One Mans trip to the Half

CycleOps Fluid 2 Video, tire comparisons.

2012-01-28T15:43:00.001-05:00

I wanted to get a compare video up between the Michelin Country Rock tire that my wife bought when she picked up the fluid trainer and the Bontrager SR1 that I replaced it with, I had a chance to set the camera up this morning when I rode so I thought I would pop the video up. The Michelin tire was just too loud for my purposes so it had to be replaced and the difference between that and the slick SR1 is incredible and it allows me to ride while my daughter takes her mid morning nap.

Now you know that you are diggin' on my blue light in the first trainer spot, and you can now see just how loud that Michelin was, I am sure that it would make a great road tire for a mountain bike but for trainer duty it will have to be saved as a back up tire. This trainer is working out good for me, when weather or the baby stop me from getting out for a real ride out comes the trainer and I can get a ride into my day, gotta love it. Here is a shot of the K2 in Trainer gear, it does not differ much from road duty when it wears WTB Graffiti SF 2.2 tires, it loses the bag on the top tube and gains a powerade bottle in the cage.

I hope you enjoyed the video, come spring I am sure that I will be posting up some ride videos as I do bring my Kodak ZX3 camera out with me on most rides. Over all I am on the right path and am hoping to hit my goal of being 305Lbs or less by May 25th, this trainer will certainly help me get there bu I can't wait for the weather to get a little better and days longer so that I can hit the rail trails again.

Soon enough it shall be so...

That's all I got for today.

As Ever
Me

Weigh in, and nada else.

2012-01-27T21:16:00.002-05:00

The day got away from me and I literally just walked in the door 20 minutes ago but since I don't want to be called a liar on posting the weigh in here it is. This morning the scale said that I was up by .8 pounds, 364.8 pounds, it is what it is and it ain't no thang, next week shall be a loss.

That is all, hope everyone has an awesome weekend!

As Ever
Me

Another week gone another pound ... gained?

2012-01-26T09:06:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow I will weigh in for the blog again, I am predicting a gain for the week which is kind of discouraging but it is what it is and since I am still trying to beat this cold or whatever it is I am not all that worried about a small gain. I was 364.0 last Friday and if I break even I will be happy because as of this morning I am up from that number by more than a pound which is a tad puzzling but at the same time, should it be? Losing weight is not a perfect thing, sometimes we lose sometimes we gain and sometimes it remains even no matter how diligent we are with our food intake or exercise. Making the right choices is how I roll these days, and I know that even with a gain I am doing what I need to do for my health, eating clean is somehow rewarding for me, knowing that I am fueling my body with the right stuff forces me to feel good, That concept keeps me going some days when I feel myself about to peek in the fridge for no reason.

I haven't ridden my trainer for a few days and this bothers me but my head is still clogged up and the first 10 minutes is literally torture because of it not to mention that 30 minutes afterwards the stuffy head is double what it was before I started. All of that sounds like an excuse to me! so after I hit publish I am setting up the trainer and going for a ride.

I don't have anything spectacular to write today other than I am feeling a tad bit discouraged because of the up while at the same time I understand these things happen. I have not worked on a bike in a while because a couple of nights ago I was installing fenders on a bikethat I was setting up for wet weather riding and I slipped trying to tighten a bolt... When I slipped a tily little washer that was in my hand somehow ended up slipping under my index finger nail and literally went in so deep that half of the washer was under my nail. The tip of my right index finger has been throbbing for two days, I am more bothered by the fact that the weekend is coming and I really wanted to do some work on the old Motobecane and I am unsure if this thumping finger will allow it.

Over all things are good, I am eating right, feeling awesome and for the most part am happy with how things are going here.

That's all I got.

As Ever
Me

Nothing mind blowing just an am post for those interested.

2012-01-24T09:49:00.001-05:00

Keeping my calories within range is increasingly easier as the days tick by, I am back into a groove with the intake and now its time to get the exercise back up to par. Riding on my trainer has been sketchy at best as I have had a cold for about 2 weeks, actually its two colds with a 2 day break in between them and riding the trainer is not fun with a stuffed up head so I have been passing on it lately. We got about 5 inches of snow on Sunday and we did make it out for a walk with the kids which was nice and at least it was movement vs hanging out in the house for the day and I'll take that any day of the week!

My weight is doing something odd, what I mean is that I am up in weight from Friday which I can't understand, I mean I know there is fluctuation but there is no reason for it. I am eating perfectly, exercise is lacking but that has been the case since about Christmas with me riding the trainer only a handful of times and I had been dropping since then. I am not too worried about it as I have been here before while losing weight but that doesn't make it any less frustrating to see a plus on the scale in the morning, it is what it is I suppose. Friday will let me know how I did for the week as I don;t usually dwell on the number that I se eon the scale, I try and focus on the over all results because I do have a long way to go and letting fluctuations bother me would prove a losing battle and ultimately hurt the forward momentum.

On bike related news, The hardware for the Pletscher rack that I am going to put on that Motobecane that I am working on came in the mail yesterday so I will do a test fit later tonight with the rack. I did get down stairs for about 30 minutes worth of polishing on the crankset on that bike but its far from done so I didn't take any pictures of what I did for now.

Over all everything is on track and moving right along and I can't ask for more than that, the weather will be warm soon and back out on that trail I will go...... can't wait.

That's all I got for today kids.

I cross posted this post at Two Wheels and a Fat Guy for anybody interested.

New content on the fat fella, check it out here!

2012-01-23T11:25:00.005-05:00

A good weekend was had, there was snow, working on that old bike, riding the trainer and a walk with the kiddos through said snow, all things that at my highest weight of 534 would not have been possible. Living this way now feels natural to me, my stumble with the stress and weight gain was such an off balance feeling and its not something that I noticed as much before I got my shit back together and I believe this may be part of the reason so many people struggle with weight. I enjoy eating the meals that I make that are healthy, they taste good, are not hard to prepare and the bonus of feeling awesome because of them is well... awesome!

A shot over the barely frozen lake now covered in snow.

Last night I had my wife take a picture of me in shorts and no shirt, I did this back when I started this blog as a reference for myself to see where I was and where I have gone, it was very effective in keeping me on track. I would take 2 images per month, one on the first and one some time on the middle of the month and I have a folder with all of these images dated and photoshopped together with the image from Jan 6 2008 so that I can see my progress. I will probably never share these images with anyone but my wife which is likely a better choice so that I don't scare the population or anyone that may stumble upon the images on the net but anyone that is trying to lose weight I would recommend doing this.

The Moto's new aluminum bars all nice and shiny.

Something else I would recommend to people trying to lose weight is finding something to be passionate about that is health related, you know, like bicycles! I think that my obsession... er I mean addiction... um still not right.. hobby, yes that's it Hobby, is a huge factor in keeping me interested in healthy living because its kind of hard to blast down a rail trail when you weigh 400 pounds. Bicycles have become very interesting to me once again, more so than when I was 10 years old riding around on my Huffy Santa fe' or when I was 14 with my Schwinn Super le tour, there is something about them that just speaks to me, I like riding them, I like fixing up the old broken ones and I have too many right now! The spring can't get here soon enough so that I can get my weekend rides back on the menu and I am planning on being back down to my fighting weight by then so I have a lot to look forward to with the spring coming around again.

Over all everything is on track, I am making time for myself even to tha point that I can post pretty regularly on this blog again! I even started a more cycling related blog not too long ago and there are more details on my bike projects there so anyone interested in that sort of thing please check it out at TWO WHEELS AND A FAT GUY, I would love to know that some of you followed me over there. The other blog is health/weight loss related but it is centered more on the cycling side of it because I wanted a place to post up my bike projects so that I would not bore the skin off of anyone that reads this blog for the weight loss side of it so again please check it out!

For today, that's all I got! everything is happening the way that I want it to and not by chance, I decided that beat the path into the ground where my feet will fall.

As Ever
Me

Weighing in on weighing in... again.

2012-01-20T09:54:00.004-05:00

This week has been good, I have stayed within my calorie range, ridden the trainer, drank plenty of green tea and I got to finally start in on that ole Motobecane that I had laying around. My weight has been coming down for a couple weeks now and last week was an exceptionally awesome week in that respect with a 6.2 pound loss, this week we have a loss too. I am down 2.4 pounds this week from last which is a great week as far as I am concerned because the way I am approaching this is that a loss, any loss! is a good thing. Now I haven't posted my actual weight for a while on here but have made it so that if someone was paying attention you could easily figure out roughly where I am but I figured why not just post the stupid weight? so that's what I shall do.

I am not happy to report that as of this morning I am currently 364.0 pounds, don't mistake that last little thing that I said about "not happy" for how I am feeling, I am feeling awesome the last month or so, its just that I am not happy that I weigh 59 pounds more than my lowest weight since starting down this road. Re-losing weight... again... is not a good feeling but on the other side of that is feeling good because of the foods that I am eating again, now that feels good. Thinking about having to lose 59 more pounds just to get where I was is a tad aggravating but that's only if I allow it to aggravate me, I choose to look at as a learning process and the 59 pounds is the penalty that I must pay for letting things get that far off of where it needed to be in order to promote a healthy lifestyle, time to pay the piper and all that.

Refocusing my energy onto me has been the key from the beginning, I need to keep in mind that without putting me at the front of the line the rest may as well not be there because I cannot be the person that I need to be without that.

My life, My weight problem, My solution... because nobody else can do it for me and if I let things get in the way of my health then I am letting myself and my family down.

