Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Day 911, a menu and an omelet.

We're taking it back to old school kind of posting for a bit to get a groove going which means that menus, exercise and hydration will be posted daily along with a Friday weigh in. Tuesday went well in the intake and hydration area but I didn't get anything into my day that I would call exercise past regular daily kind of chores. Two gallons of straight H2O went down the hatch as I forgot to make my green tea the night before and my calories came in at 1725 which is right in there as far as what I want to be eating right now. For dinner I made a really good omelet consisting of 1 whole egg, 4 egg whites, 1.5 oz New York strip, Egyptian onions, yellow onions, tomato, green bell peppers, jalapeno, baby bella mushrooms and 2 oz of Kraft low fat cheddar cheese with a couple Zesty dill spears and some whole wheat toast on the side all for 515 total calories and as you can see from the menu it was an eggy kind of day for me.

Straight from my garden here are some of the smaller Egyptian onions that I didn't use in the omelet.

This is my omelet, there are many like it but this one is can see some of the Egyptian onions next to the plate, they have a strong smell and a mild flavor.

7:15 AM
coffee creamer 50

9:00 AM
1 whole egg 4 whites 130
2.5oz steak 150
2oz kraft low fat cheddar 90
peppers/jalapeno/tomato 35
pickle 10

1:30 PM
2 slices whole wheat toast 140
1 T almond butter 95
1 T strawberry preserves 35

2:00 PM
banana 100

6:15 PM
1 whole egg 4 whites 130
1.5oz steak 90
2oz kraft low fat cheddar 90
peppers/jalapeno/tomato/mushroom 55
Zesty pickle 10
2 slices whole wheat toast 140
Smart balance 25

6:45 PM
3/4 banana 75

8:15 PM
1 banana 105
2 oranges 170

There was nothing in the way of exercise in my life yesterday, cleaned up the yard a bit, weeded my garden and some normal house cleaning kind of stuff but no bike rides, no gym, no calisthenics or the likes. Today will be different, I will at least get a bike ride into my day at some point and would like to try to get to the gym as its been a good while since I have been able to get there because of the kids not being in school. The idea to wake up at O dark thirty and go to the gym has entered into my head but I have never been a morning person and my back still smarts for about the first hour of my day unless I give its space to warm up naturally so I am unsure thats the best idea but I am going to explore it because I have to get my cardio in each day and its just not happening lately.

The plan for today is to eat within my 1700 calories, get a bike ride in and drink a plenty, I did not get any green tea in yesterday because I forgot to make it the night before. Forgetting to brew my green tea the night before usually means one of two things, I run out and give Arizona tea a couple more of my dollars buying a gallon of tea or I miss out for the day. I did get an iced tea maker from wify for my birthday (most thoughtful gift award) and am planning on reading the instructions today so I shouldn't have a reason to miss out on a day without tea any more and hopefully it saves us a few bucks because of not having to buy a gallon of the pre-made stuff.

I have been going through some of my older posts from the first year and am beginning to get myself back into a frame of mind where I have to push myself to the front of the things to do list again regardless of the other stuff that's going on currently in the life of me. Tomorrow will be more of the same as I continue down this road to a healthier me, I have a few goals that still need to be reached and I have not gotten down to my goal weight just yet so that must be a priority because not doing for myself is partially what got me into this obese situation (man I hate that fuckin word) in the first place.

Making ones self priority one is as important as the air that we breathe sometimes and I can't lose sight of that again.

As Ever

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Day 910..woah I've been at this for 910 days?!

The smell of Jalapeno and steak is wafting through the air right now as I type because of the most amazing omelet that I just had for breakfast and its back to the grind that is my weight loss journey. This weekend I did step away from the wagon because of a little shindig that was thrown in honor of my aging 365 days and I did not want to disappoint the hostess, that and there was Haitian "rhum" and Italian rum cake, a themed party perhaps? It was a very small gathering and was a good day but as I said off the wagon I went and that's just how its gonna be because from the beginning I have refused to pull out my salter scale etc for an event, there are times when enjoying the moment is more important than measuring every ounce of whatever will be eaten, I didn't notice a nutrition label on the bottle or rum either so that must mean it s void of calories right?

Other than the weekend being that of drinking and pillaging the weak and I mean the junk I ate at the shindig it wasn't all too bad. I stayed hydrated throughout and did manage to stay clear of any chips or party mix sticking to steak and potato salad for the most part. This morning I am up in weight but I am 100% sure that its the bad eating Sunday and the trickle effect that spilled into yesterday that's causing that and today everything is back where it should be with my counting and the omelet that I just made was weighed, measured and put into my excel spread sheet as normal. Since the humidity today feels less like Ecuador and more like New England I am also planning on a bike ride this afternoon with my daughter in tow to get the blood pumping and a few more miles under my belt.

