When we know what to do, when we are fully aware of how to do it, when most of the tools needed are available and still the focus is not there what is the solution to that riddle? This is the place that I am in currently, I just cannot stay focused on the task at hand for more than a few days at a time before I find myself standing in front of the fridge staring in as if its the ark of the covenant, which didn't work out too well for the Germans in the Indiana Jones movie. I think back to that day in 2007 when I decided that I would start writing in this very blog, when I decided that enough was enough and weighing so much was not fun and games and I wonder how I was so focused.
Fear, I was driven by fear back then, I was also driven by the anonymity that came with a blossoming blogger writing a blog and not knowing if anyone was actually reading it, in other words, no pressure. This blog played a huge part in my success and I believe that whole heartedly, there just is no denying that being able to lay it all out there helped to drive me into success. We need to get there again, no matter how hard I try I just cannot seem to get that eagle eye focus that I had when I first started losing weight and getting healthier and it bothers me more than I let on to anyone in my personal life or here when I write on this blog.
Since I started writing this blog there are two people that were driving forces for me in this online world of weight loss blogging that have passed away. They struggled like I do with figuring out a way to stay focused and when I learned of their passing on each occasion I cried. Did I cry because someone that I had come to know had passed away struggling with weight issues? or was it because I was on a path not so different than theirs? maybe a combination of both? I don't know but it impacted me greatly.
This blog has served me well, I have met people that I call friends now, I have learned a lot about myself and fueling ones body and I have it here to look back on. I am going to try to get back in here posting more regularly again because that fear is creeping back in slowly and it sort of makes my ass look big so I need to get away from it again.
Anyone that says "just stop eating" or looks at people that struggle with weight loss in a negative or demeaning way needs to reevaluate their out look on the subject because its not that simple, if it were we would all be walking around looking amazing and blogs like this wouldn't exist. Cut us fatties a break would ya? we're trying, even if it doesn't appear to be that way, we are and contrary to popular belief its not a party, this shit sucks.
That's my story and I'm stickin' to it, I'm trying.. I suppose its all that can be expected of anyone.