Fat guy issues..

When we know what to do, when we are fully aware of how to do it, when most of the tools needed are available and still the focus is not there what is the solution to that riddle? This is the place that I am in currently, I just cannot stay focused on the task at hand for more than a few days at a time before I find myself standing in front of the fridge staring in as if its the ark of the covenant, which didn't work out too well for the Germans in the Indiana Jones movie. I think back to that day in 2007 when I decided that I would start writing in this very blog, when I decided that enough was enough and weighing so much was not fun and games and I wonder how I was so focused. 

Fear, I was driven by fear back then, I was also driven by the anonymity that came with a blossoming blogger writing a blog and not knowing if anyone was actually reading it, in other words, no pressure. This blog played a huge part in my success and I believe that whole heartedly, there just is no denying that being able to lay it all out there helped to drive me into success. We need to get there again, no matter how hard I try I just cannot seem to get that eagle eye focus that I had when I first started losing weight and getting healthier and it bothers me more than I let on to anyone in my personal life or here when I write on this blog.   

Since I started writing this blog there are two people that were driving forces for me in this online world of weight loss blogging that have passed away. They struggled like I do with figuring out a way to stay focused and when I learned of their passing on each occasion I cried. Did I cry because someone that I had come to know had passed away struggling with weight issues? or was it because I was on a path not so different than theirs? maybe a combination of both? I don't know but it impacted me greatly.

This blog has served me well, I have met people that I call friends now, I have learned a lot about myself and fueling ones body and I have it here to look back on. I am going to try to get back in here posting more regularly again because that fear is creeping back in slowly and it sort of makes my ass look big so I need to get away from it again. 

Anyone that says "just stop eating" or looks at people that struggle with weight loss in a negative or demeaning way needs to reevaluate their out look on the subject because its not that simple, if it were we would all be walking around looking amazing and blogs like this wouldn't exist. Cut us fatties a break would ya? we're trying, even if it doesn't appear to be that way, we are and contrary to popular belief its not a party, this shit sucks.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it, I'm trying.. I suppose its all that can be expected of anyone. 

As Ever

Me

Flying blind on a rocket cycle...

I have been doing this with the Bodymedia arm band for 22 days now, I have been sticking to walking and eating right for about a week past that and though I know that I am doing everything right I had no gauge because my scale checks out at 400 pounds. Frustrating much? damn right it is, working my ass off but not knowing where the progress or lack of progress is is a little annoying. The 1980 flick Flash Gordon (one of my favorite flicks) came to mind, there is a line in that movie where he says that hes flying blind on a rocket cycle when talking to Prince Vultan and its how I've felt.

Until this morning...

Hopped onto the scale this morning and the little spinning circles were going to stop on "E" again so I barely looked at down but when it stopped t was not an E, no it was not, not today it was a 403.6. So I got on again and waddaya know, 403.6 again and with that I have something to go off to measure progress without looking into the mirror and thinking "I look a little less puffy" so I am pleased with this event this morning. I am taken back to a post from when I started dropping weight in the beginning of 2008 and its funny how clear I remember writing that post. I did not have a scale back then and when I finally got one that would hold me I was 511 pounds, I remember being happy that I was 511 pounds and I mentioned in the post how excited I was and its again how I feel this morning.

I am very much addicted to checking my weight when I am on, Hey! I like to know my progress what can I say? so knowing that I am today weighing in at 403.6 pounds I have a start point, a line in the sand if you will and its time to start crushing it again... hey hey no fat jokes! I crush lots of things but this weight is coming down and the plan is to get it back down to 300 then reevaluate from there. 

I will continue to do what I am doing because its obviously working, I am back on the scale, I feel better than I have in a year and thats enough. I am doing my part now my body needs to keep on letting go of the weight and we will get back to where we need to be and I can get on with not being as giant as I am/was again.

Today I will go on my walk, today I will go on my evening bike ride with my daughter and today I will eat within my calorie limits, see ya back at 300 pounds!

