Being overwhelmed...and it's not what you think..

Within daily life sometimes things happen that are neither here nor there yet they define the moment, they can dictate mind states and control our every waking hour, this week was no different in the way that life keeps going no matter the challenges. Being invaded by the hordes is never a grand moment yet somehow bigger than life while holding focus and can prove to be character shaping at times, when lilliputian enemies rear their ugly heads its time to buckle down and end the day dining in hell if need be.

Day one, Something was amiss, it was quiet and the feline was no where to be found yet the jingle of a bell was ever present, scouting around the mangy beast was found sitting in a corner mumbling something about his precious and the bell on his neck was the only other sound to be heard. bamn! a prick on the ankle, bamn! bamn! in rapid succession two more came and that's when it became clear what had happened, tiny flea warriors had breached the wall. The suction device was deployed and the furry bell ringer was quarantined while the area was cleared of tiny invaders, night fell and sleep was had.


Day two, Upon waking a messenger sat boldly upon the forearm of the master, gnawing on flesh caring not that he would be seen, with a pinch and a short walk to the basin this intruder was drown and disposed of. The day progressed normally until a scream was heard from one of the sleeping quarters and five more invaders were captured and drown, what could be done? obviously something had to be done immediately but what? Poison! yes poison would certainly do the trick, so one of the elders was given the task of laying poison and using the suction device to take care of the petite trespassers and a castle in a far away land was visited comfortably knowing that the elder would surely take care of this problem.

Day three, which was really day nine for the inhabitants and upon returning from the rodents palace they were informed that the poison had just been applied only hours before so nine days worth of poisoning was wasted while multiplication of enemies ran amok. Again the feline was quarantined, suction was applied and peaceful living returned for a short time, a very short time. It was not long before there were minuscule vermin wearing blue face paint screaming "Freeeeedooooommmm!!" bringing Chaos to the realm once again so foggers were dispatched while the inhabitants left for the day only to return to find that the foggers were not enough to penetrate the armor of the microscopic warriors besieging a peaceful land, sleeping would prove more difficult this time around.

Day...the days are melting together into one big mass of turmoil as the suction device is being deployed hourly once again. Standing in his quarters a lone opponent was noticed watching as a conversation was had, "This is madness honey" I said to the lady of the house and in a loud whisper a reply was heard from the corner of a bureau where one of the wee warriors stood proudly "Madness? THIS IS SPARTAAAAAA!" Sparta? This is New England motherfucker! now get out! a new battery of foggers have been acquired from the supply house and will be utilized on the eve of morrow, 9 of them to be exact, if this does not purge these lilliputian warriors from our domain I will be at a loss and will have to consider a retreat.

I fear this may be the last entry if considerable ground is not made up in this next battle, My friends, wish me luck.

As Ever
Me

Hey look at that dent in the couch!

Just hanging around here and not doing a lot of moving because of this back pain, I am getting anxious to do something, I want to ride my bike, or go for a walk, maybe a swim is what I want to do and I cannot. I got to thinking about it and this is what I use to do all of the time at 534 pounds, yep that's right, just sitting in my ass shaped mark on the old leather couch pretty much summed up most of my days, I mean there were random trips to the bathroom or refrigerator but the rest of the time was pretty much spent sitting on my posterior and here I am now on day two of just relaxing my back and I am starting to go nuts! I got excited when I thought to vacuum the house about 30 minutes ago but that started tightening things up in the old back so I put it away and here I am again, sitting.

I am kind of blown away at the fact that today is only the second day that I am relaxing and pretty much just sitting here doing nothing and I am starting to feel a little bit leashed and not so long ago it was just how I lived my life. It is amazing how a persons perception of what they are doing can change depending on the circumstances of the moment, when I was 500 plus pounds my back hurt all of the time and I know that I used it as an excuse to justify why I was not doing anything but sitting, never wanting to admit that I was just too big to be very mobile and that I knew all along that something needed to change. Now that I am doing things pretty much all of the time sitting idle for a mere day and a half makes me want to go for a ride on my bike pain be damned but I know its not smart so again..here I sit.

