Friday, May 21, 2010

A new low...its weigh in day!

First weigh in with the new scale is here and I can't say that I am unhappy with the results but it could have been a better week because I did everything right...besides a few nights of less than optimal rest. Getting right to it 305.2 was what the display said and it had that same number all three times that I stepped onto the scale so into the books it goes and a one pound loss for the week. I am now 229 pounds lighter than when I started this whole weight loss gig which translates into 42.88% of my total body weight in losses and every week that I do this I get closer to a crossing point where I will weigh less than what I have lost. When I set out on this whole process I chose 275 pounds as my "I think I will look good at that weight" weight, and the closer that I get the more I think I want to stop closer to 250 pounds but I am happy at 305 so that will be found out as I get closer because at some point I am going to focus on strength training with cardio as secondary, which just means that it will be more balanced because right now I focus on cardio much more than weight training.

This Scorpion scooter weighs in at 229 pounds and is what I have lost to date.

This Scott Mk1 silk 700S came in at 305 pounds and is what I currently weigh.

If I were to get down to 250 pounds I would feel like I should just keep going and get to 234 so that I could say that I lost 300 pounds, the fact that I can realistically lose 300 pounds and still weigh 234 pounds is fucking amazing and there is no other way to say it. I was at a point in my life where I weighed more than a quarter ton, say that out loud and you begin to see how crazy that is and now I am a mere 30 pounds from hitting 275 in under two and a half years. Ultimately I have no clue where I will end up with my weight, I am six foot five feet tall and honestly feel that I would look too small at 234 pounds but I don't know where that image comes from as I was probably 11 or 12 the last time I was remotely close to that weight. Its just a matter of time before I get where I want to with my weight, I would say that I am already there with my health because the limits of what I can do these days far exceeds anything that I can remember.

A few days ago My wife and I were featured in a yahoo health article which was a copy of the Woman's day article that we were in but it spawned a lot of email to my inbox and I first want to say Thank you all for all of the kind words! I enjoy getting personal emails like that and I literally had a full inbox that day and am still getting responses. The same question was repeated in a lot of those emails that I got and that question was "Do you have any tips for a beginner that is just starting off with weight loss?" and I guess the only thing I can say is take it a day at a time and stick with it no matter how hard it feels because carrying extra weight around is much harder than skipping a cookie or a soda. I feel that if people could have just a glimpse of how life is post weight loss vs the struggles that take place when we weigh 50, 100, 200 or more pounds than we should that many more would just do it because the contrast in my life from then to now is indescribable.

When I began down this road essentially to life it looked like an impossible task to me staring down from the bad side of 534 pounds, I thought about how many pounds that was and all of the work that it would take to do it and on some days it felt like I may as well try to fly to the moon hanging off of the feet of a sparrow but I kept going. The alternative to the hard road is an even harder road of missing out on everything that life has to offer because of the leash that holds us to the couch or moving in short spurts because anything more than 10 minutes gets the hand grenade in our chest bumping and spurting its way towards boom! I can't really say what my "tip" for a beginner to the weight loss game would be because I feel that it will be different for every single person and their own personal struggle and what worked for me may not work for everyone. The thought of not being there for my daughter was a strong force in me getting my shit together among other things but I think in a more general kind of way that we all know what to do, we all know how to do it and we all know that basically moving more while eating less is what must be done its the how to deal with that mental block that is really the hard part, get over the mental part and the physical just follows along.

Another successful week on the record books and another pound closer to my goal weight I am happy with the loss this week because a loss is a loss is a loss which is not something that I agreed with early on in my trip to the half. That will conclude this message from the emergency weight loss broadcast system, you may now go back to whatever it is that you were doing before clicking the link that brought you to my little nook on the internet.

That's all I got for today.

As Ever

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Weighing in on weighing in and a whole lotta moving.

The weather said to me that if I was going to blog today it would have to be later because there was no way that I was staying inside on a day like today. Just that sentence could have not been said about me two short years ago, weather meant nothing to me, when it was cold outside I had the heater and when it was warm I had my air conditioner and the couch was always under my ass and that was the plan for the day. This morning I went out and installed a couple sections of split rail fence in my front yard as an accent and I will be planting a flower bed around it possibly this weekend as the trend of great weather is suppose to stick around for a couple few days. After cleaning up the mess that I made in the yard I weeded the front garden for a little while only coming in to get a drink then it was off to take my little darling to school in the bike trailer and here I am I find myself with a few minutes so I thought I would pop on here with a post.

I can honestly say that I don't want to waste any of my time sitting idle while the world happens around me, I lived that life for far too long and now that I am very much less limited if at all its all gonna happen on my terms. I did skip going to the gym today because I figure 10 miles of biking on hills pulling a 45 pound kid and a trailer around will fill my need for exercise for the day and in fact I may go out after dinner on a solo ride just to add some more mileage to the night as tomorrow is weigh in day and I did in fact get a new scale yesterday.

The new scale that I picked up cost me twenty six bucks out the door and can weigh a person up to 400 pounds so I should be covered for a good long while on that one. The good news is that it seems to be dialed in pretty much exactly where my old scale is on the weights because my daughter weighs 45.0 on the button so said the old scale and she has weighed that much for at least the last month and a half and when she gets on this one it reports the same exact figure. I stepped on this morning and I am actually up from last week by a fraction of a pound but I was pretty sore from the weights yesterday at the gym and thanks to my son whom thinks its a good idea to creep around the house at 1am and wake everyone in the house up I did not sleep well at all. Wednesdays I stay up a little later because I watch the ultimate fighter and then usually head to bed around midnight so being woke up at 1am and then not being able to fall back asleep for about 45 minutes took a chunk out of my already short night and then I was up at 6:15 thanks again to the stomping of his possibly hooved feet. Either way I am not too worried about tomorrows weigh in I do think that I will have a loss I just really have no idea where the wheel will stop spinning because of my not so good night last night.