That's all I got.

As Ever
Me

Pre weigh in prediction and a project.

2012-01-19T10:27:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow I weigh in again, last week I had a really good drop and from my peek at the scale this morning it would appear that I have a loss for tomorrow again, this makes me a happy fella. Last week I had a 6.2 pound loss and I do not exect to match that loss I am looking for a number that will keep me on track to get back down to that 305 pound mark that I was at in May of 2010, somehow the thought of getting that back is really driving me right now as I feel unstoppable. My time on the Cycleops fluid 2 is helping me stay focused and I am eating like I use to although I am eating more calories than I was last year when I was on point. My food choices are awesome right now and I am almost completely back to whole foods again, salads are my favorite dinner and carrots are sweet again to me.

A shot of the front brake after I disassembled, polished and reassembled it.

I've decided that I need a bicycle related winter project and since my New Trek is all blinged out now with some fancy new blue bits and the K2 has been assigned to trainer duty I figured it was time to work on an old Motobecane road bike that I picked up last year. I started pulling parts off of it so that I can disassemble, polish and the reassemble into a nice clean, functioning part again and I started with the brakes so look for some updates on that little project in the future too!

Though it wouldn't be difficult for someone that reads this blog to figure out what my current weight is I am going to post it in tomorrows post along with the loss for the week. Posting some of the changes that I made to my intake/calories etc is also in the future as I am finding this go around a bit easier and I want to share a discovery that I made about myself concerning what and when I eat so that should be fun! Putting myself first is so pinnacle in my success that it is actually crazy to me how much it matters in my results but having a family which includes a brandy new baby in it does not allow me to be in the forefront of my priorities all of the time, all the while it must be that way so a balancing act it is for sure.

This week has been good, I am looking forward to tomorrow mornings posting because I have a feeling that it will be a pretty decent drop this week which makes me a happy blogger.

Until then, eat well, exercise much and remember who holds the fork.

As Ever
Me

Weigh in and its a BIG drop!

2012-01-13T10:13:00.004-05:00

Friday is upon us and I have been weighing myself daily for about 3 weeks now, I figured I would pop in with this weeks loss and its a good one! Since last Friday I weigh 6.2 pounds less and feel pretty good about that number. Keeping my calories in check has been very easy, I would hate to jinx myself by saying that but its the truth, I am just not hungry... ever! incorporating more and more whole foods into my daily intake I am sure is playing a hand in those full and satisfied feelings so the plan is to get back to where I was about a year and a half ago and become that pain in the ass who has very specific dietary requirements, I liked that guy.

The brown truck came yesterday with some goodies!

I blame the good loss this week on getting back into riding on a semi regular basis again, no no, I am not riding outside so much but this trainer is really hitting the spot giving me a no excuse environment to live in. Now I am missing the out doors rides a lot more than I let on but at the same time with a baby in the house I can't really do anything until almost 6pm once the wife lady gets home and this time of year its pretty dark by then not to mention cold. Now I am not some pussy that is afraid to get cold on a ride, in fact I like riding in any weather, even rain! but with the extra weight, being sedentary for a short while and the fact that my knees have been bugging me since it got cold out I am erring on the side of caution and riding the trainer for a bit until I get my legs back. I did buy a set of Castelli knee warmers so that riding in the colder weather is less of a pain in the ass.... um I mean Knees but again, I am going the ease on into the harder workouts route so its the trainer for me... for now.

Focusing on my food has obviously been working for me, throw in the rides on the trainer and I give myself about 2 weeks before I am hitting that trainer for all its worth. This blog has been a huge help to me in the past and I intend on trying to get on here and posting as much as possible so that I have a documented account of what I am doing and what's working, its also good to look back at it when I need a kick in the ass not to mention all of the support from you.

With that you have a Friday post with a weigh in and all! so until next we meet, keep on keepin on and all that jazz.

As ever
Me

Who runs Bartertown?

2012-01-11T10:05:00.004-05:00

When you learn to put yourself first and do something incredible then that incredible thing gets taken back because of a lack of focus I can tell ya its not good feeling. There was a time in my life when I struggled to walk up a flight of stairs without feeling like I was going to die before I reached the top and some time around then I decided that I had to completely change the way that I was doing things, and I did. Losing 229 pounds at my lowest weight I came in at 305 pounds, now 305 pounds may sound high and it is but at the same time I am about 6'4'' tall and built large so its not so far off where I want to be and the way 305 feels compared to where I am today is an insane difference.

I think that not having something to reference was easier on the gray matter than having been there such a short time ago and knowing exactly how it feels. On my way down from 534 pounds I had no real idea of how 305 pounds felt, I was probably a Freshman in high school the last time I was that weight and not close to being an adult. My adult life had never seen that weight before so now that I had a short visit down to see the family living in room 305 it aggravates me that I let it go, take everything else out of the equation and it boils down to the fact that I was not disciplined enough to keep what I worked so hard for. I am left with a do-over if I want to see the other side of 300, I have to re-lose about 65 pounds JUST to get where I was already and if I let myself I could get pretty annoyed at that fact but instead I am going to attempt to turn that energy into drive that will get me back down to where I need to be with my weight.

I have to take control of what goes into my body, letting stress or aggravation get the better of me has not been good for my waist line so its time to get back to the basics. I created the perfect plan for myself, for my health and was beating the pounds into submission while making my body stronger than it had ever been so I do know how and what to do. Years of practical research and application of that research into my daily life turned a 534 pound man who struggled to do the most menial physical tasks into a 300 pound man whom had the world in his grip, there is no way that I can let that go.

Where my health is the subject, I have to be the one running the show.

That's all I got

As Ever
Me

What did he say? as real as a punch in the face? yes sir...

2012-01-09T12:26:00.003-05:00

Lets get real for just a moment, that is after all why I started this blog in the first place so that I could be accountable with my weight loss/gain. My time is at a premium these days, I have a new baby that I am taking care of, this stay at home dad gig is great until its time to get a workout in, yes yes I know plenty of stay at home parents do it every day and I am not trying to make an excuse but to say that the last year of my life has been full of turmoil would be stating it lightly. That there last sentence sounded like it could have been the beginning of an excuse and its not, I am responsible for all 65 pounds that I allowed to reattach to my bones, yes I said 65 pounds unfortunately, more so for me than you but you get the idea.

May 21st 2010 I weighed in at 305 pounds and I felt like I could take on the world and was pretty much loving every second of every day and feeling incredible. The next few months were decent but I wasn't as focused for whatever reason and then lots of distractions entered stage left, I am a stress eater through and through and its a problem that I struggle with pretty much daily. When I said turmoil lets just say it was one thing after another and the stress won the fight, I attempted to keep my shit together but it was never enough, I started gaining weight again.

It was kind of like this, "As long as I don't go above 325 I'm ok" then I would hit 330, "As long as I don't hit 340 I'm ok" so on and so fourth until well yeah... here I am today. This blog has always been about my weight loss/health so I will not get into detail of what all the stress was/is and the bottom line is that no matter what goes on around us we need to be accountable for what we do with ourselves and that includes shoving food into our mouths when we're stressed, its a bullshit card to be dealt but somewhere along the line it was in fact handed to me so its mine to play.

I have recommitted myself to my health and have taken off a couple few pounds in the last couple of weeks, this is a good thing but I do know that its just a start because I need to keep the wagon rollin on down the trail if I am going to see that 300 pound mark again. An ambitious goal is in front of me, I am aiming to be at or below that 305 pound mark again by May 25th which means that I will have to drop slightly more than 3 pounds per week until then which I believe to be an achievable goal. My calories are strict again, and more than that I am eating clean again, mostly whole foods and nothing processed, Wify bought me a fluid trainer for my bike so workouts are again covered as I can ride while the little monster sleeps.

I have to get this going again, not for you, not for my wife not because of a commercial but because I have to, for me. Without my health I can't have the life that I want, without being accountable for my decisions where food and exercise is the subject I will not have what I want so with that its on.

May 25th 305 pounds or below is where I am headed, I will post as much as I can and hopefully it gets regular again, don't be shy, let me know you read this, comments always help.

That's all I got.

As Ever
Me

As the Fat guy turns... a new chapter?

2011-11-09T16:59:00.003-05:00

Well well well, look who we have here, it is I, the writer of this here blog! My absence can be explained by the "October Nor'easter" that we here in Connecticut experienced just before Halloween, you know the one that knocked the power out of about 90% of the state? I was one of the lucky 10% that did not lose power and was grateful for that fact! and that is not the reason for my lack of posts, a much more sinister reason kept me from the blog. As many of you know that have read this blog for a while I have a back injury that I talked about a while back in This Post and since the initial injury back in 2000 its flared up a time or two and put me out of action and that snow storm helped it kick my ass once again. Shoveling snow has not been an issue for me all last year, even through that 2 foot drop of snow last January yet 8 inches of the cold stuff took me out for more than a week this go around. The wrong angle paired with a went out too soon ie: not warmed up back equaled soreness that has not been felt in about 3 years when I had another such even in my back and I was literally in bed for the last week. Sunday I was able to get out of bed and now here it is Wednesday and I am ok walking around and only in slight pain so we're getting there.