Realizing that I use to do this sitting around thing when I could have been doing other things is eye opening as to how different states of mind can dictate reactions. I was not happy with the way things were even though I would never admit back then it was true, it hurt to do just about anything that lasted more than 5 minutes and lets keep our minds out of the gutter folks that's not what I meant! (though its included on that list) and sitting around was ok with me because of that fact. Fast forward to today and a two day break from doing anything has me bouncing off of the walls figuratively of course as even standing up hurts but I gotta tell you that even bouncing off of the walls sounds like a good time to me right now and back then I would embrace the fact that I had an honest to goodness bonafide excuse to sit stationary for hours.

I don't wish very often because if you wish into one hand and shit into the other you will soon see which fills up first, but I really do wish that I had come to a few realizations years ago because to me it is honestly more about the mindset that one puts them self into which dictates the actions that are taken by an individual. If I had been able to pull myself out of the funk earlier this blog would be that much older and I would likely have been on Oprah or something by now sharing how I lost 300 pounds (which is slightly insane in itself that I could possibly lose 300 pounds and still weigh 234 pounds) but I was unable to do it until I saw fear and now here I am 200 plus pounds lost so far and going nuts because I have to rest as a result of a sore back instead of exercising.

I am the same man and so very different all at the same time compared to who I was in 2008 because of this lifestyle change and every day I learn a little bit more about myself because of it.

As Ever
Me

Learning some limits, you mean I am not Superman?

Some of you know how I gained a lot of the weight that I have recently lost and I suspect that other newer readers might not know and today is a day that I shall recap a bit. I was injured in 2000 and I explained just how in This post, and lately I believe that I have grown numb to that injury and am feeling pretty invincible but as it were I was reminded that I am and probably will always be at least a little bit limited by this old scar of an injury that I carry around with me on a day to day.

Thursday I went for a bike ride which I mentioned in Fridays weigh in post and it was only a 4.5 mile ride but it was all hills and I did finally make it all the way up a big ol hill that I had not been able to make it up but when I got home my lower right back/hip area was a tad bit tight. Blah, whatever, I just rode hard and its just tight, or so I thought. I went about my night and Friday morning I felt that it was still there but not too bad, posted up the challenge on the weigh in post and again went about my day which included moving some furniture around and walking around all morning and afternoon and by the time I got home late afternoon my back was not feeling too good at all and I decided that I would do the challenge push ups on Sunday after a good nights rest on my back. Same deal happened on Sunday and I picked up where I left off on Saturday where pain was concerned and had a few errands to run and by the end of the errands I had to sit down because standing just hurt too much and I started to be reminded of the Bad good ol days when I was first injured but did I stop? nope, I moved one more dresser with wify, killed some wasps that thought that they had a warm safe place to live and then I stopped but only because I couldn't go any more. I did not do my challenge push ups (You can bet your ass when this goes away they will be paid in full) and I slept for about 2 hours last night while the rest of the time was spent attempting to get into a comfortable position, so yeah, I am not a happy camper today but this whole thing forced me to realize something.

No matter how good I feel, no matter how much weight I have lost or will continue to lose I have to remember that I have that limit. I need to listen to my body and when it says that its time to take it easy because a small pull in my back will become a big problem ie: 2 hours sleep and sitting in a contorted position as I type this post out I NEED to do so. Nothing is more frustrating to me than this predicament that I am in currently, I AM stronger than I have been in years, I CAN run now, I CAN do just about anything that I want to do yet I am limited by this old injury, I have no choice in the matter. No amount of determination or willpower can make this go away, it is not within my power to take this limitation away from myself and squash it with the hundreds of pounds that I have lost in the past year and a half and yet it is the mindset that I have come to know, that I can willpower my way through anything.

Imagine, I have come so far with my weight loss and health and there is not a damn thing that I can do about this problem that I have barring being aware that it exists and respond to it by resting it when it shows up. This is only the second time since losing the weight that I have been frustrated by this issue which should be considered a blessing by me because it was a daily issue when I was heavier, but I just cannot get past this frustration, I think that the frustration is worse than the actual pain for me right now. I bust my ass and I eat correctly now a days, I work hard to maintain a level of activity and eat good solid whole food meals as much as possible and this one obstacle is in my way and there is nothing that I can do to make it go away, I need to remember that I am not Superman no matter how Wify makes me feel and I need to pay a little closer attention to things like soreness in my lower back because it is one thing that I don't have control of.

I feel unstoppable (see that image at the top of my blog? it is how I feel all of the time) and when something like this happens it reminds me that no matter how I feel that I do have that limitation and I need to act accordingly when it shows its ugly face sums up this post. Don't read any of this as me whining I want my Mommy I was just trying to type out how I feel about it which is mainly FRUSTRATED! so that I could look back at it as a reminder that taking a break is much better than feeling completely broken.