So today is turning out to be an awesome day in lieu of my lack of sleep, I got some work done around the house and got a good solid ride in on my bike and will have another when its time to get the little one from school. Tomorrow is anyone's call on whether I lose or not but hopefully I will be able to post up some "what I have lost" images and can record a new low weight. I am down a total of 228 pounds to date and need to get another 31 to hit my first major goal of weighing 275 pounds and after that goal is met I am looking for 267 so that I can say I have lost 50% of my total body weight which is totally insane to me to think that I will have lost that amount when I get there.

Tomorrow shall tell the tale of whether I lost some or not so your going to have to wait until then, That's all I got for today.

As Ever

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Addiction comes in many forms..

Hi my name is Zeusmeatball and I am an the scale.. My scale is not working and I have to say that its driving me insane. Yesterday when I came home from the gym I stepped onto the scale to see where I was and nothing on the display, hmmm batteries must have died no worries I can weigh myself later. Fast forward to later and new batteries were placed into my cold black friend and still nothing, she is kaput and its been two days since I have been able to check my weight and I can't stand it. I am a daily weigher, EVERY morning only after using the bathroom and before I eat breakfast I step on to see where I am and not being able to do that since yesterday is bothering me way more than I thought that it would if ever I was not near a scale, what ever will I do?

I have a couple choices, A.) Go buy a new scale at Walmart or the likes, after all I can use normal people scales now so I have what you normal sized folk call options, or B.) Weigh myself at the gym later but then I am in clothing and its an afternoon weigh in which tells me nothing really because I am all over the place in the afternoons usually (yes I weigh myself more than once per day) or C.) don't worry about it at all and wait for the warranty scale to get here in the mail after of course I find my receipt and warranty paperwork for the scale that I have and send this one in, yeah like that's going to happen, so..I find myself looking at some options.

I mentioned that I weigh myself multiple times per day and thats true, I usually weigh myself in the am, then again after I get home from the gym and again right before bed and these different times tell me different things. The morning weigh in tells me exactly where I stand with my weight and is usually only fractionally different from the previous morning whether its up or down and this is the most important weigh in for me. The afternoon post gym workout is purely because I am nuts and addicted to checking my number on the scale and is usually only a pound or so over my am weigh in and if its more than that I usually drink more that day but it really is an unnecessary step on the scale. My before bed time weigh in tells me where I am going to be in the am and is usually not off my much at all, I tend to drop 3 to 3.5 pounds over night between my am trip to the little boys room and just night time burn off so it gives me an idea of how my morning will look. I promise you that I am not like this all of the time but when I am looking for a number, oh you know the 200's I tend to get scale happy and am on more than I want to admit for fear of being put into a 12 step program.

I will figure the scale out and will likely have a new one because I don't want to wait for warranty paperwork and mail etc etc to happen before I weigh myself again, yes the 550 pound limit scale that I bought has a 30 year warranty on it which is nice but I honestly don't know if I have that paperwork. Anyways, onto normal stuff and off of the broken scale, Yesterday I did about an hour of gardening in the morning before it started raining and I did miss out on my afternoon bike ride because of rain but made up for that at the gym. I got in 65 minutes of cardio yesterday by doing 25 minutes on the stationary bike, 20 on the arctrainer and 20 on the treadmill 6.5% incline 3.4mph so I feel good about the exercise for the day. I have also started doing my push ups at night again because I don't remember why I stopped and since there was no reason I figured they needed to be added in again so hopefully they help keep some muscle from leaving my chest.

My intake came in at 1910 calories for the day and I have to admit that I am enjoying having the extra 200 calories to play with. I am able to now include a couple more snacks throughout the day because of the up in calories and though I wasn't hungry before the additional calories I am feeling more than satisfied now that my limit is higher. Nothing has changed with my meals at all, I eat the same portions besides lunch where I do add a couple calories but for the most part it means 2 pieces of extra fruit sometime in the day for me or a yogurt and a fruit and I feel like I always have something in my mouth lately. Drinking is never an issue with me and averaging 2 gallons per day is pretty much how I roll, yes I just said its how I roll so get over it aight yo! don't start none won't be none..ok ok enough of that I drink a lot and that's that.

I am pretty much doing what I need to do and expect that the scale will reflect the work BUT without knowing for sure I am going a tad bit insane currently and though I will check in on the scale at the gym today I know that its not really accurate so...yeah I think that I will be stopping to buy one on the way home from the gym. That will sum up this episode of as the fat guy turns, be sure to tune in tomorrow to see if our Hero makes it through the day without imploding as a result of not knowing his starting weight for the day! Let us hope he makes it!

As Ever

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Today it will rain, my herb garden is in dire need of being weeded, de-stoned, raked and, and. and... this fact bothers me and its time to just do it already. This means that I have a choice to make, I can sit on my rump and type out a long in detail blog about how yesterday went (superbly by the way) or I can go outside before it starts raining for 3 days and clear that garden. Once upon a time I would have loved having an excuse to take the easier of the two tasks and would 100% decide on sitting here and typing but now that I actually have the ability to do the labor?

