Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Could use some input, Please read me...

There use to be a guy that wrote a blog and lost a bunch of weight, people said that he was inspirational and that what he had accomplished was amazing and to be commended. That fellow once upon a time weighed in at an amazing 534 pounds, life was less than peachy for him at a quarter of a ton. He fought his way down to a for him svelte 305 pounds at his lightest, I admired that guy myself if I am being honest, if you read this blog at all then you know I am that...Honest. Life happens sometimes and using that fact as an excuse is not how this guy gets down but I have to admit that when you are shoveling shit against the tide it’s an exhausting task to say the least and that’s how this ride feels for this fine young lad at this current time in the story line.  
 
I have had zero to no time to sit down and write this blog, or should I say that I had no desire to do so, when the stresses of life step in at times they can feel like trying to push boulders out of the sand with a popsicle stick.. yeah, like that. I have put on more than what I could call a considerable amount of weight since reaching that 305 pound mark, the weight crept up slowly and leveled off then it started creeping back on as I became less conscious of what I was putting into my body and I am currently paying for it in the way of about 75 or so pounds. Fuckin A man, all that hard work and I am allowing it to pack back on, why? Focusing on me is not a luxury that I have right now but that has to change so I figured that perhaps a post on my blog could sway the direction for me back into something that is going to get me back into a groove.
 
Riding my bikes has not been happening, my daily calisthenics is but something that I use to do and my walks around the lake are non existent, this is starting to look a lot like what I had when I was 500 plus pounds and I will be completely honest with you it scares me. More than a few attempts to get back on track have faltered after only a couple weeks, at times its been days.. being unable to focus on me because of other things happening in my life are taking precedence frustrates me because I know that if this item on the list does not get attention the house of cards can easily fall behind that single card.
 
What do you do when you know what to do yet are unable to execute the task as it should be? The tools are there, the experience is there and the will is there yet the struggle feels so much harder than it ever has, if I knew the answer to that question I would not be in this situation.
 
I have to push forward, I need to make my health priority over everything else and I need to do it yesterday not next week or next month but how?... to be continued I suppose and I am going to try to get on and posting more often once again, if you have any suggestions or straight up reality check shit, click that leave a comment button because I could use some fresh perspectives right about now.
 
As Ever
Me
                                                                                            
 

18 comments:

  1. mr. zeusmeatball,

    your blog has been on my news feed since 2008. i remembered how often you would post, sounding more motivated each day than the last, and it was truly inspiring watching your progress.

    real life gets in the way all the time. that's the truth. i think one way to really help you find your way back is to remember that feeling of accomplishment you've had with each tiny battle you've won, when it was as simple as reaching a goal weight at the end of the week, or looking back several weeks and seeing double-digit drops.

    what's also going to be helpful is the fact that you KNOW you've been able to do it before, and so doing it again is DEFINITELY possible.

    you've got this. good luck sir.

    -wilmar
    wilmarworksout.com

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  2. Sometimes life is harder on us than other times. The added stress certainly does not help! I read your story a long time ago, and started following you, one thing I most appreciate is your candidness. So let's be straight about this, you know that if you don't start taking care of yourself again you are not going to be able to take care of anything else either. You might not be there to take care of things. So pull your pants up and get back to it! You don't have to dive in full speed, but you have to do something! Perhaps a nice walk around the lake or a bike ride would afford you some personal time to think about things going on and get some perspective. You need some you time, turn it into some personal therapy time. You CAN do this! Hold your head up high and fight, fight for what's right and fight for what you deserve! We're all watching you!

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  3. Dude - I have been following your blog for over a year now and was inspired by your progress...

    I am going to post a quote for you that you should print out for yourself as a reminder "If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not you will find an excuse."

    Sorry if that is blunt, but it is something to think of...

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  4. Big Steve From FacebookSeptember 18, 2012 at 2:05 PM

    I hit 266, but I'm back at last weigh in to 282. I feel you completely. For me the current problem is my anti depression meds have left me damn near zombiefied. I used to count every ounce, so dedicated...now...I could almost care less.

    No sure what to say, except we HAVE to. It's not fair to us, or to our families to just give up and put the weight back on. I'm not sure how but we both have to find the motivation before its too late

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  5. Boy.... can I relate!!! I've not gained that much back.. but I have gained back 30lbs from my lowest. I'm fighting it each and every step!

    What has helped me take control again is realizing that I am not in the same place as I was at my lowest. So, I need to start where I am. Take babysteps. Change one thing at a time. Start with 15 minutes of walking. Either get up a bit early, or find the time. You can go from there. Then, choose 1 food based task.

    Don't expect to go the same place as you were when it was all going great. You can do it. It will be slow.. but you'll get there.

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  6. Hey, I am going to echo what everyone else has said.. which is :
    1. We've missed you something fierce. and..

    2. Buck up and get back in the game! You gained weight, and that SUCKS. I've recently done the same thing. But you know what? there really isn't a choice other than KEEP TRYING. Because what is the alternative? Nothing good, I'll tell you that!
    Your kids need you, your wife needs you, and more so - YOU NEED YOU. You deserve to be healthy and happy, and you can give that to yourself.

    I know its not that easy. If it were, I'd be a supermodel. I'm still fat. But you know what? I never, ever stop trying.

    You got this. And we've got your back!

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  7. "What do you do when you know what to do yet are unable to execute the task as it should be? "

    Well, that is the million dollar question, isn't it? There is obviously something blocking you from executing. Some sort of mental or emotional block, which you are going to have to figure out what it is.