I have stayed o track with my eating since I hurt myself in the snow and my weight has come down in that time to the lowest weight that I have been in months so that's in order. This time of year is the BEST riding weather and I have my brandy new Gary Fisher Xcal sitting in the living room taunting me every time I look in its direction, my back is keeping me from riding it and its driving me nuts! its quite depressing thinking about the new bike and lack of riding that is going on currently but its something that I gotta deal with until my back decides to get in the game again. For the last week I have been online shopping my pain and frustration away buying little blue bits for the bike in place of being able to ride it and Wify is none too happy about that, I mean seriously, did I NEED the Salsa Liplock seat clamp just because it matches the bike? nope but it looks good and stole the bad mood away whilst giving me something to do (waiting for that brown truck) so it is what it is. Today is as I said the first day where I am comfortable enough to sit down at the computer and write a post and in the interest of staying on track I figured that I would pop on for some words.

Here is a look at my menu from yesterday.

Breakfast
7:30 AM
coffee/creamer 90

9:45 AM
1 C almond milk 90
2 C apple cin Cheerios 240

Lunch
1:15 PM
Turkey Subway w/Veggies 580

3:45 PM
2 slices Hearty wheat bread 160
1 T peanut butter 100
1 T grape jelly 60

Dinner
6:15 PM
1 C white rice 200
Mixed veggies 200

Grand total of 1720 calories, that Turkey Subway was eaten during a movie and not all at once so the 1:15 to 3:45 time is not as spread out as it seems.

I have to admit that I am getting a bit down because of the injury and the lack of riding but trying to keep a good outlook on the situation, I have to keep reminding myself that its just a bump in the road and I've been here before with this injury. My motivation is high for the moment and I don't see it changing, after all if I can have a week like I have had and still be for the most part positive I am in the right state of mind with my health. Getting back onto two wheels will definitely help my mood but that is a venture that will have to happen in due time... have I mentioned that I am upset that I can't ride my bike? oh yeah I did.... better than being unhappy that I can't have the apple pie in the refrigerator I suppose.

There it is, an update from the fat man, I will try again tomorrow to get some more posted but it will all be determined by how the old back is feeling then. Thanks for the support and kind words they are always appreciated (I got a really cool email last week that made me think about some things) so don't be afraid or shy to click that leave a comment button!

That's all I got for today, Blobbin... fire up that Fatmobile, we're outta here.....

As Ever
Me

Schwinn Crisscross Project and some talk from the fat guy.

2011-10-27T08:36:00.005-04:00

I have posted images of the Schwinn Crisscross that I bought back in January before and am doing a sort of walk through on the build up... if you want to call it that, this post will touch on that project. The last post about the bike I had picked up a set of Suntour X press shifters for it, well, I had some free time and installed the shifter that the bike needed along with a brake lever to go with it because it had one of those Shimano brake lever/shifter combo dealies on it and to top it off it was broken. I also put a rear rack on but it was taken off of another bike that I sold last year and it appears that the rack is for a 26 inch tire bike, at least if I want to add fenders it is as there is only about 1/2 inch of space between the 700c x 38 tire and the bottom of the rack. I was looking to 1.) do this project as cheaply as possible 2.) make it into a commuter type bike of sorts so that I can use it to run down to the local store for random stuff and 3.) using mostly parts that I have on hand from my "stock pile" of bike stuff. Adding fenders is kind of important to me for more than one reason so I may end up having to buy a new rack if I can't stuff a set of fenders between the rack and tire.

Full on side shot with the new/old rack and shifter/brake lever installed.

Check out the rack on her!

New X-press shifter installed and adjusted, you can see on the clamp that holds the brake on that I had to scavenge a bolt from a different lever and it is a bit too long, I will fix this eventually.

The new shifter and brake lever work great but the cable routing is a little off but will be addressed when I change the handlebars, I have a set of riser bars that I am swapping onto the bike next.

Funny enough I just happened to have a Dia Compe XCT brake lever set in my Box O stuff so it matches pretty close to the Dia Compe XCM that was on the rear brakes, I may swap the XCM to the other XCT eventually just so it all matches. I needed to cannibalize another frame that I have laying around to get a barrel nut for the brake lever and will eventually replace it with the correct nut but for now what I have on there does work and since this is a budget friendly project hey! it is what it is. Taking the bike for a quick spin down the street showed me that it shifts great and actually feels pretty good as far as fit for me goes, If I end up riding this bike around on a regular basis once its completed I may go as far as getting a better wheel set for it because of how comfortable it feels when riding. So far I am into this bike for $48 and some time, the bike is perfectly ridable as it sits other than needing some grips which I have but for whatever reason I feel like making it into more than it is currently, why? just because I can.

Some future plans for the bike.

*Fenders
*Front rack
*New seat & possibly seat post
*Pedals
*Grips
*Lights front & rear
*Handlebars
*Change Skewers/seat clamp from quick release to bolt on

Changing gears I want to talk about my weight loss for a moment, For the last few weeks I have been more than on track and the scale is reflecting that with some drops in weight that remind me or the first 6 months of my weight loss program. Feeling extremely focused with my eating staying on task has been fairly easy in the last few weeks, I can't explain it other than saying that I had a little chat with the 534 pound me and we both agreed that I can't go back in that direction. I HAVE to keep my health on the forefront of my thoughts and efforts otherwise the rest crumbles beneath the weight of all of what comes with being an obese man and like I said, I ain't going back to that life. My intake has been very much within the calorie limits that I set for myself and here is a look at the menu from yesterday.

Breakfast
7:30 AM
coffee/creamer 90

9:45 AM
2 C honey combs 220
1 C almond milk 90

Lunch
11:45 AM 3oz grilled chicken 150
1 deli slim 100
1 wedge laughing cow cheese 35

1:15 PM
1 banana 105

2:45 PM
2 slices lite rye 120
3oz deli ham 180
1 wedge laughing cow cheese 35

Dinner
6:15 PM
3 T lite Cesar dressing 90
3 T parm cheese 60
2 100 cal wraps 200
lettuce 10
4oz grilled chicken 200

Grand total of 1685 for the day.

Making my way back down the ladder I have a goal for Jan 1st, I believe it to be realistic yet challenging and posting that weigh in will be interesting how ever it plays out. Me, my bikes and the discipline that I know exists within me says that I will make my goals, not because I want to but because I NEED to and I am the only one that can make it happen.

Make good choices with intake, Exercise, drink much... This is the plan...

As Ever
Me

Straight talk, if you're into excuses don't read this post.

2011-10-26T10:14:00.006-04:00

I am having some interesting conversations with myself as I drop this weight... or should I say re-drop the weight, its almost like revisiting an old friend... and I don't necessarily enjoy this friends company but none the less I am here. Slipping back into a rhythm with my eating feels good at this point, I am passing on the treats that are around for the kids and weighing my portions with every meal, even if that means making dinner is a project again. The key to keeping on track for me is to make me first, its funny how that happens huh? its corny when you hear someone say that "You have to make you first" but the statement holds water! When we are not first we let things slip that would be a capitol offense when we're on track and doing the right thing in the realm of our health. I have stresses in my life that I won't get into on a blog that I choose to make public, we all have them so why put mine out there? besides, I would hate to get any comments or emails saying "Poor guy, you go ahead and eat that cupcake, you have a lot going on, when things calm down you will get back on track". I have from the beginning written in this blog in a straight forward manner using common sense as my guide and just because shit got stressful does not mean I will look for pity because of that stress.

I am responsible for what goes into my mouth and its always been that way, its my hand attached to the end of my arm and its my mind that controls that arm so if I eat a pizza, I did it. That's not to say that stress doesn't play a role in what my mind tells my hand to shove down my pie hole but when that does happen, I know who is to blame and it's the same guy that looks at me every morning in the mirror when I am brushing my teeth. I have had a good run at this weight loss thing, I have been writing this blog since January 2008 and in that time have learned a lot about myself and how much discipline I have, what triggers me to "fall off the wagon" and maybe the most important I found out that I am in fact an emotional eater, which is a fact that I would not admit or believe at various points in my life. I am too blunt, direct, dare I say logical to believe that eating is anything more than simply that, eating.... I know that I have said this in the past "I eat because I like food" and that is true to a point but in the last almost four years I can with all honesty say that when I get stressed or upset my best friend is the closest salty food item within reach.

I am not really into excuses, like I said I am a pretty direct person in a don't ask a 3 year old if your ugly kind of way because if you are, that kid will say "yep" and if honest isn't what you want I am not usually the person to ask. That statement has to apply for myself too though and lately I have let things slip and said "awe shucks, its really fuckin' stressful right now, I'll let that one slide" and that needs to never be the case, it is after all partially why I reached that darling little figure of 534 pounds. It's easy to slip off of the edge of a razor and when emotional eating is an issue for a person stress helps the trip up like ice helps a car slide into a pole, if we drive carefully driving on ice isn't really that hard, its harder than when its 70 and sunny sure but not impossible... same concept. I live in New England, LOTS if icy roads here in the winter, I am an excellent driver when it comes to that sort if thing and my driving record reflects that, when I lived in California a bit of rain would have the "Freeways" backed up for miles and people sliding all over the place, they simply did not get the concept of slow down out there let alone how to steer into a slide so there were lots of wrecks. I can equate that to the emotional eating, I learned to drive on ice I need to learn how to manage stress in a way that does not include a fist full of Teddy grahams, for the most part I got it but I do slip and have slipped so sorting that out as quick as possible needs to be mission one.

