I've done my sentence, but committed no crime.

My how time flies when you are having fun! I have had the most god awful cold thanks to my loving daughter and her straight to the face cough last week, or was it Wify with her kiss good bye, either way its been fun. I have missed the gym for about a week now and nothing in the way of exercise has been had by me unless you count the random driveway shovelings last week but I have been flawless with my calories so at least I have that. Because I have a cold is no reason for me to abandon my plan right? I mean I still have to aim for 300 pounds by April 2nd and just in general I want the weight to come off so onward and downward we go.

The plan was to try and hit 315 pounds come Friday which would be a four pound drop from last week but with this cold I was unsure that it would be a possibility, that is until I took a peek at the scale this morning. I won't say what that number was just yet but it was down from Friday and I was expecting an up for sure so I am in a pretty good mood this morning because of that and the fact that the sore throat part of my cold equation is absent. It is only Wednesday but that's like two and a half days until Friday so I may just make it to the gym this week after all at least for one day? depending on how I feel tomorrow morning that is.

Making my way down the road towards that coveted 300 pound mark that once upon a time was so far away I am starting to get excited by the thought of my weight not having a three as the front number. This seems so trivial to me on some level but all at the same time is not even close to trivial to the guy that was once sportin' a five at the front of his weight. To be under 300 pounds is going to be HUGE for me, the last time there was anything lower than a three as my front number I was not even a teenager! "Its only a number and I don't get tied up with the numbers" taking a line from my Grandfather I say to that "Awe horse puckey!" anyone that's lost weight or is losing weight depends on those numbers to let them know that progress is being made so though there ARE other ways to measure progress that number holds much weight.


I picture the morning that the scale reads below 300 pounds to go something like this, I wake up and walk into the living room where my scale currently resides and I look down at its cold lifeless black surface and tap it to get the 00.0 to show on the display. Warm feet contact cold scale as the numbers scroll through from 00.0 to 299.0 and instead of continuing into the 300's a dead stop and then the soft piano music from Freddy's fingers and "We are the champions" plays from out of nowhere. Half way through Mr. Mercurys song Survivor interrupts with "Eye of the tiger" as I slip into my best Stallone impression I yell "Yo Adrian I did it!" while shadow boxing in my Superman boxers in the middle of the living room floor. When the music from nowhere stops, Wify and kids stop laughing and I gain some of my composure back I will make myself some breakfast and business as usual shall resume because I will still have a long road in front of me but the road that is behind me will be longer and I bet it smells a lot like Napalm in my house for a while because that day Victory will be mine.

This trip to being half of the man I once was has been extremely eye opening and very informative to me on many levels, I have finally learned that food is fuel and nothing more and that movement is something that is needed to be healthy and happy. Letting myself get to 534 pounds was something perhaps not entirely in my hands because of a back injury but I did do my part in packing it on thick with the late night food stops at every fast food joint around and I make no excuses for myself with that statement. Just as I was responsible for getting to that 500 plus pound state I will be the one responsible for taking it off and honestly this is an issue that I have had since I was a child as I weigh less now than when I was a Freshman in high school. As my weight comes down and I get healthier I am realizing all of the things that I must have missed out on because of my weight and I am done missing out.

The 200's are right around the corner and I am looking forward to the day.

That's all I got for today.

As Ever
Me

Day 787 and a new low weight.

Out of bed I stepped and straight to the scale I went, of course I was looking for 319 or lower to flash across the display but before I go there let me say that last night was maybe one of the worse nights I have had in a while because of the rain and a potential flood in our basement paired with me being sick right now! I won't get too much into it because this is after all a weight loss/health blog but wify and myself took turns every hour and a half going down stairs checking and clearing the drains and sump to make sure that we didn't end up needing to build a boat to get around the basement so to say that I feel like crap this morning is an understatement. Where was I? oh that's right, its a weigh in day and I busted ass all week until I got sick and I was looking for the three teens on the scale.