That's all I got for now.

As Ever
Me

204 total pounds lost to date, weighing in and a challenge posted.

It's that time of the week again kids, that's right its the day that we record any losses for the week so lets get to it. When I woke up I went straight for the scale and the number that flashed across the display was 330.2lbs, second go at it was 330.0lbs and finally attempt number three was 330.2lbs and that's a 2 pound loss for the week and I'll take it! That's 204 total pounds lost since starting and obviously a new low weight for me. I haven't focused on the number that I have left to lose in a while and when I just did the math and saw that I am 55 pounds away from my first goal weight I have to admit that I grinned to myself, I say my "first goal" because I want to get to 267 pounds as my goal instead of 275 and I am 55 away from 275. Why 267 pounds you ask? because at 267 pounds I will have lost half of my total body weight and I figure whats an extra 8 pounds to get there right? and then my Ultimate goal weight (which I am sure will change again anyways) is to weigh 250lbs but that bridge will be crossed when I get there and here are some pictures to visualize what I have lost as well as what I currently weigh.

This old Indian weighs in at 330 pounds, yep, I weigh the same as that there motorcycle.

Chuck Liddel from the UFC weighs 204 pounds, I have lost an entire Ultimate fighter dude, who wouldda thunk.

Yesterday I ate a lot! it was all good food and all fit within my calorie range but I felt like it was a lot of food and the day before weigh in too! have a look at the menu.

Breakfast
7:15 AM
2 cups honey comb cereal 220
1 cup 1% milk 110

10:00 AM
1 plum 75

Lunch
12:00 PM
3oz deli turkey 75
2 slices light rye bread 80
1 T miracle whip 40
lettuce/tomato/pickle 30

1:00 PM
cereal bar 90

1:30 PM
1 apple 90

3:15 PM
9oz strawberries 70

3:45 PM
1 plum 75

Dinner
6:45 PM
1oz pretzels 110

7:00 PM
6oz tilapia 200
3/4 cup white rice 150
green salad 45
dressing 60
olive oil 50

Grand total of 1570 calories but I did have a handful of my daughters chocolate peanut butter cereal after my bike ride so the calories are a tad higher but still under the 1700 that I allow myself to have. I mentioned my bike ride, I did 4.5 miles and made it all the way up that hill I mentioned a few posts back, you know, the one that kicked my ass pretty decently. I am paying for it a bit this morning with some tenderness in my right side and low back but hey! Hydration was on par with about 1.75 gallons of water but no green tea because I forgot to brew it the night before, so in addition to the H2O I did have two 33oz bottles of a sugar free drink, one cranberry and one fruit punch.

I said in yesterdays post that for every comment that I get on this post that I would do 5 push ups tomorrow, so there it is, each comment that I get here on this post before midnight tonight will make me do 5 push ups, the catch is that you need to tell me that you drank a glass of H2O and actually drink it! also posting 12 comments from the same person still only gets 5 push ups! so its 5 push ups per unique comment (I paid for not making that clear last challenge) and there you have it, two pounds lost this week, a new low and a challenge so all in all today has started out well enough besides the tenderness in my side and back.

Thanks for reading along.

As Ever
Me

Fat people in society, and a challenge for my weigh in post.

Fat biased attitudes do exist in our world, I hate to say it and I didn't want to believe it but since I have lost the weight that I have it somehow feels like the world looks at me through different eyes. I can clearly remember the way that some people would look at me when I was at my heaviest weight and I can remember that it was not a good thing, almost like an alien was walking amongst the population or perhaps they were wondering if I had just eaten a piece of three course meal gum and thinking about how long the Bluing effect takes to start showing up. It somehow felt like all eyes were on me and each and every pair had an evil mind connected to them and fat jokes were flipping through their heads on a fat joke rolodex as I was glared at through sideways stares.

At times there were comments spoken a tad to loudly and they fell on my ears and sometimes it was easier to just keep walking and pretend not to hear it, while others I was prompted to turn and walk up to the person and ask them if they would like to repeat for me what they just said, funny enough no one ever took the offer to repeat it. I am noticing lately that there are less and less stares and whispered snickers when I walk through a public place, or when I am out for a walk around the lake the reactions that I am getting lately are closer to a cheerful smile, or a wave but are these different reactions coming from the fact that I though still a large piece of real estate walking around am not literally round anymore? perhaps, but perhaps it is me that has changed.