Gaining weight over years of bad eating choices and a sedentary lifestyle sucked, losing that weight was maybe one of my greatest feats and I gotta tell ya, gaining some of it back sucks as much as the first go around, maybe more even because I know how it feels to be lighter now. Reading some of my old posts reminded me of how those heavier days were, knowing that I could only walk about 1/3 of a mile and looked at it as an awesome thing because before that 5 minutes of walking was a chore really got me, it wasn't that long ago that it was my reality and there is no way I want that to be my existence again. Straight up no bullshit I am not letting that happen, I won't go back to dragging my ass back up some stairs completely out of breath and I am not going to let environmental stresses keep me from reaching my health goals.

I've added the count down timer for my weigh ins back to the left side bar with the date that I am weighing in for the blog again, I weigh myself daily and am keeping a log of that, you will not believe where it was considering I was down to 305 pounds. Whether I blog, or get to the gym, get out for a 25 mile ride or if the walls are falling in on me, I am and will remain focused on me, on my health and on the game plan to get me where I need and want to be physically.

YOU are the one that controls the weight hanging off of your bones, not me, not this blog, and not any stress that may kick you in the balls, your mind is yours just like the decisions are yours, make the right choices, stay focused in lieu of anything that is going around you and success is bound to happen.

That's the plan anyways, now to execute it with surgical precision.

As Ever
Me

Day 1393, yes that says Thirteen Hundred Ninety Three!

2011-10-25T08:39:00.011-04:00

Staying on track is the theme of the week for me, I had an awesome week last week and dropped a good amount of weight, got in a nice bike ride on Sunday in lieu of the still broken toe and this week is off to a good start. Sunday we decided to check out a different trail and it did not start off good or end well, Pulling into the trail head my riding buddy says that his tire was flat when he woke up but he pumped it to 60psi so we should be ok. Deciding that it was a good idea to check if the tire had lost air from then until when we got to the trail head we did, less than 40psi so we started the ride by changing his tube, no biggie. I slammed my already broken toe onto a rock near one of the trail head barriers, my camera mount broke because the terrain was not great, we rode through a muddy un-kept trail with lots of branches across the mostly single track section of trail just to get about a mile and a half in to find a dead end via a huge boulder a bunch of tires and .... a swamp. After a quick discussion on our options we decided to head on over to a tow path on the Connecticut river to salvage the day and our ride and that part of the day was awesome.

The new section of trail looked promising enough at the start.

A mile and a half down the muddy, ever thinning trail we found a swamp! time to head back and stick with our original plan of riding the tow path.

Stopped under the railroad tracks on the tow path for a quick drink I'm really diggin' the color scheme of the new bike.

Same place that I took the shot a few posts back with my K2, I figured the new ride needed to pose there too.

Something that I seem to have found my groove with again is the intake, I am pretty spot on with the calorie limits that I have set for myself and am not feeling hungry or "deprived" at all. Falling back on my experience with creating low calorie options for fuel is proving to be the ticket with that one and I am not 100% back into the game yet as I had transitioned into mostly whole foods at one point since starting down the better health path and we're not there just yet. I am depending on quick decently healthy if not slightly processed options for lunches and mid day calories right now because quick and easy yet staying on track trumps eating more calories or getting frustrated and eating too much so deli sandwiches it is for now. I also find that writing down my calories for the day helps keep me in check, in the beginning I used my excel spreadsheet to great success so it only makes sense that I use it again for this "restart" until I get my juju back, and with that here is yesterdays menu.

Breakfast
7:15 AM
coffee/creamer 90

8:45 AM
2 cup honey combs 220
1 C almond milk 90

11:30 AM
2 slices lite Rye 120
3oz deli ham 180
1 wedge laughing cow cheese 35

Lunch
12:30 PM
1 banana 105

2:45 PM
1 oz turkey pepperoni 70
1 wedge laughing cow cheese 35
1 deli slim 100

Dinner
6:15 PM
8oz grilled chicken 400
brussel sprouts 160

Grand total of 1605 calories is almost true.... I did take a couple bites of some pasta that I made on the side with dinner, less than 100 calories for sure but more than nothing so I left the excel sheet at 1605 and let the bites account for the remaining 95 calories.

The menu does need tweaking, I need to stop having that morning cup O joe for one thing, switching the processed stuff back to more whole foods and veggies needs to happen as well, all in good time. Right now I am dropping weight at a rate that is more than motivational for me, I know the tweaks that need to be made and am slipping them in as the days go by. Losing that am cup of coffee gains me nearly 100 calories that I can spend on veggies, taking the deli meat out of my lunch will surely get me feeling a bit better, not that I feel bad but I know when I was mainly on whole foods I felt unstoppable and we need to get back there. Drinking enough has never been an issue for me, I still drink a gallon of green tea per day and at least another half to whole gallon more in straight H2O and or powerade zero throughout the day so that's where it needs to be.

Over all things feel normal again where my intake and drive are the subject, avoiding foods that are bad for me is easier again now that I have refocused myself with the task at hand. Its funny that no matter how far along a person comes when dealing with an extreme weight issue the risk to "fall back" on old habits is there when stressful situations come into the fold. Never claiming to be Super man or a robotic entity that can be programmed I can 100% understand how people that are so driven and diligent with something like this can get sucked back into the spiral of eating bad. Its too easy to just grab that "insert favorite crap food here" when we get in a bleh mood and solve the problem with a paw full of a salty calorie filled band-aid that has nothing to do with the not needed food that we now feel pushing against our cheek.

We all have goals, we all have stress, all we can do is try and balance things so that the goals can be reached and the stresses don't rule the day.

That's all I got..

As Ever
Me

Jump Jump! CrissCross will make ya.... oh wait

2011-10-21T08:25:00.007-04:00

Back in Jan of this year I picked up an old Schwinn Crisscross on Craigslist for a mere $35 and have had plans to get it riding again so that I have a bike for when I need to run down to the corner store for a gallon of milk or a Cigar and a bottle of Jack. I figure that I can do some posts about the progress of this bike so anyone interested can watch it transform from something that was ridable as long as you only want 7 gears to a decent bike good for carrying small loads around and general rolling around the neighborhood. The bike has sat dormant for the past however many months because of the shifter that controls the front derailleur which is really wiggida wiggida wiggida wack when you think about it. The problem is the old not made any more Suntour Xpress shifter that I needed to match the rear derailleur shifter was not easy to come across unless I wanted to spend top dollar and well I am cheap so it took a while. Anyone that knows me knows that I am not afraid to search out a great deal, I figure my time is my time and if I can save as much as possible either searching out deals or waiting for one to come along I am no worse for wear and I end up with some killer deals.

The day I got it, this is as the bike stood, see its in good shape, especially for $35

Ebay to the rescue this time around I found a set of NOS Suntour Xpress accushift 6 speed shifters, the Crisscross is a 21 speed but the rear derailleur/shifter looks and functions perfectly so I only need the front shifter from this set. I got the Shifter set for $13 delivered so I am into the bike now for $48 and am planning on reselling the rear shifter on ebay at some point. I am not sure how far I will take this little project but I have been pricing wheel sets out for it and I have lots of odds and ends that I can use on it laying around in Tupperware but the plan is to keep this as budget friendly as possible and see what kind of a bike I can turn it into.

Brandy spankin' NOS shifters, soon enough the one I need will be on the bike.

Cycling has in a way kept me going, anything bicycle interests me and since I can't really do much riding if I weigh 500 pounds it keeps me in check when I am not feeling like staying on track. Taking things apart to see how they fit back together has always been something that i was into so having some bike projects is a great way to distract myself from anything that is stressful in my life and I am planning to use it as a tool to help keep me on track. Since this is after all a blog about a fat guy taking the weight off (putting it on and then again taking it off lately) I wanted to pop my menu from yesterday up here for anyone who cares to see it. I hit 1730 calories for the day which is ok since I aim for between 1700 and 1800 total for any given day, here is a look at how yesterday played out.

Breakfast
7:30 AM
coffee/creamer 90

8:45 AM
2 C Honey combs 220
1 C milk 110

11:45 AM
2 slices lite Rye 120
3oz deli ham 180
1 wedge laughing cow cheese 35

Lunch
1:00 PM
1 banana 105

4:00 PM
Healthy choice Café steamer 300

Dinner
6:15 PM
6oz baked breaded haddock 380
1 C southwest corn 120

7:30 PM
boiled egg 70

1730 total calories for the day.

Of course I had my green tea, that is something that has not changed no matter how off my eating is, I do not drink my calories! I do drink a gallon of green tea per day and another gallon of H20/Powerade zero on top of that with some Pepsi max or some other diet soda tossed in now and again... yeah yeah I'm working on getting off of the diet soda again! I went almost 3 years without it and just recently started indulging again.

Yesterdays post I got a couple comments and was going to respond but I cannot respond to comments for some reason so I need to sort that out so that I can leave comments on my own blog! My restart? yeah lets call it that, has been good so far and I am able to separate any outside stresses from my health plan, I think that focusing on my bikes is helping as well and this Crisscross project I think will give me something to focus on.

Thanks for the support and for stopping by to read the musings of a fat guy and his bikes..

Until next time.... That's all I got...

As Ever
Daddy Mac

Going oldschool, back to basics and a menu posting.

2011-10-20T10:41:00.005-04:00

When I started writing this blog I was a guy that had no other options, I mean I had options, I could have gotten a surgery or let things go the way that they were heading and prepare for the imminent grenading of my heart but I had to do something. I started writing here in an attempt to stay focused and put out there the struggles of a guy that was really having a hard time of getting around and anything that required movement honestly, not to mention the fact that I was watching life go by from the un-comfort of my broken couch. A lot has changed since I started writing back in January 2008, physical and mental changes, I have gone from unstoppable to questioning the way that I was/am doing things where my health is concerned. The honest truth is that I am up in weight from my lowest point of weighing 305 pounds and will be doing a weigh in post in exactly 72 days, Jan 1st 2012, good bad ugly a weigh in is going to be up, "But why not weigh in now? you use to weigh in every Friday" I did, this time around I have made a personal challenge to myself and am weighing myself every day until then and am planning to post those weights on that weigh in post when the time comes.

