I have been lately exploring body image a bit and am coming to the conclusion that I am not all that big any more, that is still hard to say for me and even writing that didn't seem correct to me. Seeing my reflection in the mirror and in the picture window in my living room keeps catching me off guard and I have to literally do a double take at what I am seeing. Wify insists that I look like "a big guy" now instead of "a fat guy" and again, I am having a hard time buying into the idea completely just yet even with my double takes. I know that I still have at the very least 40 pounds to lose and probably closer to 65 pounds before I am at what I would call an "Ultimately perfect weight" and I am still unable to completely get past the fact that I am down 220 pounds because I can still see that bigger me sometimes.
So...I pulled out some of my old clothes from when I was 500 plus pounds and the jean shorts that I grabbed felt foreign to me, like they were not my clothing yet I have clear memories of wearing these clothes, in fact the shorts that I pulled out are the same pair that I am wearing in my "the pic that started it all" picture from my side bar. I held them up to my waist and I am betting that Me and Wify could both get into them now without too much fuss but at nearly 5 feet around at the waist that shouldn't surprise me right? It is really eye opening looking at those old clothes now that I am so much lighter and remember that there was a day that I fit into those clothes and the thought that I would need a larger size was a reality for me. I have a very large box of clothing ranging in sizes from 4xl to 6xl shirts and jeans from 46 to 58 that weighs at least 50 pounds just sitting there not to mention my suit jacket which if memory serves me right is a 72 long and I do believe that besides a shirt and a pair of pants to remember where I once was I need to get rid of the rest.
I am smaller now than when I met my wife and I in the last ten years have grown to my highest 534 pounds and have gone through clothing BUT saved it all because "I will lose the weight some day" and it has paid off because I really haven't had to buy much clothes until recently because I just made my way back through the sizes. A lot of the clothes that I have is brand new! some not so much but I think the time has come to either place an ad on craigslist, put some of it up on ebay or just straight up give it away or donate it because I have no use for it any more. I know that clothes in these sizes cost a lot so it could really help someone out to get some clothes at a deep discount and I WILL NOT need it again because I AM NOT going back up that size ladder ever again!
With all of that good there is still some negative because of the skin but alas that is another subject for another post but with the warmer weather coming around it IS on my mind a lot lately because one of my things is that I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. Starting to actually see the results of the hard work that has been put in and what its created is a great reward to go with all of the other stuff that I am getting with the loss of the weight that held me back for so long and I can't wait to see the end result. With dedication and discipline we can change our lives, not only that but we change the lives of those around us by making better choices with our eating and exercise regimen. Keep on keepin on and all that because for today, thats all I got.
So...I pulled out some of my old clothes from when I was 500 plus pounds and the jean shorts that I grabbed felt foreign to me, like they were not my clothing yet I have clear memories of wearing these clothes, in fact the shorts that I pulled out are the same pair that I am wearing in my "the pic that started it all" picture from my side bar. I held them up to my waist and I am betting that Me and Wify could both get into them now without too much fuss but at nearly 5 feet around at the waist that shouldn't surprise me right? It is really eye opening looking at those old clothes now that I am so much lighter and remember that there was a day that I fit into those clothes and the thought that I would need a larger size was a reality for me. I have a very large box of clothing ranging in sizes from 4xl to 6xl shirts and jeans from 46 to 58 that weighs at least 50 pounds just sitting there not to mention my suit jacket which if memory serves me right is a 72 long and I do believe that besides a shirt and a pair of pants to remember where I once was I need to get rid of the rest.
I am smaller now than when I met my wife and I in the last ten years have grown to my highest 534 pounds and have gone through clothing BUT saved it all because "I will lose the weight some day" and it has paid off because I really haven't had to buy much clothes until recently because I just made my way back through the sizes. A lot of the clothes that I have is brand new! some not so much but I think the time has come to either place an ad on craigslist, put some of it up on ebay or just straight up give it away or donate it because I have no use for it any more. I know that clothes in these sizes cost a lot so it could really help someone out to get some clothes at a deep discount and I WILL NOT need it again because I AM NOT going back up that size ladder ever again!
With all of that good there is still some negative because of the skin but alas that is another subject for another post but with the warmer weather coming around it IS on my mind a lot lately because one of my things is that I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. Starting to actually see the results of the hard work that has been put in and what its created is a great reward to go with all of the other stuff that I am getting with the loss of the weight that held me back for so long and I can't wait to see the end result. With dedication and discipline we can change our lives, not only that but we change the lives of those around us by making better choices with our eating and exercise regimen. Keep on keepin on and all that because for today, thats all I got.
As ever
Me
How about some photos eh?
ReplyDeleteGood post Tony!!!
ReplyDeleteDef keep a couple items to commemorate where you've been and the successful effort to get where you are (and are going).
ReplyDeleteWhen i read your post like this...it's almost like i could of written it myself. Great post my friend.
ReplyDeleteWe're getting there!
Yes we are!
My best always
Sean
Even the "big guy" phrase, which I have heard alot, still rings in my ears as "fat guy"...we are hard on ourselves. I am looking forward to being a "tall guy" only!
ReplyDeleteYour idea of donating the clothes is wonderful! I know there are websites for women to donate clothes to larger women, but I'm not sure about places for men. It is such a kind thought--large clothing as you said is often very costly. There are, after all, many larger poor men who eat on the cheap and unfortunately pay more for it in the long run in poor health and extra mass.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing a great job with the body aspect--the mind will catch up eventually. One day you'll see yourself just as you are--a handsome guy with a big heart.
Hey, I hear ya on the body image thing. All of my jeans say size 2 on the tags ... but I swear they must be a size 12 and are just mislabeled. It's hard to get past that. And Tony - THROW OUT THE FAT CLOTHES!!!! Keep one or two things as "trophies" but throw the rest AWAY.
ReplyDeleteDonating the clothes is the way to go. Great post.
ReplyDelete