Wednesday, September 25, 2013

It's your process, fuck the rest.

Walking, riding, eating right and staying hydrated, welcome to my life right now. This is the way it needs to be, I enjoy life like this better than any other way so that makes being a stress eater very frustrating. I see motivational sayings posted all over the internet and facebook etc and I think most of them are pretty silly mostly because I think every person struggling with weight loss though sharing THAT common denominator is in a different place.

5?? pounds.

I can state "The decision is yours! You have the fork in your hand! just put it down!" and some of the people will completely relate and say "hell yeah!" while others will want to say it and feel that way but truth be told they are not at that stage in their process. I find that weight loss and better health is less one dimensional than that and one day to the next can be completely different experiences not from different people but from the same person. When I am on point I feel unstoppable, I am a weight loss superstar dammit and this fat will not continue to loiter around on my front step and that's the end of it, but when a bad day peeks in well yeah. When I am off its a struggle, I mean every minute of the day, Staying true to the process is not easy in those moments and no matter how much I want or need to stay dead solid on track something inside is trying to get me to fail at that task.

I know life, if you want to call it that at more than 500 pounds, I know life at 300 pounds and I know life at 400 knowing how the other two feel after being there so recently and frustration is dug in deep on all levels. When I was 500 pounds I thought there was no fixing it on my own, I felt like it was a hopeless venture and I would be stuck there forever so I tried. That adventure brought me all the way down to 300 pounds, I got invites from talk shows to appear on them and I even went to the Dr Oz show because of it, I have made friends because of the weight loss, I rode my bikes constantly became very active and felt amazing. Then less than a couple years ago I lost my mother, I was 330 pounds on that day and I know because I posted a blog post here and got the call immediately after I posted and days like that tend to stick out in a persons mind. Some other "stresses" dominated my life and I put on at least 100 pounds over the last year and a half or so, currently I am just under 400 pounds after losing at my best estimate about 30 pounds.

320 lbs

Losing weight and better health is not a one size fits all kind of thing, BUT in general if you eat less (and healthy foods) and move more the weight should come off even if its not as fast as you would like. I am extremely motivated and pig headed once I get something in my head and for the life of me I could not drop any weight in the last almost two years no matter how hard I tried or pretended to try or or or.... 

I think that its awesome that blogger X, Y and Z are at that point in their process that they can tout how easy it is as long as you put the fork down or how YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF WHAT YOU EAT! rah rah sis boom bah! awesome... but.. Something I have learned is that no matter who we are, we all struggle with the same problem in very different ways and that is why there is no "miracle pill" that works or will ever work. 

 320 lbs

I am at a point in my process where I can see things from so many angles all at the same time and I almost feel like this is what I needed on a personal level to get and keep the weight off permanently, you know, to see 500, 300 and then start coming back up again so that in a way its like that whole not missing something till its gone thing. I am just under 400 pounds, I need to get back down to a maximum of 300 pounds and I almost feel like I needed to taste that freedom so that I can appreciate it the way that I should have when I was there the first time around. 

Walking with my children, riding my bike with my daughter, riding my bike alone on a trail covered in dead leaves on a cool Autumn day, appreciating everything that I can do effortlessly because I am not carrying the equivalent of another human being on my bones  are just some of the things that I enjoy about not being super obese. 

305 lbs, I need to get back here like NOW!

This post is purely written for me, I contemplated not posting it to the blog but I use the blog to reflect back at moments and how I felt at a given moment so it shall be posted. Take from it what you want to, take nothing at all if that works for you but remember we are all walking a road that is filled with obstacles, we all struggle and though the end results that we all seek may be the same, the road taken is rarely even close to the same.  

Stay focused, Stay as positive as the moment permits and with a ton of hard work I believe that we can all meet at the end of that road and share our stories of how we got there with one another. 

That's all I got. 

As Ever


  1. Hey, with you on all of that...Thich Nhat Hanh makes it sound so easy: "Peace is present right here and now, in ourselves and in everything we do and see. Every breath we take, every step we take, can be filled with peace, joy, and serenity. The question is whether or not we are in touch with it. We need only to be awake, alive in the present moment." But it is so true...!

  2. You know, I feel a lot like this. During times I am doing great, I do feel unstoppable. Then a hard time comes and I start stress eating. Even though I've never gotten off track with my exercise, I've proven I can run my ass off and if I am not eating just right I still gain weight.

  3. I think you're right, that having the experience of backsliding can actually strengthen our resolve.

    I'm pretty sure that I would not be as healthy as I am now, if I hadn't lost 100 in my 20s and regained all of it plus almost 100 more.

    Having lived through that makes the dangers of backsliding much more real, and I think it contributes to my greater resistance now to going off the rails.

    Having said that, it's still a struggle, and I am right now in the process of beating back off a 15 lb gain since March. And every damn tenth of a pound requires consistency in eating right and managing my attitude and physical activity.

    The more of this I can make automatic, the better off I am. Which is of course why when life throws us curve balls like the death of a parent and "other stresses" it's so dang hard to maintain.

    Hang in there, bro. Do the best you can, in whatever circumstances you've got. Even if it means damage control. Every little bit really does count.

    And if any of those stupid bumper sticker ideas annoy you, too bad. They work for me.

    ;-) hehehe


  4. Inspirational and SO TRUE! Keep going- you are doing a fantastic job!

  5. Totally off subject...You got to meet Richard?! Freakin' A, I love him! Kinda funny but when I was young about 6-10 years old, my mom's friends thought I was so weird! They would walk in and see me doing exercise with him on the TV...Inhale, Exhale!

  6. You totally inspired me!! Losing weight from 500 to 300 pounds is not a simple task!! Your hard work showed tremendous result!! Hope you will continue this.