It's your process, fuck the rest.

Walking, riding, eating right and staying hydrated, welcome to my life right now. This is the way it needs to be, I enjoy life like this better than any other way so that makes being a stress eater very frustrating. I see motivational sayings posted all over the internet and facebook etc and I think most of them are pretty silly mostly because I think every person struggling with weight loss though sharing THAT common denominator is in a different place.

5?? pounds.

I can state "The decision is yours! You have the fork in your hand! just put it down!" and some of the people will completely relate and say "hell yeah!" while others will want to say it and feel that way but truth be told they are not at that stage in their process. I find that weight loss and better health is less one dimensional than that and one day to the next can be completely different experiences not from different people but from the same person. When I am on point I feel unstoppable, I am a weight loss superstar dammit and this fat will not continue to loiter around on my front step and that's the end of it, but when a bad day peeks in well yeah. When I am off its a struggle, I mean every minute of the day, Staying true to the process is not easy in those moments and no matter how much I want or need to stay dead solid on track something inside is trying to get me to fail at that task.

I know life, if you want to call it that at more than 500 pounds, I know life at 300 pounds and I know life at 400 knowing how the other two feel after being there so recently and frustration is dug in deep on all levels. When I was 500 pounds I thought there was no fixing it on my own, I felt like it was a hopeless venture and I would be stuck there forever so I tried. That adventure brought me all the way down to 300 pounds, I got invites from talk shows to appear on them and I even went to the Dr Oz show because of it, I have made friends because of the weight loss, I rode my bikes constantly became very active and felt amazing. Then less than a couple years ago I lost my mother, I was 330 pounds on that day and I know because I posted a blog post here and got the call immediately after I posted and days like that tend to stick out in a persons mind. Some other "stresses" dominated my life and I put on at least 100 pounds over the last year and a half or so, currently I am just under 400 pounds after losing at my best estimate about 30 pounds.

320 lbs

Losing weight and better health is not a one size fits all kind of thing, BUT in general if you eat less (and healthy foods) and move more the weight should come off even if its not as fast as you would like. I am extremely motivated and pig headed once I get something in my head and for the life of me I could not drop any weight in the last almost two years no matter how hard I tried or pretended to try or or or.... 

I think that its awesome that blogger X, Y and Z are at that point in their process that they can tout how easy it is as long as you put the fork down or how YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF WHAT YOU EAT! rah rah sis boom bah! awesome... but.. Something I have learned is that no matter who we are, we all struggle with the same problem in very different ways and that is why there is no "miracle pill" that works or will ever work. 

 320 lbs

I am at a point in my process where I can see things from so many angles all at the same time and I almost feel like this is what I needed on a personal level to get and keep the weight off permanently, you know, to see 500, 300 and then start coming back up again so that in a way its like that whole not missing something till its gone thing. I am just under 400 pounds, I need to get back down to a maximum of 300 pounds and I almost feel like I needed to taste that freedom so that I can appreciate it the way that I should have when I was there the first time around. 

Walking with my children, riding my bike with my daughter, riding my bike alone on a trail covered in dead leaves on a cool Autumn day, appreciating everything that I can do effortlessly because I am not carrying the equivalent of another human being on my bones  are just some of the things that I enjoy about not being super obese. 

305 lbs, I need to get back here like NOW!

This post is purely written for me, I contemplated not posting it to the blog but I use the blog to reflect back at moments and how I felt at a given moment so it shall be posted. Take from it what you want to, take nothing at all if that works for you but remember we are all walking a road that is filled with obstacles, we all struggle and though the end results that we all seek may be the same, the road taken is rarely even close to the same.  

Stay focused, Stay as positive as the moment permits and with a ton of hard work I believe that we can all meet at the end of that road and share our stories of how we got there with one another. 

That's all I got. 

As Ever
Me   

Weighing in on weighing in. A less profound but more factual post from your favorite fat man.

So a couple weeks ago I weighed in at 403.6 pounds on my scale that only goes up to 400 pounds so I questioned its accuracy from the start but at the same time seeing a number was good for the mind. After that day I didn't get another weight to show up so my questioning it was warranted but since I am a gotta see the numbers kind of fella my lovely wife went out and got us a new scale that  goes to 450 pounds... eeeeeek! I never thought a scale that robust would be needed again but alas, here we are.

