Suffer, it is the only option.

See that wagon over yonder? yeah, the one that I fell off of about a week ago, that's the one, keep your eye on it because I am hoping back on. When stress enters stage left its devastating for my ass, I immediately go to the "stress eating" and nothing helps it. Figuring out how to deal with stress in a different way has to be a priority for me as it is how do they say? my down fall. 

Not getting into exactly the source of stress because its nothing that I can fix or change, I need to change the how I deal with it factor more than the stress itself because life will always include stress on one level or another. I am not making excuses for my lack of control with the eating and I am not blaming "stress" I am just straight up stating the why part of the equation that lead to a screwed week of poor choices when it came to my intake.

Me and my beard full of ice.

My poor Truck

My driveway after using the snow blower and its still not down to black top! to give you a point of reference, that's a Ford Expedition and the snow is higher than the tire.

With that said, I have ridden the trainer more this week than I have all year and with the snow that came down over the weekend I haven't stopped moving with all of the shoveling but that will not make up for the lack of discipline in the refrigerator department. When my weight loss is the subject my intake is more important than any exercise that happens, from the beginning I lose weight faster when I eat within my calories and walk at least a mile 3-4 times per week and this has to go back into place as my basic program.

Making sure that my calorie limit is not disrespected will be my main focus in the coming weeks, I will also be utilizing the trainer and walking to get some movement into each day. I was talking to Wify last night and told her that I really wished that I could figure out why as soon as stress pops its head into my daily that I immediately turn to my old pal food, it is the most frustrating aspect of my life. No matter how hard I try, no matter how far I come or how much weight I drop when it comes to stress in my life the same fix pops into the picture, snatch something up and shove it down my throat, fuck....

This whole weight loss thang is not a race so it truly is just a start over from now kind of a feeling but I have to tell you, looking back at photos of me at 305 may as well be a kick to the throat because its where I want to be. Looking at my closet full of a wardrobe full of clothes that just don't fit me currently pisses me off and yet stress pops in? you know where to find me.

Only one thing to do and that's to put my big boy pants on stop acting like a Nancy and harden the fuck up, allowing food to have this hold on me is weak and fighting with that fact is not easy but its my life and weighing close to 400 pounds is NOT in the fucking plan. 

That's all I got for today, time to ride the trainer. 

As Ever

Me

I want to be THAT guy.

So this week has been less than peachy and I am not talking about the weight loss, I mean life in general seems to be poking me with a stick to see how much I can take. My week started off with no sleep and I never recovered from that, add that our son is not being how do you say? behaved is putting it nicely so we're dealing with some things we ought not have to be dealing with. Wednesday night turned into another long, late night for me and I was not in bed until after 1:30 AM only to be woke up at 5:15 AM by wify informing me that the insane winds have claimed the life of our power and we were indeed in the dark as it were. Children off to school and the wood stove was lit, we were without power for the better part of yesterday which is one of those it is what it is moments but inconvenient none the less. I did not drink as I should have yesterday and though my calories were in range because of the power being out I probably did not have the most nutritious of meals throughout the day, again it is what it is.

Today I should be posting a weight as it is Friday but I did not weigh myself this morning, rotten mood tied to exhaustion I just did not step on but yesterdays weight reflects an ok loss for the week to that point but I will post an official weight tomorrow. I have reintroduced the trainer back into the day, I set my laptop up on the dresser in front of the bike tune into netflix and pedal away and I need to admit something, I am out of shape! A twenty minute trainer ride has my legs sore, I feel it in my abs and mu shoulders are tight, that effect is had on a guy that would ride all day Sunday out on the trail with not a bit of complaining or soreness. The same guy that would go to the gym and start off with 30 minutes on the stationary or spin bike followed with 45 minutes of weight training finishing up with another 20 or so minutes on an arc trainer or treadmill only to drive home to hop on the bike for a 5 mile ride to pick his daughter up from school in the bike trailer.

More interesting to me is that I am wanting to be "that" guy and he is not some washboard stomached fellow at the gym working out hardcore while I watch from my corner of the gym and he is not Arnold or some pro athlete, its me. At the time I thought that I was slacking with my workouts and here I am heavier once again and looking back at that fellow with envious eyes, kind of screwed eh? This realization is going to drive me to get back where I was and since getting my shit together again and hopping back on this wagon I feel completely different than just a month and a half ago so all ig going well and in the direction that I want it to.

Adding regular trainer rides into my days I am expecting a bigger drop next week than I have been getting but we shall see. I am sore so I know that I am retaining some fluid at the moment which can effect the weigh in tomorrow but I will post whatever the scale says and go from there. My goal is to get back into my riding habits that I had just before my mother passed away and that should hopefully make everything else fall into place.

