Suffer, it is the only option.

See that wagon over yonder? yeah, the one that I fell off of about a week ago, that's the one, keep your eye on it because I am hoping back on. When stress enters stage left its devastating for my ass, I immediately go to the "stress eating" and nothing helps it. Figuring out how to deal with stress in a different way has to be a priority for me as it is how do they say? my down fall. 

Not getting into exactly the source of stress because its nothing that I can fix or change, I need to change the how I deal with it factor more than the stress itself because life will always include stress on one level or another. I am not making excuses for my lack of control with the eating and I am not blaming "stress" I am just straight up stating the why part of the equation that lead to a screwed week of poor choices when it came to my intake.

Me and my beard full of ice.

My poor Truck

My driveway after using the snow blower and its still not down to black top! to give you a point of reference, that's a Ford Expedition and the snow is higher than the tire.

With that said, I have ridden the trainer more this week than I have all year and with the snow that came down over the weekend I haven't stopped moving with all of the shoveling but that will not make up for the lack of discipline in the refrigerator department. When my weight loss is the subject my intake is more important than any exercise that happens, from the beginning I lose weight faster when I eat within my calories and walk at least a mile 3-4 times per week and this has to go back into place as my basic program.

Making sure that my calorie limit is not disrespected will be my main focus in the coming weeks, I will also be utilizing the trainer and walking to get some movement into each day. I was talking to Wify last night and told her that I really wished that I could figure out why as soon as stress pops its head into my daily that I immediately turn to my old pal food, it is the most frustrating aspect of my life. No matter how hard I try, no matter how far I come or how much weight I drop when it comes to stress in my life the same fix pops into the picture, snatch something up and shove it down my throat, fuck....

This whole weight loss thang is not a race so it truly is just a start over from now kind of a feeling but I have to tell you, looking back at photos of me at 305 may as well be a kick to the throat because its where I want to be. Looking at my closet full of a wardrobe full of clothes that just don't fit me currently pisses me off and yet stress pops in? you know where to find me.

Only one thing to do and that's to put my big boy pants on stop acting like a Nancy and harden the fuck up, allowing food to have this hold on me is weak and fighting with that fact is not easy but its my life and weighing close to 400 pounds is NOT in the fucking plan. 

That's all I got for today, time to ride the trainer. 

As Ever

Me

I want to be THAT guy.

So this week has been less than peachy and I am not talking about the weight loss, I mean life in general seems to be poking me with a stick to see how much I can take. My week started off with no sleep and I never recovered from that, add that our son is not being how do you say? behaved is putting it nicely so we're dealing with some things we ought not have to be dealing with. Wednesday night turned into another long, late night for me and I was not in bed until after 1:30 AM only to be woke up at 5:15 AM by wify informing me that the insane winds have claimed the life of our power and we were indeed in the dark as it were. Children off to school and the wood stove was lit, we were without power for the better part of yesterday which is one of those it is what it is moments but inconvenient none the less. I did not drink as I should have yesterday and though my calories were in range because of the power being out I probably did not have the most nutritious of meals throughout the day, again it is what it is.

Today I should be posting a weight as it is Friday but I did not weigh myself this morning, rotten mood tied to exhaustion I just did not step on but yesterdays weight reflects an ok loss for the week to that point but I will post an official weight tomorrow. I have reintroduced the trainer back into the day, I set my laptop up on the dresser in front of the bike tune into netflix and pedal away and I need to admit something, I am out of shape! A twenty minute trainer ride has my legs sore, I feel it in my abs and mu shoulders are tight, that effect is had on a guy that would ride all day Sunday out on the trail with not a bit of complaining or soreness. The same guy that would go to the gym and start off with 30 minutes on the stationary or spin bike followed with 45 minutes of weight training finishing up with another 20 or so minutes on an arc trainer or treadmill only to drive home to hop on the bike for a 5 mile ride to pick his daughter up from school in the bike trailer.

More interesting to me is that I am wanting to be "that" guy and he is not some washboard stomached fellow at the gym working out hardcore while I watch from my corner of the gym and he is not Arnold or some pro athlete, its me. At the time I thought that I was slacking with my workouts and here I am heavier once again and looking back at that fellow with envious eyes, kind of screwed eh? This realization is going to drive me to get back where I was and since getting my shit together again and hopping back on this wagon I feel completely different than just a month and a half ago so all ig going well and in the direction that I want it to.

Adding regular trainer rides into my days I am expecting a bigger drop next week than I have been getting but we shall see. I am sore so I know that I am retaining some fluid at the moment which can effect the weigh in tomorrow but I will post whatever the scale says and go from there. My goal is to get back into my riding habits that I had just before my mother passed away and that should hopefully make everything else fall into place.

Until next we meet I want you to remember never to take for granted where you are in your weight loss, healthy lifestyle because every day that you eat right and exercise you are a day closer to being that guy (or gal) so with that said, get your ass going and do something for yourself!

As Ever
Me