In the beginning of the week I weighed 404.6 pounds and this morning I busted through that 400 pound barrier and weighed in at 399.6 pounds. I will give it another week before I celebrate getting out of the 400's but damn I gotta say its a weight lifted off of my shoulders and I mean quite literally along with the figurative part of that statement. 

I have been walking daily 1.8 miles on my "short walk" and a more average 2.3 miles but at least twice per week I do my "long walk" which is 3.2 miles. My calorie intake is @ 1800 per day currently and will remain there until I stop dropping weight. Evening rides with my daughter have slowed down since she started school again but I am trying to get them going again before it gets too cold for her to ride. 

I am feeling like myself again, focused, on point, determined and disciplined with everything that I do. Food is once again merely fuel for my body instead of a "treat" or something to "reward" myself with  and I am embarrassed along with aggravated at myself for allowing things not exactly in my control to beat me back into an unhealthy way of living. 

I am determined to get back down to my low weight and beyond..

As Ever
Me

Getting back into a groove, Yep I sure am.

Feeling pretty amazing lately has got me thinking about how much I have missed out on because I let myself slip back into some old habits and is solidifying this decision to take control again. One of the best things about this is that I am back on the bicycles again, I have racked up more miles in this past month than the entire whole of the year to the point when I started riding again and I have to admit, it feels good. 

We got out for a ride with some friends on Sunday despite the horrific humidity that day we all had a blast! we rode we hiked then we rode and hiked some more, it was nothing intense, I mean we moved at the speed of a set of 8 year olds most of the time but it was an awesome day none the less. I took the K2 out, my daughter on her little pink Trek and we headed out with our riding partners for some pedal time. My daughter was sort of training the other girl because she is new to two wheels and my daughter has been learning the "rules of the road" for the past month or so. She understands no darting into the road, stay to the right, "on your left" when passing someone, announcing your presence to others on the trails with a foot drag or a bell as to not startle them into running into her etc etc and her friend well.. 

 My daughters ride and the K2 above.

 Our riding partners "cruisers" a pair of electras, This is my friend with the Jamis 29er's Cruiser bike.

After the first hour or so both of the girls were staying where they needed to be but my daughters friend still needed to be guided so her father and I gave verbal ques while my daughter kept on being an example. After about 4 hours of riding and hiking around we decided it was time to call it quits as our friends needed to run some errands at home so we loaded everything up and off w went home. 

This last month or so of me being back where I need to be with diet and exercise has been petty awesome, I am feeling good again and my weight is dropping. Getting out for rides and my daily walks with my other daughter are alone reason enough to keep on doing it let alone the awesome that is going into me daily. 

I am setting some goals for myself with where I want to be and I am still growing the beard until I hit 334 pounds again which.. I am happy that colder weather is coming for that one. To recap on the beard thing, I told my wife that I was not shaving my beard until I got back down to where I was in June of 2011, That was 334 pounds so until I get there I have this beard that seems to catch everything that comes close to my face. I would like to be 350 pounds by Christmas but if I am not there yet oh well and I will continue on, as far as the goal setting I am keeping them light even though there are a few but I am keeping them light because something that I learned is that as long as the quality of life is there the rest will fall into place and thats what its all about for me at this point. 

I hope ya enjoyed some of the pictures from our Sunday ride and I am trying to post a lot more often now so come on back and check in with me more! also if you are a twitter user you can follow me @Zeusmeatball if you care to or send me a friend request on facebook (link is top left of this page)  and with that, another post is done. 

As Ever
Me

Flying blind on a rocket cycle...

I have been doing this with the Bodymedia arm band for 22 days now, I have been sticking to walking and eating right for about a week past that and though I know that I am doing everything right I had no gauge because my scale checks out at 400 pounds. Frustrating much? damn right it is, working my ass off but not knowing where the progress or lack of progress is is a little annoying. The 1980 flick Flash Gordon (one of my favorite flicks) came to mind, there is a line in that movie where he says that hes flying blind on a rocket cycle when talking to Prince Vultan and its how I've felt.

Until this morning...