No choice there, free exercise, I will be back tomorrow with another bone chilling episode of as the fat guy turns...

what choice will you make today that will effect you in a positive way?

As Ever

Monday, May 17, 2010

The plan for the week....I suggest you take a step to the side.

Straight to the point all week is my plan, I weighed in at 306 pounds on Friday and something in me wants to get to that 300 pound mark by this coming Friday and I know that it isn't likely but just you try and stop me. I got through the weekend with a perfect caloric intake and I drank enough, I did not in fact do anything that I would call real exercise besides pouring some cement pads helping my neighbor fix his deck and some calisthenics Sunday. The calories will be easy, The killing myself in the gym and on my bike on the other hand though not so easy but I suspect it will be fun.

The plan is as follows, get to the gym every day this week which is par for the course but I am going to add some evening calisthenics every night and I will use my bike to ride my daughter home from school every day that it does not rain this week. Each night after dinner a bike ride will be on the menu and if I succeed in getting onto the bike as often as I am aiming for that will be 10 miles per day pulling my daughter in her trailer which would likely be enough exercise for a day but then when you add the trips to the gym and the calisthenics I have a feeling that I will be getting my moneys worth in the workout department.

I am too close to crossing that line in the sand that has been there for more than a couple months and its time to just step over it already and see how the 200's feels after so long. For me getting into the 200's almost feels like I did an impossible thing, when I found out that I was more than 500 pounds its almost like a baseball bat to the skull feeling when thinking about making it that far down and to be a mere 6 pounds from being there is awesome. I have only been doing this whole better health thing for a bit more than two years now and that's not long in the grand scheme, I can remember like it was yesterday some of the struggles that I had to deal with at five hundred plus pounds and to be where I am today just goes to show that some hard work and discipline can move mountains at times. I am just a fat guy that decided to take control of some out of control habits and actions but honestly its like a door opened up and the entire world was behind it, why did it take so long?

Of course there are variables that were in place that helped the process along and because it is such a slow process it sort of creeps in and one day you realize that you have hand grenades in your knees and back and its only a matter of time before they go boom. How can getting to 500 plus pounds creep up on you man? what are you fucking insane?? trust me, it creeps up, the excuses roll on through and each day will be the day that you start doing something about it or becoming blind to the process is the flavor of the day but by the time we look at it in as serious a light as it needs to be its too late and there we are covered in sweat, breathless at the top of a 7 stair flight of steps wondering when the fuck this happened. It snapped for me and here I am 228 pounds lighter and possibly in better shape than I have ever been in my entire life, I am on my way to becoming what I want to be physically and I don't see a roadblock that can stop me, speed bumps are absolute but ultimately I will get there.

By weeks end I will be healthier no doubt, I will be a week stronger and will have done things for my health that will only effect me in a positive way and I may get under that 300 pound line in the sand by weeks end but I may not and I am ok with that too BUT......

I will do everything in my power to try and get there and I don't think that you should stand in my way..unless getting plowed over is in your plan for the week.

As Ever

Friday, May 14, 2010

New low weight, out of the 300's? oh me oh my we're getting close!

This week I pretty much busted my ass where working out was the subject and its the first week where I am at 1900 calories and I had the entire week on point and I have to say that I am happy with what the scale said to me. Last Friday I was 311.2 pounds which was up by two pounds from my lowest weight of 309 pounds and this morning I weighed 306.0 pounds three times in a row which means a five pound drop for the week and I am now three pounds lower than my all time low! This weeks weigh in means that I have lost 42.69% of my total starting weight and the closer that number creeps up towards that 50% mark the crazier it feels to me that I was ever that big, how was I doing anything past breathing?? This weeks weigh in leaves me 31 pounds from my original goal weight of 275 pounds and a mere 6 pounds from busting that 300 pound mark and entering into the two hundreds, hopefully its not a stubborn six.

This 1991 Suzuki RGV 250 comes in at 306 pounds and of course thats what I weigh now or you wouldn't be seeing this image.

This 1986 Kawasaki AR 125 comes in at 228 pounds and now try to imagine carrying that around all day, motorcycles are made to carry us around right?

I tried to get an picture of the scale but the light in the room wouldn't cooperate and the flash kept hiding the number but man was I happy to see it there. I was expecting a decent number but I was not expecting five pounds loss for the week and a three pound difference from my previous low weight, did I mention that I am happy to see a good loss? I mentioned bustin' ass this week and to give you a sample of my workouts yesterday I went to the gym and did my normal 20 minute bike ride and 20 on the treadmill but called it a day there for the gym because I knew that I was going to pick my daughter up from school on my bike. I did 10 miles on my bike all hills towing my 45 pound daughter and the trailer which is quickly becoming my favorite form of exercise, you know the towing part, the kiddo loves it and we chat the whole time so its like I said, fun.

The plan is to stick to the plan, I am going to eat 1900 calories per day, keep drinking the same way, ride my bike as much as possible as long as the rain doesn't stop me and sleep a plenty this week and hopefully I can duplicate the results come next Friday. I am only 31 pounds from my original goal weight which will be my first stop on the "Holy shit did I actually just do this" tour with the next stop being 267 pounds and that number will get me to that 50% total weight lost mark and I want that one just for the sheer size of the number. Ultimately I believe that I would like to end up closer to 250 pounds but once I am at 275 and then 267 I will make that decision on whether I will keep trying to go lower and I already know that at some point gaining some more muscle will become the main focus because lets face it, I can't lose weight forever right?! I mean, I am going to hit a point where I weigh what I should and I have been bitten hard by this workout bug so I am not letting that go to waste. This train only goes one way and the destination is somewhere that I am a healthy weight and after that lots of lean mass will be added to the already present size that I do have underneath the skin cape.