I stepped onto her cold black platform and I could see in her eyes that she was thinking that after the night I just had that I needed to see something good on that display and the first number that flashed was 319.0 lbs oh my! I did it? of course I check three times on weigh in day so off I stepped and the second time on it said 319.4 lbs and finally the third time 319.0 lbs once again and with that I dropped 5.4 pounds this week and I am 3 whole pounds lower than my lowest recorded weight to date. I have since January 2008 lost 40.26% of my total body weight or 215 pounds and am within 44 pounds of my original goal weight of 275lbs, that's kind of exciting! I will say though that I am a bit worried that its only a temporary number because I am sick right now and our bodies do some funky stuff when we aren't feeling good but we shall see. Lets get to the photos of the things that weigh the same as me and as what I have lost, I am so happy to be putting images back up here as its been a couple of weeks!

This Goose 350 weighs in at 319 pounds like yours truly

My plan for this week is to hit the gym as hard as I was before I got this terrible cold and sore throat and I will be looking for a good sized drop in weight again come next Friday. I have been meticulously recording my calories and not going over budget all week and apparently its paid off with this weeks weigh in. I have forty four pounds to go to hit my original goal weight and honestly that feels somewhat surreal to me because its been so long since I started down this road and when you are looking at 275 pounds from the back row of 534 thems is what ya might call nose bleed seats people! I have worked my way down the stadium stairs and am looking at the stage from the floor at this point and I gotta say I like the view.

This is copied from my "Day 1" post.

"Hi there, this will mark the start of something that I expect not to be an easy road traveled, I am your average every day fellow in every respect besides the fact that I weigh twice as much as your average construction worker, that may be pushing it but I believe it to be close.

I decided that I would blog about it to give me a sort of record as to how it is going and to give me something to look back at when I succeed or fail at this attempt. I will try and update this blog daily with my food intake and how I felt on that particular day along with any exercise that was done."

From 534 pounds to currently 319 pounds in just over 2 years and its been an experience for sure, I have learned more about health and exercise in these last 2 years than I would have expected. I can still remember day one, waking up and walking into the living room and being greeted by wify and my normal GIANT cup of coffee with enough sugar in it that the spoon could stand up on its own and I look back and read the above paragraphs and "when I succeed or fail at this attempt" stands out now more than ever. That paragraph has carried me through this process more than one time when I clicked that "Day 1" post and reread that line and decided every time that I would not fail this attempt.

5.4 pounds lost this week, 3 pounds under my all time low weight, and 44 pounds away from my original goal I can still look back at every post that I wrote and remember how I felt as I typed the words out. I still have a ways to go but looking at it from 44 pounds away seems less daunting and there is no doubt in my mind that I will get there and beyond as my goals have changed since day one. After 275 pounds is realized I am going to aim for another 25 pounds and shoot for 250 pounds as I think that weight will be close to what I should ultimately weigh and who knows? perhaps I will adjust the goal down from there when I get it. My brother stands 6'4'' tall and is about 220 pounds and much smaller than me frame wise and looks like a bean pole at 220 pounds so I do think that I can weigh more than that and look half way decent.

My weigh in saved my mood from the night of getting up every few hours tending to a potential problem and I want to say to anyone out there reading this who is starting out 100, 200 or even 300 pounds over weight that you CAN do this if you want to. No surgeries, no pills, no meals in a box and no paying someone else to tell you what to eat! A lot of planning, a lot of counting and weighing food and being a pain in the ass when eating at other peoples houses, lots of exercise and discipline but its all worth the end result when looking back at a former life at 500 plus pounds.

Thats all I got for today.

Fini

As Ever
Me

Salsa Tilapia recipe and pre weigh in thoughts.

Making my way through my week and here it is Thursday already, that of course means that tomorrow is a weigh in day and I am really hoping for a new low weight this time around. I had been to the gym 9 days in a row on my quest for the three teens and then on Monday night it happened, my daughter who has a bad cold couldn't hold back any more and gave Dada a nose kiss and bamn! Tuesday morning sick. I went to the gym Tuesday anyways as it was just the beginning but yesterday there was no way I was making it out to the gym, instead a trip to the doc for my daughter and by last night I was achy and went to bed way early and was unable to complete the yoga routine that I have been doing with Wify in the evenings. This morning I feel terrible and don't see a trip to the gym in my near future for today as my daughter will not be going to school again anyways so my workouts in the early part of the week will have to carry me through until tomorrow mornings date with the scale.

