Do or do not, there is no try..

This weekend went well where my calories and exercise are the subject, Saturday was an awesome day all around that ended with a bike ride with my eldest daughter and Sunday ended with fishing and a walk in a park that's local to us. I am finding keeping myself on task lately easier than its been in a good long while, I am again eating for fuel instead of recreation and that's huge!

Saturday I dodged pizza, I passed on cup cakes, said nah none for me to cookies. decided against ice cream and honestly besides the pizza all of that was pretty easy. My calories are where they should be and I have walked almost every day for the last 3 weeks, I am back on my bike in the order of after dinner rides with my daughter and I setup a longer ride with a friend and his kid for this coming weekend, I am sure I will be damning the cold weather soon enough as I pull my bike trainer out again.... I hope. 

A shot of my bike by the water from a couple nights ago.

I try to snap a few pics when we stop but honestly I am enjoying the rides again so my daughter is actually asking me to snap pics of "our rides" meaning the bikes so I do have a few. I will try and do my part and keep this trend going... wait.. scratch that, I will do my part to keep things going in this directions because in the words of Yoda "Do or do not, there is no try" so we'll go with that. 

So all in all I seem to be on a decent little run here, I feel better than I have in a while and its getting easier to go for my walks with the kids. I still don't know my exact weight as my scale is limited but I can't bee too much more than its limit at this point so soon I will have a weight to post on here and start my progress downward again with my motorcycle comparison weight images.

Until the next episode of as the fat guy turns... tune in to see bike rides, walks and fishing while a fat dude gets smaller... again....

As Ever
Me

Started from the bottom now we're here.

Forward is the direction we go...

I walked 3 miles yesterday afternoon while my daughter rode along with me on her bicycle, my calories were @1862 total and 1 gallon of green tea and more than a gallon of H2O went down the hatch. I am feeling pretty good the last couple weeks and while walking is not my favorite form of activity I am enjoying the time with the little one. Last night around 7:30 I heard "Dad, can we go for a ride on our bikes" how could I resist that? since I have not bee riding my bike was not set up with lights and being so close to sunset I had to have them so we took a few minutes to get out and by the time we were riding it was getting dark outside. 

The ride was short (for me) but that's what I need right now until I get my legs back a bit and we did a few miles just around the neighborhood, it was fun. I walked in the door to a counter top full of banana muffins and zucchini bread that wify had been making and had a banana muffin to finish off my calories for the night. Over all I would say things are on track and I am getting some good time in with the kiddos as well as getting my arse back out there and putting some miles behind me.

Aiming to be back at 305 pounds but more importantly I am aiming to just get back to feeling healthy. 

Thats all I got for today. 

As Ever

Me

A new week

We have a week behind us, but its not just a week its a successful week where my health is concerned. I stuck to my calories all week and throughout the weekend and I am moving more again, I am going to admit something because my blog has always been about accountability. I have a scale, it weighs up to 400 pounds, when I bought this scale I had the option to buy one that went to 450 pounds but in my wildest dreams I never thought I would see even 350 pounds never mind 400 and I find myself unable to weigh myself at home currently. Yep, I am more than 400 pounds currently and not very happy about it so I am indeed weighing myself every couple days waiting for that scale to pop off a number for me to go off of but for now I am as they say flying blind. 

I am not much more than 400 but I am above because my scale gives me a "E" I will continue to do what I am doing, logging my food, walking daily and getting my fluids in and sooner than later I am guessing that scale will give me a number. 

A shot of the moon over the lake I was fishing Saturday.

From Friday to Sunday I stayed active running errands and fishing, I skipped going out to a Polynesian place on Saturday night with my father in law mostly because looking at their menu it was a lot of fried foods and "Chinese" style dishes read: like Chinese fast food and since I have done so well I wanted it to remain that way. I have a walk planned for today some time and maybe some fishing so staying active is definitely on my agenda and I am bringing it back to basics with the walking because it works! 

when I began down this road to a healthier life I walked, I walked some more and then I walked some more, then it wasn't because I thought it to be an awesome weight loss tool (I sort of did) but it was because it was what I could muster being 500 plus pounds. This time around its a combination of the two, walking is something that I can do with my daughter and we both enjoy it, walking allows me to basically have an hour long conversation with her while we do something physical together and well to be honest its at my current pay grade so to speak.

