As simply as I can say it..

In life, sometimes we are not sure where to start, many times it seems so daunting that we fail before we start, other times we dwell on what use to be but it will always remain the same no matter at what junction we stand.

You must start from the point at which you currently stand, not because its the best idea, not because someone else said so and not because the mood strikes you on any particular day.

But because it is where you stand and there is no other starting point.

What's holding YOU back?

Now to take my own advice.....

As Ever

Me

Those things that make you think about those other things..

So, the poison ivy is clearing up and opening day for trout has passed as did the big Easter dinner I made, things are looking up. This blog has given me a place to drop my thoughts when I feel the need to, it had given me a couple friends I would have not had otherwise and I have not posted as much as I might have shouldda in past months but here we go. 

This is how my day ended on opening day 2014, just amazing.

Opening day fishing was a disaster and only saved by the company that I had and one of the most amazing sunsets I have ever had the joy of laying eyes on to end my day, so in short it was a beautiful disaster. My daughter and I set out to fill the freezer with trout and at the end of the day all said and done we had a single 15 inch rainbow trout to show for our efforts and I owed her a buck for catching the first and what turned out to be the only fish of the day. Something that also made the day not so awesome was the fact that I broke the end off of one of my poles by rolling the window up on it... twice... so now my 7 foot pole is a tad shorter.

 It was a snack eating kind of day as I didn't have a solid meal all day Saturday besides breakfast but I was not minding calories at all so it made not much difference either way. Sunday on the other hand was a different story all together and the feast that I made for my family was pretty amazing... calorie filled for sure, but amazing. 

I had been doing well with my calories until about a week ago then I slacked, Today is a new day and I am not going to dwell on the fact that I have not eaten the best in the past week or so, it is what it is and its time to move on. I have to realize that I can do what I can do and worrying about things out of my control is not helping the ahem.. situation with my ass so I am trying to limit worrying but we all know how that goes. Over all I am feeling more positive about my weight situation but admittedly I do struggle a lot with dealing with the weight that I have regained and the mental that goes along with having succeeded in dropping what I did and turning myself around and now being in a 2 steps forward 3 steps back place in this journey. 

Once upon a time there was a fat guy that was not able to live the life that I am living right now, once upon a time I was living a life doing things that I cannot do at this moment and living in the now of life has got to become the way of me. The first time around I was a guy never having known how it felt to be healthy, this time around I know how it feels to be healthy and able to do what I please when I please and I am still unsure which is worse but in THIS moment, its worse having known and I'll use that to drive me forward into te life that I am trying to take back.  

Thats all I got

As Ever
Me

Mike Tyson is effecting my weight loss.

How does a person who lost 230 pounds, became the man that he knew he was and completely turned his physical around gain more than 100 pounds back get into a groove that will again allow him to drop back into Superman status? This is my quandary.

I ask myself constantly how did I do it? how did I drop 230 pounds the first go around? most importantly how can I do it again? I walk, I eat decent (I'll admit I am not doing my part 100% where eating goes) but it seems that lately no matter what I do, no matter how hard I work the weight does not come off. I was doing yard work Tuesday and felt awesome because well, my yard looks amazing in the spring and I was getting what I have always considered "free exercise" by doing the work. fast forward to last night and I am itchy... My nemesis has returned, yep Poison Ivy, I must have missed that I pulled some roots up that were hairy and bamn! my fragile skin which cries at night thinking about poison ivy came in contact and this morning I look like I went 12 rounds with the young Mike Tyson.

I decide that going to my doc is the better option considering that the hospital is where I typically end up when meeting Poison Ivy in dark alleys if not a quick run to the mob doc for some medical help. I walk in, get weighed, blood pressure etc etc everything that happens with a visit to the doc and the nurse says "He will be right in" so I wait. The Doc walks in, says hello "been a while" yep sure has, "looks like ya got some poison ivy there huh?" yep sure do, "what are we going to do about that weight Tony?" I laughed because I had just told my wife who dropped me off that he would ask me. I said "lets get this taken care of and then we can talk" to which he replies, "yeah, you're getting a shot and a script like every time, now your weight"  and I think to myself "awesome" ...

After a short talk describing how I can;t seem to drop weight any more he wanted to do some blood work for my thyroid and I am reminded that My father takes meds for Thyroid, my grandmother had problems with hers as did my aunt... hmmmmm why didn't I think of that? because it seemed like an excuse when I DID think about it. I have an appointment in a month to talk about whatever the blood tests say and I somehow feel good that I am doing something proactive about this problem that I have. 

My blood pressure was ok, heart rate ok, everything seemed ok besides the statement where the doc said "you're 73 pounds more than the last time I saw you" ..... ouch. I got a shot for the ivy, got some prednisone and a cream for the itching so hopefully this "boxers look" that I have right now leaves me sooner than later and I feel hopeful where my weight loss is concerned again as its been a while since that was the case.

Maybe getting poison ivy was a blessing in disguise, I don't know but I do know that that hopeful feeling is deadening the itching a bit, so I'll take it. 

Thats all I got.

As Ever
Me

What we've got here is failure to communicate.

My mind says forward all engines captain yet my body refuses to comply with the order, whats a guy to do. Being negative is not how I dropped 230 pounds and is a huge part of why I have not posted lately, hows that saying go? if ya ain't got nothing nice to say? something like that.

Things OUT of my control dictate the gray matter and this is not how it should be but how does one separate the things that cause stress and the things that need to be done while making them work together if not in harmony just simply get out of one anothers way? If I knew we would be in a different place. 

With spring finally arriving in New England I realize that my hoodie is no longer a hiding place for the extra large version of myself any more and like a ton of bricks I am pissed, upset and feeling let down by myself all together. Yes its easy to say "start now" but alas here in lies my problem, I start at least 3 times per week because stress fucks with my noggin in ways that I wish it did not and like I said what to do when you are putting fires out constantly or dealing with complete frustration from more than one direction? I wish I knew. 

The old me... which was the new me.. who has now become the guy I use to be is so close in memory that being this guy that I am now seems foreign yet at the same time he is who is here at the moment. Now that I have thoroughly confused you, basically I am pissed and its time to do something about it because the guy that was doing 25 mile rides on his bike hasn't been around for a while, that guy who hiked all week, I haven't seen him in a bit and I miss him so looking for him is going to be a priority for me now. 

Less than inspiring? down? blah? perhaps thats how this post will be interpreted by anyone who takes the time to read it, maybe it will be seen as a guy whose had enough and is attempting to change a situation again in hopes that it sticks, I'm unsure as its literally just thoughts written as they came. This blog helped me drop 230 pounds once, maybe it can help me drop what I've gained back, at any rate, its worth a try. 

Thats all Igot for now, I'll try and post more often so check it out.

As Ever
Me... or is it.