The possibility that MY outlook on things have changed and instead of looking at things through negative fat clouded goggles I now see things differently hence my outward presentation may be just a little different than that fat bitter fella that once was, perhaps? Maybe, but maybe its a bit of both of those views, I do think that people look at fat people as lesser than equals in society and on the other side of the same coin I think that obese people (man do I hate that fuckin word) are very defensive by nature and rightfully so with the barrage of comments and stares they get on a daily because of the added weight, so a vicious circle is created and neither side will admit they are wrong even though in my humble opinion we fat people of the world do have an honest to goodness reason for being withdrawn and take things with a grain of salt in the climate that has become normal where its ok to talk about fat people, I mean C'mon a smoker is far more intrusive to the people around them than any fat person and that is accepted by a lot of the same people snickering at the heavier people walking around.

I am torn on this topic and my feelings are split because I do honestly believe that there is prejudice against heavy people but I also believe that the way we present ourselves to others can make a difference in at least some of the encounters between other people out in society. Right now this very second I am around 330 pounds so I am not petite by any reach of the word, and I do still have a long way to go before I would be considered not fat and I have to say barring the random sideways look from mostly early teen kids here and there that I do get treated differently by the general populace than I did 200 pounds ago. Now the question is this, am I being treated differently because I am physically 200 pounds lesser of a man? or is it because I am now more confident and walk a little taller? both because of the loss and because gravity hasn't the same effect on me. Its not fully clear to me but I tend to think that its more because of the actual raw 200 pounds that's not adorned unto me which actually makes it worse because I am the same person, and being treated differently because of ones weight just is not cool in my book. The bottom line, or the point you ask? Stop judging fat people folks! I am the same person that I was 590 days ago just a tad lighter and yet I can honestly see that I am treated differently than back when I was 534 pounds. I have gotten lots of positive comments or smiles lately as well while I exercise out in public, but that's for another post.

Tomorrow I weigh in and I am looking for 2 pounds, will I get 2? possibly, but there is a chance that I will stay at 332 as well and I do not know as I have not stepped on the scale today so tomorrow will be a total surprise to me. My calories for yesterday were at 1500 so just a little low but there was lots of fruits and veggies in there so I was full even though the calories were down. Of course I drank my gallon of green tea and about a gallon of straight H2O along with a 33 oz bottle of a no calorie fruit punch so I am hydrated, exercise for the day turned out to be a walk with the kiddos early in the day because we were expecting rain so I anticipated my bike ride not happening, and today I am hoping to get out for that missed bike ride. I am thinking about a challenge for tomorrows post since I wanted to add them back in on some of the Friday posts so for every comment that I get on Tomorrows post before midnight eastern time I will do 5 push ups (I have not been doing push ups so its only 5 this time around, yeah yeah I know I am a wuss) in addition to the 30 that I was going to do, the challenge push ups will be done on Saturday August 15th.

With that I will end this very long post, keep on keepin on and all that.

As Ever
Me

Day 589...woah I have been at this a while eh?

Tuesday went well in an all around kind of way, I ate within my 1700 calorie limit, I exercised and I drank more than my share of fluids for the day. My weight last Friday was 332 pounds which was a new low weight and I want to aim for at least a 2 pound loss this week, obviously more would be better but 2 pounds will make me a happy boy so that's where I will point my sights. If I stay within calories, exercise daily and drink my H2O and green tea I believe that I will make that mark barring of course I don't get any sleep this week but that is a controllable variable for the most part so I am not too worried about it.

I have been tracking my food daily once again and posting it here for you to see, to continue that trend here is Tuesdays Menu.

Breakfast
7:15 AM
2 cups honey comb cereal 220
1 cup 1% milk 110

Lunch
1:15 PM
1 tomato basil wrap 100
5oz grilled chicken 250
lettuce/tomato 30
pickle 5

4:00 PM
banana 105

Dinner
7:00 PM
2.5 oz Tortillas 350
4oz ground turkey 160
tomato/jalapeno/olives/onion 55
salsa 30
1.5 oz low fat cheddar 120

8:00 PM
2 apples 140

Grand total of 1675 calories and those apples at the end of the day were exactly what I needed after my bike ride to go along with the half gallon of H2O. My bike ride went fine and was typical, which means pedal as hard as I can for 20 minutes up the hills and down the hills, I always feel like I get a workout into my day when I ride that way and I am getting faster as the same route that use to take me 20 minutes now takes me 16 so I will need to add some distance sooner than later. I did have to go alone last night because we did not have a sitter for the kiddos so wify sat out so that I could get a ride in. I drank enough water and green tea yesterday to keep me hydrated for a week! 1 gallon of green tea and more than a gallon and a half of straight H2O, it was just one of those days for me and i figured as long as it was going down that I would keep the pace up.