    Sometimes you need to start over and just take it one hour at a time, one meal at a time. Don't think about how much weight you have to lose, just concentrate on the next day (or today).

    You can do it. You have done it. Therefore, you can do it again.

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  8. I've thought some more about this since my Facebook comment about the "inner switch." Maybe you've tried this, but have you read through your past blog posts, looked at your comparison photos, etc., recently? Your posts are incredibly inspiring, and it's so easy to hear your enthusiasm, joy and happiness in them. It might help flip the switch if you revisit some of your posts and photos; maybe they'll rekindle the fire you had going within you at the time you wrote and posted them.

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  9. Like other things, one day at a time. Ten minutes at a time. Ten minutes of exercise is better than no minutes. Saying no too, or rather, telling yourself no. No I don't need that (food). No I don't need to (sit on the couch). Say yes. YES I can go for a ten minute walk. YES I can drink water/tea instead of beer/soda. YES I believe in myself and I believe I can do this.

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  10. Like other things, one day at a time. Ten minutes at a time. Ten minutes of exercise is better than no minutes. Saying no too, or rather, telling yourself no. No I don't need that (food). No I don't need to (sit on the couch). Say yes. YES I can go for a ten minute walk. YES I can drink water/tea instead of beer/soda. YES I believe in myself and I believe I can do this.

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  11. Get. Up. Right. Now. And. MOVE.

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  12. I was just cleaning up my reader the other day and getting rid of some of the subscriptions that I'm either no longer reading or aren't being updated.

    I came to yours and looked at how long it had been since you posted and then realized that I don't care how long it's been. I enjoy reading your blog and it's worth waiting however long it takes for you to put up another post.

    I don't know why, but this next thought always hits me where I live. When I'm overwhelmed and feel like I'm drowning, I always think - "You won't drown until you stop swimming." Basically, it's the whole mindset that the situation isn't until you stop trying. Hang in there, it'll get better

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  13. GOOD to have you back man! "Don't let a slip become a fall." I think I read that somewhere...Suck it up, grab yourself by the short hairs, and give it h@#* . You know as well as all of us what to do. Heck you could write a book. All of us hit a snag every once in a while, but when you don't feel good...it's time for a change. Do it for you. Now, get up and start on that big ole glass of h2o!

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  14. Ive gained some, too...and I feel as you do...I want so much to be what I was 20-30lbs ago...but it seems almost impossible given the workload I am carrying ( I am trying to get into medical school).

    I feel your pain and angst. Email me anytime of yu want to commiserate.

    Ann

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  15. We all get distracted or for whatever reason let our goals and accomplishments slide. God knows I have. Hey, you're no alone. I'm stuck in an excuses phase. Let's crawl back outta the dark together.

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  16. I'm with Lori on this one, it's a mental thing for sure. Our attachment to food goes really deep. I also think depression can play a big part. I know when I'm feeling down it's hard for me to have get up and go. Not sure if you can or would want to but I would suggest going to therapy. I know without it I wouldn't be where I am. I also know I struggle often, Dr. N says there will always be times of struggle but you know I'm ok with that. Just like someone else said too look back at how much you have accomplished. You are still further along than where you started. I know myself sometimes that darn 10 lbs up seems to mean more to me than the 190 down. Something else I say to my husband all the time too is "talk nice to yourself, your weight doesn't make you who you are". It's so many things but you know it's worth it. Don't ever give up on YOU, YOU'RE WORTH IT!!! Keep talking.

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  17. I can 100% relate to what you're going through...in the past I've been going great guns, got within spitting distance of goal, then shit happens (in my case my husband getting kidney failure,dialysing, nearly dying, surgery after surgery, more near death, more dialysis...) and I used it as an excuse to stop taking care of myself.

    It didn't feel like an excuse at the time, I'll grant you that - a little voice in my head started saying shit like 'Stop being so self-indulgent and worrying about yourself and your weight - your husband has zero quality of life, and you're worried about losing weight..how selfish, how vain, how self-centred, how shallow'....and then an even more insidious nagging voice - 'how thoughtless to be investing in your own future, when your husband may not even have one!'

    Man, those little voices in your head can really work you over. So I quit being 'selfish' and 'shallow' and 'thoughtless' and 'vain' and I prioritised looking after him and neglected myself....and lo and behold, suddenly my BMI is north of 45 again, and I'm back where I started.

    Now for the past few months I've been back in the saddle again, and lately more shit is happening...my hubby's had had a transplant now, but he still has ongoing health issues which make me feel selfish...and my 83 mum is in hospital as we speak having surgery for bowel cancer....but this time I'm suppressing those nagging little voices in my head...instead of listening to them, I'm telling myself it's ESSENTIAL to take care of myself, it's VITAL for me to invest time in myself, I NEED to do this for me and for US, because my hubby and my mum depend on me to be strong and healthy, and me being a physical wreck won't help either of them.

    I'm not saying it's easy to carve out a bit of time to prioritise your own needs...and I'm certainly not saying it's easy to quieten those sabotaging little voices in your head, because everything they say seems to bloody believable and true at the time....but those voices are telling you lies, and you need to ignore them.

    You NEED to be healthy, Your family DEPENDS on you to be strong. You CAN do this. Really, truly, you CAN do this!!!!

    If you ever want to email anyone who really and truly understands, you can contact me at itp[dot]blog@hotmail.com.

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  18. Sorry, that should have been itpblog@hotmail[dot]com

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