Monday, February 13, 2012

Determined... nuff said.

Keeping up with where I need to be has come pretty easy lately but something that I am noticing is that without the exercise the weight comes off so slow. My back is still tender so I am taking it easier than I really want to in the riding the trainer department but it is what it is because if I jump back into it too soon it could set me back that much further. This morning my back felt decent so I may attempt a short ride just to feel things out, I need to get my legs in order before the weather comes around because I do not want to waste a single day when it warms back up when I could be on the bike.

My calories have been pretty perfect and drinking enough has never been an issue for me, my weight is stable or dropping and I haven;t seen what I would call a rise in the number in a while so that's got me in a positive place where this whole program is concerned. My calories last year were 1700 per day and I found at that amount I do lose weight but I also find that I am hungry now and again, since upping my intake number to 2200 calories per day I have been losing weight and literally have found that I come up short a lot of days.

Evolving from a 534 pound man that had no idea of whether his plan to lose weight would work to where I am currently has been a huge learning experience for me, learning that I need to do for me in order to get what I want was a hurdle but now that I am here, whats next? I have dropped a lot of weight in the last few years, kept most of it off but keep hitting a barrier, that barrier is that 300 pound mark and I am now again a bit away from there but I fear that when I get there again I will hit the wall again. How do I get past that? you know, that mental barrier, the weight is merely a number and my body knows not what 299 pounds Vs 305 is, it's what is suspended in the gray matter that is holding me back there.

Sixty pounds is the hill that I need to climb to get back down to the 300 pound barrier, honestly this 60 pounds feels harder to achieve than the more than 170 pounds that I have already lost! why? this is a road already blazed, I have been down and back this road in the not so distant past so why does it feel like its an impossible feat? My mental is where this game is right now, I know this and I know how to eat, exercise and sleep to get there and I will! but it seems like more of a struggle like I said than the already lost weight which is 3 times what I need to drop to get back to where I was.

My weight, my life, my struggle and I will beat it down out of my way, not because I want to, even though I do want to but because I need to, for more reasons than I can count.....

It shall be so..

As Ever


  1. Agreed. The gray matter is what always trips me up and I had the same wall at the same place...and the wall won last time. We will have to work to overcome that!