I was accused of having an "air of superiority" while being "somehow better, while these people are surely ignorant." (fat people) in a comment on This post about me reflecting back to what once was a sure future for me a couple days ago, by someone that chose to post under the tag of Anonymous (of course) so I figured I would do something that I have never done on my blog, give Mr or Mrs Anonymous a response in a post.
I won't repost the comment in this post but if you are interested in reading it in its entirety the link is above in the first paragraph.
In that reply this person starts off with "because you are a reformed fat guy" after the first part of their comment. Reformed fat guy? me? I am STILL a fat guy! in fact I still have more than 70 pounds to lose to get where I would like to be where weight is concerned. To call me a "reformed fat guy" and say that I have an "air of superiority" as well as "Many people experience a sense of moral superiority when they lose weight" so not only am I superior but I am morally superior as well? that is simply plain old silly, I cannot help but to think wow is this person actually reading anything that I post? I have to wonder.
Part of that comment that actually made me laugh is "it's not okay to judge people based on one conversation you overheard in a restaurant" as I do not judge ANYONE, especially heavier folks because I been there done that and know how hard it already is without people judging. The other funny part about that piece of the comment is that on the very same post someone on my Sparkpeople page commented (I post on blogspot and sparkpeople under the name BOTZZZ for those of you that don't know) "And it was great to see you not judging the person, but gathering the lesson to be learned at that moment in time" so I guess its all how a person looks at the words typed out because two separate people read the same post one got it, and one...not so much.
The commenter also says "You always mention that these people you are noticing are overweight. Do you notice the same thing when a thin person orders fatty food?" The short answer to that is yes, I do notice the same thing whenever ANYONE orders meals like that. I literally look at and attempt to count in my head every piece of food that I see a person eating, as I mentioned in posts before my wife thinks that I am nuts (and I may very well be at this point) because I literally have the caloric amounts for most of the food that we eat stored inside my head. It is very common for her to ask "How many calories are in (insert whatever food here) Honey?" because I have made watching my food intake a HUGE part of my life (for good reason) and it is what I pay attention to, maybe its why I have been able to drop 200 pounds? who knows. Why would I mention a 132 pound stick of a guy that was eating a giant plate of whatever? whats he got to do with a blog about a fat guy that is trying to lose weight and get healthy? what does he have in common with me? the fellow in the restaurant was me in 15 years if I had stayed on the path that I was on (if I would have made it another 15), the fellow in the restaurant actually made me reflect on my life and some of the choices that I made where health was concerned, I felt for him because I understand how hard life as a 500 plus pound person can be and in all honesty re-reading the post the day that I wrote it pulled some emotion out of me and I started to get upset thinking about what could have been for me, if there was anything that I was being that day or in my post about it, that was compassion and understanding.
One of the last things this person says is "I've been reading this blog for a long time, but lately, I just think "where do you get off?" Losing weight doesn't give you a free pass to judge fat people" When I read that I could not believe that whomever left that comment could actually get that from me, you know me, the former 534 pound guy that is currently floating around 338 pounds! especially someone that has "been reading this blog for a long time" Please do not take my bluntness for anything but that, I cannot apologize for telling it how it is or for being a straight talker and to think that I judged that fellow at the restaurant that evening is as far off of base as can be possible because I felt nothing but compassion for him knowing how hard being in his situation can be and is, ask me how I know, and where I get off is not what this blog is about and is kind of a personal question, maybe you could buy me dinner first? perhaps rub my shoulders?
I started off writing this blog so that I would have a place to track my intake and progress while having some accountability and it has become much more than that, I have met people physically as well as through email and chat online that I consider friends because of this blog and for someone to say that I am judgmental of fat people? a wronger statement has never been made. I write this blog now a days more so for the people that take the time to send me email and comments on my blog both congratulating me (love those ones) as well as asking for help or where to find a place to start because I have had some success with weight loss which I try to reply to every one of (life sometimes slows that down) but none the less.
I am damn proud of what I have done for myself and my family with this weight loss, I have busted my ass for more than a year and a half to get this far into my trip to the half and because I noticed a man that could have been me if I hadn't put the brakes on does not make me judgmental or have any kind of superiority complex, in fact it is quite the opposite as I have become very humble in the past 19 months of my life.
I won't repost the comment in this post but if you are interested in reading it in its entirety the link is above in the first paragraph.
In that reply this person starts off with "because you are a reformed fat guy" after the first part of their comment. Reformed fat guy? me? I am STILL a fat guy! in fact I still have more than 70 pounds to lose to get where I would like to be where weight is concerned. To call me a "reformed fat guy" and say that I have an "air of superiority" as well as "Many people experience a sense of moral superiority when they lose weight" so not only am I superior but I am morally superior as well? that is simply plain old silly, I cannot help but to think wow is this person actually reading anything that I post? I have to wonder.