That's all I got for today

As Ever
Me

Daily Report 4

Starting to feel like a broken record because I am being so consistent lately but that's a good thing right?!  Bodymedia says that I ate 1835 calories and I fell a little short on my steps yesterday but that's because I missed my afternoon walk so I will try and make up for it today a little bit. Instead of writing it daily lets just assume that I am hydrating enough with a gallon and a half to 2 gallons of fluids per day and over all I am feeling pretty good which is different from how its been the last couple months or so. 

I did go out for another walk around the lake stopping at the open spots to toss a line in the water when I came across them, not a single bite last night but the sunset more than made up for the lack of actual fishing. My daughter came along on her bike and over all its been a nice way to wind down my days so I shall continue to do it.

Over all I am feeling pretty good about how things are going thus far, I am not overly hungry at all and meal planning is coming back to me so for the most part I am right where I want to be. I do want to switch back over to mostly whole foods as that seemed to be what was the ticket for me on the last go around so that's in the plans too.

I've not set any "goals" or "rewards" for myself as my goal is to be healthy again and my rewards will be the things that I am missing out on now as a result of my backsliding. 

As Ever
Me

Over eating and twitter oh my!

Monday has come again and for whatever reason loads of people use Monday as the day to recover from a weekend of bad eating and no exercise, a silly concept but I think we have all done it at least once in our lives.My weekend went as planned for the most part but I did indulge Sunday a tad more than I should have when a friend came by. For dinner I made a Balsamic vinegar chicken dish which is low calorie and very tasty, I will be sharing that recipe soon but with dinner I had a Heineken and my daughter made cake lollipops and ummm yeah its like that. I may or may not have fell down and a couple few of the cake pops may or may not have slipped into my mouth  accidentally with the fall but I am ok! I did not get hurt on my fall so be calm people! but seriously 3 cake pops a Heineken and some extra chicken with dinner was over my calorie limit for the day.

Offsetting the extra calories I did go for a 2 mile walk, this does not mean that it was ok to go over calories for the day! and the scale just shook its head at me when I stepped onto its soulless white plastic body this morning. Like the pet dog who just got caught tearing up a couch cushion I tucked my tail and walked away with eyes drawn at the floor while the scale pointed at me exclaiming "NO!, Bad human" Fuuuck... Its not a big deal but the first time in three or more weeks that I went over my allowed calories and the scale this morning was a reminder that no matter what I must remain vigilant and stay strict with my intake. It is what it is and nada I can do now so no need dwelling on it, I will stick to the plan for today and do a little extra exercise today.

On a different channel we find that Zeusmeatball now has a twitter account @Zeusmeatball, a friend told me that I should make one so I did in the beginning of December and I couldn't figure it all out so it stayed unused until yesterday. Another friend was over and he uses Twitter so I asked him to show me some of the features and it was a duh moment for me because its really kind of easy though I am sure I am still missing some of the features. Please feel free to add me or follow me or whatever you do on twitter there is a link at the top left of the blog, I have 4 followers at the moment and will be using twitter more often now that I have a basic understanding of how it works.

So far this "restart" is going well, I have had the one slip up yesterday and it was not a huge slip so all in all I think we are doing good. Adding regular bike rides back into the schedule will surely help the cause and the K2 will likely be the bike that gets used for now until I drop a few more pounds and get my cycling legs back because let me tell ya, I am not in the shape I was in a year ago as far as my stamina and endurance goes. Regular walks are on the menu for this week as well, Normally I would walk around the lake that I live on and it was a nice mid range walk for me that made me feel like I did something but I am currently walking a 2 mile loop and its about right for feeling that I did something and not over doing it. 

Over all we're doing awesome, feeling awesome and now again I will mention on Twitter so follow @Zeusmeatball if you were interested in whats going on there. 

Thanks for reading along with my walk down a path to better health. 

As Ever
Me

An update of sorts and some vintage steel for your morning Joe.

