I feel like I am robbing myself of all of the things that I earned and saying earned is odd because most "normal" sized people need not earn them as they are just a given in most cases. Once upon a lullaby I was a 500 plus pound man wondering if it would be on the stair case or maybe on my way outside to bring the trash out when my heart would grenade and seven poor souls would have to lift me into an ambulance and then that changed. I decided that enough was enough and it was time to get serious about living before death got serious about finding me in a dark alley and cashing in and this here blog was started and viola that along with a piss load of hard work and discipline lead me down a path that ended at a healthy 300 pounds, which sounds funny but its true.
I have in my life right now something that DEMANDS my attention and I am an emotional eater through and through if I had a single wish it would be that was not a fact but it is and its not easy to distract myself when the shit hits that proverbial fan and lately trust me when I say that I am covered in it. This is a problem because as you know its not easy to stay on track all of the time without the distractions to use a nice word for them so managing to do what needs to be done while the water keeps rising is not a remedial task at all, but alas.. it must be changed.
Ya see sometimes though over in the corner is that other guy, that guy who battled his way down from 534 pounds to 300 pounds and every day at the gym status. Hes sitting there watching all of this shit go down in front of him and he knows that if he just sits there and allows it to happen that the cage door is going to swing shut again. That guy knows how to do what needs to be done, he understands the repercussions of sitting idly by while shit goes to hell around him and he one hundred percent realizes that even surrounded by stress that sooner or later the hammer will drop and which side of the fence he ends up on is placed squarely on HIS shoulders.
So... What to do about it? Perhaps allowing stress that would shatter most people and I suppose you could say that I am letting it do the same to me, destroy the health of a man who worked so hard to completely 180 his life and the way he was treating his body is one way to go. Something else that could happen is that instead of understanding whats causing the distress and allowing it to dictate what the next step is that maybe, just maybe I snatch life up by the throat once again and tell it to go fuck off because I got shit I still need to do should be the direction I lean instead.
I am stronger than anything that will stress me, I am the one who steers the truck and I can either let go of the wheel and let the shit that seems to be trying to tear me down be in control or I could remain in full control of these things. I think its time to to tell life to reach into the bag and give me my wallet back, I will allow it to keep what it has taken, I will allow it to have its small victory but ultimately it needs to understand something and more importantly I NEED to understand something, I determine what I put into my body, I determine whether I will go for a ride on my bike or for a walk, I decide.
Yep, Thats the one, its the wallet that says bad motherfucker on it so with that said, and I am repeating myself here its time to turn in my little bitch card and man the fuck up.