Some of you know how I gained a lot of the weight that I have recently lost and I suspect that other newer readers might not know and today is a day that I shall recap a bit. I was injured in 2000 and I explained just how in This post, and lately I believe that I have grown numb to that injury and am feeling pretty invincible but as it were I was reminded that I am and probably will always be at least a little bit limited by this old scar of an injury that I carry around with me on a day to day.
Thursday I went for a bike ride which I mentioned in Fridays weigh in post and it was only a 4.5 mile ride but it was all hills and I did finally make it all the way up a big ol hill that I had not been able to make it up but when I got home my lower right back/hip area was a tad bit tight. Blah, whatever, I just rode hard and its just tight, or so I thought. I went about my night and Friday morning I felt that it was still there but not too bad, posted up the challenge on the weigh in post and again went about my day which included moving some furniture around and walking around all morning and afternoon and by the time I got home late afternoon my back was not feeling too good at all and I decided that I would do the challenge push ups on Sunday after a good nights rest on my back. Same deal happened on Sunday and I picked up where I left off on Saturday where pain was concerned and had a few errands to run and by the end of the errands I had to sit down because standing just hurt too much and I started to be reminded of the Bad good ol days when I was first injured but did I stop? nope, I moved one more dresser with wify, killed some wasps that thought that they had a warm safe place to live and then I stopped but only because I couldn't go any more. I did not do my challenge push ups (You can bet your ass when this goes away they will be paid in full) and I slept for about 2 hours last night while the rest of the time was spent attempting to get into a comfortable position, so yeah, I am not a happy camper today but this whole thing forced me to realize something.
No matter how good I feel, no matter how much weight I have lost or will continue to lose I have to remember that I have that limit. I need to listen to my body and when it says that its time to take it easy because a small pull in my back will become a big problem ie: 2 hours sleep and sitting in a contorted position as I type this post out I NEED to do so. Nothing is more frustrating to me than this predicament that I am in currently, I AM stronger than I have been in years, I CAN run now, I CAN do just about anything that I want to do yet I am limited by this old injury, I have no choice in the matter. No amount of determination or willpower can make this go away, it is not within my power to take this limitation away from myself and squash it with the hundreds of pounds that I have lost in the past year and a half and yet it is the mindset that I have come to know, that I can willpower my way through anything.
Imagine, I have come so far with my weight loss and health and there is not a damn thing that I can do about this problem that I have barring being aware that it exists and respond to it by resting it when it shows up. This is only the second time since losing the weight that I have been frustrated by this issue which should be considered a blessing by me because it was a daily issue when I was heavier, but I just cannot get past this frustration, I think that the frustration is worse than the actual pain for me right now. I bust my ass and I eat correctly now a days, I work hard to maintain a level of activity and eat good solid whole food meals as much as possible and this one obstacle is in my way and there is nothing that I can do to make it go away, I need to remember that I am not Superman no matter how Wify makes me feel and I need to pay a little closer attention to things like soreness in my lower back because it is one thing that I don't have control of.
I feel unstoppable (see that image at the top of my blog? it is how I feel all of the time) and when something like this happens it reminds me that no matter how I feel that I do have that limitation and I need to act accordingly when it shows its ugly face sums up this post. Don't read any of this as me whining I want my Mommy I was just trying to type out how I feel about it which is mainly FRUSTRATED! so that I could look back at it as a reminder that taking a break is much better than feeling completely broken.
That's all I got for now.
Thursday I went for a bike ride which I mentioned in Fridays weigh in post and it was only a 4.5 mile ride but it was all hills and I did finally make it all the way up a big ol hill that I had not been able to make it up but when I got home my lower right back/hip area was a tad bit tight. Blah, whatever, I just rode hard and its just tight, or so I thought. I went about my night and Friday morning I felt that it was still there but not too bad, posted up the challenge on the weigh in post and again went about my day which included moving some furniture around and walking around all morning and afternoon and by the time I got home late afternoon my back was not feeling too good at all and I decided that I would do the challenge push ups on Sunday after a good nights rest on my back. Same deal happened on Sunday and I picked up where I left off on Saturday where pain was concerned and had a few errands to run and by the end of the errands I had to sit down because standing just hurt too much and I started to be reminded of the Bad good ol days when I was first injured but did I stop? nope, I moved one more dresser with wify, killed some wasps that thought that they had a warm safe place to live and then I stopped but only because I couldn't go any more. I did not do my challenge push ups (You can bet your ass when this goes away they will be paid in full) and I slept for about 2 hours last night while the rest of the time was spent attempting to get into a comfortable position, so yeah, I am not a happy camper today but this whole thing forced me to realize something.