Recently it dawned on me that I am closer to a normal sized person than a super obese person now and its a hard stigma to shake. I look in a mirror and can see HUGE differences from where I was but I do still see that bigger me more often than not and catch myself getting caught up in that thought for longer than I should at times. Am I sitting around feeling bad for myself? not even for a second, I am in a place where physically I can do whatever I want and feel unlimited, I mean I am not out in the yard doing cart wheels but I did say anything that I "wanted" to do so I am cool with the no cart wheel rule as I prefer my arms don't look like an accordion. Sunday we were going through some pictures from my wedding and I am a lot bigger in those photos, a friend of mine who was in our wedding party looked at a picture then looked up at me and said (obviously busting my balls) "you look goofy thinner" and I looked at the picture from the wedding and honestly thought "I don't look much different than in that picture whats he talking about" and left it at that. Later I was thinking about it and I was in a 70 long jacket at my wedding and a shirt that I had to special order tailored and the works, I am now in a 2XL shirt all day long and thought about how my mental image may need some adjusting.

With that all said things are where they should be, I am enjoying being a smaller version of my prior self and taking it all in, eating to live instead of living to eat and the realization that it just takes a little bit of hard work to have everything that a guy could want physically is sinking in a little bit at a time. Ultimately I do believe that I will end up at a healthy weight as well as being in a physical place with myself that will allow me to do whatever I want to do in an unlimited fashion, even cart wheels if I so choose. Drink much, weigh the fuel and exercise the machine is the plan that will get me where I want to go so its what I'm going to stick with and why not? so far I am more than 200 pounds lighter doing just that.

I am going to start posting my menus again as I feel that it helps me keep a closer eye on whats going in and honestly I need the accountability with my choices because currently I know that I am lacking in the fruits and veggies department. There is always someone willing to in a comment say "Hey man! where is all of the foliage???" and most times when I review the menus after a comment like that the pattern of less veggies is in fact present. Perhaps I will start logging my exercises again as well and go a little old school with my posts again because if you re-read some of the older posts I was big about posting my menus and exercises, back in the first year when most of my posts were titled "Day 1" etc so maybe its what I need right now because I was more than focused at that point.

A less critical health situation for myself paired with some bigger fish to fry in the giving attention to things department has made me less concentrated on my program than in the past and I feel that it needs adjustment because I am not through with what I have started and honestly deserve to give myself that attention. I shall return tomorrow and will post my menu and exercise for today no matter what it is, good, bad, ugly it will be here for your discerning eyes to ponder and tear apart if you wish and with that the end has come to this episode of Fat man and Blobin so until next time.

As ever

Friday, June 25, 2010

Weigh in time and more random for your noggin.

This morning when I woke up I decided two things, the first was that I would weigh in since its Friday and the second was that a post would have to wait until after I got a bike ride into my morning. I weighed in 318.2 this morning which is .6 lower than yesterdays weigh in and I am still not sure that I am completely over the bloat that I was in because of not eating correctly but that's what the number was so it will be the measuring stick for next Friday. Having to re-lose these pounds again pissed me off last night and I think that my focus is back because of that fact, I mean honestly it is what it is but I don't have to like it right? Yesterday was 1750 calories but that was before I stole a bite from my daughters cookie sandwich ice cream and ate a couple tiny little chocolate covered ice cream nuggets from the boss lady so just over, which is ok since my range is 1700 to 1900. I am trying to stay as close to 1700 calories as possible but on occasion I will have a "treat" like the bite of ice cream last night or a beer with my neighbor because I am not going to not have some of those things once in a while.

I mentioned a bike ride today, as soon as I woke up and saw how perfect a day we were having I decided that a bike ride was going to happen not later, not tonight, not tomorrow, it was happening right after breakfast. I hooked up the trailer and popped the little one in, got my son on his bike, my neighbor joined us as well and we took off for a playground that's about two and a half miles away but I decided to take "the scenic route" also know as "the hilly(er) route" which just adds a couple more hills to the already all hills ride making it about a three mile ride one way. We get to the top of the first biggish hill and my son has this smirk on his face as if to say "Ha! I beat you old man!" and down the other side we went, the next crest he had a little harder time with but still had the smirk because technically he hit the top first (I was going slow as our neighbor was a bit behind) and again the smirk. We didn't want the lad getting too cocky so the next hill I went up at the speed that I normally go when I ride solo and hit the top, turned around to meet him about 3/4 of the way up and then rode back to the top with him interestingly enough no smirk this time. A couple more like that where I spun around and came back down partially to meet him and he stayed in line rather than trying to pass me at every chance, I told him that he should keep trying because eventually he should be able to smoke me on the hills once he gets a little stronger given my current weight disadvantage.