This week is what I needed to see, I needed to see a loss and I worked hard for it now its time for some rinse repeat and lets see if I can get under that 300 mark come next Friday. I will need to drop six pounds to get there by then but its not impossible, improbable perhaps but impossible I think not and we will have to wait and see how it all pans out in the next weeks episode of As the fat guy turns.

As Ever

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Day something, a new low weight?

Week two of raising the calories to 1900 will come to a close tomorrow morning and we will see where the wheel stops spinning for a number. Last Friday I was 311.2 pounds of luvvin and I am hoping that I get to post some "what I have lost" images in tomorrows post, 309 is the lowest point that I have seen so far on the scale so anything under that and we have a happy boy. If raising my calories to 1900 I still lose pounds I am going to stick with that number until that result changes and even then I may stick to it anyways because though I have had incredible success with my 1700 calories I have been doing much more in the way of exercise since about October of last year and perhaps a change is needed on a more permanent basis to keep the weight heading south.

My wife weighs in almost every day taking a page from my book and she does not have a weigh in day, she just weighs herself and whatever the lowest weight was on any given day is what she calls her lowest. This way of doing things is awesome and honestly I do it too but for the sake of having a day where I post the weight each week I post my weight on Friday "for the books" so to speak and if I was following what she does I would have a new low weight because this morning I was lower than I have ever been. This is the bane of so many people that are trying to lose weight, you know, the having a day where we weigh in and judge our entire week off of that single number and for the most part that works but, there is always a but. BUT this morning I am lower and I will almost positively show a loss from my last Fridays weigh in on the scale tomorrow but regular fluctuation may stop me from getting that new low weight "on the books" because I have been less on Thursday than on Friday lots of times but Fridays weight is Fridays weight and that's what gets put up on here.

I have a feeling that I will be able to post a new low weight come the morning but crazier things have happened but man I tell ya I need a win this week because its been a couple since I showed a loss. Today I am planning on having a perfect day where my food and exercise is concerned, I am also going to go to bed at a reasonable hour to help me along with that new number because even though I am lower this morning than my all time low its not much lower at all and I would love to see an even lower number tomorrow. I am on a roll with the exercise this week and I say that because I have made it to the gym every day as well as a few bike rides after the fact including pulling my daughter around in our bike trailer and I want to keep that momentum. I only have one hurdle this week that I can foresee and that's on Sunday we are having a friend come by and we will be cooking out on the grill which is no big deal but the Corona's might be. This is a new lifestyle for me but I refuse to miss out on a few beers with a friend that I haven't seen in a while because I want to have a better number at the end of the week, Living life is why I am doing this and it seems silly to miss out on things because of the very thing that I am trying to preserve.

In summary, My week has been awesome with the intake and exercise, I have stayed hydrated and slept decent and I only say decent because I have been up later than normal a few nights this week but otherwise I am doing good. Sunday I will have a beer or three but what I am going to do to counter it is add 15 minutes of cardio to each day next week, I will add the cardio regardless of whether its one Corona or three and that right there feels like a compromise that I can live with. As long as I can keep the number good over night I will be able to post up some what I have lost images tomorrow as well as adjusting my percentage lost and total weight but I am very much not low enough that I don't have to worry about it, there is a good chance that I will break even or be slightly higher and that's to be found out in the am.

Keep on keepin on and all that and Thanks for following along.

As Ever

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Choosing habits..

The next time that you feel like not doing something for your health whether it be a walk, a run, choosing the right food, skipping a workout or whatever I ask that you first consider the alternative. If I skip this workout it may be the beginning of a bad habit that costs me much more than I have in my pocket right now, If I decide to eat that way again the possibility of developing type 2 diabetes multiplies by some number that I have no clue what it is. Perhaps death is just waiting for the right moment to stick his hand in and twist something inside that will ultimately take us out and it can all start with a wrong decision. Now I am not saying that a single bite of chocolate will be the doom of you but can it be? can it be the snowball that starts the avalanche? bad habits have to start somewhere right? they just don't appear one day unexpected and unexplainable they are created by making the wrong decision too many times and ultimately end up being the norm in our lives.

I have heard that bad habits are hard to break and I have to agree with that statement but I also believe that if the bad ones are hard to break so then are the good ones that we create. There was a time in my life when I couldn't walk past the refrigerator without popping it open to see if I missed anything the first time around and I always seemed to find something to grab and stick in my mouth, always. Grabbing the gallon of milk from the shelf and taking a few chugs right from the bottle was a familiar sight in my house, we literally went through more than a gallon of milk a day and it wasn't because I needed that milk, hell did I even want it? it was just a habit and so it was. I have shifted my habits towards things that are better not only for my health but for my entire life as a whole because now a gallon of milk lasts a week, and I instinctively get up and start getting ready for the gym without thinking about it just because its that time of day. Looking out the window and seeing the sun shining instantly makes me think about a bike ride or heading outside to do some yard work and in the past all it meant was that I would need to start the ol air conditioner up or make up an excuse for why I wasn't going to join someone doing somehting that required some movement to participate.

Taken 5 minutes before this post was published, its the corner of our kitchen sink and I'm askin for it by taking a picture instead of taking them off and dropping them into the trash but hey! live dangerously I say!