Until next we meet I want you to remember never to take for granted where you are in your weight loss, healthy lifestyle because every day that you eat right and exercise you are a day closer to being that guy (or gal) so with that said, get your ass going and do something for yourself!

As Ever
Me

36 hours no sleep and some bike talk from the fat guy.

We are doing well and are on plan as far as the eating and drinking are concerned but Sunday I woke up at 11AM because of staying up late and it threw off two whole days. Sunday night when I went to bed I just laid there, staring at the ceiling thinking about bicycle light options because of a post on a bike forum I read. An hour later I decided that since I was just laying there I may as well get up because sleep was not an option and before I knew it 6:00 AM Monday morning was here. It would appear that an all nighter was the result of a late morning and a restless night, no worries. I'll just take a nap with the baby when she goes down and it will be a meh kind of day but at that point my options were slim so onward the day went. 

 My Sigma micro led mounted on the back of my Giro helmet. 

  

 

 

I have a white one for the front that was not on the helmet when I took these images.

The school called and said short day for my other kids so there goes the nap, oh well and I ended staying up for 10 minutes shy of 36 hours from Sunday morning until Monday night. I did manage to stick to my calories yesterday but I did not exercise a single bit and though I slept a solid 7 hours last night I feel it today and think its going to be a two night sleep fix. 

The weather outside has been frightful, so working out inside has not been delightful let it snow let it... no wait.. sub zero temps are replaced with what? rain of course.. it is currently 34 degrees outside at about half past noon New England time and if the rain holds off I may just hop on the K2 for my short "workout route". I do not mind riding when its cold, I don't mind riding when its dark, I don't even mind riding when its cold AND dark but when you add wet into that mix I'll pass and as long as the rain is not falling when the boss lady gets home later I will go for that ride and if not then it's the trainer.

I need to start riding more often so that I have my riding legs when the weather warms up and I am looking for regular rail trail rides again because if I miss the spring season I will not be a happy camper. My weight is coming down and I feel much better than I did 3 months ago, I don't see why I can't be back to a decent weight by say? June and that's the date that I gave wify for me to shave this critter hanging onto my jaw otherwise known as the "puppy" or my beard.

Over all everything is going well though I would like to add more exercise and I am feeling good about where things are headed. Thanks for following along with me while I drop the weight from my bones and get back to where I was so that I can get to where I was heading when I started writing this blog. 

Tune in tomorrow for the newest edition of as the fat guy turns.

As Ever
Me

Just a quick little diddy for the people in the back.

Lately I have been getting a ton of comments from spam, please don't waste your time and mine posting links to your lose 50 pounds in 10 day adverstisements, I will not let them get published to my blog. The only "instant look like a movie star" diet that I can get behind is THIS ONE  that I posted about back in 2009 and its a humorous shot at those kinds of diet plans that I wrote about in a blog post.

 

So if you have the miracle diet pill, or some mineral from the far East feel free to use it on your own if you so choose but please stop trying to get a comment posted here, it just ain't gonna happen.

 

As Ever

The guy tired of clicking spam on comments.

In my best Richard Dawson voice.. The Scale says!

So today is Friday, big secret eh? but it means that I post my weight for the blog today and we do have a loss this week but I am skeptical at how accurate it is and at the same time it doesn't really matter if its off a tad as the trend is down. Last week I came in at 399.0 pounds and that was a loss from the week previous and this week am down to 396.4 so a 2.6 pound loss for the week and I'll take it. Yesterday morning I was a pound lighter than I was this morning, scale variance? fluctuation? perhaps I need to visit the little boys room? I don't care really and its a big part of the weight loss game because we depend on that number each week to drop and when it doesn't it can wreck our whole week.

This 2013 Honda Raptor weighs in at 396 pounds.

As long as my week to week trend is down I don't care about the fluctuations too much unless its a huge number and even then I realize that I may have lifted weights or not drank enough the day before so it happens. I have been at this game for a long time now, this is going to be how I need to live in order to keep the weight off and I'm cool with that. When I got down to 305 pounds I was on cruise control, I knew what to eat and when to eat it in order to stay where I needed to and keep on losing pounds while getting healthier. Enter stage left copious amounts of stress and to a guy like me that reaches for the nachos as soon as stress peeks its head out that's a death sentence.

I do believe that I have this all under control once again and the weight is coming down and I am down about 15 pounds since just before the beginning of January so I am pleased with that but I need to stay focused and this blog helps me do that. Somehow putting it out there for Joe Public to have a looksie at makes me stay in line almost as if I fail a crowd will gather around my house and point while laughing hysterically, which has never happened yet thank goodness but you get the point. 

