Thursday, July 30, 2009

Reflections...a father's look in a mirror now broken.

Being over weight is not a fun thing, it is not something that people enjoy and lots of times an overweight person sacrifices a lot just to not be the focus in a room. Sometimes people make sideways remarks or comments about fat people (I'm not going to sugar coat it that's what we are folks) and they think that these comments are helping, or are being kind and in reality it makes the situation so much worse and as a heavier person its hard enough as is.

I think about when I was heavier and some of the things that I did or should I say that I could not do compared to now and I cannot believe that I let it get that far before I did something about it. At what point does a person say enough is enough? Clearly remembering how it felt to not be able to do simple activities like taking a walk around the block with my little girl actually upsets me today because how could I let it go that far? how could I let myself get to that point? back injury or not, I was 534 pounds! simply walking was a chore for me and what kind of Dad could I be if I could not move to do remedial physical tasks properly?

Since losing the weight that I have so far I have become hyper aware of calories and nutrition in not only my food but other peoples food as well. I can almost 100% of the time look at a portion of food and estimate the calories in it within a small range of variation and the whats good for you question is ingrained into my head now as well. Last week My family and I went to a Friendly's restaurant on a whim (mostly because I had about 1000 calories left for the day and it was dinner time) we were seated and in walked a rather large fellow (I would guess over 500 pounds) with his wife and daughter and they were seated next to us. I could not help but notice that he ordered a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon and extra cheese with French fries for his meal, the interesting part was the conversation that followed and the enthusiasm in the words caught my attention.

The man was talking to his daughter (who was about 30 years old and also heavy) he said "I ate a full rack of ribs last night for you" and the rest of that excited conversation was very detailed and about these ribs and I got to thinking, here this fellow is eating a hefty dinner and talking about the dinner that he ate last night almost as if the rack of ribs was a trophy. Now I am sure that I have had that conversation and have been on the same side of those words as he was at some point in my life and I honestly believe that the company that you keep can help you along where weight loss and better health in general are concerned and on the flip side of that coin can help make us fat as well, but talking about last nights dinner in a very detailed and excited way while eating today's dinner? I was there, it was not pretty and should be the point when a person starts to question what they are doing.

My giant Sunflower that my daughter and I have been taking care of together.

Watching someone destroy themselves further, just like I was doing once upon a time actually bothered me, even though I did not know those people I felt bad because I know that they were in a part of that spiral downward and probably had no clue how to stop it. That gentleman was a lot older than I was and I couldn't help but to think about how that could have been me walking with a cane and breathing heavy if I had not decided to change the way that I do things. The part that really bothered me the most was that it could have been my daughter sitting next to me discussing a full rack of ribs with a child like excitement as she positioned her gut into a comfortable position. I WILL NOT put myself or anyone in my family in that position EVER again and I know that the choices that I am making today will affect my children and family in a positive way.

Sometimes a look into a probable future can have an eyes wide open effect on a person, even if its not my future any more.

As Ever


  1. Great post man. I don't know that I've done the same thing as that guy as I put a lot of effort for about 12 years into eating alone as much as I could, but it still resonates.

    It's interesting because just reading his order wss upsetting to me, and I guess its because I've never really seen someone so heavy indulge so much besides myself, but it certinaly makes me grateful that I dont have to be that guy anymore (of course, when I was that guy I was worse: I would have ordered two of those bacon double grilled cheese sandwhiches with two orders of fries, and likely a third order of fries, and wouldve gotten ranch sides to dip the fries, and I wouldve have placed the order takeout and gone and eaten it alone watching tv.)

    You're doing amazing things for youself, and, reading about that incredibly sad state of the daughter (obese herself) engaged in such a self destructive conservation and lifestyle, what a blessing this lifestyle change you've made/are making will be to your daughter.


    Thanks again for a great post.

  2. Haven't seen you around for a while in RR, and so have been wondering how you were doing, and finally got the time to come poking around here. (^^)
    Good to see that you are doing well and your awareness and determination is as strong as ever, and getting even more stronger.
    Here's to your wonderful successful journey.

  3. I remember the days when our restaurants were decided on who had the biggest plate, or the best dessert, or free cherry coke refills! Actually, I think there was only one and that was the one we always went to. :)

    I have the urge to reach out to many people and just take the big mac out of their hands and ask them why? But hey, what can we do?

    Good post babe.

  4. Great post- I'm glad for you and your family. I also want to make sure when hubby and I start our family that our children never have eating issues and have a healthy relationship with food.

    I have friends like the guy you saw- very overwight, we can't sit in booths, and sometimes they'll order TWO meals while I only eat like half of one. It amazes me how they'll consume what's probably around 4000 calories in one sitting- I don't say anything because I figure it'll only hurt them, which is the last thing I'd want to do. I would hate when people would tell me things so I just keep quiet.

  5. a powerful reminder of what was and what could still be if you hadn't fought back...

  6. I went through the same emotions this last week as someone was telling me how this guy went through the McGutter Drive through, order 3 double double quarter pounders (4 patties each), a large coke but kept it healthy by holding back on the fries. And this guy does this at least 4 times a week. I've been there. I'm mad about it and personally, I'm not going to take it anymore!

  7. Great post my friend! I find myself doing much the same.

  8. I enjoy this blog and applaud your efforts and weight loss, but...

    Before you have written about things you've seen other people buying or eating with this air of superiority, as if it's okay to comment on other people's personal decisions because you are a reformed fat guy, therefore somehow better, while these people are surely ignorant.

    I know you're not saying that outright, but I really feel that is the underlying message. Your weight, the things you eat, these things do not define a person's character. You always mention that these people you are noticing are overweight. Do you notice the same thing when a thin person orders fatty food?

    It just bothers me and I wanted to let you know. Many people experience a sense of moral superiority when they lose weight. They're no longer one of "those people." It's not okay to judge people based on their body, it's not okay to judge people based on what they're eating, it's not okay to judge people based on one conversation you overheard in a restaurant. I've been reading this blog for a long time, but lately, I just think "where do you get off?" Losing weight doesn't give you a free pass to judge fat people.

    Just think about it. That's all.

  9. Anonymous-
    I find it ironic that the post you commented on is called reflections. I think the point of the post is more in regards to his look back on an old life, and how familiar that conversation was. There have been a many posts about how he understands the struggles of a fat person, whether it be with diet, or metabolism, or medical issues. Struggles are struggles, and no one knows that more than he does. And yes, he does look at skinny people, and young people with high metabolisms, and most importantly (I think) his own family, and is compassionate and helpful and has the urge to help all those around him with struggles he knows all too well. It's not judgement, it's concern, and in my humble opinion, it's noble. But I am a little biased. :)