I know that I am lower than last Fridays weight but I am unsure if I will hit those teens this time around but I figure if I eat perfectly clean today and try that yoga routine again tonight that maybe just maybe I can hit 319 tomorrow. I am not looking at this as even a bump in the road, people get sick and there is always next week if I don't get there this week but man I was seriously looking for high mid teens this week. Something happened to me and I have become motivated beyond where I have been the last couple months and I want that sub 300 pounds really bad, the way I see it is that if I am sub 300 pounds I am only 25 pounds from my goal and there is something about being so close that gets me in a mood to just get er done already.

Salsa Tilapia with seasoned rice and corn, 490 calories.

Enough about the weigh in, I made a new Tilapia recipe last night and everyone seemed to like it a lot and I think that I will add it to my bag of tricks because frankly I am starting to lose my love for Tilapia but this spiced it up a little different. I haven't done a recipe in a while so I thought this one would be a good one to post up, I found it by searching around on the net but I did make a few changes to it to lighten it up so that each 3oz fillet cost roughly 105 calories each salsa topping included.

What you will need.

1 to 1.5 pounds of Tilapia fillets
1/4 cup Parmesean cheese
1/3 cup Salsa
1 T light mayonaise
Black pepper
Adobo spices
Non stick cooking spray

Preheat your oven to 425 degrees and put the salsa, Parm cheese and mayo into a bowl and mix it up, shake some black pepper into the mixture and set it aside.

Rinse off your tilapia fillets and place them into a baking dish that has a bit of non stick cooking spray in it and shake some adobo and black pepper to taste onto the fillets. Once that is done spoon equal amounts of the salsa mixture onto each fillet to coat them evenly and into the oven for about 20 minutes and thats it!

We had 8 fillets all about equal size and the bag was a 1.5 pound bag of fish so I figured each fillet was roughly 3oz or 75 calories and after adding all of the ingredients in the salsa topping and dividing by 8 we came up with 30 calories per serving of the topping for 105 calories per cooked fillet. I made seasoned white rice and corn with this meal and the plate in the image is 490 calories total and it was more than enough for me to feel full. The changes that I made to the recipe I found online is I used half of the mayo that it called for as well as I used light mayo and the recipe called for 1/4 cup of salsa, I used 1/3 cup so that the volume would be the same because of the lack of mayo in mine. I also seasoned the fish with black pepper and adobo spices because it didn't make sense to me to not season the raw fish, there's nothing like under seasoned fish to ruin a good plate of food for me. The only thing that I would change about the recipe is the next time I make it I will stick it under the broiler for a quick minute to brown the top a bit more, otherwise it was pretty good.

All around this week has been good in lieu of me getting this wonderful cold from my beautiful daughter and I have a good feeling that I will have a new low weight come the morning. I am not happy about having missed the gym yesterday and the fact that I will very likely miss it today but hey! what can I do. I hope that if you try this Tilapia recipe that you enjoy it as much as my wife did and make sure that you check in tomorrow to see what I have lost this week, hopefully there will be some pictures posted of items weighing the same as me and what I have lost and if not? then there is always next week. I have a cup of hot tea with honey calling to me from the kitchen so that's all I got for today, as always thanks for following along and thanks for all of the support it is always appreciated.

As Ever
Me

Real men of genius..I salute you Mister weight loss with no miracle pill guys!

I usually write about how my trip to the half is going and I love getting all of the comments that you all leave, they really do mean a lot to me and I appreciate every one of them. I sometimes get comments that say that I have inspired someone or helped someone get through a rough spot and I get lots of advice and just plain old support and today I wanted to write a post and give a shout out to a couple other bloggers that I follow and get tidbits of inspiration and information from now and again.

First there is who I refer to as "The other Tony" He calls himself "The-Anti-Jared" and has dropped more than 200 pounds and has been maintaining that weight while bulking himself up with weights. I don't know who found who first but we have been following each others blogs for a good long while now, he likes to write little rhymes from time to time and the man loves his Cauliflower and apples! if anyone that reads my blog hasn't already checked him out I would recommend adding his blog to your line up.