Making a personal challenge for myself I think is going to be the ticket for me, there is a new kiddo keeping me on my toes and the older ones are doing the same in their own kind of way. I have to make some time for that 534 pound guy that was struggling with every step, I need to force him and the way things were back then to the surface so that I can refocus on what is important, I somehow keep falling back on the back burnering myself and I need to stop. I have been up and down with my weight in the past I don't even know how many months, within 10 pounds of my lowest weight and as high as 70 pounds heavier and everywhere in between, my personal life has been the same kind of a roller coaster in that time and has impacted my weight loss/health goals for sure, again, its gotta stop because without my health the rest won't really matter much.

Breakfast
7:15 AM
2 T creamer (coffee) 70

8:45 AM
2 C Honey combs 220
1/2 C almond breeze 45

11:45 AM
2 slices light rye 120
3oz smoked deli ham 180
1 wedge Laughing cow cheese 35

Lunch
1:00 PM
1 banana 105

2:15 PM
1 apple 100

4:00 PM
1 banana 105

Dinner
6:15 PM
5oz ground turkey (slop joe) 225
2 80 cal rolls 160
1 cup white rice 200

7:00 PM
2 plums 60

Through the day
dr pepper 10 60

Grand total 1685 total calories.

Exercise is not my issue, bad eating choices most certainly are. The definition of an emotional eater can be seen every time I come within viewing distance of a mirror, stress is my enemy when this is the subject and I need to sort that out. In the beginning I was 500 plus pounds and nothing in our lives could trump that, I was going to die if I didn't do something about it so it was easy to say "I have to be first" but when the perceived risk is lower other things get pushed to the front of the line. Someone reading this that has never struggled with weight might be thinking about how silly it sounds, and I have said it hundreds of times "eat less move more its that simple" Yes I agree that it is that simple but something that it is NOT is easy.

Recommitting to my health has to happen in order for me to be successful in this endeavor, I feel as if I have done that in the last couple of weeks and I couldn't be more into getting out on my bike so exercise is not an issue right now, like I said its the apparent bond that food has with my brain when stress enters stage left that screws the pooch. Making time to write a post on this blog as often as I can (you know, nap time) is on the menu and speaking of menu's I am planning on posting my daily menu's like I did in the beginning as often as I can again, not only do they help me take a look at my intake through the blog but I got plenty of messages about them from you guys!

For today, That's all I got..

As Ever
Me

A trail ride, my new Trek and some more photos.

2011-10-19T09:44:00.013-04:00

So, I mentioned in my last post that a new bike was brought into the pile O bikes that I now own and I got to take it out on Saturday for its first ride and my initial opinion on the bike is that I love it. Do I really NEED another bike? yes and no, yes because I feel that my riding had advanced past the K2 that I have been riding and the bike is a couple years old now and since I am me I kind of just wanted a new ride! no because the K2 does what it needs to and has been awesome for me so far but the trigger was pulled on the new bike in either case. I started researching bikes and since I am a fan of the Specialized line up I assumed a Rockhopper comp would be the bike for me but upon test riding one it felt cramped so I kept searching. The Trek Cobia was looking like a clear winner to me after riding a lower end version of the same frame so to the LBS I went, I started chatting with the sales lady and I asked about a last years model Trek X Caliber, she said "let me check". Long story short for a tad more than the 2012 Cobia I could have a 2011 X Cal and I liked the paint scheme better on that anyways not to mention the upgrade in components, the order was placed and a few days later my new bike was ready to be picked up.

There she is, 2011 trek X Caliber Gary Fisher collection.

My plan was to get dropped off at the bike shop and ride the bike home but it was later than I wanted to get there, it was raining and I had no one that was able to drop me off so onto the rack it went and I would have to ride it another time. The bike stared at me..er I stared at the bike as it sat in the living room waiting for Saturday to come and the excitement built up right up until I put it back on the rack Saturday morning to meet my riding buddy at the trail head. A quick once over of the bike when we met up and we were off, we had no real plan on how far we would ride we only wanted to make sure to hop off of the trail at the LBS so that he could buy some pedals for his Jamis. Taking our time we kind of just rode and stopped randomly to let the bikes pose in their natural environment and we ended up riding just under 22 miles, now I really love the bike.

Stopping for a quick break the new Trek next to Ed's Jamis Exile.

One of my favorite shots from the day, I like the way that birch log matches the white on the bike.

A longer shot of the first image that I posted.

Look out! big man coming through!!! 300 pounds plus 20 miles per hour equals a bad day for anyone that gets in the way!

Nice little bridge shot, there were hundreds of geese in the water just to the side of the bridge.

I liked the way that the bikes were positioned in this one, pretty cool picture I think.

Just a little brook with a bridge near the end of the ride, it was a fantastic day for a ride.

Stopping for a rest at one of the trail heads.

My initial thoughts on the new bike is that its well made and VERY comfortable for me, when I first looked at the seat (Bontrager Evoke 1) I thought that it would very likely need to be removed from inside me after a ride but to my surprise it was not uncomfortable during our 22 mile ride. I mentioned in my last post that I did have a little mishap... lets call it a lack of judgement perhaps and ended up with a broken toe on this ride about 12 miles in so I had to ride the 10 miles back to the car with a sore foot, this did not at all take away from my ride, I laughed about it the entire way back and hopefully I am healed up enough to get back out this coming weekend. I have a new set of pedals on order wt the bike shop and I am hoping that they come in this week so that I can ride over there on Saturday and get them put on, I also bought some lock on grips which are already on the bike.

On the surface of my mind almost every time I am riding my bikes I think about how once upon a time I was more than 500 pounds and getting on a bike was not really an option for me. Perhaps I appreciate my time on two wheels as much as I do because of that fact, perhaps its just something that fits me either way my bicycles and my time pedaling them is one of my greatest passions and I don't see that changing any time soon. There are photos of me from when I was 500 plus and most of them I am sitting on a couch or in a chair, not very far from my front door or I use the excuse that "I was holding the camera" now I look at some of the images that I have taken and some of the places that my two wheeled transportation devices have taken me and appreciate every single minute of my time that was spent that way, even when a broken bone was part of it. If you are thinking about getting back onto two wheels my advice would be to stop thinking about it and do it! there is lots to see out there and doing it on top of two wheels is a great way to go about it.

Attempting to post more regularly, stay tuned for more on the fat man, his progress, meal plans and his bikes! don't be afraid to click that leave comment button either!

Until next time, that's all I got.

As Ever
Me

My Passion...yep, and some photos for your pleasure

2011-10-17T12:59:00.013-04:00

Spending as much time on my bikes has been my plan to stay on track and that part of the equation has been very much happening. My cycling has been my saving grace in the past couple months, its my me time and honestly besides my kids and the Wify is my greatest passion, I am happiest when I am pedaling my ass off literally and figuratively.

A week ago I rode on a tow path that rides along the Connecticut river, I took it slow because it was the first time I had been on this path and I like to take in the scenery and look around a bit so that's what I did. I only rode 9 miles that day but it was a very relaxing ride with the smell of the salty water in the air and the leaves starting to turn I had lots to take in. I rode my K2 and stopped a few times for some photos, it was a perfect day for a ride about 70 degrees, sunny with some fat white clouds in the sky, days like these are a plenty and once upon a time I was missing out on them because of my weight.

Looking over the Connecticut river on a nice October day, this is at the trail head.

My bike with the kiddo's bike near the trail head, Wify walked with her and I caught up with them for the last 1/2 mile or so of slow riding.

This was after the ride overlooking the Connecticut river again.

Railroad tracks that go over the trail and the river, bike is in the lower right corner.

Taking a break under the tracks I was lucky enough to have a train pass over when I was there, you can see it on the right hand track.

I'm too sexy for my... for my... just a self shot with the Connecticut river in the background.

Cockpit shot coming down the trail.

Posing in front of the inner bank of the tow path.

This is whats behind the bike in the image before this one.

My favorite shot of the day, an old abandoned building at the end of the trail, tossed the bike up on a loading dock for a quick shot.

Me and my bicycle(s) get around these days, my range is expanding on every ride and I enjoy every second that I am pedaling, focusing on the cycling is my plan from here on out and I am hoping to do some winter riding this year. Back in June of 2009 I started down a road that has lead to me becoming one with my two wheels contraptions and I am so very happy that I made the decision to get back in the saddle again. Learning about bikes again has been fun, entertaining and has given me a new hobby, I have upgraded the K2 bike along the way and made it into a pretty fun and dependable bike to ride but I started feeling like my riding was outgrowing that bike so I started looking into a new dual wheeled transportation device and picked it up last week.

This weekend I had a chance to take my new ride out on its maiden voyage and an interesting ride it was! I joined the 29er crowd and bought a 2011 Gary Fisher collection Trek X-Caliber and my initial feeling on the bike is WOW! I have only ridden 22 miles on it so far, took a look at a new trail and ended up with some... how do I say? injuries? on that first ride but man I love the way this thing rides! I won't get into it too much, I shall leave that for another post but here is a sneak peek at the bike from Saturdays 22 mile ride and one of the um..... injuries.