No matter how good I feel, no matter how much weight I have lost or will continue to lose I have to remember that I have that limit. I need to listen to my body and when it says that its time to take it easy because a small pull in my back will become a big problem ie: 2 hours sleep and sitting in a contorted position as I type this post out I NEED to do so. Nothing is more frustrating to me than this predicament that I am in currently, I AM stronger than I have been in years, I CAN run now, I CAN do just about anything that I want to do yet I am limited by this old injury, I have no choice in the matter. No amount of determination or willpower can make this go away, it is not within my power to take this limitation away from myself and squash it with the hundreds of pounds that I have lost in the past year and a half and yet it is the mindset that I have come to know, that I can willpower my way through anything.
Imagine, I have come so far with my weight loss and health and there is not a damn thing that I can do about this problem that I have barring being aware that it exists and respond to it by resting it when it shows up. This is only the second time since losing the weight that I have been frustrated by this issue which should be considered a blessing by me because it was a daily issue when I was heavier, but I just cannot get past this frustration, I think that the frustration is worse than the actual pain for me right now. I bust my ass and I eat correctly now a days, I work hard to maintain a level of activity and eat good solid whole food meals as much as possible and this one obstacle is in my way and there is nothing that I can do to make it go away, I need to remember that I am not Superman no matter how Wify makes me feel and I need to pay a little closer attention to things like soreness in my lower back because it is one thing that I don't have control of.
I feel unstoppable (see that image at the top of my blog? it is how I feel all of the time) and when something like this happens it reminds me that no matter how I feel that I do have that limitation and I need to act accordingly when it shows its ugly face sums up this post. Don't read any of this as me whining I want my Mommy I was just trying to type out how I feel about it which is mainly FRUSTRATED! so that I could look back at it as a reminder that taking a break is much better than feeling completely broken.
That's all I got for now.
As Ever
Me
It must be quite frustrating for you to feel so much better and yet still have this limitation. However, knowing you, and the way you operate, this isn't a set back, it's a side step and you'll figure it all out!
ReplyDeleteTony, how I can identify with you. It is frustrating as all get out not being able to do EVERYTHING you want to. But you're right you do have to take it easy when your body tells you to. Hopefully the back will be feeling better quickly. Just don't over do it.
ReplyDeleteI have been down the bad back road. Twice, each with a different disc. Second time so bad I ended up in a wheelchair. I am also aware that I have yet another back issue looming. It hasn't gotten too bad yet but I know that day is coming in a couple of years. So I know where you are coming from about how bad it can be. Let me just say that I had back surgery twice and each time it was the best thing I could've done. Immediate relief. So don't discount surgery, your circumstances will be different than your buddy. Improvements are being made all the time in techniques and such. I recovered from my second surgery much better and faster than the first and I was 5 years older.
ReplyDeleteI am not saying rush out and do it NOW but don't say never either. I bet if you finally do get it you'll be sorry you waited so long. If/when you do get it, it's possible they may want you to go home the same day. If so, insist on staying the night even if it has to be a 23 hour thing instead of 24. It'll make a big difference.
I don't want to say I feel sorry for you, I have a feeling you wouldn't like that, but man I sure do know how you feel. All my best to you.
Finally!!!! I have finally caught up with your daily blog. I found your blog by way of sparkpeople-sutinsweet-back in May 2009. I started reading from Day 1 2008 and I finally caught up with you late last night. Your story is truly inspiring and it keeps me on point with my eating and exercising.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel concerning the injury. I have a bombed knee injury from years ago and every now and then it flares up. Last Wednesday I must have came down too hard on it while on the treadmill and I was out of commission for 3 days. Its better now but it did slow down my routine. Stay hopeful and you will get through it.
Im realizing how many more limits I have now that Im "older" and, at first I didnt listen and, well, hobbled myself along the way.
ReplyDeletenow Im choosing to think my superpowers are the ability to know when to stop :)
I absolutely understand how frustrating it is to WANT to do things and your body won't let you. I wish I could say hang in there or something and it would make you feel better, but I know that it won't. You just have to battle through it. Hopefully your back will feel normal again soon, and you can get on with all the fun things you want to do.
ReplyDelete