The bottom line is that I need to keep my shit together and get back down to where I was so that I can continue being around for my kids and my wife for a very very long time. Yes yes, I know, do it for yourself Man! I think at this point if you have read any of my blog you know that I understand that part of it and I am very much in tune with that fact and the bottom line is that I have not done everything in life that I want to and if its cut short because I am unable to control my intake or am too fat to do something I will have failed in this health venture.

I'm back, this is what matters, I don't think anyone should get in my way as they are likely to get run over.

That's all I got for today.

As Ever
Me

Pre weigh in blah blah and a video for your AM coffee.

Tomorrow is the day, you know what day I mean, the day that I record my weight for the blog of course and though the scale has been playing with me I think I got it figured out as to why I was getting different weights. Of course we will see if it stays accurate but all I did was move it into the living room to weigh in on the hard wood floors, which is odd because the bedroom has hard woods to but when I moved it into the living room I got the same weight reading four times in a row. For now I will keep this scale and if it continues to be a practical joker with me it will find itself sitting inside the cold lonely container at the local transfer station.

Over all I am doing well, I am not hungry for the most part even though I have my moments where I feel like cookie monster and want to open the fridge and empty its contents into my mouth but they are few and far between so I can deal. I do need to incorporate more exercise into my days just for the fact that well.. I ain't doin' enough in my opinion and I don't want to use this as an excuse but when its 4 degrees and windy outside going for a walk with the 2 year old is probably not the best plan of action in any case. I have been toying with some dumb bells that I have around the house and that's not a shot at anyone in particular, I mean lifting some light weights. 

A short video of the trainer and some different tires that I posted last year, I figured I would pop in up here for fun, that Bontrager SR1 tire is still doing great by the way!

I have a set of dumb bells that I am doing things like curls with no rest meaning 4 sets of 10 but not resting between arms, the rest is the time between switching arms. I am also doing shoulder presses the same way, lateral raises, front raises, bent rows and a stretching routine almost daily so I am getting some exercise in just not the cardio that I want to. "Why aren't you using the trainer fat boy?" I don't have an answer for that besides its hard to find time to do it because during the day with the kiddo its rough to expect her to just stay alone watching tv or something for the 20-30 mins I would be on the bike and then later my home sort of implodes on itself.

With everything I said considered I am going to do my best to get a trainer ride in today, I have not gone for a walk in a couple days because of the bitter cold outside and think I would benefit from a short spin on the bike. I will weigh in tomorrow morning and report what the scale said to me here, I am expecting a decent loss for the week but the scale could be pulling my leg again so we shall see. The trend is downward for my weight and that is really all that matters, I am not getting hung up on a number but it does help to see it get lower each day so a  good tool it remains. 

Check me out tomorrow morning to see what the weight gods bestow upon me, drink more green tea too guys! 

Until then..

As Ever
Moi

150 calorie meal that is amazing, also frustration.

So, I have been doing just awesome for a few weeks now, I track my food, I am walking more again and I finally got to weigh myself but alas! that last part is oh so important for moral and focus for me and the scale is refusing to play nice. I am not saying that its not playing nice because I am not losing, no no, I am indeed losing but its not playing nice in the way that I got on it 5 times this morning and I got a different weight every time! This has been happening more and more and I have a feeling that the scale may be defective or it might just be telling me to get the hell off that it cannot breathe when I am on there. The fact that I cannot get a solid accurate number each AM is messing with me in ways that I don't need to be messed with right now and I believe a new scale is in order because to get frustrated 5 minutes after I wake up because of something that is suppose to help me is not a good start to any day. 

The last couple days I have been struggling with feeling hungry and I can;t decide if its just my body trying one last time to convince me that I need to eat the junk not unlike a five year old would do for fifteen more minutes before bed? or if my frustrations are projecting into hunger. I am not diggin' on this hunger any more that I would enjoy listening to a Justin Bieber CD from start to finish so we gotsta figure this one out. Wify said this morning "Go get a new scale" so I believe its what I will do as this needs not be more frustrating than it has to be and speaking of Wify, she came to the rescue last night with the dinner that you see above. 