Oh my! a broken toe!

A sneak peek at the 2011 Xcal just hanging out on the trail.

Making it a point to ride as much as possible is my goal right now, I feel as if biking is a huge part of my weight loss and better health goals so keeping it on the forefront of the fight is the plan. Keeping the cranks turning while keeping the fuel clean is going to be the way of the meatball, the results will be what they are and with some hard work, discipline and a steady intake of positive vibes I am hoping that we can dent the weight. Getting to below 300 pounds over this fall and winter would be a fantastic addition to my spring time riding season and with that a goal is set.

Trying to get more posts up is always on my mind so keep checking back, I AM still here and kicking, its that life is kicking too so sometimes its harder to sit down and write a post.

Until next we meet.... That's all I got

As Ever
Me

My old jeans fit again...

2011-10-04T11:03:00.006-04:00

It's that time of year again, the leaves are starting to fall from their high perches littering themselves across our yards, the weather is cooling off so I dug out some of my jeans to put at the top of the heap. I figure since my weight has changed so much over the last year and a half from being as low as 305 pounds and as high as 381 pounds a few months ago, yeah I just said 381.... I have been at many different weights between those numbers and months so where am I with my jeans I thought? I tried on a pair of 42x32 jeans and sure enough what I suspected was true.... I can button them and zip em but they are a tad too snug.... fuck.... so out came the 44x32 and viola! like a glove... this IS NOT a good thing, it is what it is I suppose.

I have been in the past month or two been on and off with my being strict on the food front and exercise has been limited to short rides on my bike at night after dinner as well as a longer (20-25 mile) ride on Saturdays or Sundays, and that's just not cutting it. Getting into a groove and then having it grenade in my face rinse repeat seems to be how its going for me, yeah yeah I know toughen up fat boy! YOU make the decision on what to stuff into your pie hole, YOU make the decisions on whether you will do calisthenics throughout the day YOU are the reason that the weight is not coming off and staying off. Indeed I do know that, the Spock in me tells me everything that I need to know about losing weight, I have lost up to 229 pounds during this journey!... yeah lets call it a journey, doing it MY way, so I do know what it takes its the emotional part of it that's getting me and as a non Vulcan it seems that it matters.

If you have followed my blog you know that I am struggling right now with keeping my shit together, There are a lot of reasons for the lack of discipline and with that very statement I can say that a lack of discipline falls directly on the users shoulders, MY shoulders. My time is at a premium these days and dealing with some stuff that I won't mention in the blog on top of the lack of time has lead to long times between posts and general mayhem in my world of "get fit" but alas! I must try. Attempting to get some posts up in the flurry of insanity that is my life right now is on my short list because I feel that the blog does in fact keep me on track, it gives me something else to focus on so with that again I say..... gonna try and keep this train rollin'

That's it for this post, no bells, no whistles, just a guy that has seemingly lost his way a bit in a chaotic time in his life, it is hard to make me my number one priority when there are so many other things which demand the attention right now.

Making me number one has to happen though, now to figure out how to do that again...

My time your pain I reign on you...... My mind said to my body...

As Ever
Me

"I don't like to hear you so negative"

2011-09-13T11:13:00.005-04:00

Nobody said that losing and keeping weight off would be easy and I think that I let the ease of the first year and a half go to my head because add some serious stress into my life and well I am up more than a couple pounds currently. Last night I was looking at some pictures and pissed myself off, there was a time in my life when I was happy with how I looked, how I felt and had an aura around me that said all of that with only a look, you knew I was where I wanted to be. When you weigh 534 pounds along with the way a person looks there is the way that they feel and that is more important in the grand scheme of things and recently some of the blah has peeked in through the crack in the door, the crack that I left there for it to peek into.

This was almost exactly a year ago on a mini vacation that me and Wify took and is in fact the picture that pissed me off, I am up in weight since this was taken and look at this almost like my benchmark picture because I know how I felt when it was taken..... alive.

Life has stress, this is as it is for every human being on the planet if I had to take a wild guess and how we handle that stress indeed dictates what we do in any given situation. The stress does not define any one of us, what it does is make defining one self that much more difficult by tossing into the mix feelings that don't allow us to focus on the task at hand exclusively. Most things can be over looked but some rule our thoughts until they do not, the loss of a loved one, problems with our children, and injuries are just some of them but each one alone would be enough to toss that proverbial monkey wrench into the works let alone if there are multiple stresses in ones life. Making excuses is easy, and anyone that has read any of this blog knows that I don't make excuses but I am realistic too and know that sometimes no matter how hard we push that the wall is sometimes impossible to break through, so we get stuck, sitting on the wrong side of a wall trying to figure out a way to get onto the other side.

After some time on our ass we stand up from the wrong side of the wall and notice the door, a single forceful kick later and we are through, its clear again how things have to be but in the near distance another wall is visible. Does that other wall also have a door? that cannot be seen from here but I suppose we should meander on over and take a look because if we stay here next to this wall for too long perhaps the door will slam shut again leaving us stranded on the wrong side for God only knows how long.

Last night after looking through some old photos I came to the conclusion that I had to get back into the grooe of doing me... Having a new baby in the house really does slam the brakes on when it comes to having time to get a good workout into my day but it should not have any sway on the fuel that I out into my body. I woke up this morning and started right into my "old routine" of weighing myself and making my breakfast with my salter scale, shot a random text to a friend about when her baby started crawling and that text turned into about 30 minutes of weight loss chitter chatter. This person has also lost a significant amount of weight, was in the same boat with having an infant in the house to take care of and I won't bore you with any more of that except that she said "for the first time in a LONG time I feel good about me" and that is exactly how I felt in the photo that I posted above...... what she said reinforced the way that I feel and helped me to see the door which is now kicked in.

Re-start? Do over? just a bump in a road longer than originally thought? call it what you will.....

Recommitting myself to myself is how I am going to see it...

As Ever
Me

Eating and Riding and and and...

2011-08-08T08:29:00.005-04:00

A flawless weekend where my intake was concerned and got out for a 20 mile ride on Saturday, my weight is down a good amount and things are feeling "normal" again. My normal once upon a three years ago was completely different than what I consider my normal now so getting back to it is definitely a good thing! Almost as if a light switch was clicked into the up position I am back to weighing and measuring things that go into my body, I decided that I need to focus on what I need to do in order to get my health in line and the rest will hopefully follow suit.

Just Ed and his new Jamis Exile 1.

My riding has gotten easier the last few weeks as well, I ride the same 20 mile section of trail each week sometimes changing it up a bit but its mostly the same area. The last three weeks after our weekend ride I feel like I can do another 10 miles with ease.. ok maybe not with ease but I know that I could do it and its not been the case until about 3 rides ago. The way I see it is that if my weight keeps coming down back to where it was and beyond that the rides will just get easier and that is a good thing! Getting stronger while getting lighter is a formula for better rides so that's what I am going to do as last year I was riding easier than this year and I would like to get back to that level. I have mentioned that I have a riding buddy now and we snapped a couple few photos during one of our stops this Saturday but the images of me came out blurry, I suspect that sweaty Ed touched the lens of the camera so all ya get is the shot of him and his new Jamis this time around.

Aiming for 1700 calories per day is where I am at but on "bike ride" days I allow myself an extra 200 calories for the Zone bar that I eat at the half way point of my rides. I have been doing good with the intake with lots of fruits going in which is very easy this time of year as everything is in season! Yesterdays fruits included 2 plums, an apricot, a peach and a banana which were all very good and sweet, then trying to keep the carby stuff for the earlier part of the day is part of the plan as well so over all I am doing well on the intake.

Focusing on me again is trying, its hard to focus on something that does not take up most of your thinking time but I have to do it because like I said, without my health everything else will surely fall apart that much faster.

Until next time...

As Ever
Me

My wife asked me to start using protection...

2011-08-05T12:48:00.006-04:00

So, the little animal... er baby has fallen blissfully to sleep and I had a moment so I thought it was a good time to pop a post up here, yes yes, I could be exercising instead and that I did! I did a push up routine along with some stretches and for now that's what its going to be. Life lately has not been peaches and cream but that doesn't mean that there aren't high points! and with that thought lets us focus on my bicycling for a moment.

A quick stop from last Sundays ride I took a shot of ye olde steed leaning on a rock with her new handlebars/grips installed.

Last year I was riding a just under 20 mile section of a local rail trail and not feeling it besides for the immediate hour after the ride and that stamina deteriorated over a long winter. I started riding again more regular like when the weather warmed up but couldn't really get back to that pre winter oooomph that I had, that is until the last two weeks in the saddle. The week before last we went out for our Sunday ride and by the end of the ride I felt like I could have kept going, it would appear that the stamina has returned? after one week? nope not gonna believe it. This past Sunday we left on the same ride, same bat time same bat channel and waddya know? same deal, felt awesome after the ride so if this weeks ride goes as well I am going to declare that I am back stamina wise on the bike.

In other news wify asked me to start wearing protection a while back...no no pervert get your mind out of the gutter she meant a helmet, and though I wasn't against the idea it just wasn't on the top of the list for me. I happened into a local Eastern mountain sports a couple weeks ago and meandered on over to the helmet section where I saw more than a couple brands and designs to consider so I popped a few onto my bald melon to see how fitment was. Now the fella that I ride with on the weekend has a Giro branded helmet, it seems nice and he said that it worked for what it was suppose to all while being fairly comfy so onto Giro brand brain buckets I went. Finding a Giro Xar on the shelf I placed it onto my cranium and it felt like I was wearing a ball cap, maybe even less bothersome than a ball cap but the price was $130 and I was meh on that. I tried on a couple few more but kept coming back to the Xar because if I am buying a helmet its gotta be comfy or I will just strap it to my back pack and not wear it, I left the store.