I cross posted this with my cycling blog so you can check it out there if you haven't seen it, My weight has how do they say? plateaued? lately, I can't figure it out because I am eating ok, exercise has been coming more often with the weather I have been taking the little one out on rides on the Adams trail a bike but the weight loss has stalled. I am not going to worry about it but will keep on doing what I am doing and call it a slow time because if I let it get in the way I will undoubtedly gain weight in the long run and I ain't down for that. I mentioned the weather warming up and its got me in a bike kind of mood, like I said me and my eldest daughter have been going on rides out on the lake with the trail a bike and I started working on the old Motobecane again, we're getting close on that bike I tell ya! soon enough I will have a new ride in the stable even if its short lived as I am unsure I am a roda bike kind of guy but we will see.

I needed some down time so I headed off to work with the Motobecane yesterday for a couple hours and finished up cleaning the rear derailleur, the shifters and I got the cables/housings installed. I am still not done by a long shot and there is still a lot to do before the bike is done I did make some good solid progress on the bike last night. I chose Jagwire platinum braided cable housings to blend in with the frame a bit and I really like how they look on the bike! I did make a couple decisions on just how closely I was going to polish things up, I was thinking about the fact that I am planning to ride this bike and polishing everything to a mirror finish didn't make a lot of sense because of that fact, I mean if its going to get grimy anyways why make it shinier than when it was new?

With that said, I did not skimp on the polishing! I think that the bike is starting to look pretty nice even if this shot makes my basement look like a dungeon! who am I kidding.. it IS a dungeon! I still have to completely do the wheels (I just tossed them on to see how the bike looked) as I have not touched them other than a small test spot where I polished the rust off of the chrome and I do believe that the wheels will look pretty good after some elbow grease. You can see that I laid the rack on there just for a look at how it would play out and I think that I like it and will stick to the original plan of doing fenders and rack on this bike.

Above is a closer shot of the braided cables installed on the shifters, I think they compliment the silver frame pretty nicely! I am still on the fence with what color I should do the tape/hoods/saddle in but I am sure that it will come to me... eventually. I originally wanted to do the bars and saddle in brown/honey but that is more expensive than the other options and since I am not 100% on whether I will keep this bike in the long run I keep going back to just do the bars red, black saddle and brown or black hoods, I am very on the fence with the whole thing. I don't really ride road bikes let alone vintage road bikes! and that is why I am unsure about whether this will become a permanent ride in my ever growing fleet of bicycles even though I have put a good amount of thought and time into this bike.

Finally a shot of what I started with compared to where I brought it, I think there is a big difference and when I am done I think it will be even bigger! Next on the list of things to do will be the tape and saddle and I am very anxious to see how it looks with a bit more of a finished feel to it. Now the decision must be made on the tape, once that happens I can choose a saddle and finally hood color, some new tires and we will be off for a ride to snap a couple photos in a nicer setting than my dungeon... er I mean basement!

Over all I am on the right road and with the spring right around the corner I am expecting the biking to pick up some which will hopefully help tear away some of my winter jelly that I have packed on during the hibernation. I will never stop striving to get to my goal and some day I will be able to say that I weigh 250 lbs, it may not be in a week, or a month but the day is coming because I will not let weight control who I am or what I do in life and that's that!

Until next we meet, keep on pedaling!

As Ever
Me

CycleOps Fluid 2 Video, tire comparisons.

I wanted to get a compare video up between the Michelin Country Rock tire that my wife bought when she picked up the fluid trainer and the Bontrager SR1 that I replaced it with, I had a chance to set the camera up this morning when I rode so I thought I would pop the video up. The Michelin tire was just too loud for my purposes so it had to be replaced and the difference between that and the slick SR1 is incredible and it allows me to ride while my daughter takes her mid morning nap.

Now you know that you are diggin' on my blue light in the first trainer spot, and you can now see just how loud that Michelin was, I am sure that it would make a great road tire for a mountain bike but for trainer duty it will have to be saved as a back up tire. This trainer is working out good for me, when weather or the baby stop me from getting out for a real ride out comes the trainer and I can get a ride into my day, gotta love it. Here is a shot of the K2 in Trainer gear, it does not differ much from road duty when it wears WTB Graffiti SF 2.2 tires, it loses the bag on the top tube and gains a powerade bottle in the cage.

