I was standing in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower and I looked at the guy in the reflection and saw someone that I was not use to seeing. This guy had shape to his shoulders, his chest looked like a guys chest should look and there were very prominent collar bones all the way across, biceps that looked like biceps and I looked at him for a minute to make sure that I was seeing him right. popped into a muscle man pose and a flex later I was smiling but it didn't last long as I glanced down and the rest of what I saw was all flying squirrel in a hurricane. This looking at the wrapping paper around the package all started when The Dr Oz show that I was invited to attend aired and I saw myself sitting up there in the studio audience. I was not totally put off but I looked bigger than that guy in the mirror and it dawned on me that when I am sitting down I look bigger than I am. When I stand up everything seems to be in a better place than when I sit and it has somewhere to rest, I have a feeling that this little skin problem and myself are going to have a long bitter relationship.
Don't get me wrong, it is what it is and I will take this over being on the wrong side of 500 pounds any day of the week but man! I bust my ass and there is nothing that I can do about this problem. I am in the gym 5 days a week sometimes more, I eat right and clean most of the time I drink like a fish and get my sleep like I should and here I am not looking the part, frustrating much? I suppose that putting too much thought into something that I can't change would be counter productive but it's hard sometimes! especially when I catch a glimpse of myself with my shirt off and can see what I would look like sans the extra stuff. Looking on the bright side I guess that I could find a drum maker and get a couple of amazingly unique drums made from the skin when I am all done losing and its time to start thinking about removing it, but that's a totally different discussion.
Lifting weights will surely help me fill some of the deflated outer shell left behind by the older me, I know that it will take time but its the only productive thing that I can do to try and counter some of the damage. I have a couple options here, I can sit around looking at this in a way that will drive me insane trying to think of a way to fix something that can't be fixed, or I can just accept that this is a part of the process for me. I can say that I will just accept it until the moon falls out of the sky but the truth is that it bothers me and there is nothing I can do about that either but making it into something that I will waste time worrying about isn't the direction that I'm going to go in either so it seems I am at an impasse with this as far as the mental part goes. I figure I took about ten years wrecking my body and I am just over two years into the repair process and down more than two hundred pounds for my efforts and I have to understand that this isn't something that will fix itself over night and possibly never be fixed without a surgery.
I will take the glimpses of my hard work in the mirror whenever I am afforded one of them and will have to deal with the extra luggage I am carrying around. The fact that I can see some of my hard work is actually awesome because its been a long time since I was able to see anything that could be considered even close to definition but here I am three hundred some odd pounds and its there, even if only for brief moments in the mirror as I step into the shower. I know that part of this process is to get skinny but this isn't exactly what I had imagined when I thought that back about 2 years ago!
Such is life I suppose, I am healthier than ever and doing what I want to physically without any restrictions for the most part and THAT is the point of this whole process. Give me a year and I will have bulked up a bit and filled in some of this looseness with some mass, until then If anyone needs a new drum just shoot me a message and we can work out some pricing, That's all I got for today.