If you are a runner or want some inspirational views via New Zealand then Andrew from "Andrew is getting fit" is the guy for you to check out. He has lost more than 100 pounds now and is a runnin fool! Forest Gump ain't got nothing on him! he runs 10 and 20k's for breakfast and always has a good outlook on things, he posts images from his running ground in New Zealand that make me drool with envy because of where he gets to run, he is a big part of why I want to run.

Then there is the fellow that I relate to most, Sean Anderson from "The daily diary of a winning loser" and I relate to his story most because his start weight is very close to where I started, this man was 505 pounds! he currently weighs 265 and has done an incredible job getting to a healthy weight. He like me has done this with no miracle pills and no magic formula, his plan and mine are very similar and I read his recollections of his former life and many of his posts could have been written by me.

I started this blog as a place to stay accountable and post for the world to see what I was doing so that maybe I would stay on track and it has become much more than that. I read other peoples accounts of being fat, I ain't sugar coating it we were and some of us *looks in the mirror* still are fat, and it lets me know that I am not alone with this struggle. I have made friends through this blog both physically where I have been to their homes for dinner and they mine as well as through email and chat and that in itself is a great thing. The biggest and only difference between me and the three fellows that I mentioned above is that they are at or close enough to their goal weight that no one in their right mind could look at them and include the word "fat" in the description. I will join them soon enough but I just wanted to put it out there where I go when I need a kick in the ass because these three gentlemen have earned the reward of a thinner, healthier life and I know it was no picnic getting there. I like them have learned what hard work and discipline can give to a person who is on the edge of life and death because of a weight issue and I am not going back to that old me.

So I salute you bust that ass instead of taking magical pills weight loss guys! YOU are real men of genius.

As Ever
Me

Fat guy meets yoga oh my!

This week I feel so focused that even the fact that I am right now as I type this sick with an itchy throat and all groggy feeling I am looking forward to my trip to the gym later. Today will be nine days in a row with no break from the gym and I did some yoga last night with wify right before bed and I have to admit that the yoga took more work than I had anticipated. I was totally relaxed after the yoga workout which lasted 20 minutes and my muscles felt loose so I may add this to my evenings tasks as wify does this every night anyways. Sara Ivanhoe is the woman on the yoga routine that we did and her voice is distractingly sexy as the backdrop of her silhouetted figure sits on a dock slowly describing the movements while there is a chant in the back ground that sounds not unlike Darius Rucker, as I said its quite relaxing and I do think I will be adding this to my evenings.


My goal for this week is to get a new low weight, if I can get out of the 320's while doing that I will be more than happy with myself. Something was brought to my attention by my loving wife and that is that my weight loss has slowed down at roughly the same time that I started lifting weights more seriously so I am beginning to think that I will have to slack off of the weights a bit to get the chub coming off faster again. This makes me a sad sad boy because I am starting to see gains with the weights, For example when I started off lifting more seriously again I was warming up with 50 pounds on a preacher curl and then working out with 70 pounds and it was a challenge. I am now warming up with 70 pounds and working out with 90 pounds flirting with 95 pounds on my middle set so definite progress is there but I am still above 300 pounds and I think that taking weight off should be priority one right now so I may lighten up on the weights for a while and see what I get but since I am really enjoying the way my arms are starting to look we shall see what happens.

I am very exercise driven as of late and that can't be a bad thing, I don't think anyways! I look forward to getting my cardio in for the day and I crave the feeling that I get after a good solid workout. Not so long ago, just about 784 days ago now the cravings were for cake, cookies, greasy fast food and bacon pizzas and if you would have told me that I would some day honestly crave exercise and that feeling afterward I would have called you crazy and laughed in your face. I swear that if you do something for long enough it becomes second nature and does not feel like work like it did in the beginning, for me a once 534 pound guy to look forward to working out each day like a kid at Christmas and to be doing yoga poses?! I say anyone can get to this point if the time is put in.