My calories were approaching a number that was starting to mean no dinner for the big fella or at least a very small unsatisfying dinner so I started going through options and mentioned that egg whites might not be a bad idea. Wify said something to the effect how would egg whites with spinach on whole wheat wraps sound? since we had some baby spinach left in the fridge and a short conversation later I said "Make me your vision then and I appreciate it" so it was made so. As it turns out we had no wraps left so I decided that having it on light whole wheat toast open faced would be good so as Wify was cooking the spinach with some garlic I made the toast. She was going to dice the tomato up and put it on top cold but I decided that popping it into the pan with a bit more garlic ~I mean who doesn't like MORE garlic?~ would be better than cold and the result was amazingly simple to make and tasted awesome for a tiny amount of calories.

We made enough for three open faced sandwiches but I decided that I would have two and let her try one so for three open faced sandwiches the calories would have only been 225 calories which is insane because it was quite filling. Over all I am doing fine with my restart but the last two days have been a little less than peachy because of the hunger and my obviously  mismanaging of my AM calorie intake meaning eating more heavily early on. We will make adjustments as necessary and as long as Wify kicks in her creativity every now and again maybe we will get back down to a fighting weight by the summer. 

That's all I got for today, the support is greatly appreciated so please feel free to comment or email me and for Gods sake keep on reading along! 

As Ever
Me

Cupcake crisis walking Crisscross a weekends review.

Over the weekend I was offered a challenge, a challenge in the way of a couple plates of cupcakes, challenge accepted and beat. Sunday my daughter spent some time with her Grandma and upon returning to the nest she came bearing treats "Look  dad, I made these" "awesome honey!" was my reply but I was thinking Oh damn! I dodged the cupcake mines and moved on with my day unimpeded by anything that is food. Its funny because I had just told my wife on Friday that I have hit a point where food is not a distraction for me right now, I view it as fuel and nothing more which does not necessarily mean I am not tempted but it means that I am able to not react and start chowing on the contents of the cupboards when the feeling hits.

Over the weekend I stayed within my calories and got out for a nice walk with my daughters, over all it was a pretty nice weekend and now today Wify has the day off so is home with us for a long weekend. Walking was a huge part of my weight losses on the first go around so with the concept if it ain't broke don't fix it in mind walking has to be a part of this. I do enjoy walking for what it is, it allows me to think, look at the scenery and just get away from things for a time but I also view it as something that I couldn't do for very long time without being in pain so I appreciate the simplicity of just going for a walk these days. There once was a guy that actually thought "why would someone want to just walk" as he watched from his window and I look back at that guy and am sad for him. When you are limited you create excuses and reasons for why you aren't doing things and get somewhat bitter with certain things and all along its the outlook that is creating the bitterness towards a situation that we seemingly have no control over. Walking is an important thing for me and whenever I start getting down on myself I think about it for a moment and decide to go for a walk because once upon a lullaby going for a walk was not an option and I recommend it to anyone starting off on a path to better health.

This weekend also afforded me some time with my bicycles, I don't mean riding, I mean working on them. I have a 1991 Schwinn Crisscross that I picked up some time ago and though I have slowly done some work to this bike it mostly sat waiting for its turn. This weekend I decided to pull it out, install some new bars on it, remove the too small rear rack and "finish" it up so I could call it a useable bike. I would like to install a set of fenders on it but otherwise its done besides some small details like removing the discolored disk on the rear wheel etc and I think it came out pretty good too. A quick ride around the neighborhood proved that it fits me good and is a keeper for sure. If you are interested in more details on the crisscross or would like to check out another blog that I started that is more cycling related, which basically means that I only really write about bikes that I am working on or cycling news etc you can Visit Two Wheels and a Fat Guy HERE and please do!

Over all I am doing well on this restart and the weight is coming off which makes me more than a happy camper, cupcake crisis averted a bike is complete and walking for health is a key element.

Until next we meet, keep on keepin on and all that. 

As Ever
Me

My scale snickered at me this morning... weigh in day is here.

Tis Friday and that means time to report what the scale said to me, I can't complain since it is in fact a loss for the week but man is it coming off slowly! Needing to get some more workouts into my days is apparent if I want faster results and that I do so it shall be done. I am doing everything right as far as my intake goes, I am eating within my calorie allotment, I am drinking my green tea and H2O, no coffee, no diet soda and lots of veggies there is something that I am not doing that I believe can make a difference. 

Sleep, this is an important ingredient to losing weight, without sufficient sleep weight loss is harder and I am a night owl which means I am not in bed until midnight typically. When I was beginning my trip to the half back in 2008 I made sleep a priority and this time around I am neglecting that part of the formula so perhaps its the element that is slowing my progress and it will be corrected. Over all I am feeling so much better than I did  a month ago because of the changes I have made in my intake so its now time to take it to the next level and get more walking into my days and get to bed at a more reasonable time. 