The day started off good enough and I am about a gallon and a half worth of fluids so far and its only just after lunch time, I have a 6 mile ride under my belt and may just take another before the day is up. I did pick up an old habit over the last couple weeks and its kicked as of this morning once again as I skipped my am cup of coffee that I have been having so things are getting back to the way they should be. I once again feel random with my post today but hey it is what it is and what it is is a way for me to hold myself accountable for my decisions concerning my weight loss goals so there it is.

I don't want to set any "goals" just yet but the first thing on the list now that I am doing things right again is to get below 300 pounds. Second on the list is to catch up on some of my regular blogs that I follow because I have not read many at all in the past month because all of what I have been dealing with, I just haven't had the time so hopefully going through some of them will help keep me in the frame of mind that I need to stay in so that I can realize my goals. With that all said, I thank you for the support and comments that you leave me of your own free will, know that I read and appreciate every last one of them and they do me more good than you probably know so again Thanks!

Thats all this round boy got for today.

As Ever

Thursday, June 24, 2010

As the fat guy turns..

Last week I was pushing closer and closer to the 330 pound mark and I didn't like the taste that it was leaving in my mouth, tie that in with the reboot that I did the other night and this morning I am 318 pounds. That very fact is the reason that I wasn't over worrying about the up because I knew that I wasn't doing my part in the hydration department and had a feeling that it was more bloated than honest to goodness weight that was showing up, either way it was not something that I was happy about. Something that I noticed during my little hiatus was that I didn't feel as good as I do when I am doing things right, and I don't mean that I was moping around because I knew that i was fucking up I mean physically. My feet hurt when I am not eating the right nourishment, I am sluggish, I am tired and unmotivated and I have been back on the straight and narrow for a whopping three days now and I feel like the old me, or is it the new old me? the old old me was 534 pounds, the new old me goes to the gym daily and eats properly and the...anyways, you get what I mean...I think.

Focusing on me in the middle of a shit storm hasn't been fun but it is a necessary item to drop into the shopping bag because as always, without my health and well being what have I got? With that said I have been 100% on the ball and intend to stay there from here on out, Yesterday my calories came in at 1790 which is right in there as I am trying to stay as close to 1700 as possible. My fluid intake was just over two gallons again with one gallon being green tea and the rest was straight H20. I get a good amount of emails and or comments about my drinking and lots of people think its too much and I keep getting advice to drink less and I just want to mention that its not gonna happen. I have been drinking 1.5 to 2 gallons of fluid from day one of my better health gig and am down as of this morning 216 pounds using that plan, I am currently 318 pounds and workout (and sweat my ass off) daily, my doc is aware of what I drink and agrees that all is well and since for one its working, and two my doc is aware of how much I drink I see no need to change anything. I just wanted to mention all of that because I got a rather in depth and semi rude email from someone trying to make a case that I am hurting myself by drinking what I do so I thought I would sort of respond in today's post.

My exercise plan for today is going to start off with a walk with my daughter while she rides her bike followed by a seven or so mile ride with her in the trailer, I want to try and get out before the 90's and thunderstorms roll through. I can see that all of the bike riding that I do is paying off in the muscle department as my quads lately are rock solid in a way that I have never witnessed before and I think I like it. Even through my little slipping point the bike riding remained, I rode my daughter to and from school a lot even when the eating was not up to par and I guess just under 10 miles per day towing a kid and school supplies has its advantages. I am far from a distance rider when it comes to my bike, the furthest ride that I have done on a solid go has been in the 11-13 mile range and that was at a slow clip (hills and all that) but I am going to start pushing myself to go a bit further as I have discovered an old trail not far from where I live.

Going back to my regularly scheduled eating plan while exercising daily once again should get me moving in the right direction again with my weight and sooner than later I will cross that 300 pound mark....hopefully. I am feeling random with my post today but it is what it is and I am today at this very moment in time 18 pounds away from being under 300 pounds and crossing yet another century mark on this trip and somehow feel re-energized and ready to get the pounds falling off again and so it begins....again.

This is a process and will remain a process, nothing comes easy and a lot of work is still in front of me, failing is not an option and neither is anything less than hitting the goals that I have set into my direct path.

As Ever

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

When you start to doubt yourself the real world will eat you alive.

Business as usual, meaning I done good yesterday on the better health front. My intake was perfect at 1720 total calories and I managed to get 5 servings of fruits and veggies into that along with some game hens that I quartered up and tossed onto the grill so a good day intake wise indeed. Two and a quarter gallons of fluid went down the hatch in the way of a gallon of green tea with the rest being H2O so hydration is there once again and the scale showed a 4 pound drop from yesterday where it went from 325 to 321, hydration...its whats for dinner! and away we go.

My handy work post wash pre thunderstorm, not too shabby.