My regimen is simple, eat less, move more, stay hydrated, sleep 8 hours per night and essentially that's all I am doing! no surgery, no miracle pills, no super funky sports drinks and no one elses plan to follow. It's not a miracle, and its not amazing, I am just doing what I need to do if I want to stay on this planet a little longer while being able to do everything that I want to.

From five hundred thirty four pounds to three hundre....wait right there! that number will have to wait until Friday! and seven hundred eighty four days later I am a changed person mentally as well as physically. I will get to my goal and I will be healthier than I have ever been in my life so pull up a chair and a plate full of baby carrots and watch me as I get there.

That's all I got for today.

Fini

As Ever
Me

Still not a morning person...

Every morning I wake up and I say to myself "no way I am going to the gym today" and yet every day I go, I am definitely NOT a morning person. Yesterdays workout has left me sore and tired this morning despite me getting eight and a half hours sleep last night and like most mornings I woke up in a foul mood but as I write this I am already planning my workout for today so it passes quickly. I will admit that I will not be lifting weights today, I can also admit that today's workout will be very much not intense at all, in fact I may not even go to the gym as it looks like it will be a nice day outside and as long as there is no wind I might just take a walk around the lake but that is to be found out later.

This is an image from that same folder so the before is roughly the same guy in the picture that I describe below. The second image is from the day that I hit the 200 pounds lost point.

I did something on the 20th that I had not done in some time, I took my shirt off nothin but skivvies compare pictures and I just had the chance to load them onto my laptop and merge them with my Jan 6th 2008 images and I have to say wow! This is the first time since I started down this path that I looked at that Jan 6th 08 image and honestly thought "that is not me, I never looked that big" and I think that may be a turning point in this journey for me as far as body image goes. I was somewhere between 512 and 534 pounds in that photo and I look uncomfortable which is something Wify has said to me before about that very image but I can see it now after not looking at those pictures since October of 09 when the last compare picture was taken. I will of course spare anyone reading this the actual image of a 500 pound guy standing shirtless in his boxers as I am sure the mental image is enough at this hour of the day but when I get to my goal weight I may just be brave enough to post them.

The guy in that picture was afraid that he was going to suddenly die at any given moment because his heart would give out, the thought of having to be pulled through the side of his house through a fire department made hole was a fear that he had. Imagine thinking this way, I actually thought that if I started having a heart attack that I would do whatever I could to get myself out on the lawn so that hole would not have to be cut in the house and my family would be spared the humility of having that happen, even if it cost me a more severe heart attack to get out on the lawn. Its not that I didn't fit through a door at that size but on a stretcher with 8 guys carrying me? I just didn't see it happening.

When I was 500 plus pounds there was a routine to waking up, I would open my eyes and lay there for a moment before attempting to sit up which was really rolling to my right and swinging my legs off of the bed so that I had the leverage to sit up. After I was upright I needed to sit there for a couple of minutes to let my back realize that I was awake and about to hand it the task of supporting me once again then off to the living room I went for the next stage of being able to function. Sitting on the couch leaned forward stretching my back I sat for a while more flipping through channels or starting the PS2 up and then it was off to the kitchen for my half a box of cereal and the entire time felt groggy and all fuck the world like. These are not fond memories but they belong to me and looking at that compare picture made me start thinking about all of the things that I had to deal with at that weight.

I suppose I have never really been a morning kind of person but the comparison from then to now is so different and honestly back then I wasn't an any time of the day person! so not being especially chipper in the am now is something that I will take and smile about it every time.

That's all I got for today kids, remember to drink that H2O and to eat well, we make our own choices and the results of said choices belong to us.

As Ever
Me

Sunday punishment..

The Sunday Exercise update is as follows, 20 minutes on the bike at 95 revs per minute on level 11 the whole time followed by 45 minutes of weight lifting. The weights was kind of a whole body workout, sort of but more because it was all over the place and consisted of bench presses, triceps pull downs, over the head triceps presses, a row machine, preacher curls, calf raises and lastly some leg presses on a press machine. After the weights I walked at 3.2mph with a 3.5% incline for 30 minutes which I have to admit was not fun after the 375 pound leg presses and 300 pound calf raises but hey! its not a workout unless I am punishing myself this week.