All habits are hard to break and its that simple, and if all habits are hard to break then why not try and make all of our habits good ones? I know that it really isn't that cut and dry but why not try and make as many good habits as possible when its health that is in the equation? I have some bad habits that Wify really gets annoyed at as illustrated above and I know that I should stop doing them but I think that she knows they were and can be worse so she allows me to live when she finds the pear, apple and other assorted fruit and vegetable stickers on the corner of the sink, hey its an easy spot to stick them when I rinse the food off! The old habits were closer to eating an entire box of cereal or stopping at Del taco on the way home from work bringing sacks of goodies for the both of us home at ten O clock at night and the stickers on the corner of the sink don't look so bad when compared to that and that is a bad habit, but like I said they are all hard to break! right?

The next time that you are reaching for that bag of chips or into that cookie jar think about whether your hand is diving into the bag or jar because you want whets inside or if its just because of a habit. When you realize that its a habit and not because you need it recoil your arm empty and keep on walking, your ass will thank you for it come summer time when the shorts are being slipped on. In addition to that I would like for you to do something that you know is good for your health today, walk upstairs and use the bathroom up there instead of the one twelve feet from you, take the stairs instead of the elevator or drink a glass of water in place of the juice or diet soda. Whatever you did that was good for yourself, do it again tomorrow, then again the next day and keep that up until its a glass of water that you go for first, or you notice that you are taking the stairs more often than the elevator and before you know it you will have another habit in your repertoire but instead of cookies it will be stairs or H2O and viola! see I told you they were the same.

Every choice that we make on a daily basis is exactly that, a choice, some are easier to make than others and many of them are habits some good some bad but all are yours to decide which way to go.

So which side of the force will you choose young Padowan?

As Ever

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I appreciate you..

To say that I was worked like an animal yesterday where exercise is the subject would be an understatement and surprisingly enough I am not sore this morning. I woke up and decided that some calisthenics were in order so I did some push ups on the stairs in my hallway followed by crunches, dips and some triceps extensions with some dumbbells that I have at the house. My daughter and I went for a walk before school and though it was only about a mile and a half I carried the 45 pound darling for part of it and then we did some light yard work before I head off to the gym. At the gym I rode the stationary bike for 20 minutes covering 7.5 virtual miles and then it was time for some weights, I lifted for about 45 minutes and then onto the treadmill for 25 minutes. After dinner I gathered the whole family up and bolted the new trailer to my bike and we rode to a nearby playground to let the animals kids play for a bit, its just under 5 miles round trip but there are some very mean hills on the way and towing a trailer along with my 45 pound daughter made them that much more of a challenge.

A day like that when I was much heavier would have very likely left me dead...what am I saying, a day like that would not have been possible. When we got to the playground I was chatting with wify and thinking about how something as simple as riding a couple miles away on a bike to let the kids play on a playground was not a possibility a short time ago and about all of the things that I must have missed out on because of the weight. Its amazing how when you weigh as much as a sports bike that you don't even see all of what you are missing because of convincing yourself that its other things, anything but the weight. When I was heavier I hated the summer weather, the slightest up in humidity had me sitting in front of the air conditioner with a double gulp cup full of cherry coke in one hand and the tv remote control in the other trying not to move more than it took to push the button and raise the cup to mouth. Now I can't wait for it to get warmer out so that I can spend as much time outside as possible on my bike, hiking, playing with the kids and that list goes on for a good long while.

Not being leashed to a 20 foot radius and inside the house is just normal for people and yet knowing how it feels to have that leash on is a reality for me as well as many other people that struggle with weight, it truly is a disability. At 500 plus pounds we can trick ourselves into believing that we are living but other than the fact that we are breathing we aren't really doing much living because missing out on everything that is happening around us is more than depressing so its no wonder that so many people including myself get caught up in that downward swirling vortex. Why do we get to this point? how can someone let them self get that far gone? I was there and I still don't have that answer, its sort of like a little bit at a time and one day reality pops up and slaps you in the face and you realize that you need to turn sideways to get into the bathroom, holy shit when did this happen to me? Pushing the limits of a 6XL shirt and starting to think about buying a 7XL? Seven extra large, say it out loud and you have to wonder just how big is that? I never made it into a 7XL but this size is out there and in my mind I was covered because what the hell is one more size when you are that big right? besides the big and fat shop carries it so I'm good to go.

I can remember sitting on the couch and actually waiting until the last minute to get up and go to the bathroom, or timing things so that I would only have to get up once and get my sandwich, the game controller, the giant glass of milk, hit the head and adjust the angle of the fan all on one trip so that I wouldn't have to get up twice. True enough I have/had a back injury that gave me more pain than if I was just that big and it was a huge factor in why I gained so much so quick but that's still just an excuse, just because my back hurt didn't mean that I had to eat like I was three people but I suppose that's all a part of it. We can't do what we want to and food is instant gratification and does not judge and takes minimal effort to get all of that tasty goodness down the hatch so its the last resort for pleasure and bamn! the next thing we know we are wondering just how far gone we are and contemplating getting surgery to force some discipline onto our self.

A simple bike ride to the park and I can honestly say that I appreciate the smaller things today more than I ever have, I can appreciate the effort that it takes for me to push myself up that hill on my bike without stopping for a break. I can look at the 350 pound woman at the gym and smile because I know the heart that it takes for her to walk into that gym day after day and bust her ass no matter who may be looking at her, or the 400 pound guy on the treadmill walking at 2.0 mph because that's what he can handle at this point in his journey. I know first hand the effort that has to go into taking on a fight like this and one hundred percent admire every person out there that chooses to take their life back and not just sit there hoping that things change but instead forcing things to change and not taking anything less than total success for an answer.