This Aprilia RSV4 weighs in at 399.0 pounds like yours truly.

Back when I started this blog I posted images of things (mostly motorcycles) that weighed as much as me and in May 2010 I got down to a point where I had lost a scooter and weighed as much as a small cafe racer bike. January 2013 I am back up to sports bikes and it is what it is I still enjoy the visuals, they help me to gain a prospective on things in a way not to mention I made a deal with Wify back then that when I hit my goal weight of 267 pounds that I would buy myself a motorcycle so its fitting that I use bikes to compare. I am thinking about changing my official "weigh in day" for tha blog to Saturday for no other reason than I weighed in on a Saturday for the restart but we shall see with that one, I may just stick with Fridays.  

Last Friday I weighed 400.4 pounds and this morning the scale said 399.0  which if you are as good as a 2nd grader with math is a 1.4 pound loss for the week, I should be ecstatic because a loss is a loss right? but I am not, the work I am putting in feels like it should be coming off faster but hey I'll take it either way. I think what the snail like pace the weight is deciding to take is doing to me  is pushing me to work a bit harder so that is whats going to happen. More walks, more trainer rides and though I don't mind riding in the cold its 19 degrees here currently and that's just not going to happen as I lack the proper wind blocking clothing for a bike ride in that kind of cold.

I am glad to see a sub 400 pound number but until its closer to 390 I am not counting on it staying away but as stated, this week is going to be an ass busting kind of week so we shall see what happens come next Friday. I am also thinking about talking to my Doc as since my gallbladder surgery back a few years ago it seems 3 ties as hard to get weight to drop and I have a feeling there is a link there, if anyone reading this has any insight to that I would be all ears so don't be shy and drop a comment or email my way.

That's all I got for today, so stay on track, eat well and get out and move dammit!

As Ever
Me

Day something or other.... Get out of my way.

We're moving right along, my intake for yesterday was 1800 calories on the button, I got an hour and some worth of shoveling snow into the morning followed by some push ups and Calisthenics I am feeling pretty good about how this week is turning out. The one thing that I need to add into my days is more bike time, I mean more riding the trainer, more taking the short loop and I mean working on my bikes that I have collected so that I may either sell them or ride them. Cycling has become such a big part of my life and I neglected that for at least 8 months give or take because of things not in my control getting to me, if they are not in my control why do I let them determine what I do? such is life I suppose when stress enters. 

Me and wify on Mt Sunapee in 2011

Between some calisthenics and the shoveling I am sore right now as I type, my lower back is tight, my abs hurt, the chest is compromised and my shoulders feel like I was boxing for 3 hours, I love this kind of sore! Its the kind of sore that makes you know that the muscles were used, a good solid stretch wakes the body up when you have soreness like this and I am craving more which means we are getting back on track. Working out has always been something I enjoyed, I mean when I was five hundred pounds plus that statement was debatable but just getting up to take a piss was a workout back then and I don't know anyone who would consider taking a piss pleasurable unless you're on a road trip. That feeling during a stretch when you are sore from exercise for me wakes me up, I find myself searching for something to make the rest of my body feel this way, my upper back is not sore right now so some bent rows may be on the menu for today, it truly is amazing how this works.

This gig that I call weight loss has been full of ups and downs and I don't only mean the actually bulk weight, emotionally I have learned a lot about myself along the way and its eye opening in some instances. I am learning that my physical limits are far from what I thought them to be back five years ago when I was much heavier and even at my current weight I am light years from at my highest weight. 

There is a difference between this moment in time and where I was back in late 2007, back then I only had my imagination to think about what being lighter would grant me access to, right now I have solid memories of being 300 pounds and hiking around on Mt Sunapee in NH, or a 30 mile trail ride. As I wrote that last sentence it dawned on me that at 300 pounds I am in awesome shape even if I need to lose more from that point but considering the amount of loose skin involved I would be willing to bet I am not far off of a healthy weight at 300 pounds. Having current memories and photos pushes me harder, when I think back to times when Wify and I would hike to an outlook on a trail not far from our home and how insanely rewarding it was to be able to reach the top of a 3.5 mile ascent and not feel dead but very much alive and NOT out of breath. Sitting at the top of that ascent and eating a packed lunch with my wife has more benefits than anything else could ever give, this is how people should spend their free time and when you are 500 pounds its just not a possibility.

 Making my way back down to 300 pounds and below is not going to be easy but it is necessary because I refuse to miss the mark when I know how to get there, it is a matter of discipline not a matter of not knowing what to do. 

The naysayers and nonbelievers will have to step aside for a while, I have a feeling we're breaking through barriers...

As Ever
Me