There wasn't anything on the menu that I would consider real exercise, just normal day to day chore type stuff, washing and waxing the car which apparently pissed off the rain gods as it dumped buckets all night, a short bike ride, cleaning up the yard etc etc. Somehow I have become re-focused on the task at hand and I believe that the pause that I took the night before last with the bats, lightning bugs and the little girl let me sort of reboot the gray stuff in my skull and get back into my groove. I am what I want to be and every day I have to prove it to myself, if I stop because of bumps its me that I am letting down most, which is something that I will not allow to happen. When the shit hits the fan it continues to spin, now its just covered in shit and eventually all of that shit will spin from the blades, eventually the fecal matter is thrown from the blades and once again its just a fan doing what its suppose to do. Now if that fan bogs down or stops because it is covered in shit it then sits motionless covered in said shit and nothing changes from that point, ultimately that shit will end the fans existence and it is because the fan allowed itself to get bogged down.

When looking at what I am doing for myself I think about this, No such thing as spare time, no such thing as free time, no such thing as down time, all you got is lifetime...Go!! (points for you if you know where that came from without a google search) This is how I felt at one point in my life, that time of my life I took it by the throat and did what I wanted to do when I wanted to and with whom I wanted to do it with and nothing got in my way. I still feel that way and I need to adjust back into a full on mind swap to get myself back to that, when life takes over we soon forget who we are sometimes and that's something that should not happen. I am never going back to that 534 pound guy sitting on a couch wishing things would be different, there is too much happening outside that tiny bubble that we get put into at that stage of the game and its just not me to be there. Making my way through life on my terms is how imma' roll and there ain't shit anyone can do to change that so through the woods I steamroll back onto the path that I was making before the splatter flung gracefully through the air slamming violently into the blades disrupting the zen that had been created.

I do believe hes back.

As Ever

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The fattest fat guy and a lawn chair, Bats, bugs and a little girl.

Here I sit typing this out because I need to get back into a groove, I have not really gained but I am not losing either and with the amount that I still need and want to lose that's not what I should be allowing to happen. I have been floating around 320 pounds for weeks now not going up but not going down and I am unsure if that means that I am maintaining a 320 pound status or if things can and will eventually start going south again for my health if I don't get back on that horse. Thinking about how when I was 500 plus pounds got me mad at myself last night, I was sitting on the couch with nothing special on my mind and there was a commercial where the woman said "I lost 12 pounds and my acid reflux is already lessening" to which I thought "wow I haven't had that feeling in years" and then my mind hopped into the time machine and started thinking about how things were.

At 534 pounds I struggled to do almost everything and compared to now I am living a different life from then on more levels than I think that I allow myself to realize on a daily. I had heart burn on a nightly basis and slept with a bottle of tums next to me munching all night, taking a shower was frustrating because of a small it was a full sized shower by the way, my back hurt me literally twenty four hours a day seven days a week, walking to the car was as far as I would/could go and I rationalized that I just needed to make it to the car and then to a store so distances past that were unnecessary and wondering if today would be the day that the grenade in my chest went off was more than stressful. Those things listed are not even scratching the surface of what I was dealing with physically and mentally on a daily basis at 500 plus pounds but alas! I am not here to depress you on this fine day as last night I basically told myself to suck it up and do what I have been doing for the past two and a half years and finish what I have started.

The life that I live today is not even in the same galaxy as what I was doing back then and I know that I am more active now a days just on any given day whether I exercised or not. I did not exercise yesterday at all but that doesn't mean that I was sedentary either, I tuned my bike up and gave it a once over cleaning and scrubbing it down for about an hour, I worked on my neighbors 1951 Concord, I took a 15 minute bike ride slow and easy just checking out my handy work and making sure the bike worked as it should and my day pretty much keeps that pace throughout and I really did not relax a single minute all day. I did not exercise though, I consider exercise to be cardio and or weight lifting in some measure or another and none of what I did was that, The summer is here and the kids make it extremely difficult to get to the gym so my exercise is suffering for it.

Getting a little off track from where I was going with this post here so where was I? Getting pissed at myself..that's right. Thinking about where I was and where I am I realized that mister 97% may have a part in this stall..yeah we will call it a stall because I haven't fallen off the wagon per se, I am just not in "losing" mode, its more of a maintenance feeling because though I did pop up slightly in weight its not going any higher and I am pretty much floating around in a 4 pound bubble right now. I ended up walking outside in my front yard and just sitting there thinking about how far I have come with the weight loss and health thing and I know that I am a changed person mentally even more so than physically from this process and even though I am not "doing what I need to" right now to drop more weight in these past few weeks I have held onto the habits that I created in the last couple years. Am I weighing my food? nah BUT I am not really over eating either, I think that my extra calories are coming from things like enjoying an ice cream with the kids after dinner or having a beer with wify here and there and when you tie that into the missing out on the gym I think its equating to more of a maintenance type lifestyle at the moment.

