Fat biased attitudes do exist in our world, I hate to say it and I didn't want to believe it but since I have lost the weight that I have it somehow feels like the world looks at me through different eyes. I can clearly remember the way that some people would look at me when I was at my heaviest weight and I can remember that it was not a good thing, almost like an alien was walking amongst the population or perhaps they were wondering if I had just eaten a piece of three course meal gum and thinking about how long the Bluing effect takes to start showing up. It somehow felt like all eyes were on me and each and every pair had an evil mind connected to them and fat jokes were flipping through their heads on a fat joke rolodex as I was glared at through sideways stares.
At times there were comments spoken a tad to loudly and they fell on my ears and sometimes it was easier to just keep walking and pretend not to hear it, while others I was prompted to turn and walk up to the person and ask them if they would like to repeat for me what they just said, funny enough no one ever took the offer to repeat it. I am noticing lately that there are less and less stares and whispered snickers when I walk through a public place, or when I am out for a walk around the lake the reactions that I am getting lately are closer to a cheerful smile, or a wave but are these different reactions coming from the fact that I though still a large piece of real estate walking around am not literally round anymore? perhaps, but perhaps it is me that has changed.
The possibility that MY outlook on things have changed and instead of looking at things through negative fat clouded goggles I now see things differently hence my outward presentation may be just a little different than that fat bitter fella that once was, perhaps? Maybe, but maybe its a bit of both of those views, I do think that people look at fat people as lesser than equals in society and on the other side of the same coin I think that obese people (man do I hate that fuckin word) are very defensive by nature and rightfully so with the barrage of comments and stares they get on a daily because of the added weight, so a vicious circle is created and neither side will admit they are wrong even though in my humble opinion we fat people of the world do have an honest to goodness reason for being withdrawn and take things with a grain of salt in the climate that has become normal where its ok to talk about fat people, I mean C'mon a smoker is far more intrusive to the people around them than any fat person and that is accepted by a lot of the same people snickering at the heavier people walking around.
I am torn on this topic and my feelings are split because I do honestly believe that there is prejudice against heavy people but I also believe that the way we present ourselves to others can make a difference in at least some of the encounters between other people out in society. Right now this very second I am around 330 pounds so I am not petite by any reach of the word, and I do still have a long way to go before I would be considered not fat and I have to say barring the random sideways look from mostly early teen kids here and there that I do get treated differently by the general populace than I did 200 pounds ago. Now the question is this, am I being treated differently because I am physically 200 pounds lesser of a man? or is it because I am now more confident and walk a little taller? both because of the loss and because gravity hasn't the same effect on me. Its not fully clear to me but I tend to think that its more because of the actual raw 200 pounds that's not adorned unto me which actually makes it worse because I am the same person, and being treated differently because of ones weight just is not cool in my book. The bottom line, or the point you ask? Stop judging fat people folks! I am the same person that I was 590 days ago just a tad lighter and yet I can honestly see that I am treated differently than back when I was 534 pounds. I have gotten lots of positive comments or smiles lately as well while I exercise out in public, but that's for another post.
Tomorrow I weigh in and I am looking for 2 pounds, will I get 2? possibly, but there is a chance that I will stay at 332 as well and I do not know as I have not stepped on the scale today so tomorrow will be a total surprise to me. My calories for yesterday were at 1500 so just a little low but there was lots of fruits and veggies in there so I was full even though the calories were down. Of course I drank my gallon of green tea and about a gallon of straight H2O along with a 33 oz bottle of a no calorie fruit punch so I am hydrated, exercise for the day turned out to be a walk with the kiddos early in the day because we were expecting rain so I anticipated my bike ride not happening, and today I am hoping to get out for that missed bike ride. I am thinking about a challenge for tomorrows post since I wanted to add them back in on some of the Friday posts so for every comment that I get on Tomorrows post before midnight eastern time I will do 5 push ups (I have not been doing push ups so its only 5 this time around, yeah yeah I know I am a wuss) in addition to the 30 that I was going to do, the challenge push ups will be done on Saturday August 15th.
With that I will end this very long post, keep on keepin on and all that.
At times there were comments spoken a tad to loudly and they fell on my ears and sometimes it was easier to just keep walking and pretend not to hear it, while others I was prompted to turn and walk up to the person and ask them if they would like to repeat for me what they just said, funny enough no one ever took the offer to repeat it. I am noticing lately that there are less and less stares and whispered snickers when I walk through a public place, or when I am out for a walk around the lake the reactions that I am getting lately are closer to a cheerful smile, or a wave but are these different reactions coming from the fact that I though still a large piece of real estate walking around am not literally round anymore? perhaps, but perhaps it is me that has changed.