I have been perfect with my calories for three days now and am hoping that this week brings me a new low weight. I am going to keep this post short as I have to get started on my healthy take on fish and chips for dinner, I am making Panko breaded flounder fillets with sweet potato fries on the side and either a side salad or some Parmesan green beans. I need to figure out a low calorie coleslaw and I will be all set for that meal but for now a salad or beans will have to do.

That's all I got for today, I hope you all have enjoyed your weekend and good choices have been made, perhaps I will snap a couple pictures for tomorrows post, Until then!

Fini

As Ever
Me

This is not an emergency, it is just a test...

I wanted to pop in with my exercise for Friday and Saturday as I mentioned in my last post that I would do so. Friday I was in a mood so I decided that I would go to the gym and punish myself into a better frame of mind and it worked. I headed out to the gym around 6:30pm and was there until almost 9:00pm, first I rode the bike for 25 minutes on level 11 at around 90 revs per minute to get all warmed up and then it was over to the weights I went. I did my chest, shoulders, triceps, biceps and back while Phil Aneslmo's Down played through my headphones as loud as it would go. I decided that I would add more weight that normal to every movement and honestly it felt like old times down in my cousins basement back when I was about 17 years old pushing myself to be the hardest rotund kid on the block. I know that I over did the weights but it didn't matter at the time, I was blowing off steam and getting some god solid weight lifting into my night all at the same time. After the weights I went back to the bike for another 20 minutes at just over 100 revs per minute on level 12 and it was off to pick up a 2 pound tub of whey protein before heading home.

Today I had to run out and run some errands which included getting a couple tires put onto Wify's car so I dropped the car off and walked to the gym. When I got there the gym was pretty empty for a Saturday afternoon but it was a beautiful 41 degrees and sunny today so perhaps more people took advantage of the day instead of hitting the gym. I went in and got on my bike and rode for 25 minutes around 95 rpm's half on level 11 and the second half on level 12. After the bike came the treadmill where I walked at 3.3 mph and 3.5% incline for about 10 minutes then ran for 3 minutes at 6.0 mph and finished the remainder of the 30 minutes back at 3.3 mph I walked back to pick up wifys car and finished up my errands.

Thats my exercise for the last two days in a nutshell and I am going to have a new low weight this week if I have to literally cut the fat from my bones! Thanks for reading along and look for an update tomorrow, don't forget to drink that H2O and remember who makes the decisions when that fork is in your hand.

Fini

As Ever
Me

Weight right there young fella! its weigh in day.

Back to the regularly scheduled weigh in posts for Friday, This morning I am sore, I am tired and I am guaranteeing a new low weight for next Friday. Lets start with what the scale had to say to me this morning, per usual I wake up and walk to the scale after the bathroom of course and I step on and the number that I saw was not what I wanted but was what I expected. After the scale looked at me with that "ummmpphhhh" look on its face she whispered the number 324.4 to me, she rolled her eyes in disappointment as I stepped off preparing for the second take. She had the same thing to say to me three times in a row and as I walked away from her she sighed in dissatisfaction knowing that I have not crossed that 320 mark yet. I make no excuses for the number on the scale it is what it is and I seem to be falling into that "I'm comfortable" place again with my weight because since just before the Dr Oz show I have been doing what I need to for the most part but not perfect.

I said that I am guaranteeing a new low weight next Friday and I mean that, I will have a new low weight in seven days and that's just going to have to be. There are no distractions in my near future that could give me an excuse to eat poorly or miss going to the gym, "did he just say that he had an excuse?" not exactly. I don't make excuses for not losing weight or not meeting a fitness goal but I do have to say it out loud in order to process it in my head, I didn't lose anything this week (which is actually 2 weeks because I did not weigh in last week) and ultimately that's on me.

This week will be a hard one for me on the gym front, I am planning on going every day this week for no less than 60 minutes of cardio and lifting weights at least 4 days. Some of you may be thinking "well that's just my normal week man no biggie" let me tell ya when you are three hundred some odd pounds 60 minutes of cardio kicks your ass! and actually I do 50-60 minutes of cardio daily as is but its usually only five days instead of seven. To make that April 2nd goal I need to lose exactly 4 pounds per week from today until then and though it sounds like a big number or as someone said in a comment that it is "aggressive" I have seen numbers like that before, and not only in the beginning. If ever there was a person that understands how to be aggressive towards weight loss I am that guy and this week I have something to prove to myself so we shall see where that wheel stops on Friday.