Over all this week is going great and I need to keep my cardio going all week if I am to see a loss, it would be awesome to hit the 320's by Friday but I will be happy with any loss honestly and like I mentioned am shooting for a 2 pound loss, 330? yeah that would be cool. That's all I got for today so keep on keepin on and all that and remember kids that H2O is in my opinion one of the most important things in a good solid weight loss regimen.

As Ever
Me

Learning how to be this way.

Just walking along this path to better health this week, I am making good choices with food and exercising when I can. Sunday I had an attack from mister Gallbladder and this one was a doozy lasting more than a couple hours and keeping me up until 3:30 am so needless to say I did not exercise Sunday and I took yesterday off as well just to let the residual (if only tiny) pain subside, actually I did go swimming last night and wify says that I am improving so that is a plus but I would not call what I did true exercise because it was random and the rest was splashing around with the kids. I am planning on a bike ride tonight with wify as I want to make up for the couple days of non exercising to keep the weight moving in a downward direction and I am looking to get into the 320's this week, which would in all honesty be awesome if I do. Sunday because of the stomach pain I skipped dinner besides having a small dish of green beans and rice that I thought would not upset the stomach issue (boy was I wrong) so I was way under calories and yesterday I was just above by 25 so not too bad, have a look at the menu from yesterday.

Breakfast
7:45 AM
2 cups grain & fruit cereal 240
1 cup 1% milk 110

Lunch
11:45 AM
1 tomato basil wrap 100
5oz grilled chicken 250
lettuce/tomato 30
pickle 5

2:30 PM
1 banana 105

4:00 PM
small apple 65

Dinner
6:45 PM
1 tomato basil wrap 100
6oz grilled chicken 300
lettuce/tomato 25
pickle 5

7:15 PM
1/2 cup peas 60

8:45 PM
2 cups honey comb cereal 220
1 cup 1% milk 110

Grand total of 1725 calories for the day and that menu is a little redundant with breakfast and the last meal being some cereal and lunch and dinner being almost the exact wrap, but hey! it was all light and it fell within my calories for the day. Exercise was just the swimming that I mentioned and I did not have a drop of green tea, but did polish off 1 3/4 gallons of straight H2O before days end so I rehydrated after Sundays no drink, no eat rule because of the stomach pain. This week is off to a we shall call it, decent start as I am under calories, exercise has happened and is planned and hydration is happening and I am drinking a big ol glass of Green tea as I type this out.

Something to keep in mind, The only thing that is needed to drop pounds is determination, maybe a little bit of discipline and a lot of consistency, the rest is just excuses.

• It is NOT hard to plan meals.
• It is NOT expensive to eat healthy meals.
• It is NOT someone else's fault that you are over weight.
• You do NOT need to join a gym to exercise.
• You WILL NOT lose weight unless you get up off of your ass and do something about it.

Finally, No amount of complaining or blaming will help either, so that's the first step for so many of us, are you ready to take that step?

As Ever
Me

A new low weight! and a president?

Today is that day, its the day of the week that I step on the scale and it matters as far as the record book goes and as I have been doing lately, lets get right to it. Last week I weighed in at 336 pounds which was 3 pounds higher than my lowest recorded weight and it was in a downward direction so all was well, this morning I sprang up and went straight for the scale (I know that I did my part this week) and the scale said 332.2 pounds! That folks is a new low weight for me and a four pound loss for the week so I get to move that little "current weight" ticker down a notch. I have now broken that 333 pound barrier that I have been stuck behind for so long, I am now 202 pounds lighter than when I started down this road and I had almost forgot how good a loss feels! I thought that I would bring back the items that I have lost images for this post so have a look.

Our 27th president William H. Taft weighed in at a stout 332 pounds.

This 1974 Suzuki TS100 weighs in at 202 pounds which is what I have lost so far, imagine carrying that around on your back all day!