My new brain protection unit, I give to you the Giro Xar.

I was extremely surprised when my wife asked me to start using protection after so long as you can see in my expression.

Talking to wify about the choices that I found and the fact that this Xar for $130 was perfect but I did not want to spend that much on a helmet her response was "go back in and get it, I don't care what it costs if you'll wear it its worth it" I told her I wanted to research it first. I got home and couldn't find a bad review online so I started looking around online for a better price since I now knew what size fit and that it was in fact a comfortable fit, not one of the one size fits all helmets that never seem to feel right on my head. I pull up ebay and Viola! found one for almost $40 less than at EMS so using buy it now the helmet was here 2 days later, I haven't had a chance to ride with it yet but it is all adjusted and this weekend I shall give its first test ride.

I need to start gettin down like I know how to again, not because I want to and not because of anything other than I NEED to, I worked more than extremely hard to drop the weight that I have thus far and life is not what it was at 534 pounds. I have to try my best to stay in line and Yoda once said "Do or do not, there is no try", fortunately for me Yoda is just a puppet and I do not hold his words very close to my heart. Try is all anyone can do, we will all slip and fall from time to time and we are not a single one of us perfect and all as human as the next guy or gal, the way I see it is as long as we get back up and keep going we will not have failed.

stick that in your pipe and smoke it Yoda...

That's all I got for now, keep on keepin on and all that.

As Ever
Me

No bullshit, just a post.

2011-08-04T22:08:00.003-04:00

How do you grab control when a complete shut down of the system is whats on the plate? This is the question that plagues me as I write this sentence. Once upon a time there was a fat guy that had no clue what he weighed, he was unsure about his future because of the 534 pounds that hung from his bones like an over stuffed scarecrow and fear motivated him to do something about it. Two hundred twenty nine pounds later he was a bad ass weight loss success story and was in mind and body a changed person, nothing could stop him as he pushed mountains aside to gain access to his goals and that fella was me.

I have been dealt some fucked up cards in the past half of a year and they are taking their toll on my health as far as weight loss and physical progression goes, the scale says so and my nonchalant attitude towards planning my intake for the days agrees. In addition to those cards there is a new and wonderful little girl in my life which is taking up much of my time as a stay at home dad. This makes working out as I should harder than it has been since starting down this road and I am finding it hard to work around that. I make no excuses for my lack of attention to my health plan that has worked for me up to this point but I can admit that I am having a hard time finding the strength to execute as the plan requires me to do in order for it to be a success.

I know what I need to do, in fact I have written it all down and have a recipe book to pull from ever meal that I need to create, cook and eat so that my body is fueled correctly. I know how to workout and in fact I crave it but with my current stress levels and lack of what I would call free time to get out there and bust ass, I am as I stated struggling to get back in the game as it were. Am I still riding my bike? Absofuckinloutly! that is something that I won't stop doing as its one of the things in life where I find pure joy but I am not in fact riding enough. I haven't ridden during the week in months, My only riding takes place on the weekend with a riding buddy and that's approximately 20 to 25 miles at a go which is as I said not enough.

My exercise will fall into place, I made sure of that by buying some lights for my bike which extends the times when I can ride but the exercise is not as important as one trying to lose weight might think. I believe that diet is the crucial part of weight loss/physical gain and I am not doing my part, I know this and yet grabbing it by its throat to throw it to the ground has eluded me in the past more than a few months. My weight is up, some might say significantly some might argue that its not all that significant, its more than just a couple pounds but I am still close to 200 pounds lost as I type this as a reference point and I am going to make this post the beginning of the end, the end of this not paying attention to my intake thing that's happening right now.

I posted last on June 23rd, the way that the rest of that day which will forever be significant to me...week... month has progressed is largely to blame for my HUGE lack of focus because at the time of that post I had been on track and was down about 30 pounds. The plan is to again try to post as often as possible on my blog, finding time to post will be a tad on the rough side but this blog is a huge part of why my weight loss to date has been successful, my tenacity and raw willpower plays a big part too but honestly I find that posting for anyone to see where I am at with my success/failures helps to keep me motivated.

Thanks for the email, facebook messages and comments, they help more than you know.

This post a tad random? perhaps.... but a post none the less and it begins again...

As Ever
Me

You fat fuck you...

2011-06-23T12:17:00.004-04:00

So where were we? that's right I was a fat guy losing weight, a Dad taking care of the small herd of children that have amassed in my house and someone that was putting it all out there for the world to see in the name of accountability via this blog. I am not limited to any of those titles but as far as whats on the surface those are up there, I have over the last few years dropped more than 200 pounds and kept most of it off for the entire time BUT I am going to admit something that I was none too happy nor proud of. In April I began to notice that some of my clothes were snugging up...ok lets just call it what it was, shit stopped fitting and I hadn't been on the scale in quite some time so it was in fact the right time for a reality check. On April 28th I decided to see what I weighed, the dim blue light lit the dark kitchen as a zero flashed across the display signaling that she was indeed ready to ruin my evening. My feet made contact with the cool unforgiving black plastic that makes up the platform of my scale as the digital dots danced around in a circle where she would stop nobody knows and bamn! 370.4 flashed onto the display.... what the shit?!

I had not seen a number that high since October of 2008! which was 10 months into my weight loss, to say that I was and am disappointed in myself is an understatement, the word failure comes to mind. There is a lot that goes on in my life which does not make the blog, some of those things keep me from making me the most important thing in my life and it is what it is, with that said I do need to keep an eye on myself and my health. That night I got Pissed, upset, and as I mentioned disappointed with myself, so I decided that enough of the bullshit and doing what I need to do must be a big part of my life and must remain a big part and since that day I have been on point with my intake. In the beginning of April a 10 mile ride just about killed my legs and ass, I am happy to say that I am back up to 25 mile trail rides on my newly upgraded with a new and improved bottom bracket and crankset bicycle. My calories are as I said on point while getting in loads of veggies and whole foods, oh I have also dropped 31...yes Thirty one pounds in the last 56 days aka since that night when I stepped on the scale.

Learning to balance all that life has to throw at us with the hardest thing that I have had to face all at the same time is just a part of the game that needs to be dealt with, making an excuse is just that an excuse...to fail. Sure I have a shit ton of other fires burning that need attention but without handling the fire that is me the rest will burn out of control without me here planted with my feet on this planet. Finding time to do what I do is a priority, there will be times when it slips, there will be times when a workout is just not a possibility but if I let myself to slip back into the abyss that was my life at 534 pounds I will have let every single person in my life down including myself and that I will not allow.

Oh yeah...and those shirts that were snug? yep they fit again..

I am making every effort to get posting more regular like but time is at a premium these days, so don't be shy, drop a comment I am not so proud to not admit they help...

As Ever
Me

Grenading a Bottom bracket and some work on an old friend.

2011-06-07T19:00:00.008-04:00

A little more than a year ago I picked up a little project that I have been playing around with when I have time in the way of a 1988 Specialized Rockhopper Comp. It is kind of the bike that started me in on my "Buy fix sell at a profit" thing that I do from time to time with bicycles but there is something about this one that I liked so I could never bring myself to sell it. The frame is an 18 inch and I can ride comfortably on a 19 to 21 inch frame depending on the bike so it is a tad small but with the stem up as high as it can go and the seat is up almost as high as it can go I can ride the bike comfortably. Whats your point Mister Meatball? I'm gettin' there, I'm gettin' there, Last weekend I grenaded the bottom bracket on my K2 AKA my main bike and I ordered a new BB/Crankset but the catch is that it will not be here until Monday the 13th and there ain't no way I'm going to not ride until I get the BB and get it installed. I suppose a 300 plus pound fellow Hammerin' on a bike for the past two years warrants the equipment failure, especially as it appears that the BB that was on the bike when I bought it was not of the highest quality so onto an upgrade it is.

Here is the Rockhopper the day I brought it home mangled and forgotten.... until that day.

So I looked to the Rockhopper with soulful eyes and requested its help, it looked at me as if to say that there were some conditions to this arrangement and I listened. I did an initial clean up and rust scrubbing a while back and got the bike looking decent but never finished the job to a point where I would call the bike perfectly ride-able. This time around she ended up with a new pair of shoes even if they are only 26 x 1.95 instead of the 26 x 2.2 that I normally like, some Brandy spankin' new grips and I cannibalized a seat and post from an old Trek that I have just sitting there doing nothing in particular. I figured that since She was getting a make over and going into temporary service I may as well pull out some touch up paint and hit the spots that were chipped up. Since the bike was going to be in service for a bit I may as well give it a proper tune up while I was at it right? so that I did, out came the tri flow and the tool bag and 15 minutes later she was right as rain.

This is what it looked like after my first go at it to get the heavy rust and grime off.

New grips, new/old tires, cannibalized seat and post, changed out the bottle cage, touch up paint and a tune up this is as she sits right now, sorry for the cell pic.

New/old seat, its pretty comfy I do have to admit

New grips, no more styrofoam these are knock off Oury grips I think, Origin 8 is the brand, knock off or not they are comfortable and very grippy.