324 pounds is not an acceptable number for me at this point, I should be much closer to that 300 pound mark by now and I am letting myself get distracted and going easy on myself because I am nice and comfy at this weight. I am eating right most of the time, I am going to the gym almost daily but what I am not doing is pushing myself past my comfort level and this week we will see what happens when I do that. This week is done and it is what it is, Next week I have a feeling that I will be posting some images of things that weigh as much as I do and as much as I have lost while reporting a new low weight.

Another week bites the dust and I am closer to a goal that I set for myself not in poundage lost but in time this go around and that's not necessarily a good thing. I am going to try and post every day this week and include an exercise update for each day for your reading pleasure and with that the end has come to today's episode of as the fat guy turns.

Fini.

As Ever
Me

When I said that I want to be Skinny this ain't what I meant!

I was standing in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower and I looked at the guy in the reflection and saw someone that I was not use to seeing. This guy had shape to his shoulders, his chest looked like a guys chest should look and there were very prominent collar bones all the way across, biceps that looked like biceps and I looked at him for a minute to make sure that I was seeing him right. popped into a muscle man pose and a flex later I was smiling but it didn't last long as I glanced down and the rest of what I saw was all flying squirrel in a hurricane. This looking at the wrapping paper around the package all started when The Dr Oz show that I was invited to attend aired and I saw myself sitting up there in the studio audience. I was not totally put off but I looked bigger than that guy in the mirror and it dawned on me that when I am sitting down I look bigger than I am. When I stand up everything seems to be in a better place than when I sit and it has somewhere to rest, I have a feeling that this little skin problem and myself are going to have a long bitter relationship.

Don't get me wrong, it is what it is and I will take this over being on the wrong side of 500 pounds any day of the week but man! I bust my ass and there is nothing that I can do about this problem. I am in the gym 5 days a week sometimes more, I eat right and clean most of the time I drink like a fish and get my sleep like I should and here I am not looking the part, frustrating much? I suppose that putting too much thought into something that I can't change would be counter productive but it's hard sometimes! especially when I catch a glimpse of myself with my shirt off and can see what I would look like sans the extra stuff. Looking on the bright side I guess that I could find a drum maker and get a couple of amazingly unique drums made from the skin when I am all done losing and its time to start thinking about removing it, but that's a totally different discussion.

Lifting weights will surely help me fill some of the deflated outer shell left behind by the older me, I know that it will take time but its the only productive thing that I can do to try and counter some of the damage. I have a couple options here, I can sit around looking at this in a way that will drive me insane trying to think of a way to fix something that can't be fixed, or I can just accept that this is a part of the process for me. I can say that I will just accept it until the moon falls out of the sky but the truth is that it bothers me and there is nothing I can do about that either but making it into something that I will waste time worrying about isn't the direction that I'm going to go in either so it seems I am at an impasse with this as far as the mental part goes. I figure I took about ten years wrecking my body and I am just over two years into the repair process and down more than two hundred pounds for my efforts and I have to understand that this isn't something that will fix itself over night and possibly never be fixed without a surgery.


I will take the glimpses of my hard work in the mirror whenever I am afforded one of them and will have to deal with the extra luggage I am carrying around. The fact that I can see some of my hard work is actually awesome because its been a long time since I was able to see anything that could be considered even close to definition but here I am three hundred some odd pounds and its there, even if only for brief moments in the mirror as I step into the shower. I know that part of this process is to get skinny but this isn't exactly what I had imagined when I thought that back about 2 years ago!

Such is life I suppose, I am healthier than ever and doing what I want to physically without any restrictions for the most part and THAT is the point of this whole process. Give me a year and I will have bulked up a bit and filled in some of this looseness with some mass, until then If anyone needs a new drum just shoot me a message and we can work out some pricing, That's all I got for today.

Fini

As Ever
Me