So My intake yesterday was exactly where I wanted it coming in at 1875 total calories but in light of needing to boost myself back down in weight I am going to drop it back down to 1700 calories per day for a while and will be trying to make time to get to the gym. Hectic is not even close enough to whats happening around here lately and I won't really get into it but how does the saying go? "when it rains it pours"? yeah that's the one so getting even an hour to myself is far and between. While I was sitting outside in the yard in the plastic lawn chair (which I would have collapsed 2 years ago) I was watching bats pluck insects out of the air and just thinking about how far I have come with my health and realized that I am already "there" because I am not limited in what I can do any more, I can enjoy some of the small things and still feel good about the decision to eat that ice cream cone with my daughter and not beat myself up over it and that IS the point of being healthy, so that those little things can be enjoyed.

The bottom line is that focusing on getting the last chub from my bones has to be a part of what I do in my daily because its what I want, its what I need and its what I owe myself. My night ended with my daughter coming out and sitting on my lap while we watched lightning bugs or Fire flies depending on who you ask because we debated the subject for a good 20 minutes last night and again it dawned on me that this is not something that would have been possible if I was still 500 plus. Getting aggravated with myself (probably more the stress hanging around as well) ended by completely being turned around on me and I have a feeling of being re-focused on the task at hand, who wouldda thunk that watching bats and chasing lightning bugs around the yard with a little girl would have that effect, doesn't matter I suppose I'm just glad to be back.

As Ever

Friday, June 18, 2010

Shifting focus, A tale of a clyde and his 1988 something like that.

Though I have not been on game lately with my calories and exercise I have been staying on my bike and I am starting to realize that I enjoy riding my bike as much as I enjoy anything. Now I know this is not really a bike kind of blog but biking plays a HUGE role in why I am where I am with my health and weight loss today so veering into a project that I picked up isn't really that off the beaten path. A while back I picked up a bike on Craigslist for a great price, the title of the post was "Specialized Rockhopper comp FREE" and when I saw that there was no way I could let an old Rockhopper not be mine for that price. When I got to the owners house I then saw how much worse the bike looked in person than in the picture that was posted but she was mine at that point and off we went home with the dirty ol girl and into the shed it went. Yesterday I had an hour and a half to myself and decided to wash it up and check out where we stood on the real condition of the bike and after a good bath it actually looks pretty good.

The bike is a 1988 Specialized Rockhopper comp which is a fact that I found out with some research and it is adorned with all Shimano Deore components that are all in good working condition. I will need to replace the shifter cables and possibly the brake cables though the brake cables look like they were recently replaced so I may leave those alone, it will need tires, tubes and possibly a chain though I am going to try and rehab the chain that is on there now. I snapped a few pictures of the bike post scrubbing and was actually considering making a blog for the project to chronicle in detail how its coming along but I might just do it here instead, anyways here are a couple of the photos.

This is the day that I brought it home, check out that rear cassette in this image and then the next one, I wish that I had taken more close ups before washing it.

A side shot post wash, the pictures do not do justice to the difference from before to after, I think when I get new tires on it that it will look awesome.

Front shot, You can see the difference in the wheels in this one, they look almost new close up after the scrubbing they got.

Here is a shot of the biopace crank which looks a lot better than it did, I am planning on doing a more in depth cleaning but even with just a wash there is a big difference.

Finally a look at the Cassette and you can see part of the rear derailleur and how clean it came out.

After washing it up I noticed that a lot of the chrome bits had some surface rust on them and I started researching how to remove said rust, I found lots of different methods posted by lots of different people but I found one that I had all of the stuff on hand so I tried it. It was said that using some crumpled up aluminum foil with some automotive polish/rubbing compound should take the rust off but leave the chrome alone as the foil is softer than the chrome, I was skeptical that this would work but to my amazement it had incredible results! The seat post had a section at the top where it was pretty rusty (more so than the images above show) and the clamp to hold the seat post was also rusty and now they both look great.

This clamp looks like new after polishing with the compound and aluminum foil and I am planning on doing some more of the small parts this afternoon.

This is the polished seat post and you can see the damage to the upper part where the rust was, it shows up in the photo much more than with the naked eye because it looks almost perfect in person, either way I am pleased with how it came out.

I did adjust the seat and filled the tires with air to see how everything functioned but the bike will need two tubes as they leaked out pretty fast but I did get to ride a short distance which was long enough to find out that it shifts and brakes as it should. I am trying to refurbish this bike as cheap as possible but am willing to drop a few bucks into making it function and look good, New tires and tubes will probably be next on the list. I may just swap the Kenda Klaws that are currently on my K2 onto this bike as I was planning on changing to a more road friendly tread on that bike anyways so tubes will really be the only thing that will be bought to complete that part of the project. Hopefully I can save the chain that is on there now, it moves freely except in one spot where it binds slightly but I am hoping that some elbow grease and oil can work that out for me, a new chain is only about $15 so its not too bad even if it does end up needing to be replaced.

