I was standing in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower and I looked at the guy in the reflection and saw someone that I was not use to seeing. This guy had shape to his shoulders, his chest looked like a guys chest should look and there were very prominent collar bones all the way across, biceps that looked like biceps and I looked at him for a minute to make sure that I was seeing him right. popped into a muscle man pose and a flex later I was smiling but it didn't last long as I glanced down and the rest of what I saw was all flying squirrel in a hurricane. This looking at the wrapping paper around the package all started when The Dr Oz show that I was invited to attend aired and I saw myself sitting up there in the studio audience. I was not totally put off but I looked bigger than that guy in the mirror and it dawned on me that when I am sitting down I look bigger than I am. When I stand up everything seems to be in a better place than when I sit and it has somewhere to rest, I have a feeling that this little skin problem and myself are going to have a long bitter relationship.
Don't get me wrong, it is what it is and I will take this over being on the wrong side of 500 pounds any day of the week but man! I bust my ass and there is nothing that I can do about this problem. I am in the gym 5 days a week sometimes more, I eat right and clean most of the time I drink like a fish and get my sleep like I should and here I am not looking the part, frustrating much? I suppose that putting too much thought into something that I can't change would be counter productive but it's hard sometimes! especially when I catch a glimpse of myself with my shirt off and can see what I would look like sans the extra stuff. Looking on the bright side I guess that I could find a drum maker and get a couple of amazingly unique drums made from the skin when I am all done losing and its time to start thinking about removing it, but that's a totally different discussion.
Lifting weights will surely help me fill some of the deflated outer shell left behind by the older me, I know that it will take time but its the only productive thing that I can do to try and counter some of the damage. I have a couple options here, I can sit around looking at this in a way that will drive me insane trying to think of a way to fix something that can't be fixed, or I can just accept that this is a part of the process for me. I can say that I will just accept it until the moon falls out of the sky but the truth is that it bothers me and there is nothing I can do about that either but making it into something that I will waste time worrying about isn't the direction that I'm going to go in either so it seems I am at an impasse with this as far as the mental part goes. I figure I took about ten years wrecking my body and I am just over two years into the repair process and down more than two hundred pounds for my efforts and I have to understand that this isn't something that will fix itself over night and possibly never be fixed without a surgery.
I will take the glimpses of my hard work in the mirror whenever I am afforded one of them and will have to deal with the extra luggage I am carrying around. The fact that I can see some of my hard work is actually awesome because its been a long time since I was able to see anything that could be considered even close to definition but here I am three hundred some odd pounds and its there, even if only for brief moments in the mirror as I step into the shower. I know that part of this process is to get skinny but this isn't exactly what I had imagined when I thought that back about 2 years ago!
Such is life I suppose, I am healthier than ever and doing what I want to physically without any restrictions for the most part and THAT is the point of this whole process. Give me a year and I will have bulked up a bit and filled in some of this looseness with some mass, until then If anyone needs a new drum just shoot me a message and we can work out some pricing, That's all I got for today.
Fini
As Ever
Me
This post really hit me hard Tony since I am at the same place. I too can see all my hard work of 2 yrs of weight lifting but then I also see all this loose skin hanging off my body and it really does disgust me. You talking about how when you stand it doesn't seem so bad but when you sit you can really see it. I describe myself as a plop of cool whip lol. I do try to laugh about it sometimes. I do need to work on loving all of myself and knowing that in the future if I want to get it removed I can. I know though that I just have to keep moving forward and appreciating all the things I can do now that I couldn't. Maybe I have "extra" stuff I wish I didn't but I also have SOOOO many more good things from my changes. Thanks for reminding me.
ReplyDeleteThe guys on the "guys on a diet" weight watchers board always say to wait at least a year after reaching your goal wt before getting skin removal surgery because a lot of it will tighten up. Maybe not all of it, but some.
ReplyDeleteTony, I completely understand because even though I haven't dealt with the same amount of weight you have, I too have some loose skin - confirmed by a plastic surgeon who told me that liposuction would not work on my "belly" only a tummy tuck because it is loose skin. So here I sit less than 2 weeks from turning 50 and trying to decide if I should just let it be, or go for the tuck (they're not cheap, you know). Is it vanity or a legitimate thing that would help my body esteem issues? Hard decisions.
ReplyDeleteI am only starting my weight loss journey and my future loose skin is already playing mind games with me. Perhaps it can be, if anything, a reminder. So that you never go back to the way you were two years ago. Time and time again I read about people that lost a ton of weight only to eventually put it back on. Make the most of it.
ReplyDeleteI let my skin freak me out to the point I stopped loosing weight for over a year. It is what it is, the younger you are the better it will get. Staying hydrated is one of the best things you can do for your skin. the flying squirrel comment was so relatable I spit my morning coffee out on the screen. I hope someday that the effect the skin has on me (hinders distance biking and hiking because of chaffing)physically and mentally will not be as big of a deal.
ReplyDeleteFitness is what you do, not how you look.
I haven't lost enough weight to have extra skin from that, but I have had two babies, and the stretch marks that I got resemble a road map. Sometimes they really frustrate me.. but other times, I think of them as my battle scars. All that I endured are in those scars.. and so now that I have to live with them, I have found my way to even have a little bit of pride. So.. I suggest you be proud of your extra skin for all the hard work you put in emptying all that skin of all that fat! Congradulations on your saggy flying squirrel skin!
ReplyDeleteI feel ya! I have plenty of lose skin and lots and lots of stretch marks. I have worked hard - lifting heavy for two years now. I have some upper body and leg definition, but damn, had I never been fat I would have a rock hard, smokin' body by now. Total jip. Not fair. Not fair at all.
ReplyDelete@bbobblyb - I refer to the way my belly looks as a batch of bread dough that has been allowed to rise and is then punched down. Ugh. Yuck. Gross. That is exactly what it looks like, too. Not fair, not fair, not fair.
ReplyDeleteYour skin will adjust to some extent over time. So don't get too caught up in it just yet. Give your body time to adjust to the changes you have made.
ReplyDeleteLong time reader here, have never commented before, but this post made me smile--and well up with tears. The skin the skin the skin. After maintaining a 120 lb loss for almost 3 years, it was the extra skin that I kept focusing on, and I let it shame me--in spite of all the amazing improvements in my life. I eventually gained all the weight back (plus more, natch), and STILL HAD SAGGY SKIN! Well that was no solution...lol. Anyway, I'm so glad you shared these concerns. And it's great to see your self awareness expanding just like your muscles. Both of those are gonna pay off big time. Have a great week!
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