I hope you enjoyed the video, come spring I am sure that I will be posting up some ride videos as I do bring my Kodak ZX3 camera out with me on most rides. Over all I am on the right path and am hoping to hit my goal of being 305Lbs or less by May 25th, this trainer will certainly help me get there bu I can't wait for the weather to get a little better and days longer so that I can hit the rail trails again.

Soon enough it shall be so...

That's all I got for today.

As Ever
Me

Weighing in on weighing in... again.

This week has been good, I have stayed within my calorie range, ridden the trainer, drank plenty of green tea and I got to finally start in on that ole Motobecane that I had laying around. My weight has been coming down for a couple weeks now and last week was an exceptionally awesome week in that respect with a 6.2 pound loss, this week we have a loss too. I am down 2.4 pounds this week from last which is a great week as far as I am concerned because the way I am approaching this is that a loss, any loss! is a good thing. Now I haven't posted my actual weight for a while on here but have made it so that if someone was paying attention you could easily figure out roughly where I am but I figured why not just post the stupid weight? so that's what I shall do.

I am not happy to report that as of this morning I am currently 364.0 pounds, don't mistake that last little thing that I said about "not happy" for how I am feeling, I am feeling awesome the last month or so, its just that I am not happy that I weigh 59 pounds more than my lowest weight since starting down this road. Re-losing weight... again... is not a good feeling but on the other side of that is feeling good because of the foods that I am eating again, now that feels good. Thinking about having to lose 59 more pounds just to get where I was is a tad aggravating but that's only if I allow it to aggravate me, I choose to look at as a learning process and the 59 pounds is the penalty that I must pay for letting things get that far off of where it needed to be in order to promote a healthy lifestyle, time to pay the piper and all that.

Refocusing my energy onto me has been the key from the beginning, I need to keep in mind that without putting me at the front of the line the rest may as well not be there because I cannot be the person that I need to be without that.

My life, My weight problem, My solution... because nobody else can do it for me and if I let things get in the way of my health then I am letting myself and my family down.

That's all I got.

As Ever
Me

Who runs Bartertown?

When you learn to put yourself first and do something incredible then that incredible thing gets taken back because of a lack of focus I can tell ya its not good feeling. There was a time in my life when I struggled to walk up a flight of stairs without feeling like I was going to die before I reached the top and some time around then I decided that I had to completely change the way that I was doing things, and I did. Losing 229 pounds at my lowest weight I came in at 305 pounds, now 305 pounds may sound high and it is but at the same time I am about 6'4'' tall and built large so its not so far off where I want to be and the way 305 feels compared to where I am today is an insane difference.

I think that not having something to reference was easier on the gray matter than having been there such a short time ago and knowing exactly how it feels. On my way down from 534 pounds I had no real idea of how 305 pounds felt, I was probably a Freshman in high school the last time I was that weight and not close to being an adult. My adult life had never seen that weight before so now that I had a short visit down to see the family living in room 305 it aggravates me that I let it go, take everything else out of the equation and it boils down to the fact that I was not disciplined enough to keep what I worked so hard for. I am left with a do-over if I want to see the other side of 300, I have to re-lose about 65 pounds JUST to get where I was already and if I let myself I could get pretty annoyed at that fact but instead I am going to attempt to turn that energy into drive that will get me back down to where I need to be with my weight.

I have to take control of what goes into my body, letting stress or aggravation get the better of me has not been good for my waist line so its time to get back to the basics. I created the perfect plan for myself, for my health and was beating the pounds into submission while making my body stronger than it had ever been so I do know how and what to do. Years of practical research and application of that research into my daily life turned a 534 pound man who struggled to do the most menial physical tasks into a 300 pound man whom had the world in his grip, there is no way that I can let that go.

Where my health is the subject, I have to be the one running the show.

That's all I got

As Ever
Me