Fat guy issues..

When we know what to do, when we are fully aware of how to do it, when most of the tools needed are available and still the focus is not there what is the solution to that riddle? This is the place that I am in currently, I just cannot stay focused on the task at hand for more than a few days at a time before I find myself standing in front of the fridge staring in as if its the ark of the covenant, which didn't work out too well for the Germans in the Indiana Jones movie. I think back to that day in 2007 when I decided that I would start writing in this very blog, when I decided that enough was enough and weighing so much was not fun and games and I wonder how I was so focused. 

Fear, I was driven by fear back then, I was also driven by the anonymity that came with a blossoming blogger writing a blog and not knowing if anyone was actually reading it, in other words, no pressure. This blog played a huge part in my success and I believe that whole heartedly, there just is no denying that being able to lay it all out there helped to drive me into success. We need to get there again, no matter how hard I try I just cannot seem to get that eagle eye focus that I had when I first started losing weight and getting healthier and it bothers me more than I let on to anyone in my personal life or here when I write on this blog.   

Since I started writing this blog there are two people that were driving forces for me in this online world of weight loss blogging that have passed away. They struggled like I do with figuring out a way to stay focused and when I learned of their passing on each occasion I cried. Did I cry because someone that I had come to know had passed away struggling with weight issues? or was it because I was on a path not so different than theirs? maybe a combination of both? I don't know but it impacted me greatly.

This blog has served me well, I have met people that I call friends now, I have learned a lot about myself and fueling ones body and I have it here to look back on. I am going to try to get back in here posting more regularly again because that fear is creeping back in slowly and it sort of makes my ass look big so I need to get away from it again. 

Anyone that says "just stop eating" or looks at people that struggle with weight loss in a negative or demeaning way needs to reevaluate their out look on the subject because its not that simple, if it were we would all be walking around looking amazing and blogs like this wouldn't exist. Cut us fatties a break would ya? we're trying, even if it doesn't appear to be that way, we are and contrary to popular belief its not a party, this shit sucks.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it, I'm trying.. I suppose its all that can be expected of anyone. 

As Ever

Me

No sugar coating.

Losing weight is not an easy task for many people, it takes time and it takes a lot of patience but if the time and effort is put in better health can happen for just about anyone if it can happen for me. I consider myself lucky to have what I do, I have a great family and I am afforded the opportunity to spend loads of time with my daughter for whom without I may not have started down the path that I have. I happen to be 211 pounds down the road but it wasn't always like that for me as I started off at over 500 pounds and unable to walk for more than 10 minutes at a time without pain, but I did it. Turning down treats such as Aunties peanut butter fudge, or my mother in laws plates of experimental cakes or cookies was once a difficult task but again, I did it. I am in the opinion that anyone can lose weight and I came to that conclusion because if I can do it the apparent slacker video game addict calling "I'm base" when a game of tag came up as a child, disk injury havin once 534 pound guy can do it why can't the next guy or gal?


I mentioned that I feel lucky to have what I have but that's the end of where I feel lucky, when my weight loss is the subject I don't feel lucky at all because luck had not an ounce of sway on the results that I've had thus far, I busted my ass for every one of those 211 pounds lost. This is the part that I believe fails to get through to many people that attempt weight loss, I have been guilty of it myself and I see it all too many times when someone tries to lose some pounds, much of my family has struggled with weight throughout my lifetime so I have seen lots of "diets" started. The gun shot goes off and off to a great start! a couple pounds come off and almost immediately slacking starts, "nah I won't exercise today" or "It's just one peanut butter cookie" and before you know it the "start" of the next "diet" is coming to a Monday near you, its just not going to happen without the effort.

All of that thought came from my off day that I had because of "stress" and I began thinking about when I was 500 plus pounds and I was walking with my wife to a park that was literally less than 2 blocks from our house at the time and how I felt. It was Jan 2008, I had just begun eating better and couldn't believe that I was sticking with this for 2 weeks so far, I had an apple in my hand and walking slowly towards the playground I felt like a new person. We got to the play ground and I said to my wife something along the lines of "I got my walk in for the day" and I was red faced and out of breath from walking less than 2 blocks, but I had my apple in hand and DID walk to the playground and at that point it was what I could do. Was it a little embarrassing that all I could walk was such a short distance? it was a lot embarrassing! and I played it off like I could have done more but the truth is that if I had to go any further I would have needed a break which in fact stopping to let the kids play was the break I needed to make it back home.

Currently I think that I am in the best shape of my life and that's kind of bad considering that I am still above 300 pounds but it is what it is, I have worked hard to get here and no one can take that from me, not even a bad day of stress eating. I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I once was physically and mentally because once upon a time I would be looking for the next Monday start date for my next attempt, but here I am. Tomorrow I will hop on the scale for the official blog weight and with the week that I have had eating wise and missing the gym for this past weekend in its entirety I am not really expecting much in the way of a new low in the am but I will report in what the scale says none the less. A trip to the gym this afternoon and some good choices with my intake for the day along with another 2.5-3 gallons of fluid should help me along with tomorrow weigh in but in the grand scheme my fumble will not make a difference at all.

You can lose weight, you can get healthy, you can stop dropping pity on yourself and get that ass up and do something about but YOU have to do the work, and YOU have to realize that its not a picnic to do so and there will be times that just plain old sucks ass but if YOU stop doing what needs to be done for your own health then there is only one person to blame...

YOU..

Fini

As Ever
Me

Update mini post # 4 Big ol hunka apple

Today I came in at 1630 calories and once again I ended my night with a Cortland apple, and once again my daughter "shared" it with me, I drank 1 gallon of green tea and there is a 64 oz glass of water sitting next to me as I type that will be done before I go to bed and I did have a bottle of diet Dr. Pepper because we were out and it was just the easiest thing to get to at the time. I did not ride my bike today as I have a little bit of tightness in my right leg that I don't know where it came from, its crampish so I am hoping it goes away by tomorrow so that I can take advantage of the weather and go on a walk about.

Meatball out...

As Ever
Me