Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Reflections of a quarter ton guy.

Who is this guy that calls himself Zeusmeatball? Who is he? The short answer is that he is just a guy that was fatter than he is now once upon a time and decided to lose some weight and get healthy. The slightly longer story has a man scared of sudden death at the hands of an encasing layer of fat that covered his body to the point of ceasing normal every day life being forced to doing something about his dwindling health because of that fear, that's the Zeusmeatball that started writing a blog on January 1st 2008. I wish that I didn't know him so well, at times I hoped it was a dream and that I would just wake up sitting on my bed looking down at the smaller me from my past but it never happened, instead disappointed at myself I sat there wondering what I could do about this situation that I had gotten myself into while the answer was there the whole time.

The answer was there the whole time? indeed it was, Stop wishing and start doing even if it was just cutting back on some of the shitty food that was or is being shoved down just stop it. Wow what a simple concept that is! why didn't I think of that? its what every person that has an eating problem wonders about while they are standing in the kitchen shoveling calories into their pie holes at O dark thirty, and it really is as easy as just stop. I didn't say that just stop was easy, but its as easy as that statement. It does take a huge amount of will power and determination but at the very most basic level if the calories are not going in they can't exactly attach themselves as fat so I am stickin with my its that easy statement, I just wish I had talked myself into that a long time ago.

I can remember a time in my life when I would wake up and have to sit in bed for 20 minutes just to let my back warm up and stretch enough so that I could stand without extreme pain from an injury that I got back in 2000. I was on my way up to the 534 pounds where I stopped at that point and it was a daily thing for me, wake up, roll over, sit up and stay there until the pain went away finally dragging my big ass out of the bed. After that it was time to sit on the couch for a while so that my back pain would go away a little more and I could start functioning the best I could at 500 plus pounds. I worked evenings at that time in my life and it was a good thing because I used the day to get my back ready to be able to do what I needed to in order to get to work and complete my day there. At work I sat in a chair all day and that wasn't really a good thing or a bad thing as sitting hurt just as bad as standing sometimes, it was literally pain 24/7 in my back the only difference was the level of pain at any given time and still I ate the Cheetos and strawberry milk every time I had a break.

We had a Ford Focus at one point and there was a time or three where I had to take that car into work in place of my Mustang and I literally had to squeeze into it for my 45 minute commute and I mother fucked that car the whole way. It was Wify's car so when we bought it and I test drove it I didn't care that it was a tight squeeze for me because I never thought that I would have to drive it. My gut hit the steering wheel in a way that I did not have to hold the wheel and could literally drive using my girth to steer if need be and still on the way home I stopped at Del Taco for my sack of greasy burritos. Driving is something that I have always been passionate about, I LOVE driving and I LOVE my Mustang and there was even a point in my life where I hated driving that car too, shifting sucked at 500 pounds because of the lack of room in the cockpit when you are 6'5'' and weigh as much as a pony.

My Mustang this afternoon, I swear I heard it cuss at me for moving from California.

I can remember the day we brought our daughter home from the hospital and I pulled that mustang around to the pick up area, a prouder dad there will never be and has never been. I was brought home from the Hospital when I was born in my parents 65 mustang and here I am bringing my daughter home in my 97 mustang so many years later and there was something cool about that to me. That time of my life I hated cameras, I would never allow anyone to take my picture and if they did I would confiscate their camera and either delete the image if it was digital or remove the film if it was a regular camera, yes I said confiscate. On that day I didn't even notice my wife was taking pictures, I was just making sure that the beautiful little girl was strapped into her new seat perfectly for her maiden voyage in a mustang. A month or so later the pictures were developed and I saw myself squatting down next to the baby carrier and I loved that the picture was taken because its a snap in time that will never happen again but I despise that picture because of my size. My daughter whom means more to me than anyone has ever meant to another will now have to see how weak her dad was at that point in his life and how I let things get out of control and that's something that I cannot change. There is another side to that coin that plays completely different and is totally positive but that's a conversation for Me and her when she is a bit older.

I am the same guy that I was two years ago the difference is my outlook on certain aspects of my life and the way that I live them. I mentioned earlier in this post that it was easy and I stand by that because once you realize that you are slowly killing yourself by doing nothing about the situation its easy to fix it, its easy to change the way that you think about food and your relationship with it when death is on one side of the line. That photo of me and my daughter coming out if the hospital? I am in fact looking forward to the day when she sees it and says "Dad that's not you" because all she knows is the healthier me and she would be right because physically its not going to be me, I am glad that I stopped wishing and started doing something about the weight because if I had not who knows where I would be today and what my relationship with that little girl would be.

Zeusmeatball is no one special and soon enough he will blend into a crowd and not a single person will be the wiser that he once weighed more than a quarter ton.

Then all we will have is pictures to prove it because I ain't goin back.


As Ever


  1. Oh - how I can resonate wtih this post. At my highest (recorded) weight of almost 600 lbs - I went through the exact same things. I even bought a car for my daughter 3 yrs ago that I finally road in yesterday - because I've lost enough weight to get in.

    I hated picture - tried to hide my bulk behind people. What a wicked and crappy life that was.

    I'm down 130 lbs since July 20th - and have a long way to go yet - but my life is back.

    Thanks for your encouraging words. I love it.

  2. Beautiful post - even the picture of this awful snow that won't let up on us this winter.

  3. What a wonderful feeling to not stand out because of size. Maybe when I get to my goal weight I will need to have purple hair cos I will miss standing out :p

  4. My kids already say "That's not you," when they see old pictures of me. My mom and dad have said it, too... (Ummm, yeah, that fat chick is just posing with my kids, yeah right, Ma.) It's amazing.

    My heart breaks for the OtherZeusmeatball. I never had serious mobility issues or much pain (that I remember) and I just can't imagine.

    Be proud, friend, because that is behind you. Forever.

    Thank you for your kind words on my blog today. :)