My intake for Thursday came in a tad higher than my 1700 calorie limit but it was all pretty decent stuff (besides lunch) but over all a good day, have a look.

Breakfast
7:45 AM
2 cups honey comb cereal 220
1 cup 1% milk 110

Lunch
2:00 PM
2 slices whole wheat bread 140
1 T peanut butter 95
1 T jam 50

Random bites (tortilla chips) 100

Dinner
6:45 PM
7oz ground turkey 280
2 80 calorie hamburger rolls 160
1 cup green beans 40
2oz tortilla chips 280
salsa 25

8:15 PM
8oz 1% milk 110
1 scoop whey protein powder 130

Grand total of 1740 calories for the day which as I said is slightly high but not so much that it will matter as I was low a few days this week so my average will stay within the range where I want it. I did get a bike ride in last night but something was not right as about 5 minutes in I started feeling like I had been riding for an hour, we did leave sooner than we normally do and had just eaten dinner so maybe that had something to do with it I am unsure, either way we rode for 20 minutes, when I say rode we rode hard for that 20 minutes and as its all hills we did get a workout. Drinking enough fluids is just an every day thing for me and it is not something that I have to try to do any more, I drank 1 gallon of green tea and at least another gallon of straight H2O yesterday, basically..everything went my way this week.

Today is going to be an easy day for me and exercise will be a walk after dinner tonight with the family. I think that's all I got for ya today so the post ends here, Tune in next time for more excitement and bliss on as the fat guy turns.

As Ever
Me

A recipe and a Love affair...Oh my

Last night I made a dinner that I shall share with those in the world who read my blog, I did not plan this dinner but I am glad that I made it because I do believe that I have a new favorite meal. I cooked Tilapia with summer squash, zucchini and peppers over rice with a small garden salad on the side and my guesstimating on seasonings and cook times was spot on this time around so into the bag of tricks this recipe goes. The best part about this meal is the price and the fact that all of the veggies were fresh from the garden! 2 small summer squash, the very large zucchini and the peppers were a mere hour old fresh picked so the flavor was fantastic! (did I just use the word fantastic?) seasoned with fresh crushed garlic, black pepper and sauteed in a very light splash of olive oil they came out great. The fish was lightly seasoned and I cooked it in a pan with barely enough olive oil to keep them from sticking or burning and there was no fish left after dinner because it was perfect if I do say so myself, Have a look at this delightful meal, I snapped some pictures for the blog.

Seasoned Tilapia fillets right before they went into the pan.

The finished product, all for 475 calories.

I hear people say "it cost too much to eat healthy" or "you have to eat bland food and small portions to lose weight" and to both of those statements I say Awe Horse pucky! (one of my grandfathers favorite sayings) I estimate that this meal cost between $8 and $10 to feed a family of four AND a small piece of fish that went to Wifys step dad, so if $8 to $10 is expensive well then yes it is expensive to eat good food while losing weight! bland and small portions? if 3/4 cup of rice, 6oz of sauteed veggies and a 4oz piece of fish is small then I suppose those people are correct and I won't even touch bland because that was one of the tastiest meals that I have had in a while. A total of 475 calories (including the olive oil) for that entire plate of goodness is awesome too! so a 475 calorie meal that taste great, is good for you and is economical? how could I complain? indeed I am in love with this flavor combo and am going out this afternoon to grab a few more Tilapia fillets.

Here is a look at my menu from yesterday, I had a green salad with that meal that did not make the photo and 2 more oz of the fish so a total of 6oz.

Breakfast
7:30 AM
2 cups honey comb cereal 220
1 cup 1% milk 110

Lunch
12:45 PM
3.5oz ground turkey 140
1 flax & oat pita bread 60

1:30 PM
1 banana 105

2:30 PM
2 dannon light and fit yogurts 160

Dinner
6:45 PM
6oz tilapia 200
3/4 cup white rice 150
6oz sauteed zucchini & summer squash 75
1 T light olive oil vinaigrette dressing 30
small green salad 35
olive oil 50

8:45 AM
8oz 1% milk 110
1 scoop whey protein powder 130

Grand total of 1575 calories for the day and that whey protein shake at 8:45 was only because I didn't want to end the day with my calories that low. For exercise I went out on a bike ride, per usual I hammered the entire ride and noticed something on my bike computer, I am going the same distance in less time which means that I either need to find a more challenging section to ride (not likely as where I ride is extremely hilly) or add distance. Adding distance is the route that I will go because I am not going to slow my pace down and finding bigger hills to ride though is possible (there is a killer that I had to stop while riding up it last week) I don't think that its a better idea than adding distance right now so distance it is, I need to keep pushing myself to go further faster and as my ability grows the plan is to make my waistline shrink.

