Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Hi my name is Tony and.....

Moving right along we are at Tuesday already, My weekend if I am being honest was very much less than stellar with the diet and exercise. I did not get out on a bike ride all weekend and I went over on my calories Sunday and Monday because of a hectic day on Monday but Sunday was just being lazy with the caring about counting. Saturday we went on our annual apple picking day to a local orchard and ended up with about 30 pounds of freshly picked apples, I figured that walking around at a fair/festival for more than 4 hours counted as some movement but I still felt bad about missing out on a real workout. Sunday turned into an all out clean the house kind of day and I did ok until one of my daughters friends stopped by for a "play date" and brought a big ol plate of m&m cookies that were still warm, lets just say that I could not resist. I was very restless yesterday and we ended up taking down our awning out in the back yard and doing some yard clean up while the kids jumped into the pile of leaves that was raked up but I ate too much throughout the day and this morning when I weighed myself I am more than up and feel stupid for my poor eating choices over the long weekend.

Its funny how eating is still a "demon" for me, it is a constant struggle to resist the bad stuff while packing the good stuff in even at this stage of the game. I will recall part of my yesterday and show you how it just happens and then an instance where its plain and simply just stupid decisions which when I step out of that it was me and look at it could use the word addict to describe it. Wify and myself were boxing some stuff to pack away for the winter in the knee wall upstairs and she was upstairs while I was down at this point, I had a pot of chicken soup cooking on the stove and had just eaten a banana with peanut butter as a between lunch and dinner snack. I look up on the shelf and see a bag of trail mix that wify bought the day before and reached in, took a handful and started munching on it, now you should know at this point my calories for the day are always figured out and that banana was all that I could afford yet here I was eating trail mix?

After I finished the trail mix I quickly did a calculation in my head and figured out that I had just eaten about an extra 200 calories so I justified it and thought "ok so I will end at 1900 today no worries". My dinner was about 600 calories, we made breakfast for dinner, I made a scramble with onions, peppers, potato and egg whites and with that we had turkey sausage to which I had given myself six of the little breakfast sausages to have with dinner. I could have skipped the sausages and come in right at 1700 calories, skip breakfast sausages? on what planet would this be acceptable? ummm this one fat boy! but alas I did not skip them, instead I had eight instead of six! Holy fuck?? really? hmmmm yes indeed so my dinner was now instead of 605 calories it came in at 675 when I was already over for the day by 200! that isn't even the bad part of the day.

Dinner was finished and I was now at 1975 calories, it is what it is, lesson learned and tomorrow will be perfect because it has to be after this monstrosity of a day. Wify hit the sack early and I decided that I would watch "The Event" before following suit and when it was finished I wasn't tired so Pawn Stars it was, I wandered into the kitchen to fill my bottle of water up and made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while I was in there, Wait!? what?? Yes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at 10:15 PM on a school night, Calvins in a ball on the front seat....skip that last part. The worse part? after slathering the peanut butter onto the bread I thought "Don't do it stupid" I shit you not I actually thought that! yet down the hatch it went. Lets us add that 285 calories to the already over budget 1975 and I come in at a grand total of 2260 for my Monday, Mama would be proud! bleh.. I am completely disgusted with that decision mostly because I caught myself as I was making that late night ass padding and still ate it.

This is the point where understanding that food can be and is for many people an addiction is important. I have been at this for what will be three years this January and am motivated beyond belief currently yet consumed a 285 sandwich on top of an already calorie dense day about 30 minutes before bed. Why? what was the driving force behind the late night snack? was it like a shark when it smells blood? it just reacts, is peanut butter like blood in the water to us fatties? is this something that will be with me forever? at this point I have to suspect that yes it is and will be because if I am almost three years down the road of eating better and living a healthy lifestyle yet eat a peanut butter sandwich before bed even after catching that it was happening this runs deeper than just liking the way something tastes.

Slip ups will happen, this is just something that has to be understood because when they happen it can do one of two things, we can see it for what it is and realize that each and every one of us is human and will slip from time to time or we can allow it to become the hard center of a giant snow ball rolling uncontrolled down the slope. Even after habits are made these things can happen and I refuse to beat myself up, make excuses or hide the fact that there are times where I struggle with making the best choice. What I will do is continue to reach towards my goals and bust my ass in and out of the gym to help it all along, I believe that most people that fail with weight loss do so because one small failure like a late night peanut butter sandwich snow balls into an oh woe is me state of mind and when that happens its all over.

That's all I got for today.

"Failure is not falling down, its refusing to get back up."

As Ever


  1. I find my own eating behavior inexplicable at times, I'm eating something knowing it's wrong for me but doing it anyway. Fortunately that's no longer a standard day.

  2. I lost my post darn it. Great post Tony and I can SOOO identify with the whole peanut butter sandwich thing. I do think we will always fight this food addiction inside ourselves. But I think we know we can beat it too. Maybe not every peanut butter sandwich but most. I think too people become comfortable when they've lost enough weight to feel healthier so sometimes we just need to sit there for awhile till we are ready to move down the scale again. I'm sure you'll get to where you want to be though. It sounds like you have a good handled on it all. I know this isn't the comment I wrote a few minutes ago either lol. But such is life. Here's to a good week for both of us.

  3. I like that quote. We're all human, and to be human is to err sometimes. I just went back and looked at all your progress photos - wow. You're just on a little course correction right now, and next week that scale is going to say something good.

  4. I really like your blog, but I have to admit I am just mystified why you have trouble losing weight when you are eating only 2300 calories on a BAD day. Online calculators say you should be losing weight at 2300 calories a day and your weight and age-- at least 2 pounds a week. So I am really puzzled as to what is going on for you. Maybe that tea you drink has more calories than you think? I honestly can't figure it out. Do you know what is going on?