I look back at what I have done and appreciate the gift that I have given to myself.

As Ever

Monday, May 10, 2010

The weekend review and some gardening.

This weekend flew by! I went over calories every day this weekend including Friday, We went to see Iron man 2 Friday night and it was at the drive in so we brought our own snacks which helped keep the calories under control but I did go over budget by one pear so not so bad when I say that I went over but over is over. Saturday night wify ran out for a sundae and I stayed home but the more that I thought about it the more I wanted one! a quick call on the cell later I was in for a small cup of mocha ice cream, at least I opted for the cup in place of a cone right? Then Sunday lets just say that I was over by about 250 calories and that's all I got to say about Sunday.

Getting to the gym Friday went as scheduled and as I mentioned I picked my daughter up from school on my bike with the new trailer that I picked up so the weekend was off to a good start. Saturday I didn't really do anything that I would call exercise besides making a garden bed in my yard and framing it out with stones and a land scape tie and planting some veggies which as it turns out may end up being bad timing. I planted 3 types of tomatoes, some green bell peppers and some zucchini but the next day we had high winds and the temp dropped into the 30's over night, luckily I did think to cover the newly planted veggies with some buckets so hopefully there are no issues. I was going to plant some watermelons at my daughters request but am going to hold off until next week for that with the week that we have lined up weather wise as its suppose to be below 32 degrees over night for a couple nights and this way I have a bed to make next weekend so more movement. Sunday we pretty much lounged around all day and I did absolutely nothing that I would call exercise but I am ok with that as it was after all Mommy's day.

My three tomato plants.

The new bed that I put in with the three zucchini plants and the two pepper plants.

Random shot of the garden and a birdhouse that lives there.

This morning I weighed in at 311.4 lbs which is .2 higher than Friday but Saturday I was down to 309.6 lbs and that shall be chalked up to fluctuation. I am planning to hit the gym kind of hard this week and see where I get by Friday with the new calorie range and a good solid week of gym workouts and if the weather cooperates I will add some bike rides in by picking my daughter up from school as we both enjoyed that.

Something did happen this weekend that was unexpected as well as a great non scale victory for me in a department store. Sunday we ran out for no real reason and ended up in a JcPenny just wandering around and wify saw a display of Adidas tee shirts and started flipping through them and said "Here are some 2XL shirts honey you should try one on" blah I thought, these will never fit me. My blah thought was because I have 3 of these exact same shirts but in 3XL and though they are starting to get big on me still fit and look acceptable, sort of but I did agree to try them on and I am glad that I did. These shirts were not in the big guy section, they were just on a rack in the mens athletic section and the regular old run of the mill 2XL fit me just fine and then I noticed the price, $14.99 per shirt, what is this madness? how can a shirt that fits me cost less than $25.00?? I ended up getting two shirts. I did notice that I could have gotten a 3XL version of this shirt in the big guys section for $19.99 and with that I seem to have slid a little closer to being normal sized.

With that normal sized thing coming up I think that I need to figure out a way to see myself for the size that I am now and not how I use to look but am having a hard time with that. Friday night while we were at the drive in there was a fella standing outside his car and as I always do I size him up and think "He is about my size" so I say to Wify "Honey, look at that guy there in the gray sweatshirt, is that about how I look?" you know, just for a second opinion. With a roll of her eyes in the way that only a loving wife can do she says "Ok, you are not allowed to do that any more alright?" do what??? I ask "ask me if you are as big as this guy or that guy, especially when you pick guys that are much bigger than you, You know that you are smaller now so just stop it" and I honestly don't see myself as small as Wify does apparently.

Why is it so difficult to get past weight? why is it that though I can obviously see a difference in how I look that I still see myself much bigger in minds eye? I am 225 pounds less in physical size than I was 2 years ago and yet I still see myself as a big ol round fella most times and I am unsure how to get past that feeling. I see people like Sean or the other Tony and they look amazing! I have been reading these guys blogs for a good while now and they also have lost more than 200 pounds each but unlike me I can see them and not think they look big at all. Its true that they are both at or extremely close to their goal weight but I am only about 50 pounds more than Sean yet going off of his photos I look much bigger. Perhaps its something that I just need to get use to, you know being smaller and accept that I possibly look smaller than my minds eye tells me because I honestly thought that the fella at the drive in and me were pretty close in size but going off of the look on Wifys face and her reaction my vision could be off.

Long winded and random for the Monday morning post but like every day I have no clue what I am going to write until I start typing and sometimes it goes long so there you have it. This week should be a decent one barring anything outside of my control and I am still focused so with a tad bit of luck and a whole load of hard work we will see where I end up come Friday for a weight.

Thats all I got for today.

As Ever

Friday, May 7, 2010

Mister 97%

Weighing in this morning I realized that sometimes no matter what I do that the weight will do what its going to do and worrying about it is a waste of my time as long as I know that I am doing what I need to. I am down 225 pounds from day one and most of that time the weight fell in a downward direction, there were ups here and there but as long as I did what I needed to and stuck to my guns it has come off, this week I do not have a new low weight, in fact I am 2 pounds higher than my lowest weight coming in at 311.2 pounds. Am I gonna sweat a 2 pound up from my lowest point? not even for a second, especially knowing that it was a 6 pound up in the beginning of the week, my weight has been all over the place the last few weeks and part of that I understand and this week will be different and I predict a new low come next Friday.