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I am hoping to break that 333 mark once again but that remains to be seen and if I don't make it this week there is always next week, and with that I leave you with a quote today which will be my philosophy for riding my bike from here on out.

"It doesn't get easier, you just go faster"
~Greg Lemond~

As Ever
Me

An air of superiority? what you talkin bout Willis!

I was accused of having an "air of superiority" while being "somehow better, while these people are surely ignorant." (fat people) in a comment on This post about me reflecting back to what once was a sure future for me a couple days ago, by someone that chose to post under the tag of Anonymous (of course) so I figured I would do something that I have never done on my blog, give Mr or Mrs Anonymous a response in a post.

I won't repost the comment in this post but if you are interested in reading it in its entirety the link is above in the first paragraph.

In that reply this person starts off with "because you are a reformed fat guy" after the first part of their comment. Reformed fat guy? me? I am STILL a fat guy! in fact I still have more than 70 pounds to lose to get where I would like to be where weight is concerned. To call me a "reformed fat guy" and say that I have an "air of superiority" as well as "Many people experience a sense of moral superiority when they lose weight" so not only am I superior but I am morally superior as well? that is simply plain old silly, I cannot help but to think wow is this person actually reading anything that I post? I have to wonder.

Part of that comment that actually made me laugh is "it's not okay to judge people based on one conversation you overheard in a restaurant" as I do not judge ANYONE, especially heavier folks because I been there done that and know how hard it already is without people judging. The other funny part about that piece of the comment is that on the very same post someone on my Sparkpeople page commented (I post on blogspot and sparkpeople under the name BOTZZZ for those of you that don't know) "And it was great to see you not judging the person, but gathering the lesson to be learned at that moment in time" so I guess its all how a person looks at the words typed out because two separate people read the same post one got it, and one...not so much.

The commenter also says "You always mention that these people you are noticing are overweight. Do you notice the same thing when a thin person orders fatty food?" The short answer to that is yes, I do notice the same thing whenever ANYONE orders meals like that. I literally look at and attempt to count in my head every piece of food that I see a person eating, as I mentioned in posts before my wife thinks that I am nuts (and I may very well be at this point) because I literally have the caloric amounts for most of the food that we eat stored inside my head. It is very common for her to ask "How many calories are in (insert whatever food here) Honey?" because I have made watching my food intake a HUGE part of my life (for good reason) and it is what I pay attention to, maybe its why I have been able to drop 200 pounds? who knows. Why would I mention a 132 pound stick of a guy that was eating a giant plate of whatever? whats he got to do with a blog about a fat guy that is trying to lose weight and get healthy? what does he have in common with me? the fellow in the restaurant was me in 15 years if I had stayed on the path that I was on (if I would have made it another 15), the fellow in the restaurant actually made me reflect on my life and some of the choices that I made where health was concerned, I felt for him because I understand how hard life as a 500 plus pound person can be and in all honesty re-reading the post the day that I wrote it pulled some emotion out of me and I started to get upset thinking about what could have been for me, if there was anything that I was being that day or in my post about it, that was compassion and understanding.

One of the last things this person says is "I've been reading this blog for a long time, but lately, I just think "where do you get off?" Losing weight doesn't give you a free pass to judge fat people" When I read that I could not believe that whomever left that comment could actually get that from me, you know me, the former 534 pound guy that is currently floating around 338 pounds! especially someone that has "been reading this blog for a long time" Please do not take my bluntness for anything but that, I cannot apologize for telling it how it is or for being a straight talker and to think that I judged that fellow at the restaurant that evening is as far off of base as can be possible because I felt nothing but compassion for him knowing how hard being in his situation can be and is, ask me how I know, and where I get off is not what this blog is about and is kind of a personal question, maybe you could buy me dinner first? perhaps rub my shoulders?

I started off writing this blog so that I would have a place to track my intake and progress while having some accountability and it has become much more than that, I have met people physically as well as through email and chat online that I consider friends because of this blog and for someone to say that I am judgmental of fat people? a wronger statement has never been made. I write this blog now a days more so for the people that take the time to send me email and comments on my blog both congratulating me (love those ones) as well as asking for help or where to find a place to start because I have had some success with weight loss which I try to reply to every one of (life sometimes slows that down) but none the less.