Walking, counting calories, staying focused on the task at hand is my job right now, not because I want to do it, not because I should do it but because I need to do it.... so I will. 

the cycling like a madman will come back in due time... until then its just me and my walking with some light biking tossed in. 

Until next time.

As Ever
Me

Daily Report 4

Starting to feel like a broken record because I am being so consistent lately but that's a good thing right?!  Bodymedia says that I ate 1835 calories and I fell a little short on my steps yesterday but that's because I missed my afternoon walk so I will try and make up for it today a little bit. Instead of writing it daily lets just assume that I am hydrating enough with a gallon and a half to 2 gallons of fluids per day and over all I am feeling pretty good which is different from how its been the last couple months or so. 

I did go out for another walk around the lake stopping at the open spots to toss a line in the water when I came across them, not a single bite last night but the sunset more than made up for the lack of actual fishing. My daughter came along on her bike and over all its been a nice way to wind down my days so I shall continue to do it.

Over all I am feeling pretty good about how things are going thus far, I am not overly hungry at all and meal planning is coming back to me so for the most part I am right where I want to be. I do want to switch back over to mostly whole foods as that seemed to be what was the ticket for me on the last go around so that's in the plans too.

I've not set any "goals" or "rewards" for myself as my goal is to be healthy again and my rewards will be the things that I am missing out on now as a result of my backsliding. 

As Ever
Me

Daily report 3

My Bodymedia says that I had 1833 calories yesterday and my excel sheet that I have been using since 2007 says that I had 1855 calories and I would call that close enough to assume I am being accurate. I walked with my daughter again for just under 2 miles but we shaved 5 minutes off of our last walk time because I talked her into bringing her razor scooter so that we can go at a more me pace, worked great. One gallon of green tea and more than one gallon of H2O went down the hatch so hydrated I am indeed, the Bodymedia says that I slept for 6 hours 48 minutes with a sleep efficiency of , 82% still figuring that part of this new gadget out. 

It was unbelievable gorgeous outside yesterday so just before sunset I went out and walked around the lake with my fishing pole in hand just to get some light walking/fishing in to end my day. I caught the tiniest bass that I ever seen in my life (of course released it) and got a nice end of the night walk in all by myself. 

I have been back "on track" for about 5 days now and its crazy the difference in how I feel whether its actual or just mental because I know I am doing the right things for myself I suppose it doesn't matter either way, it is the result I was hoping for.

Thats all I got for today

As Ever
Me 

Daily Report 2

Yesterday finished off with 1810 calories in, 1 gallon of green tea and more than 1 gallon of H2O, I did not get in anything that I would call exercise and my walk did not happen because it was rainy. Though I got to bed by 11PM it was hard for me to fall asleep and then I was up at 4AM, maybe my body needs to adjust to getting full nights sleep again as I have always required less than 7 hours per night.

After talking with a couple people who have the Bodymedia Fit Link I decided that I would give it a go as I had a gift card that would cover the cost of the device and buying a health related item seemed like a good idea. Last night I ran out and picked it up, created my account and it is charging right now, I am a little worried that it will not be as comfortable as I am hoping but I will find out as soon as these 2 little lights blink green indicating that the device is fully charged.

Of course I will be giving my opinions etc on the fit link and I will continue to post as I can because getting this weight off has to be a priority.

Thanks for checkin' me out

As Ever
Me

Daily report 1

Took a walk with the kids yesterday afternoon, ate 1820 calories for the day, 1 gallon of green tea and 1 gallon of H2O down the hatch. Going to try and keep the momentum going through today and I am going to start using twitter again @Zeusmeatball if anyone is so inclined to check it out, its time to get the JuJu back..

My walk was 1.77 miles at my daughters pace and I got a chance to use my new Garmin fit app which I will be using from now on in as it syncs with my forerunner 305's data apparently so I am looking forward to pairing the two and seeing how it helps me. 

Posts will be short and sweet for now so that I can focus on getting back into a regimen of healthy eating, working out and hopefully I will start seeing the scale moving in a downward trend again.