Part of that comment that actually made me laugh is "it's not okay to judge people based on one conversation you overheard in a restaurant" as I do not judge ANYONE, especially heavier folks because I been there done that and know how hard it already is without people judging. The other funny part about that piece of the comment is that on the very same post someone on my Sparkpeople page commented (I post on blogspot and sparkpeople under the name BOTZZZ for those of you that don't know) "And it was great to see you not judging the person, but gathering the lesson to be learned at that moment in time" so I guess its all how a person looks at the words typed out because two separate people read the same post one got it, and one...not so much.
The commenter also says "You always mention that these people you are noticing are overweight. Do you notice the same thing when a thin person orders fatty food?" The short answer to that is yes, I do notice the same thing whenever ANYONE orders meals like that. I literally look at and attempt to count in my head every piece of food that I see a person eating, as I mentioned in posts before my wife thinks that I am nuts (and I may very well be at this point) because I literally have the caloric amounts for most of the food that we eat stored inside my head. It is very common for her to ask "How many calories are in (insert whatever food here) Honey?" because I have made watching my food intake a HUGE part of my life (for good reason) and it is what I pay attention to, maybe its why I have been able to drop 200 pounds? who knows. Why would I mention a 132 pound stick of a guy that was eating a giant plate of whatever? whats he got to do with a blog about a fat guy that is trying to lose weight and get healthy? what does he have in common with me? the fellow in the restaurant was me in 15 years if I had stayed on the path that I was on (if I would have made it another 15), the fellow in the restaurant actually made me reflect on my life and some of the choices that I made where health was concerned, I felt for him because I understand how hard life as a 500 plus pound person can be and in all honesty re-reading the post the day that I wrote it pulled some emotion out of me and I started to get upset thinking about what could have been for me, if there was anything that I was being that day or in my post about it, that was compassion and understanding.
One of the last things this person says is "I've been reading this blog for a long time, but lately, I just think "where do you get off?" Losing weight doesn't give you a free pass to judge fat people" When I read that I could not believe that whomever left that comment could actually get that from me, you know me, the former 534 pound guy that is currently floating around 338 pounds! especially someone that has "been reading this blog for a long time" Please do not take my bluntness for anything but that, I cannot apologize for telling it how it is or for being a straight talker and to think that I judged that fellow at the restaurant that evening is as far off of base as can be possible because I felt nothing but compassion for him knowing how hard being in his situation can be and is, ask me how I know, and where I get off is not what this blog is about and is kind of a personal question, maybe you could buy me dinner first? perhaps rub my shoulders?
I started off writing this blog so that I would have a place to track my intake and progress while having some accountability and it has become much more than that, I have met people physically as well as through email and chat online that I consider friends because of this blog and for someone to say that I am judgmental of fat people? a wronger statement has never been made. I write this blog now a days more so for the people that take the time to send me email and comments on my blog both congratulating me (love those ones) as well as asking for help or where to find a place to start because I have had some success with weight loss which I try to reply to every one of (life sometimes slows that down) but none the less.
I am damn proud of what I have done for myself and my family with this weight loss, I have busted my ass for more than a year and a half to get this far into my trip to the half and because I noticed a man that could have been me if I hadn't put the brakes on does not make me judgmental or have any kind of superiority complex, in fact it is quite the opposite as I have become very humble in the past 19 months of my life.
How did you say?
"Just think about it. That's all"
Not to use all of a post for that here is a look at my menu from yesterday.
Breakfast
7:15 AM
2 cups honey comb cereal 220
1 cup 1% milk 110
11:15 AM
1 banana 105
Lunch
12:30 PM
5oz ground turkey 200
2 80 calorie hamburger rolls 160
7oz strawberries 60
3:00 PM
1 plum 75
Dinner
6:30 PM
flax/oat pita bread2 60
1 can tuna 150
tomato/lettuce/jalapeno/pickle 50
1 T miracle whip 40
2oz corn tortilla chips 280
salsa 30
8:15 PM
1 plum 75
1 can tuna plain 150
Grand total of 1765 calories which is a bit over my daily limit of 1700 but I have had low days this week so it balances out in the long run and I am not too worried about it. For exercise I did get a pretty challenging ride on my bike last night with wify where I found a wicked hill that I now have to conquer and that route added a mile to our ride so a win win! Tomorrow I am talking to a surgeon about the gallbladder issue so I may have more news on that front in a coming post. Until then stay hydrated and remember that we control what goes into our mouth, or more importantly what does NOT go in!
Thanks for following along.