I have bumped up the work in the gym a bit, I am not spending any more time at the gym but I did up the intensity level of everything that I do, on the bike I have brought my average rpm's up, the treadmill the mph and incline have increased and the arc trainer's strides per minute are higher now. Eating 1900 calories in place of 1700 has got me nervous but I have to at least give it a chance before I go back to the lower number because I should be able to drop the pounds with a 1900 calorie budget.

This afternoon I will get a ride into my day on my bike because I picked up a kids bike trailer off of craigslist to see if my daughter will let me pull her to school in it and I have to give it a test ride. My daughter weighs 45 pounds and then whatever the trailer weighs, that paired with the hills that I live on I am not sure that I will actually be able to pull her all the way to school but its a way to sneak free exercise into my days so I gotta try it out.

Wify gets frustrated at me from time to time, and that means on a daily basis because she says that I don't finish things, and that's not what you might think. I have a habit of leaving the last bite of something in the box like cereal, I will not finish a box, I always leave a bit in the bottom and then it sits there until she tosses it or one of the kids wants a handful of cereal. I leave the silverware in the strainer after putting all of the rest of the dishes away and I leave tiny bits of jelly and peanut butter in the jars, I do this with lots of things and she was frustrated one evening and we were talking about this phenomenon and I said "you should be happy with the 97% that I do, a lot of husbands don't even do that" ok that was a bad idea but I said it. Since then we have joked about this 97% thing that I do and I was thinking about my weight loss and it dawned on me that I am almost there and this last few pounds that I need to lose may just be that last bit of jelly in the jar or the silverware sitting in the strainer but on a different level.

I have a ways to go before I am at my goal weight but getting there is my priority one right now and nothing will stop me from running through that finish line with the tape across my chest. Eat well, Drink much and move often is the plan, I am 225 pounds into this and I have this thing that I do where I am mister 97% but this time I am not stopping at 97, I'm going all the way because I have to.

I think that I just became mister 100%...

As Ever

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Give me your patience. I will give you this world.

Heading into that place again, you know the one where being in my way will only get you one thing and its none too pleasant for the recipient because I have somehow become focused again. When I began down this road weighing more than 500 pounds I was very limited as to what I could do physically and was forced by my size to go at a pace dictated by the very thing that I was trying to get rid of. Now that my body has caught up with my mind I think that its time for the gray matter to dictate what happens, I have always done what I could with my workouts but rarely pushed myself further than a certain comfort zone for no real reason, but its time. I have as of late been creeping along at a slower than I would like it to be pace and am noticing that because I have some heavier than normal stress in my life lately I am slowing that pace further and I just can't let that be the case. I have come 225 pounds into a 267 pound journey and seeing it through to the end has got to be priority one for me because going in reverse cannot be an option.

There comes a time
In all our lives
You must sacrifice
Put you in the ground.
No falling.

No entry.

No forgiving.
Come on now, this is the...
Come on, I'm your enemy
Try to, try and step to me

What you gonna do

You can't pull me down....

There is something to be said for a motivated person and their chances of success versus that of someone that has not crossed that threshold into a frame of mind that allows them to understand what exactly is at stake. Letting the mental control the physical is the key and the curse all at once, if we let the mental tell us that we cannot complete a task then it will be the downfall of each of us, but if we force the mental to do what we need it to then it is what will drive us into success. Knowing that the mental part of everything that we do trumps anything physical is what will make tragic situations turn the other way and force a win in our favor and getting back to that is what I am forcing myself to do because I have eased back a tad bit too far as of late and I won't stand for it.

There was once a 534 pound guy that did not know what he could do in order to keep living in this world, he believed that a surgery was the only way that a smaller version of himself would exist and that was proven to be incorrect information. There is a 310 pound fella roaming around now unlimited, active, doing what he wants to do yet a task is left unfinished at this point, comfortable would be a good way to put it and I think that its time for him to feel some discomfort in the interest of forcing some results. It's time to punish myself physically and once and for all finish this damn thing correct like, I sat on the sidelines for far too long wishing that I could do something about the situation that I found myself in and now that I am able without risk of literally hand grenading my knees or heart its on.....

As Ever

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Day 855..wait? Day 855?? wow..

Sometimes things get a little harder than normal and pushing through the bullshit is more difficult than we think it will be and sometimes its straight through the brick wall without even the slightest change in direction or momentum. The most important thing is that we stay on task as to not sabotage any work that has been put in to that point. I seem to have mastered what needs to be done to maintain my weight, admittedly there are some things not related to my weight loss that are slowing the process but I have to say that I am happy about how things are going down because I am not gaining anything back in lieu of anything else that's in the background.

Tuesday was a pretty good day all around for me where intake and movement are the topic, I went for a late morning walk while my daughter rode her bike so it was more like a late morning jog/walk as I chased her most of the way. The gym later in the afternoon was 45 minutes of cardio mixed between a bike and a treadmill then home I went for lunch which was an omelet for 425 calories including a multigrain english muffin. My calories for the day came in at just over where they should have been for a total of 1945 and I am still not use to the up in the food, I am still finding that I am stopping at 1700 and left with a couple hundred at the end of the night but we're getting there. Of course I was hydrated because that's the one thing that has become so much of a habit that at 8:00 am as I write this post I am already most of a half gallon of green tea into my fluids for the day and that is the case every day.