The paint has a lot of small chips in it pretty much everywhere, I do like the paint scheme and there is something cool to me in keeping the original paint job on an older bike like this but I haven't decided whether I will repaint it or just touch up the chips. The decals are in ok shape though they could use some love and ultimately decal condition may determine the bikes future in the looks department. I was thinking of an olive drab paint job on the entire frame with a flat white star somewhere and maybe "no step" in a pseudo military theme leaving all of the chrome and aluminum parts alone besides polishing them up a bit while the black parts stay black but like I mentioned I am not sure just yet, opinions would be great.

With everything that's happening right now in the stress department taking on this little project that I had hanging in the basement is taking my mind off of things and well, I'll take it. I am back to counting the calories and am heading out shortly for a bike ride with the kids as school is over so getting to the gym will be a tad harder and the bike will be my go to for exercise for at least a while until I figure out a compromise with a sitter. I will keep updating the status of this bike in this blog and may still create a specific blog for that project but that's to be found out I mean if I am finding it hard to update here lately imagine if I had two to update.

Keep on keepin on and all that and I'll do the same, that's all I got for today.

As Ever

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Feeling it...

There are times that I sit down to write a post and other things fill my head and blogging has taken a back seat to everything else but I am still here and am still trying to get posts out there because I believe that they are HUGE in keeping me on track. I have always preached the just do it thang where weight loss is concerned and I still believe that but just do it really gets tough when the proverbial shit hits the fan in other places of life. This is a weight loss/better health blog so I won't bore you with some of that stuff but trust me when I say that my hands are full.

I have not been counting calories the way that I should and I am up in weight from my low of 305 but nothing so far gone that I can't get it back down in a week or two of regular eating and exercise so I am not all that worried about it. The weight loss train is just making a short stop so that some other things can take the front seat and get sorted out which is not optimal but necessary right now so it is what it is. I am sporadically making it to the gym for 45 to 60 minutes of cardio and 2 to 3 times per week am riding my daughter to school in her bike trailer so I am not just a lump on a log its just not what it should be in the exercise department. My intake is where I am suffering the most, I am not drinking as much as I normally do and have had coffee a lot in the mornings because of the lack of sleep that I have been getting lately and I drink my green tea when I remember to make it.

Eating extra calories has become all too easy with the hectic days but then when ya say it out loud like that it sounds like an excuse but I assure you that I make no excuses, it is what it is and just a bump in the road until some things level off again. My days have been starting off pretty decent but then deteriorating at some point and I am eating less fruits and veggies and more stuff thats not so good for me, tie that to the fact that I am not drinking nearly as much as I normally do and well like I said, I am up in weight a bit.

Today I am going to start focusing again, not because I want to (though I do) but more so because I need to, all of the things that are happening in my life right now are high stress with a very low fun factor and just because I am no longer a 500 pound fella lumbering around is no reason to take priority off of losing the weight. When I weighed more than a quarter ton it was not a very hard decision to say to Wify that nothing was more important and shove everything onto the back burner because if something wasn't done when it was I honestly don't know if I would be here typing this out right now let alone anything else. Right now at just over 300 pounds I am as healthy as I have ever been in my entire life and in fact I believe this is the best shape physically that I have ever been in and its very easy for me to unlock focus and put it elsewhere because I am in no danger of losing it all because of my unhealthy weight.

I will try my best from here on out to get a post up daily with my menu and my exercise so that I can see what I am doing "on paper" because that has always helped me keep myself in line. I have lately been a bad blogger but its only because I am not a super human and can only juggle so much at any given moment of any random day and honestly this blog has been from the start a way for me to stay on track with losing weight so by not posting I am only letting myself down when I don't make the time to scratch something down on a daily.

So far today I am in for 330 calories and just under a half gallon of green tea, I will have salmon steaks with green beans and rice for dinner and am planning on a nice long bike ride this afternoon before the rain starts.

That's all I got for today and tomorrow I will try and get another post up, Thanks for reading and thank you for the support it is very much appreciated.

As Ever

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Yeah you! standin' there all smilin' and what not....Yer goin down tubby!

I am not perfect but I am as perfect as you are..