The possibility that MY outlook on things have changed and instead of looking at things through negative fat clouded goggles I now see things differently hence my outward presentation may be just a little different than that fat bitter fella that once was, perhaps? Maybe, but maybe its a bit of both of those views, I do think that people look at fat people as lesser than equals in society and on the other side of the same coin I think that obese people (man do I hate that fuckin word) are very defensive by nature and rightfully so with the barrage of comments and stares they get on a daily because of the added weight, so a vicious circle is created and neither side will admit they are wrong even though in my humble opinion we fat people of the world do have an honest to goodness reason for being withdrawn and take things with a grain of salt in the climate that has become normal where its ok to talk about fat people, I mean C'mon a smoker is far more intrusive to the people around them than any fat person and that is accepted by a lot of the same people snickering at the heavier people walking around.I am torn on this topic and my feelings are split because I do honestly believe that there is prejudice against heavy people but I also believe that the way we present ourselves to others can make a difference in at least some of the encounters between other people out in society. Right now this very second I am around 330 pounds so I am not petite by any reach of the word, and I do still have a long way to go before I would be considered not fat and I have to say barring the random sideways look from mostly early teen kids here and there that I do get treated differently by the general populace than I did 200 pounds ago. Now the question is this, am I being treated differently because I am physically 200 pounds lesser of a man? or is it because I am now more confident and walk a little taller? both because of the loss and because gravity hasn't the same effect on me. Its not fully clear to me but I tend to think that its more because of the actual raw 200 pounds that's not adorned unto me which actually makes it worse because I am the same person, and being treated differently because of ones weight just is not cool in my book. The bottom line, or the point you ask? Stop judging fat people folks! I am the same person that I was 590 days ago just a tad lighter and yet I can honestly see that I am treated differently than back when I was 534 pounds. I have gotten lots of positive comments or smiles lately as well while I exercise out in public, but that's for another post.
Tomorrow I weigh in and I am looking for 2 pounds, will I get 2? possibly, but there is a chance that I will stay at 332 as well and I do not know as I have not stepped on the scale today so tomorrow will be a total surprise to me. My calories for yesterday were at 1500 so just a little low but there was lots of fruits and veggies in there so I was full even though the calories were down. Of course I drank my gallon of green tea and about a gallon of straight H2O along with a 33 oz bottle of a no calorie fruit punch so I am hydrated, exercise for the day turned out to be a walk with the kiddos early in the day because we were expecting rain so I anticipated my bike ride not happening, and today I am hoping to get out for that missed bike ride. I am thinking about a challenge for tomorrows post since I wanted to add them back in on some of the Friday posts so for every comment that I get on Tomorrows post before midnight eastern time I will do 5 push ups (I have not been doing push ups so its only 5 this time around, yeah yeah I know I am a wuss) in addition to the 30 that I was going to do, the challenge push ups will be done on Saturday August 15th.
With that I will end this very long post, keep on keepin on and all that.
As Ever
Me
About 5 years ago I lost 117 lbs and experienced the same thing you did with being treated differently as a less-heavy person... It truly amazed me to have this happen. People looked me in the eye more & just were genuinely nicer.
ReplyDeleteI have gained some of that weight back, but don't seem to have gotten the disrespect back that I got before - perhaps because I am a "fitter" heavier person - meaning you would never guess I weigh what I do, because it is pretty compact on my larger frame...
Who knows - but I do know what you are talking about & it makes me try my hardest to smile and treat everyone around me the same as well...
Love your posts - keep it up...
One day at a time, we can all make steps towards healthier living.
Tony, I think it's a little bit of both - you are seen differently, but you also act differently. Unfortunately there are some preconceptions about fat people, but it's like with any "group" there will always be those who are prejudiced. Don't you worry about that - you are well on your way to being the skinny guy!
ReplyDeleteyes, i see that the smaller i get the less horror you see in other peoples eyes. its strange how simply getting pleasant eye contact from others can make such a difference in how you feel going about your day to day dealings. true and thoughtful post!
ReplyDeletei used to get angry about being judged and i do think its harsh, but at least i got motived to change. who knows, if everyone had accepted and showed me respect, maybe i wouldnt have kept digging for an answer to my weight problems? im of two minds about it too.
It's a tricky one. I've found I've become a bit judgemental when I see people stuffing themselves with junk even though I've been known to do that myself. A bit of a worry.
ReplyDeleteI so completely relate to what you've written here. It's a different world for me now at 300. At 505- I always felt looked down upon---and occasionally would witness the flat out discrimination---certainly exist---it's horrible. But I don't think anything will ever change that part of this world. It's sad...so many obese (I hate that word too) people have let this unfair treatment beat them down even more---robbing what little spirit they had left.
ReplyDeleteNot to sound negative here...but most people are superficial and ignorant---and most are hardly capable of a maturity level much past the junior high level.
It's really sad. I'm the same person, with the same heart and values and sensitive feelings I always had at 505---but after losing 200 pounds, all of a sudden I'm worth more to society?
Sickening.
My best always
Sean
I'd have to say I think it's both. I am definitely treated differently now than I use to be, especially by men. I think men are generally more visual though. I definitely get more eye to eye contact with people too and I've notice more people speak to me out in public.
ReplyDeleteAs for how I act, I think I do carry myself with a little more confidence. I think I dress better too having more clothes in my size available so I just feel better about my appearance.
It's sad that my value seems more now than it did before. That others judge so easily.
As for changing, I have, I can see changes in my actions and words almost on a daily basis. I've definitely improved myself in all areas which I'm thankful for.
I really believe had I started loving myself years ago I wouldn't have let myself live in my mental and physical prison so long.