Wednesday, June 23, 2010

When you start to doubt yourself the real world will eat you alive.

Business as usual, meaning I done good yesterday on the better health front. My intake was perfect at 1720 total calories and I managed to get 5 servings of fruits and veggies into that along with some game hens that I quartered up and tossed onto the grill so a good day intake wise indeed. Two and a quarter gallons of fluid went down the hatch in the way of a gallon of green tea with the rest being H2O so hydration is there once again and the scale showed a 4 pound drop from yesterday where it went from 325 to 321, hydration...its whats for dinner! and away we go.

My handy work post wash pre thunderstorm, not too shabby.

There wasn't anything on the menu that I would consider real exercise, just normal day to day chore type stuff, washing and waxing the car which apparently pissed off the rain gods as it dumped buckets all night, a short bike ride, cleaning up the yard etc etc. Somehow I have become re-focused on the task at hand and I believe that the pause that I took the night before last with the bats, lightning bugs and the little girl let me sort of reboot the gray stuff in my skull and get back into my groove. I am what I want to be and every day I have to prove it to myself, if I stop because of bumps its me that I am letting down most, which is something that I will not allow to happen. When the shit hits the fan it continues to spin, now its just covered in shit and eventually all of that shit will spin from the blades, eventually the fecal matter is thrown from the blades and once again its just a fan doing what its suppose to do. Now if that fan bogs down or stops because it is covered in shit it then sits motionless covered in said shit and nothing changes from that point, ultimately that shit will end the fans existence and it is because the fan allowed itself to get bogged down.

When looking at what I am doing for myself I think about this, No such thing as spare time, no such thing as free time, no such thing as down time, all you got is lifetime...Go!! (points for you if you know where that came from without a google search) This is how I felt at one point in my life, that time of my life I took it by the throat and did what I wanted to do when I wanted to and with whom I wanted to do it with and nothing got in my way. I still feel that way and I need to adjust back into a full on mind swap to get myself back to that, when life takes over we soon forget who we are sometimes and that's something that should not happen. I am never going back to that 534 pound guy sitting on a couch wishing things would be different, there is too much happening outside that tiny bubble that we get put into at that stage of the game and its just not me to be there. Making my way through life on my terms is how imma' roll and there ain't shit anyone can do to change that so through the woods I steamroll back onto the path that I was making before the splatter flung gracefully through the air slamming violently into the blades disrupting the zen that had been created.

I do believe hes back.

As Ever


  1. Welcome back - glad to see you up and at'em! Nice ride - hey, you need another car to wash & wax? My truck's over here, north of Waterbury... ;-D

  2. Welcome back :)

    I do think for many of us we get to a point where we just need a break from losing and we maintain for a while. I know I've gone through it- and I've lost nowhere near what you have.