Here's the thing about it, I'm comfortable, I am not limited and the term bigger fish to fry pops into the ever moving space inside if my gray matter. Once upon a time in the 70's a kid was born and he was pretty much a normal kid as far as anyone could tell and if you had asked any of the people around if that kid would grow up to weigh more than 500 pounds my guess is that not a one of them would think so but alas! he did. Let us fast forward to the year 2000 and the blown out back that started it all, er finished it all. Somewhere after that a few shit storms ensued and attitudes were changing and before anyone knew what hit them there he was defeated and in pain mentally as well as emotionally but hiding it became a full time job. To this day I am unsure if anyone actually knows how depressed I had become because of the wall that I put up between my emotions and what was seen, like the Cock fighting arena under the unassuming Chinese take out place no one could see what was really there.

There was a point where a little girl literally became the strongest force in my life and it clicked that some doing had to be done or else it might be me that was done and I wasn't having that and so it began. Fuck you, I don't care what you are doing because this is what I am doing and if you don't like it you can go straight to hell and take your hand bag with ya because its gotta be this way, That's how I felt about it where my eating and exercise was the subject. Going to my mother in laws house for dinner? "Honey where's my scale and do we have tea made?, does your mom know what I can and can't eat? otherwise I will bring something" Like I said, there was no veering off the path at all if it went in my mouth it was weighed and measured. Getting my weight down was a full time job, there was nothing more important than that program because if I failed I felt that I would die and that's as plain as I can say it.

Have you ever felt that if you did not change something that it would mean that you die? its not a warm and fuzzy feeling sitting in the biggest part of your heart and its not anything that I would wish on anyone, it sucks, it consumes you and drags you down further than you already are every single day. Now add the fact that you have the most incredible family and if failure occurs they are left behind with memories of a fat man that was too weak to do something about a fixable problem, not something that I aspired to see happen. There was a point along this ride where I stopped thinking about whether I would die or not and it happened somewhere between the day that I realized that I could walk up a steep hill without gasping for breath and realizing that I am towing a 45 pound kid behind me for miles up and down hills and contentment entered stage right.

Being content with where I am physically is not something that I thought would ever happen, especially while I am still above 300 pounds but I am happy right now. I am not completely happy though and that I suppose is the next chapter in this story because I need to finish what I started and get to that line that was made in the sand and cross it and go beyond and into uncharted territory and I will. I don't want to be content, I don't want to be 300 pounds yet healthy, I want to amaze myself and so it begins...


As Ever

Monday, June 7, 2010

The terrible blogger, the amazing Dad.

Pulling it all together this week I am getting back to business and the weight is coming off once again, Ten days ago I weighed 17 pounds more than I do right now as I type and I am getting close to that low weight again. I will weigh in this Friday "for the record book" and I am hoping that I can get back to that lowest weight of 305 by then though I think its going to be hard and that my friends sucks. I don't make any excuses mostly because I don't have to but more so because it is what it is and excuses is partially what got me to 500 plus pounds in the first place. Lately I have been thinking about mental barriers and the whole struggle with losing weight and why those things are there and get in the way so easily. Cover your eyes and stop reading right now if you are over weight and don't want the truth about why we eat too much, its an addiction and we fall back on it as soon as the shit hits the fan in life or in many cases as soon as we can blame something on why we're doing it.

I hate that food has such a hold on me but it does there is no two ways about it, I am indeed ultimately stronger than the food because I am not going to stop until I reach my health goals but that's not to say that I won't slip now and again. I could say that its there to comfort this that and the other but the fact is that I just like the way it tastes plain and simply. I have never done drugs in my entire life and I mean nothing, nada, not a single thing and I don't have the desire to start any time soon, I grew up in a shitty city in a not so good area and have seen it all and when I say that I have seen it all I mean it. From anonymous zombies strung out on the side of the road sitting on busted milk crates with fragile bodies cooking death in a bottle cap or aluminum can to idiot friends doing everything from weed to pills to coke to to to....and I have never EVER tried or wanted to try any of that trash yet drop a triple bacon bacon cheeseburger with fried onions and a side of fries in front of me and bamn! I'm in for two.

In the last two plus years I have completely changed the way that I see and treat food, I have lost more than what most people would call a significant amount of weight and have kept it off in that same time which has given me a new outlook on how things should be. Its funny because I wasn't always what I would call huge, yes I was the "fat kid" which was more like the chubby kid looking back at some old photos but once you get that label attached it sticks and at some point we embrace it then before you know it you are starting a blog because you weigh more than 500 pounds and have no idea what else to do. My weight gain was a compound issue because of a back injury that I got in about 2000, when you love Bacon pizza the way that I do and then you add a back injury that's as depressing as it is painful you get a recipe for a fat guy. Imagine not being able to walk without pain and on some days stand without pain and then add in some normal life stresses along with over eating and some video games and viola! before you even realize that it happened Houston, we have a problem here.

