Straight talk, if you're into excuses don't read this post.

I am having some interesting conversations with myself as I drop this weight... or should I say re-drop the weight, its almost like revisiting an old friend... and I don't necessarily enjoy this friends company but none the less I am here. Slipping back into a rhythm with my eating feels good at this point, I am passing on the treats that are around for the kids and weighing my portions with every meal, even if that means making dinner is a project again. The key to keeping on track for me is to make me first, its funny how that happens huh? its corny when you hear someone say that "You have to make you first" but the statement holds water! When we are not first we let things slip that would be a capitol offense when we're on track and doing the right thing in the realm of our health. I have stresses in my life that I won't get into on a blog that I choose to make public, we all have them so why put mine out there? besides, I would hate to get any comments or emails saying "Poor guy, you go ahead and eat that cupcake, you have a lot going on, when things calm down you will get back on track". I have from the beginning written in this blog in a straight forward manner using common sense as my guide and just because shit got stressful does not mean I will look for pity because of that stress.

I am responsible for what goes into my mouth and its always been that way, its my hand attached to the end of my arm and its my mind that controls that arm so if I eat a pizza, I did it. That's not to say that stress doesn't play a role in what my mind tells my hand to shove down my pie hole but when that does happen, I know who is to blame and it's the same guy that looks at me every morning in the mirror when I am brushing my teeth. I have had a good run at this weight loss thing, I have been writing this blog since January 2008 and in that time have learned a lot about myself and how much discipline I have, what triggers me to "fall off the wagon" and maybe the most important I found out that I am in fact an emotional eater, which is a fact that I would not admit or believe at various points in my life. I am too blunt, direct, dare I say logical to believe that eating is anything more than simply that, eating.... I know that I have said this in the past "I eat because I like food" and that is true to a point but in the last almost four years I can with all honesty say that when I get stressed or upset my best friend is the closest salty food item within reach.

I am not really into excuses, like I said I am a pretty direct person in a don't ask a 3 year old if your ugly kind of way because if you are, that kid will say "yep" and if honest isn't what you want I am not usually the person to ask. That statement has to apply for myself too though and lately I have let things slip and said "awe shucks, its really fuckin' stressful right now, I'll let that one slide" and that needs to never be the case, it is after all partially why I reached that darling little figure of 534 pounds. It's easy to slip off of the edge of a razor and when emotional eating is an issue for a person stress helps the trip up like ice helps a car slide into a pole, if we drive carefully driving on ice isn't really that hard, its harder than when its 70 and sunny sure but not impossible... same concept. I live in New England, LOTS if icy roads here in the winter, I am an excellent driver when it comes to that sort if thing and my driving record reflects that, when I lived in California a bit of rain would have the "Freeways" backed up for miles and people sliding all over the place, they simply did not get the concept of slow down out there let alone how to steer into a slide so there were lots of wrecks. I can equate that to the emotional eating, I learned to drive on ice I need to learn how to manage stress in a way that does not include a fist full of Teddy grahams, for the most part I got it but I do slip and have slipped so sorting that out as quick as possible needs to be mission one.

Gaining weight over years of bad eating choices and a sedentary lifestyle sucked, losing that weight was maybe one of my greatest feats and I gotta tell ya, gaining some of it back sucks as much as the first go around, maybe more even because I know how it feels to be lighter now. Reading some of my old posts reminded me of how those heavier days were, knowing that I could only walk about 1/3 of a mile and looked at it as an awesome thing because before that 5 minutes of walking was a chore really got me, it wasn't that long ago that it was my reality and there is no way I want that to be my existence again. Straight up no bullshit I am not letting that happen, I won't go back to dragging my ass back up some stairs completely out of breath and I am not going to let environmental stresses keep me from reaching my health goals.

I've added the count down timer for my weigh ins back to the left side bar with the date that I am weighing in for the blog again, I weigh myself daily and am keeping a log of that, you will not believe where it was considering I was down to 305 pounds. Whether I blog, or get to the gym, get out for a 25 mile ride or if the walls are falling in on me, I am and will remain focused on me, on my health and on the game plan to get me where I need and want to be physically.

YOU are the one that controls the weight hanging off of your bones, not me, not this blog, and not any stress that may kick you in the balls, your mind is yours just like the decisions are yours, make the right choices, stay focused in lieu of anything that is going around you and success is bound to happen.

That's the plan anyways, now to execute it with surgical precision.