I upped my intake to 1900 calories over the weekend because I felt that I had been stalling with the drops and I am giving it two weeks to see what happens, if I start dropping pounds faster than I have been the 1900 stays, if not? I will likely go back to my 1700 but that's to be found out. The more I looked at it the more I thought about just how much exercise I was doing every day and the amount of exercise vs the rate that the weight was coming off just isn't adding up to me. I mean hell, I am still more than 300 pounds and I think that the weight should be coming off just a tad faster than it has been with the work that's being put in. I do understand that its going to vary from week to week, month to month but I am really taking it off very slow lately and I do know that life stresses are not helping the cause but at the same time I am eating well and exercising so I think there is more to it than the personal situation that we are going through currently.

Any way its cut Friday will let me know how the up in calories is effecting my body even though this week will be sort of a push for me where my up is concerned as I was getting things back to normal but I am looking for a loss either way. Hopefully I will be able to post some images of what I've lost in a couple days and I can get this weight down below that EVER ELUSIVE 300 pound mark sooner than later..its starting to feel like a cruel game by some higher power because this milestone has been in my sight for what feels like forever yet just out of reach. The plan for today is the same walk/bike ride with the kiddo, hit the gym, eat 1900, drink 2 gallons and see where that brings me in the morning, wish me luck!

Thanks for following along with this fat guy getting slim, that's all I got today.

As Ever

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Get the fuck out of my way..a letter to the fatter me.

Today is the day, its the day that I change my life, today is the day that all of the madness stops and the living begins, get in my way and you will end up on your back, try and stop me and you will not succeed because failure is not an option for me. I am an unstoppable force in your world of excuses and an easier time will be had trying to move a mountain than to steer me off course because by the throat I take this challenge and straight through it I go with reckless abandon, I will see it through to the end. Break me or I break you one of the two will happen this time around, I have been broken so many times before and its my turn to show you how it feels because I can't do this any more, I won't do this any more and you have no choice but to submit to my will. Try and resist and You will fail, try to slow me down and you will fail, into a corner I am backed and there is only one direction that I can move so I suggest that you step aside before somebody gets hurt.

Deciding to live or deciding to see how big the balloon can be blown up before it bursts are a couple of the choices, if it were an actual balloon perhaps it would have been a fun game but when its a body, a heart that can blow up at any time it becomes less of a game. At 534 pounds a ticking time bomb in a padded chest waiting to go off at any minute leaving a giant laying on the ground with no choices is not how its going to go down. Do you remember? breathless at the top of the stairs taking a moment to catch that breath so that she wouldn't know just how bad it was as if that was fooling anyone, do you? Do you remember not being able to walk more than 5 minutes because of the pain in your back? remember how that felt? Now remember when I said that you have no choice? remember when I told you that you would fail? well you are failing, you are submitting because I will not, I am not going out like that and have come too far for anything to get in my way now.

There will be days that you win, there will be days that the daily stresses force me to make choices that will set me back but in the end you lose. I made the decision that I am going to do whatever it takes to get to the end of that road and though I am at a point where my back is not to the corner any more, I do remember the direction of the exit and that is where I am headed. Now if you would please get the fuck out of my way I promise it will be over quickly and you won't feel a thing....choose not to move and onto your back you go...


As Ever

Monday, May 3, 2010

A hikin' we will go.

Loads of movement for the weekend and it was all around fun, Losing 225 pounds has done wonders for my views. Wify secured a babysitter Saturday morning and we decided that we would go on a hike at a local spot and all in all it was a 4.5 mile hike which was pretty therapeutic if I am being honest. Two years ago a hike like that would have been just a thought followed by some excuse as to why we shouldn't go but with the weight gone I am again seemingly unlimited by what I can participate in. There was even a time when I may have been able to go out on a hike like that but it would have pushed me to my limit and a few days rest would have been needed just to function afterward but this time around its just not the case and being able to do whatever I want to do and not worry about the aftermath is a good feeling. Sunday my father in law invited all of the grand children to go to a science museum in the area and it was a good time, the building is 6 floors and I used it as an opportunity to get some exercise in by using the stairs to go from floor to floor all day. We spent about 4 hours there and if I was changing levels I was using the stairs and my daughter insisted that she come with me on the stairs each time and I thought that was awesome because it reinforces the habit that some work to move around should just be normal day to day stuff, have a look at a few photos from our Saturday morning hike.

Me and the boss lady at a cliff near the highest point of the hike.

Enjoying the view from the highest point of the hike.

Taking a break up on a big ol cliff Wify snapped this one from below.

Oh no!

Keeping my calories within range has been easier than ever since I upped them to 1900 per day, in fact I am finding that I am so used to my 1700 that I am having oh...200 calories left to use late in the day. Keeping hydrated is easier than ever and I am at 2 gallons of fluid by dinner most days, this weekend I drank at least 2.5 gallons per day but I am a tad sore from all of the stairs yesterday so I have a feeling that I am hanging onto more of that fluid than normal.

This week I am going to eat clean, exercise a lot and get in all of my sleep because I am too close to being under 300 pounds to not just get there already. I've talked to Wify and we are going to try and work more of these "date hikes" in so that we can mix the exercise up a bit, though I LOVE the gym I LOVE hiking more than that so if I have the chance I'm gonna jump at it. Just two years ago the Saturday that I had would be just a thought in my head and then some time on the couch sulking but this time around it was a great day out with a lovely lady. To think that if I hadn't decided to change the way things were being done I would have totally missed out on the great weekend that I had will only keep me rollin' in the right direction, I know I missed out on all too many chances when I was heavier and that's just not how its going to be any more.

Thanks for following along while this fat guy gets slim, and thank you for the support that you give me, it is appreciated more than you know.

As Ever