Thats all I got for today

As Ever
Me

Big ol fattys...

After the swift kick in the ass yesterday I decide to go for a walk to reinforce the message to my body that play time is over, I ended up doing just under two miles with the baby stroller. After I got about a mile out I realized that my son would be home from school in 5 minutes and I needed to be there to let him in so I hustled back for the second mile and just made it as his bus pulled up. If mowing the lawn counts I did that as well as far as exercise and I am coming to the realization that I am going to have to go see a doc about this shoulder pain so that  can start in on my daily push ups again. 

I will touch on the shoulder, nine months ago give or take I started having shoulder pain in my right shoulder, at first it was minor but its since gotten way worse and I believe it to be rotator cuff related. I can do daily life type stuff but anything past that is painful especially if I were to throw a ball, that motion is the worse. I need to look at this go at weight loss as new, when I was 500 pounds I needed to do things a certain way because of where I was then at 300 pounds I was almost unlimited yet now I am somewhere in between and if I think like that 500 pound guy I am in the wrong spot and I am not close to where the 300 pound version of me was so taking it head on as it is a completely new experience is how I need to advance through this. 

Setting goals is going to have to be in my approach because well.. goals help and give a fella something to focus on while turning down brownies and declining the cherry pie. Setting a cycling goal for myself is on the chart and setting weight loss goals will be less prevalent this go around, I mean hell I am a scale addict when I am doing well so I will be aware of what my weight is doing but I have come to the realization that I really don't care what I weigh if I am unhindered in anything that I want to do. This sort of means that if I can do my 25 mile Sunday rides without death finding me on the trail or flattening my bicycle I am happy, currently I am not confident on my bicycles not because I cannot ride them but I worry about breaking something so riding tender will be where I am. 

Riding tender? what the hell does that even mean man? well it means that even being a "clydesdale" rider I am merciless with my bikes, I RIDE my bikes, I do tend to ride light but at my current weight I feel that I may be pushing my luck even while riding light. When I say riding tender I mean literally just getting the pedals turning on easy rides, no standing on the pedals and no off road excursions because "hey that little trail over there looks fun" but I do need to get back out there even if its short trips to get things going again and perhaps gain some confidence back. 

I recently bought some big ol fatty tires for the K2 which is pictured above they are CST Cyclops 26  x 2.4 tires and are extremely ummm rotund so I am using that as a reason to get back onto the bike as well.  My shoulder keeps me from riding as much as I would like to as well, but it is what it is I suppose for now but I am hoping to get things lined back up and having my body begging for mercy again because this me begging for mercy thing just don't fly. 

So with all of that said it is time for me to hit the road and get a couple miles into my day, I am going to try and get a few minutes later for a quick spin around the lake as well because when I am moving the weight typically comes off. I hope that was enough random for your day coming from my direction because that's what I got for today, I have never seen cookies jump into someones mouth on their own before so as long as I don;t pick any up they should stay out of my mouth. 

As Ever
Me

Everybody freeze! this is a robbery!

I feel like I am robbing myself of all of the things that I earned and saying earned is odd because most "normal" sized people need not earn them as they are just a given in most cases. Once upon a lullaby I was a 500 plus pound man wondering if it would be on the stair case or maybe on my way outside to bring the trash out when my heart would grenade and seven poor souls would have to lift me into an ambulance and then that changed. I decided that enough was enough and it was time to get serious about living before death got serious about finding me in a dark alley and cashing in and this here blog was started and viola that along with a piss load of hard work and discipline lead me down a path that ended at a healthy 300 pounds, which sounds funny but its true.

 

I have in my life right now something that DEMANDS my attention and I am an emotional eater through and through if I had a single wish it would be that was not a fact but it is and its not easy to distract myself when the shit hits that proverbial fan and lately trust me when I say that I am covered in it. This is a problem because as you know its not easy to stay on track all of the time without the distractions to use a nice word for them so managing to do what needs to be done while the water keeps rising is not a remedial task at all, but alas.. it must be changed. 