I am the same person that I was then, I am the same guy that loves the tiny little greasy Greek style pizza from the best little pizza house in the state and I am the same fella that blew his back out 10 years ago. My drive is different, my focus is different, my back does not smart as much as it use to though I still have pain now and again my relationship with food has completely changed and I actually crave exercise instead of that big D chili cheese burger (points for anyone whose had one or knows what it is without google). I am just a guy getting healthy and experiencing all of the bumps in the road that come with that and with all of my success thus far I still struggle at times because no matter how much I success I have had I am not perfect and am only human, at least to most people.

My daughter was talking to Wify last night and she was singing Owl Johnson "I love to singa" which is something that I randomly blurt out now and again while dancing across the floor and wify said "You're just like your dad" and the reply from my daughter was "Dats because I wanna be just like my Daddy" and I don't think I needed to hear anything else to realize that I am not doing this just for me.

Onward and upward we go...

As Ever

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Well look who just walked through the door..

Life slapped me in the ass and called me Susan and I just haven't had the time nor the will to write a post lately, we're going through some stress right now and basically the whole weight loss thang has taken a back seat for the week and a half or so. When one thing hits hard most times working through it is not an issue, then there are times when it doubles up and still making progress though slower it still happens, then there are other times when it seems that shit just goes all wonky and fuck you you fuckin' fuck is my response and I just stop caring so much about weighing and measuring out an ounce of strawberries so that my excel sheet reads correct. I figured it was time to pop in and post up because this blog is about accountability with my weight loss and honestly the past few months I haven't used it to my advantage like in the beginning but I have gotten a lot of email in the past week asking "Why no posts Zeus?" and since I do need to get my ass back on the high ground Here is an update.

Lets just say that the source of stress isn't anything that will ever be written on my blog and leave it at that and I hope that is good enough for anyone wondering because its as much as I will write about it. Now to the complete and utter failure of a week that I have had where better health and weight loss goes, I have not been to the gym in about a week and a half and literally have not had a lick of cardio in that time besides a couple rides to school on my bike trailering the little one. The eating hasn't been good either as I haven't counted a single calorie in that same time period, let me correct myself I haven't stayed under my calorie limit in that time not even for a single day and some days were down right out of the golden days of my fatter past and resembled the more rotund me menu. Drinking enough fluids? whats that? there were days in there where I hadn't had a sip of green tea and less than a half gallon of H2O all day and though I never stepped over to the dark side with the drinking as far as say having soda or anything like that I did indulge in more than a couple coffee coolatas which I did opt for the skim milk version but none the less not a good choice on any level.

Monday was a good day and I was at 1950 calories and did drink more than 2 gallons of fluid and yesterday was off to a good start but somewhere mid day I was slammed in the face with a completely non weight loss related issue and bamn! straight out the fucking window went anything strict and I was over my calories in an instant. I was also planning on hitting the gym but my daughter was home sick from school yesterday so it just didn't happen but today is a different story and barring something disastrous happening which wouldn't be totally out of the question considering how things have been going I will be at the gym today.

My weight, lets just say that I am up and leave it at that for now because I am aggravated that I slipped for an entire week and let myself go up when I was so close to being under that 300 pound mark. I am still not far off but the back sliding isn't helping anything and its time to "re-lose" the pounds that found their way back home and onto my ass again, I have a strong feeling that a few days of drinking right and counting the calories while hitting the gym will drop a lot of this extra weight because I am sure I am not properly hydrated and that always pops me right up in weight but I am also sure that there are some real pounds in there too. This is really the first time since starting this whole weight loss gig where I said "No mas!" and threw in the towel and did not dedicate a single cell in my body to my health, I honestly did not give a shit about counting or weighing anything because of the other garbage going on. Now before anyone climbs up on a soap box and starts chanting in my direction about how this is a lifestyle change blah blah stress happens and you have to blah blah this and that, don't.

Imagine attempting to put back together a precision watch while balancing on a fence post with one foot in a storm as children throw rocks at you, at some point setting that watch down long enough to stop the kids and get some shelter is the better idea than trying to complete that task in those conditions. I've just collected all of the gears, springs and tiny little screws and am back up on the post, the clouds are clearing and those kids are tied to the fence 30 feet away, My life has completely changed because of the weight loss so far and there is no going back to being hundreds of pounds heavier than I should be. This IS a lifestyle change and I have lost more than 200 pounds and have kept it off for more than 2 years now, do I still take comfort in food now and again? you bet your ass I do, is that optimal? not at all BUT you will never hear me say that someone losing weight shouldn't have a treat, a meal, a day or in my case even a whole week of not giving a shit because I am not a robot and far from perfect stress is stress and shit happens. Obviously there are still issues with finding comfort in food that need to be worked out but I am so far along in this that I would be plain old stupid to slip back and honestly its not in me to let myself do that so here we go, lets get this thing rolling in the right direction again so that I get under 300 pounds sooner than later.

That's all I got and tomorrow shall be another post.

As Ever