Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Hey look at that dent in the couch!

Just hanging around here and not doing a lot of moving because of this back pain, I am getting anxious to do something, I want to ride my bike, or go for a walk, maybe a swim is what I want to do and I cannot. I got to thinking about it and this is what I use to do all of the time at 534 pounds, yep that's right, just sitting in my ass shaped mark on the old leather couch pretty much summed up most of my days, I mean there were random trips to the bathroom or refrigerator but the rest of the time was pretty much spent sitting on my posterior and here I am now on day two of just relaxing my back and I am starting to go nuts! I got excited when I thought to vacuum the house about 30 minutes ago but that started tightening things up in the old back so I put it away and here I am again, sitting.

I am kind of blown away at the fact that today is only the second day that I am relaxing and pretty much just sitting here doing nothing and I am starting to feel a little bit leashed and not so long ago it was just how I lived my life. It is amazing how a persons perception of what they are doing can change depending on the circumstances of the moment, when I was 500 plus pounds my back hurt all of the time and I know that I used it as an excuse to justify why I was not doing anything but sitting, never wanting to admit that I was just too big to be very mobile and that I knew all along that something needed to change. Now that I am doing things pretty much all of the time sitting idle for a mere day and a half makes me want to go for a ride on my bike pain be damned but I know its not smart so again..here I sit.

Realizing that I use to do this sitting around thing when I could have been doing other things is eye opening as to how different states of mind can dictate reactions. I was not happy with the way things were even though I would never admit back then it was true, it hurt to do just about anything that lasted more than 5 minutes and lets keep our minds out of the gutter folks that's not what I meant! (though its included on that list) and sitting around was ok with me because of that fact. Fast forward to today and a two day break from doing anything has me bouncing off of the walls figuratively of course as even standing up hurts but I gotta tell you that even bouncing off of the walls sounds like a good time to me right now and back then I would embrace the fact that I had an honest to goodness bonafide excuse to sit stationary for hours.

I don't wish very often because if you wish into one hand and shit into the other you will soon see which fills up first, but I really do wish that I had come to a few realizations years ago because to me it is honestly more about the mindset that one puts them self into which dictates the actions that are taken by an individual. If I had been able to pull myself out of the funk earlier this blog would be that much older and I would likely have been on Oprah or something by now sharing how I lost 300 pounds (which is slightly insane in itself that I could possibly lose 300 pounds and still weigh 234 pounds) but I was unable to do it until I saw fear and now here I am 200 plus pounds lost so far and going nuts because I have to rest as a result of a sore back instead of exercising.

I am the same man and so very different all at the same time compared to who I was in 2008 because of this lifestyle change and every day I learn a little bit more about myself because of it.

As Ever


  1. I hope your pain eases up soon so you can get up and around more again :)

    I'm guessing you've already been to the doctor about the pain and are taking something for it.

  2. I can relate with you pertaining to the sitting on the couch and doing nothing all day part. Instead of the couch, it was the bed for me or at my computer desk. Just going to the kitchen was a chore for me. Not having any energy to clean up, get dressed and go to the bathroom. My weight was not 534 but 265 on a 5'1" frame is alot. Just thinking about having to get up to do something made me tired. I, like you, missed out on so many things as a result of my weight: going to mall with friends, amusement parks, and just day to day things. I hated going to the grocery store to get those salty treats that I binged on because I didn't want to walk from the car to the store. I am down 25 pounds since March and I feel so much better. I am amazed at myself sometimes when I realize that I have walked the length of a store with no pain or sweat.

    Didn't mean ramble on. Here is a quote for you. "The mind is willing but the flesh is weak." In your case in pain.

  3. I understand this post too. I was 305 pounds, and have lost 150 pounds twelve years ago. I missed so much during my years of obesity.

    I hope your pain eases soon.

  4. Hope you get to feeling better. It's pretty amazing what we let our lives be in the past. It's nice knowing change is possible and it really is all in the mindset.

  5. As I am reading your blog, I'm thinking back about last night, and how you felt bad for asking me to fill your cup with water, and how you talked me through making a healthy dinner, and those puppy dog eyes as I rode away on a bike ride without you.

    "Back in the day" you would have asked me to get you a glass of soda and a bag of chips, or better yet, run out and get you a birthday cake. And grab Taco Bell on the way home for dinner if I didn't mind. And bike ride? What bike ride? Even when I went for a walk, you'd give me a kiss goodby and continue with your video game/tv show/nap...whatever it was.

    You may be the same man, but you are a completely different husband.

    Love you,

  6. I hear ya. I hope that back gets better soon.

  7. Hang in there. I've been in fear of getting injured ever since i started(year and a half ago) Cause i'm not sure if i ever got sidelined that i'd have the strength and willpower to start back up again. So i can understand a little what your going thru. May you heal fast! Jinx!

  8. Hey! Sorry to be random, but I came across your blog and am really getting alot from reading it.

    I'm only just starting to lose weight, and don't have nearly as much to go through as you did, but hearing you talk about how getting healthier changed you gives me so much to look forward to!

    I really hope your back feels better soon!