As Ever
Me
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletesome people just have to ruin it for everyone. pay no attention to them, they are definitely in the minority. you are doing great and I love your blog!
ReplyDeletechecking in on you is always fun!
ReplyDeletewhat a bunch of highschool drama.
You still the MAN!!!!!!!!
keep on!
I didnt think you sounded mean or judgmental.
Sorry deleted original because there was a weird typo. Here it is...You are doing so well. I have only been reading a short time, but I don't find you arrogant at all. I think concerned might be a better word. You are concerned for others and it is a great reminder of where you have come from--especially as a way to say "I am not going back there." There is a saying in NZL (I am a transplanted American) that is "tall poppy syndrome." New Zealanders have it. It refers to people who can't stand to see others succeed and will actually go out of their way to discourage success in others. Good job for not letting this commenter infect you with their tall poppy syndrome. Keep it up! You'll get to your goal!
ReplyDeleteI make it a point to read your blog when I get online to redo our craigslist for the house, or need a pickmeup, because you are very much inspiring.
ReplyDeleteYes, we need to fight off the calories, but truly, sometimes judgmentalists and ignorance is what hurts more.
Vee at www.veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com
I have lost 38lbs. and to me that isn't a big deal, but when people find out or ask.. they tell me.. that it is a huge deal.. that I should be very proud of myself. And so, with your loss of 200lbs, I think you should be very proud of your accomplishments. Interestingly enough, the losing of weight can be a catalyst for more accomplishments, physical and non physical.. you start to see yourself differently.
ReplyDeleteThat differently may seem to some as morally superior, but that is only because they can't understand it. It's probably the equivalent to giving up alcohol, or crack. It's taking control of your life, your body and your health. To sit and reflect on your life if you continued to eat the way you were, and to see yourself in someone else, well that is human.
If a recovered alcoholic was to go in a bar and see someone drinking themselves into a stupor and was to say that they didn't want that for themselves and their children, he would be applauded. The issue with criticizing the actions of one who is making himself/herself fat, is that it is considered rude and politically incorrect. The real issue is that have we become too accepting of obesity in this society because it has become so rampant.
Are we not endangering the lives of the people around us by not saying anything at the risk of being rude. For those of us who are losing weight, I can guarantee that we would of liked to have WOKEN up a little sooner.. it would be a lot nicer to lose 20 lbs. than 100 lbs. or more.
Maybe I sound morally superior, and if that is how it comes off than so be it. But, I'll be honest with you and say that EVERYONE in that restaurant was judging that guy.. they were looking at what he was eating. And guess what.. when we go out to eat, they look at what we eat too. Facing judgment is the reality of the overweight. The overweight are judged when they go for a job interview (maybe they are lazy?), when going on dates (will I want to be with this person physically?), when trying to exercise or diet (they will give up, they have no self control), when entering a normal sized store (nothing here will fit them), and so on..
I have been judged a million times, so have you and so has that guy. And it hurts, it kills and it destroys our self esteem. I don't want that for my daughters and neither do you. So to say.. I'm not willing to be in that position anymore, nor will I let my bad habits influence my children to be in that position. That makes us concerned and loving parents. Not morally superior.
Sorry I wrote a novel, but this allowed me to understand why I am so passionate about losing weight this time and why it has been so different this time. It's because of my kids. I never want them to feel the shame I have felt about my body. I want them to be proud of themselves and their mother.
you see your old self being displayed in others and you feel strongly about it,,,whats the big deal? don't listen to people who come online to trash others. they are probably dealing with stressors and taking it out "anonymously" on the net.
ReplyDeleteone important thing that we all should do to ensure we never slide back into old habits is develope and embrace an aversion to old patterns of self destruction. i can judge and reject someones habits without lacking compassion and tenderness for that person. i reserve the right to judge and reject my old habits and to notice those painful actions when i see them in people around me. if that angers some, so be it. i rather be called uppity, than be dead from over eating. glad you stood up for your integrity.
Maybe that comment just came out wrong. Maybe I'm just horrified by the idea that everytime I go out as a fat person and eat a cheeseburger someone might be looking at me with "concern" thinking "that could be me if I hadn't changed my ways," as if that weren't a completely patronizing way to look at someone, regardless of his or her weight.
ReplyDeleteI didn't mean to stir up a storm, I know you struggle and yeah, you're still fat. You obviously have the right to be proud of your accomplishments. I was just sharing my p.o.v... "anonymously." That's the beauty of sharing your life publicly on the internet afterall.
I don't think you have ever been judgemental or tried to be. I admit I myself look at people's meals and think "wow that's a lot of calories." Thin or fat, I'm not judging them, I'm just noticing it. Specially when I know that I used to eat that much and more.
ReplyDelete