As Ever
Me

Suck it up buttercup.

Yesterday I had the chance to go out on a ride so that's what I did, I took the regular trail that I ride that is about a 15 mile round trip but at every trail head where it crossed a street I explored a bit up and down the roads. The bike computer said that I did 19.5 miles so a new long distance for me was made but my ass paid for it because man was it begging me to get off of the bike by the end of the ride. I need to figure out my what to eat needs if I am to keep going on longer rides because I started feeling low on energy around an hour into the hour and 28 minute ride, the last time I took a longer ride which was 18 miles and an hour twenty minutes I ate a Zone bar about halfway through the ride and I didn't feel anything negative the entire ride. I figured that I had the camera with me and was taking a break at the end of the trail before taking on the hill to my house and decided to make another video to post so here it is.

Today will be a gym day because I like to alternate between the longer rides and the gym, plus I want to lift weights so I won't be on the bike today unless you count the stationary at the gym. The plan is simple, 25 minutes on the stationary bike followed by 45 to 60 minutes worth of weight lifting and a cool down either on the treadmill or a spin bike depending on whether there is a class going on when I am there. My weekend sort of steered me off course a bit because of some not so good decisions and lack of working out but I am still looking to pull off a loss come tomorrow mornings weigh in.

Tomorrow I weigh in, keeping focused is going to be my main concern in the coming weeks, I need to get down below 300 pounds and I need to get to that 275 pound goal and I would like it to be sooner than later. With a lot of face time at the gym and on the trails I will get there, I will need to keep my intake where it needs to be and I will have to remain diligent and complete the task at hand, I will do those things and I will do them decisively. There will be weeks that I lose more, there will be weeks that I lose less, then there will be those weeks that nothing will be able to get in my way as I excel into the physical me that I am aiming for, I am taking matters into my own hands and when that happens nothing is stronger than that.

My time, your pain, I reign on you....

As Ever
Me

You could spend your entire life walking around in the nowhere land of self doubt.

Or you can get your ass up and do something about a situation that you ultimately do have control over, I mean it, YOU control how you live life and there is only one go at it so why not make it count? In the beginning I was doubtful that I would be successful with this whole weight loss game yet I kept going and upon doing so I found out that as long as I did my part the rest sort of happened, when I didn't do my part, well the rest stopped happening, simple right? sort of.

There are challenges that each and every one of us face on a daily basis and we somehow make it through to the next day each and every time but with weight loss it feels different, the word that comes to mind is impossible. It takes months or even years to put the weight on and we expect it to come off over night and honestly in the beginning it felt like it was! My experience with weight loss and gaining a better place within the health spectrometer has been very eye opening for me. When I was 500 plus pounds and feeling like there was no way out compared to how I see things now I sometimes can't believe that is how I felt after coming to the realization that my health is heavily dependent on what I do to keep it where it needs to be.


Its hard when you weigh 500 pounds and almost everything hurts, emotionally and physically to get up and do something about it but if you are wearing those shoes and are reading this trust me when I say that the pain only lasts as long as you let it. We doubt ourselves every day when we weigh as heavy as I did when I started down this road and that doubt will keep us from our goals all day long, know that when we apply a healthy eating regimen along with some movement then follow through with that plan that the weight has no choice other than to evacuate from our bones. There is a lyric that resonates through me almost daily, it goes like this "When you start to doubt yourself the real world will eat you alive" in many of our cases where we are extremely over weight while the real world is eating us alive we are eating ourselves to death, its as simple as that.

I am not super weight loss guy and I only know what I have learned in the last couple years about health and weight loss, I hold no degrees in this field and I am not a doctor but I do know from my own experiences that as long as sitting on my ass was my sport of choice that things were getting worse by the day. Losing weight and keeping it off is a full time job and not an easy task by any means, it is a daily struggle and takes a shit load of dedication along with a lot of hard work so when you start down that road don't expect it to be bunny rabbits and baby chicks else you are setting yourself up for a let down. I will say that how you will feel and all of the things that are possible after losing a sizable amount of weight is more than worth the struggle, sweat and pain that needs to be put into the process.

Stop doubting yourself and what you are capable of this very second and get up off of your ass right now, not later, not in a minute and certainly not after you finish your muffin! and do something for your health, for yourself, for your life!....ANYTHING! but do it now because we only get one go at this ride called life and its shorter than we want to believe.

As Ever
Me