Hopped onto the scale this morning and the little spinning circles were going to stop on "E" again so I barely looked at down but when it stopped t was not an E, no it was not, not today it was a 403.6. So I got on again and waddaya know, 403.6 again and with that I have something to go off to measure progress without looking into the mirror and thinking "I look a little less puffy" so I am pleased with this event this morning. I am taken back to a post from when I started dropping weight in the beginning of 2008 and its funny how clear I remember writing that post. I did not have a scale back then and when I finally got one that would hold me I was 511 pounds, I remember being happy that I was 511 pounds and I mentioned in the post how excited I was and its again how I feel this morning.

I am very much addicted to checking my weight when I am on, Hey! I like to know my progress what can I say? so knowing that I am today weighing in at 403.6 pounds I have a start point, a line in the sand if you will and its time to start crushing it again... hey hey no fat jokes! I crush lots of things but this weight is coming down and the plan is to get it back down to 300 then reevaluate from there. 

I will continue to do what I am doing because its obviously working, I am back on the scale, I feel better than I have in a year and thats enough. I am doing my part now my body needs to keep on letting go of the weight and we will get back to where we need to be and I can get on with not being as giant as I am/was again.

Today I will go on my walk, today I will go on my evening bike ride with my daughter and today I will eat within my calorie limits, see ya back at 300 pounds!

That's all I got for today

As Ever
Me

This is mine.

Every painful step I take up this fucking hill, every rotation of the pedals where my legs beg for mercy, every single drop of sweat that beads on my head and runs into my eyes, I have earned, it is my debt to pay. I have been sentenced to this, it is mine, I own it and I need to make good on all of the late night deals that I made, all of the second plates, the pain now is the price for those things and I accept that as my sentence so my body will have to enjoy the pain because its not going to stop.

Now get out of my way before someone gets hurt, the brakes are gone, there is no stopping this train.

As Ever

The Train

Do what we do...

Its funny how I can be doing so well as far as eating within my allotted calories and going for walks/bike rides daily and feel like I am treading water because I don't know my current weight. It doesn't make any sense that we put so much on that number but we do and until I catch up to where my scale is I am going to have to deal with it, get over it and just keep on pushing through. 

Speaking of pushing through, yesterday on my daily walk about .80 miles in it started to rain, I gave my daughter the option to turn around and try and beat ay hard rain back home or finish the walk and deal with anything that came.. we turned around. So my walk was cut short but thats fine, I did enjoy walking through the rain on the way home while my daughter dodged between trees on her bike in an attempt to stay dry. 

Other than the mental block that is there because of the not knowing my weight I am still on track and am looking to get back down to where I was, I wish I could put a time line on it for myself to gauge a somewhat educated guess as to when I will reach it but since I can't weigh myself right now, it is what it is and plugging along is the plan. Today its once again raining so we'll see what happens as far as my walk goes, my feet have stopped hurting from the walks, my ass is doing ok on the bike and I am tweaking my intake so that its more balanced, we seem to be on a roll. 

Until next time, That's all I got...

As Ever
Me

Do or do not, there is no try..

This weekend went well where my calories and exercise are the subject, Saturday was an awesome day all around that ended with a bike ride with my eldest daughter and Sunday ended with fishing and a walk in a park that's local to us. I am finding keeping myself on task lately easier than its been in a good long while, I am again eating for fuel instead of recreation and that's huge!

Saturday I dodged pizza, I passed on cup cakes, said nah none for me to cookies. decided against ice cream and honestly besides the pizza all of that was pretty easy. My calories are where they should be and I have walked almost every day for the last 3 weeks, I am back on my bike in the order of after dinner rides with my daughter and I setup a longer ride with a friend and his kid for this coming weekend, I am sure I will be damning the cold weather soon enough as I pull my bike trainer out again.... I hope. 

A shot of my bike by the water from a couple nights ago.

I try to snap a few pics when we stop but honestly I am enjoying the rides again so my daughter is actually asking me to snap pics of "our rides" meaning the bikes so I do have a few. I will try and do my part and keep this trend going... wait.. scratch that, I will do my part to keep things going in this directions because in the words of Yoda "Do or do not, there is no try" so we'll go with that. 

So all in all I seem to be on a decent little run here, I feel better than I have in a while and its getting easier to go for my walks with the kids. I still don't know my exact weight as my scale is limited but I can't bee too much more than its limit at this point so soon I will have a weight to post on here and start my progress downward again with my motorcycle comparison weight images.

