Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up..

The past couple of weeks have been hard for me, there are some things going on in my life in addition to the comfort issue that I am experiencing right now, meaning that I am comfy with myself and to get myself back on track I did something that had not occurred to me to try. This morning I started reading my own blog from day one, I figured that I get so many emails and comments stating that something I had written inspired someone else to either start their own journey of weight loss or I have kept them going when the stand off with the triple chocolate fudge cake was not looking favorable that maybe I could take some of that for myself. I read through some of my older posts and started feeling the way that I felt when I wrote them, what I mean is that I can remember where I was and how I felt when each post was written and I know that I am starting to sound like a broken record at this point and I have been the worlds worse blogger lately but I am back.

Remembering taking my walks with my daughter and the fact that it took me 20 minutes to walk roughly 1/3 of a mile and feeling that that was an accomplishment made me realize how far I have come in this whole thing. Reading about how I rode my stationary bike for 15 minutes and remembering just how tired I was after that fifteen minutes of movement knowing that I now walk 2 miles in just about 27 minutes and don't have to stop there because of pain means a lot to me. I read the posts from back then and can recall thinking that I would never get to 100 pounds lost on my own but knowing that I had to try so I kept going no matter what and how I felt at 500 plus pounds compared to right now and I KNOW that I have to keep going until I get where I need to, want to get where my health comes into play.

On Jan 06 2008 I wrote in a post "I do know that I cannot give up until I drop this weight and look forward to learning as much as I can to do that, obviously I failed Diet 101 thus far in my life." I believe that I have graduated from the "Diet" series of health class and have gained a ton of knowledge in the past almost two years while making my life and health a completely different thing than when that post was written. I believe that I have given myself and my family years of having me around with what I have done so far, but I am not done. I have so much more that I want to do with myself physically just to prove to myself that I can do it as well as show my kids that they can do whatever they put their minds to, so I have to keep this better health thang moving in a direction that promotes all of that.

There is stress in my life currently and I could blame that for my lack of effort lately but that would be a cop out and I won't do that. The bottom line is that I know what I need to do, I know that I have the willpower to do it, and stress or no stress its what I am going to do. This weight loss game is a life long decision, its something that will have to stay in place come rain or shine and honestly I have not fallen too far off of the wagon I have just stopped trying so hard, lets call it a pause. My lowest weight to date was 330 pounds and that weight was reached on August 14th 2009 and last Friday I was 9 pounds above that so I am sort of maintaining roughly 10 pounds above my low weight for the last almost seven weeks.

Maintaining at 340 pounds is not what I meant when I said "I do know that I cannot give up until I drop this weight" only six days into my lifestyle change so I must, how do I say? keep on keepin on until I get where I aimed for. I can't say that I have been very "inspiring" lately where weight loss is concerned but I can still say that I have lost a substantial amount of weight and hopefully added time to my life. I will not allow myself to keep going at a maintaining pace when I still weigh as much as I do, I cannot let that happen and I believe that it is happening because this is the weight that I have lived most of my life at. Once I reached adulthood I settled around this weight until I was injured in 2000 and then I blew up to my 500 plus pound self so this just feels right to me. Its time to blow past a boundary that I have never been past and get below 300 pounds, below 275 pounds, below 250 pounds? to be found out I suppose but to stop now would make zero sense at all, especially given the amount of success I have had thus far.

From the worlds worse blogger to you that's where I am today, will I get below 300 pounds? no doubt and I invite you to watch me do it.

I am back and I have to say that Zeusmeatball fella has inspired me to get my shit together once again, who wouldda thunk?

As Ever


  1. Rereading your blog was an inspired decision. As amazing as it seems we do forget how unhappy and unhealthy we were.

    You've come a long way my friend. Keep up the good fight!

  2. Way to recommit to your cause. It truly is enlightening to reflect on where we started & to examine just how far we've come. My journey has been very small compared to your progress & successes, but it's all progress nevertheless.

    Glad you're back in the game.

  3. Introspection turned to motivation. Excellent.

    You are an inspiration, and your recommit is great.

    I fear the moment you are at. I've spent most of my adult life around 400. I fear that I'll stop there when I get there too.

    But I know I won't have to, and that I'll be able to get past it, just like you know, without any doubts, that you CAN don this.

    Keep on keeping on indeed!

  4. I always popo in on the good ones!

    what was it you always said...
    oh yes...


    so I am glad you are keeping on :)

  5. ugh that was "pop in" not popo! lol

  6. I have nothing better to add than what's already been said, except, I know you can do this. More importantly, YOU know you can do this.