well and in the direction that I want it to.

Adding regular trainer rides into my days I am expecting a bigger drop next week than I have been getting but we shall see. I am sore so I know that I am retaining some fluid at the moment which can effect the weigh in tomorrow but I will post whatever the scale says and go from there. My goal is to get back into my riding habits that I had just before my mother passed away and that should hopefully make everything else fall into place.

Until next we meet I want you to remember never to take for granted where you are in your weight loss, healthy lifestyle because every day that you eat right and exercise you are a day closer to being that guy (or gal) so with that said, get your ass going and do something for yourself!

As Ever
Me

36 hours no sleep and some bike talk from the fat guy.

We are doing well and are on plan as far as the eating and drinking are concerned but Sunday I woke up at 11AM because of staying up late and it threw off two whole days. Sunday night when I went to bed I just laid there, staring at the ceiling thinking about bicycle light options because of a post on a bike forum I read. An hour later I decided that since I was just laying there I may as well get up because sleep was not an option and before I knew it 6:00 AM Monday morning was here. It would appear that an all nighter was the result of a late morning and a restless night, no worries. I'll just take a nap with the baby when she goes down and it will be a meh kind of day but at that point my options were slim so onward the day went. 

 My Sigma micro led mounted on the back of my Giro helmet. 

  

 

 

I have a white one for the front that was not on the helmet when I took these images.

The school called and said short day for my other kids so there goes the nap, oh well and I ended staying up for 10 minutes shy of 36 hours from Sunday morning until Monday night. I did manage to stick to my calories yesterday but I did not exercise a single bit and though I slept a solid 7 hours last night I feel it today and think its going to be a two night sleep fix. 

The weather outside has been frightful, so working out inside has not been delightful let it snow let it... no wait.. sub zero temps are replaced with what? rain of course.. it is currently 34 degrees outside at about half past noon New England time and if the rain holds off I may just hop on the K2 for my short "workout route". I do not mind riding when its cold, I don't mind riding when its dark, I don't even mind riding when its cold AND dark but when you add wet into that mix I'll pass and as long as the rain is not falling when the boss lady gets home later I will go for that ride and if not then it's the trainer.

I need to start riding more often so that I have my riding legs when the weather warms up and I am looking for regular rail trail rides again because if I miss the spring season I will not be a happy camper. My weight is coming down and I feel much better than I did 3 months ago, I don't see why I can't be back to a decent weight by say? June and that's the date that I gave wify for me to shave this critter hanging onto my jaw otherwise known as the "puppy" or my beard.

Over all everything is going well though I would like to add more exercise and I am feeling good about where things are headed. Thanks for following along with me while I drop the weight from my bones and get back to where I was so that I can get to where I was heading when I started writing this blog. 

Tune in tomorrow for the newest edition of as the fat guy turns.

As Ever
Me

Just a quick little diddy for the people in the back.

Lately I have been getting a ton of comments from spam, please don't waste your time and mine posting links to your lose 50 pounds in 10 day adverstisements, I will not let them get published to my blog. The only "instant look like a movie star" diet that I can get behind is THIS ONE  that I posted about back in 2009 and its a humorous shot at those kinds of diet plans that I wrote about in a blog post.

 

So if you have the miracle diet pill, or some mineral from the far East feel free to use it on your own if you so choose but please stop trying to get a comment posted here, it just ain't gonna happen.

 

As Ever

The guy tired of clicking spam on comments.

In my best Richard Dawson voice.. The Scale says!

So today is Friday, big secret eh? but it means that I post my weight for the blog today and we do have a loss this week but I am skeptical at how accurate it is and at the same time it doesn't really matter if its off a tad as the trend is down. Last week I came in at 399.0 pounds and that was a loss from the week previous and this week am down to 396.4 so a 2.6 pound loss for the week and I'll take it. Yesterday morning I was a pound lighter than I was this morning, scale variance? fluctuation? perhaps I need to visit the little boys room? I don't care really and its a big part of the weight loss game because we depend on that number each week to drop and when it doesn't it can wreck our whole week.

This 2013 Honda Raptor weighs in at 396 pounds.

As long as my week to week trend is down I don't care about the fluctuations too much unless its a huge number and even then I realize that I may have lifted weights or not drank enough the day before so it happens. I have been at this game for a long time now, this is going to be how I need to live in order to keep the weight off and I'm cool with that. When I got down to 305 pounds I was on cruise control, I knew what to eat and when to eat it in order to stay where I needed to and keep on losing pounds while getting healthier. Enter stage left copious amounts of stress and to a guy like me that reaches for the nachos as soon as stress peeks its head out that's a death sentence.

I do believe that I have this all under control once again and the weight is coming down and I am down about 15 pounds since just before the beginning of January so I am pleased with that but I need to stay focused and this blog helps me do that. Somehow putting it out there for Joe Public to have a looksie at makes me stay in line almost as if I fail a crowd will gather around my house and point while laughing hysterically, which has never happened yet thank goodness but you get the point. 

The bottom line is that I need to keep my shit together and get back down to where I was so that I can continue being around for my kids and my wife for a very very long time. Yes yes, I know, do it for yourself Man! I think at this point if you have read any of my blog you know that I understand that part of it and I am very much in tune with that fact and the bottom line is that I have not done everything in life that I want to and if its cut short because I am unable to control my intake or am too fat to do something I will have failed in this health venture.

I'm back, this is what matters, I don't think anyone should get in my way as they are likely to get run over.

That's all I got for today.

As Ever
Me