Until the next episode of as the fat guy turns... tune in to see bike rides, walks and fishing while a fat dude gets smaller... again....

As Ever
Me

Started from the bottom now we're here.

Forward is the direction we go...

I walked 3 miles yesterday afternoon while my daughter rode along with me on her bicycle, my calories were @1862 total and 1 gallon of green tea and more than a gallon of H2O went down the hatch. I am feeling pretty good the last couple weeks and while walking is not my favorite form of activity I am enjoying the time with the little one. Last night around 7:30 I heard "Dad, can we go for a ride on our bikes" how could I resist that? since I have not bee riding my bike was not set up with lights and being so close to sunset I had to have them so we took a few minutes to get out and by the time we were riding it was getting dark outside. 

The ride was short (for me) but that's what I need right now until I get my legs back a bit and we did a few miles just around the neighborhood, it was fun. I walked in the door to a counter top full of banana muffins and zucchini bread that wify had been making and had a banana muffin to finish off my calories for the night. Over all I would say things are on track and I am getting some good time in with the kiddos as well as getting my arse back out there and putting some miles behind me.

Aiming to be back at 305 pounds but more importantly I am aiming to just get back to feeling healthy. 

Thats all I got for today. 

As Ever

Me

A new week

We have a week behind us, but its not just a week its a successful week where my health is concerned. I stuck to my calories all week and throughout the weekend and I am moving more again, I am going to admit something because my blog has always been about accountability. I have a scale, it weighs up to 400 pounds, when I bought this scale I had the option to buy one that went to 450 pounds but in my wildest dreams I never thought I would see even 350 pounds never mind 400 and I find myself unable to weigh myself at home currently. Yep, I am more than 400 pounds currently and not very happy about it so I am indeed weighing myself every couple days waiting for that scale to pop off a number for me to go off of but for now I am as they say flying blind. 

I am not much more than 400 but I am above because my scale gives me a "E" I will continue to do what I am doing, logging my food, walking daily and getting my fluids in and sooner than later I am guessing that scale will give me a number. 

A shot of the moon over the lake I was fishing Saturday.

From Friday to Sunday I stayed active running errands and fishing, I skipped going out to a Polynesian place on Saturday night with my father in law mostly because looking at their menu it was a lot of fried foods and "Chinese" style dishes read: like Chinese fast food and since I have done so well I wanted it to remain that way. I have a walk planned for today some time and maybe some fishing so staying active is definitely on my agenda and I am bringing it back to basics with the walking because it works! 

when I began down this road to a healthier life I walked, I walked some more and then I walked some more, then it wasn't because I thought it to be an awesome weight loss tool (I sort of did) but it was because it was what I could muster being 500 plus pounds. This time around its a combination of the two, walking is something that I can do with my daughter and we both enjoy it, walking allows me to basically have an hour long conversation with her while we do something physical together and well to be honest its at my current pay grade so to speak.

Walking, counting calories, staying focused on the task at hand is my job right now, not because I want to do it, not because I should do it but because I need to do it.... so I will. 

the cycling like a madman will come back in due time... until then its just me and my walking with some light biking tossed in. 

Until next time.

As Ever
Me

Daily Report 4

Starting to feel like a broken record because I am being so consistent lately but that's a good thing right?!  Bodymedia says that I ate 1835 calories and I fell a little short on my steps yesterday but that's because I missed my afternoon walk so I will try and make up for it today a little bit. Instead of writing it daily lets just assume that I am hydrating enough with a gallon and a half to 2 gallons of fluids per day and over all I am feeling pretty good which is different from how its been the last couple months or so. 

I did go out for another walk around the lake stopping at the open spots to toss a line in the water when I came across them, not a single bite last night but the sunset more than made up for the lack of actual fishing. My daughter came along on her bike and over all its been a nice way to wind down my days so I shall continue to do it.

Over all I am feeling pretty good about how things are going thus far, I am not overly hungry at all and meal planning is coming back to me so for the most part I am right where I want to be. I do want to switch back over to mostly whole foods as that seemed to be what was the ticket for me on the last go around so that's in the plans too.

I've not set any "goals" or "rewards" for myself as my goal is to be healthy again and my rewards will be the things that I am missing out on now as a result of my backsliding. 

As Ever
Me