I am damn proud of what I have done for myself and my family with this weight loss, I have busted my ass for more than a year and a half to get this far into my trip to the half and because I noticed a man that could have been me if I hadn't put the brakes on does not make me judgmental or have any kind of superiority complex, in fact it is quite the opposite as I have become very humble in the past 19 months of my life.

How did you say?

"Just think about it. That's all"

Not to use all of a post for that here is a look at my menu from yesterday.

Breakfast
7:15 AM
2 cups honey comb cereal 220
1 cup 1% milk 110

11:15 AM
1 banana 105

Lunch
12:30 PM
5oz ground turkey 200
2 80 calorie hamburger rolls 160
7oz strawberries 60

3:00 PM
1 plum 75

Dinner
6:30 PM
flax/oat pita bread2 60
1 can tuna 150
tomato/lettuce/jalapeno/pickle 50
1 T miracle whip 40
2oz corn tortilla chips 280
salsa 30

8:15 PM
1 plum 75
1 can tuna plain 150

Grand total of 1765 calories which is a bit over my daily limit of 1700 but I have had low days this week so it balances out in the long run and I am not too worried about it. For exercise I did get a pretty challenging ride on my bike last night with wify where I found a wicked hill that I now have to conquer and that route added a mile to our ride so a win win! Tomorrow I am talking to a surgeon about the gallbladder issue so I may have more news on that front in a coming post. Until then stay hydrated and remember that we control what goes into our mouth, or more importantly what does NOT go in!

Thanks for following along.

As Ever
Me

Sticks and Gallstones will break my bon....wait what?

This week is an extremely busy week for me and I will finally tell ya why the posts have been thin lately. Remember a few posts back when I said that I had a gut wrenching stomach ache? Well I have been back and fourth to my doc and I went and had an ultrasound done on Friday and I'm pregnant! not really but obviously you already knew that, the ultrasound did in fact show that I have gallstones though so I will be dealing with that until it gets sorted out.

Where the better health program goes I am pretty much on track besides not getting in my workouts as much as I would like to this last week. I have been sticking to my calories but slacking off on the bike/walk/run thang. Last night I did go for a ride with wify on the bike but I forgot to reset my bike computer so I am not sure how long we were out but I was sweaty so I was working and that's what I like to see. A bike ride is planned for tonight as well because I have decided that well I will just say it, I am being lazy with the not working out because I am comfortable with my size right now but since I am far from done losing weight I gotta keep on kepin on.

Here is a look at the menu from Monday, I am going to try and post the menu every day this week for those who care to have a look.

Breakfast
7:15 AM
2 cups fruit & grain cereal 240
1 cup 1% milk 110

8:00 AM
1 banana 105

10:45 AM
1 oz smart puffs 140

Lunch
1:00 PM
lavash bread 100
4oz deli turkey 100
1 T miracle whip 40
1 med tomato 25
lettuce/pickle 10

Dinner
5:45 PM
6oz ground turkey 240
2 80 calorie hamburger rolls 160
1 T light Oil/vinaigrette dressing 50
Green salad 50

8:15 PM
1 banana 105

Grand total was 1475 calories for the day which is pretty low but I have those days sometimes and there was about 6 strawberries not listed there that I ate as well so slightly higher than the 1435. I have a couple docs appointments this week and hopefully I can get things squared away with this gallbladder predicament sooner than later so that I can stop stressing over it which means going to bed at a reasonable hour instead of staying up late researching gallbladder stuff, the ironic part of that situation is that my weight loss likely caused the stones in the first place! so my idea for not having any surgeries turns into the great possibility of me having a gallbladder removed, I have an appt tomorrow to talk about it so I will have more info then.

Getting comfy in my own skin is awesome! and not so awesome at the same time because of the relaxing on the strictness but I am re-devoting ALL of my time to me for the month of August and expect great things for me where my health and weight loss goes. Wify has hopped back onto the wagon and that will only help my situation because watching her stay strict makes me want to one up her and be that much more strict, call me competitive! whatever works right? and with that thought another post comes to an end and hopefully everyone of you are staying hydrated, and if not ask yourself "why not?" and go grab a big ol glass of H2O right now!

Thanks for following along while I get healthy and less round.

As Ever
Me