  

Ya see sometimes though over in the corner is that other guy, that guy who battled his way down from 534 pounds to 300 pounds and every day at the gym status. Hes sitting there watching all of this shit go down in front of him and he knows that if he just sits there and allows it to happen that the cage door is going to swing shut again. That guy knows how to do what needs to be done, he understands the repercussions of sitting idly by while shit goes to hell around him and he one hundred percent realizes that even surrounded by stress that sooner or later the hammer will drop and which side of the fence he ends up on is placed squarely on HIS shoulders.  

  

So... What to do about it? Perhaps allowing stress that would shatter most people and I suppose you could say that I am letting it do the same to me, destroy the health of a man who worked so hard to completely 180 his life and the way he was treating his body is one way to go. Something else that could happen is that instead of understanding whats causing the distress and allowing it to dictate what the next step is that maybe, just maybe I snatch life up by the throat once again and tell it to go fuck off because I got shit I still need to do should be the direction I lean instead. 

 

I am stronger than anything that will stress me, I am the one who steers the truck and I can either let go of the wheel and let the shit that seems to be trying to tear me down be in control or I could remain in full control of these things. I think its time to to tell life to reach into the bag and give me my wallet back, I will allow it to keep what it has taken, I will allow it to have its small victory but ultimately it needs to understand something and more importantly I NEED to understand something, I determine what I put into my body, I determine whether I will go for a ride on my bike or for a walk, I decide. 

Yep, Thats the one, its the wallet that says bad motherfucker on it so with that said, and I am repeating myself here its time to turn in my little bitch card and man the fuck up.

As Ever
Me

 

You could spend your entire life walking around in the nowhere land of self doubt.

Where do I begin, I have not had time to sit down and regularly write here, Life is keeping me on my toes and unfortunately its taking its toll on my weight. I am up in weight from my lowest but not close to my starting weight but if something doesn't change who knows where the wheel stop, I am keeping tabs on things to the point that I am not gaining but I am not losing either and I believe the lack of focus is to blame. I'll never make excuses as to why I am not losing weight or gaining on fitness goals, I will say that if you have to shovel shit against the tide while monkeys toss stones at you from the shore during a Nor'easter while your hands are tied together that it's a bit more difficult than usual. 

Something about my blog that has held true since its creation is that I don't like to bullshit, its straight to the point, blunt and typically reflects where I am in my head and that's a part of why the posts have been thin lately as well, why post if its going to be negative? I see people "fall off the wagon" all the time when I read weight loss and fitness blogs, I wish I could barrel through it and keep writing when that happens but it feels so false to me to tell someone "keep on keepin on!" as I sit here, beard covered in cookie crumbs, so I don't. I did sometime last year decide that I could not shave my beard until I got back down to 334 pounds (which is the 200 pounds lost mark) so lets say I am sportin' that mountain man look a little bit these days and as Summer approaches I question that decision.

This morning I decided it was time to MAKE time to write a post, not for anyone that may be reading, not because I was bored and needed to kill some time but for me. I started writing this bog for me back in Jan 2008 and I need to keep that in mind when I write posts. I need to keep me in mind with ever decision because those monkeys are not going to stop chucking stones, the tide never quits but that Nor'easter has to end some time and when all is said and done I am the one that has to deal with it all. I gained enough weight that my wardrobe is umm how do I say? snug would be a nice way to say it and that alone pisses me off to the point where I could get frustrated over it if I let myself but I'm not gonna go there in my head. Its time, time to man the fuck up and put my big boy pants back on and fix this because looking back at life at 534 pounds there is no fuckin way I'm going back no matter what those monkeys toss at me. 

Being a little bitch has never really been the way I roll and in some ways letting my weight get out of control because so much around me seems to be in chaos is well... bein' a little bitch. I am unstoppable when my game is on, I have proved that to myself so the question is not really can I do it or do I have it in me but how to beat this little bitch down and man up. I suppose the answer to that is to just do it because I have said it time and time again, no one can do it for me, I have to just put the fork down and get my ass moving again no matter how much is tossed my way and I am going to quote someone that's helped me get through a lot of shit in my life here and apply it to this.

"If I took the time to bleed from all the tiny little arrows shot my way, I wouldn't be here"

~Henry Rollins~

Now with that said, Harden The Fuck Up fat boy, its time to start beating my own ass again, besides... I want to shave again because there are too many beardist people in the world....

As Ever
Me