After the tune up I took the bike for a quick ride around the lake and I have to admit it rides really nice for a 23 year old bike that a novice like myself had a whack at fixing up, I like it. It is a tad too small like I mentioned but it is honestly comfortable enough that I believe I can make a 20 mile ride without issue on my body and plan on testing that theory out on the weekend! I have exactly $22 into this bike and some of my time and am very pleased with how it has come out so far, I may just keep going with it and make it "nice" I think right now as it sits it looks pretty cool and is a good solid road ready Vintage mountain bike, not bad for $22!

The K2 will be fixed sometime next week after I take possession of the new crankset and the repair is not exactly a surprise. I knew the BB was going because of a noise it has been making and I am looking at it as a chance to upgrade something rather than "damn I have to fix my bike", gotta look on the bright side sometimes. If the Specialized ends up being a good rider on longer rides for me I will very likely upgrade the pedals to a set of Odyssey Trail Mix pedals like I have on the K2 but otherwise I like the fact that this old bike is what it is, an old, well used vintage mountain bike that is still bringing enjoyment to someone riding down a trail on it and won't change too much more.

I have been more than busy with the new addition to the Fam and trying to stay on my bike as much as possible (I almost have my 2010 legs back) but am trying to get back to daily blogs again, I promise! Putting my time where it is needed most is what I am doing and I love writing this blog but it is just not possible for me to find enough time in every day to get here and post up my thoughts. I am on track with my calories, I am riding my bike LOTS! and I am in fact down 26 pounds from where I was just a tad over a month ago so trust that I am doin' what I do where my health is concerned.

Until next time..

That's all I got for tonight...

As Ever
Me

Walk this way...Talk this way...just Gimmie' a kiss!

2011-05-24T09:14:00.004-04:00

Well well well...Look who just walked through the door.

My life is how do I say? hectic lately hence the lack of attention to this very blog but in an attempt to, and I will put this bluntly, get my shit together again Making time to post more often is back on the card. This winter was not good to my waist line and with the new addition among some other things I just haven't had the time to sit down and dedicate time to writing posts here, but fear not my good people! I am here, healthy and kicking. My last post was on April 13th and I had gone on a 10 mile ass molesting ride on the local rails to trails, unsure how I let myself get down to a 10 mile ride kicking my ass like that I kept riding and you will be happy to hear that I am back to a 20 mile ride without too much fuss again.

Random shot of our bikes at a stop on the trail from Sundays ride.

Mister inspiration got a reality check recently, I was doing some yard work and hiding in the pachysandra was some poison ivy and anyone that knows me knows that me and poison ivy do not get along at all. Two days later my arm was itchy and puss filled so off to the doctor I went and he asked "How's everything?" to which I responded "Great besides having this poison ivy all over my body"I got a smile and then the reality check, my doc replied with "That and the 40 pounds that you put on since I seen you last" FUCK! Forty pounds? Gained?? Ok I more than definitely have to get back to where I was because 40 pounds ain't no drop in the bucket! so Its on....

Since that doc visit I am down 24 pounds and have been riding my bike on the trails again, my intake has not been higher than 1700 calories per day since that day and I am eating very cleanly. There is no way am I going backwards because being on the other side of the equation sucks ass like nothing else that I know and I won't allow it back into my life. When I started this blog I started it on the terms that I would be honest with myself and put myself out there good bad or ugly and the fact is that this blog helps me to stay on track more than I know or want to admit so I will do my best to get posts up here again while the new addition naps. Finding myself home again and somewhat limited to what I can do during the day hours after basically having the freedom to take a ride or hit the gym whenever I needed/wanted to is a challenge but I've worked with less and got more in the past so its going to boil down to how bad I want it.

I refuse to make excuses, it is what it is and I'm just a Dad, fat guy, Husband or whatever you want to call me trying to get more fit. Getting back to posting is phase two in my plan to get my Juju back, getting back to basics with my weighing and measuring the intake has been reinstated, biking has been reinstated and my calisthenics routine has been making appearances in my each and every once again so the sky is the limit.

Look for posts to come more frequently again as the plan is the plan again, That's all I got for today.....

"Failure is not falling down but refusing to get back up"

As Ever
Me

Immovable stone in the world of the weak.

2011-04-13T09:58:00.004-04:00

All right stop, collaborate and listen Zeus is back with a brand new intention, something grabs a hold of me tightly flows like a milk shake makin' me higher.... ok ok so I am NOT a white rapper but what I am is someone that knows how to lose weight and eat healthy. Why then have I stalled? Where is that GO GO GO! Push through it motherfucker! guy that was there for so long? I'm still here, trust me I am! I am not gaining weight but I am not losing either and realistically I have no reason other than I am comfortable where I am these days, that and dealing with some events not related to health but then that last part would sound like an excuse so I won't use it as a "reason" but yeah.

I've eluded to the fact that I was blessed with a new addition to my family and she is here, healthy and doing awesome right now, Wifey is home for a while and the weather is was cooperating so some bike rides have occurred over the last couple days. My plan is to start riding as much as possible to get my arse back into the condition that it was when last years riding season ended. I took a 10 mile ride on the local rail trail last week and learned just how soft I have become over the winter lull and have dubbed my bike Sir Prison sex as my posterior was not exactly feeling good after the bumpy ride down the trail, time to HTFU again.

Garmin ride report from April 8th, a VERY slow average MPH compared to last year. Click the image for a full size look at how my ride went.

I did get a chance to use my new Garmin bike mount for the 305 forerunner and it worked awesome, my Sigma bike computer is almost right on with the garmin and its MPH/Distance which is good! but I still can't believe how soft I got over the winter! notice a trend here? SOFT! Making time for myself hasn't been a big priority lately with all else that's going on but like always it must be made a priority because of what it means. Without making time for ourselves we tend to let things slip that would not be acceptable on any given day, I found out the hard way where that road leads and I don't intend to make a visit back in that direction any time soon so with this new bundle of joy shall come a new time of focus. I know how to focus on me, I've proven that in the last few years but I still have this flaw where I tend to try and fix things happening around me before hunkering down and getting into the meat of my own issues which needs to stop happening.

I have barely had time to shave lately let alone writing blog posts but they are pretty important to me in the grand scheme, I am going to make an attempt to get posts out on a regular again as I have been slipping in that area. I just said how important journaling my efforts is to me and I recently received a message from someone that has taken from my writings the motivation to lose more than 100 pounds and when I got his message I felt awesome. I have said it in the past and feel that its worth mentioning from time to time that I started writing this blog because I didn't know what else to do and it has helped me take and keep off more than 200 pounds in the last few years but I did it for me. I had no idea that so many other people would take from it anything more than just a couple minutes a day of reading a fat guys random thoughts on weight loss but from some of the messages I have received since starting this blog its more than just my thoughts for me. I am humbled every time I hear a comment like "I am an admirer of yours, and your website and advice has motivated me to lose 102 lbs with another 150 to go! Thanks for being a regular guy helping other regular guys/gals! HUGS! God Bless!" and in all honesty I have not been doing my part where my health is concerned but after getting the message above I know that I need to as I've said probably hundreds of times since starting this blog Keep on keepin' on.

I haven't "hit a wall" with my weight loss so to speak, I have simply stopped pusing forward with the unstoppable drive that I possessed in the beginning of my trip to the half. My health is not waning as it was when I tipped the scale at over 500 pounds but I still have unmet goals that need to be addressed with extreme prejudice, a freight train possesses less momentum than I had at one point and I intend to start treating my health goals in that way again.

My life will be lived by my rules..and so it begins.....again.

As Ever
Me

Breaking down walls...

2011-03-25T09:25:00.004-04:00

Hopefully I will be able to get back to posting daily VERY soon but for now it shall remain when I have a minute to sit and write a post, busy does not begin to describe my days lately. There are some aspects of my life that do not make the front page of ye olde blog and it is some of those things that have kept me away from it but in spite of that I have been how do you say? Back on the wagon again. I have to admit that for the first time since starting down this path to better health I let things slip a whole fuckin' lot tad bit in the past maybe three or four weeks and am slightly up in weight, I say slightly because its about 6 on a good day 10 on a bad pounds heavier than I have been maintaining for the last 10 months. Its simply amazing how adding piles O stuff to a fellas day takes away from being able to weigh, measure and quite frankly care about the the food that's going down the hatch. I am not in immediate imminent danger because of my health right now so it makes it easy to lay my focus elsewhere and honestly I have been at this for a little more than three years now with this being the first what I would call lapse in caring about my nutrition.

Making my nutrition and exercise my number one priority must remain my number one...um..priority, because having lived on the other side of 500 pounds I know whats in store for me if I let things slide. I don't fear that I will ever slip back into a completely sedentary life again but I want to be as active as possible so that I can continue to excel with my physical self. I find that having something to focus on helps loads! lately its been my bicycling...even though there has been a lack of said activity because of schedule conflicts and weather I find that when I am in "bike mode" I am on point with my nutrition. Bicycling has become my passion, of course after my wife and kids but you get my point, If I am on a bike I am happy, I am unsure if its because I was unable to ride one for so long and now I am free to do so as I wish or if I really just have a love for riding these two wheeled contraptions down a dirt trail looking at the scenery....my guess is the second option.

The new Giant.

My K2 dashboard with the Garmin 305 forerunner on the new bike mount, you can also see my Sigma 906 cyclometer mounted on the stem.

Speaking of bikes I am always on the look out for "bike deals" and last week I found an incredible deal on what appears to be a great bike! its a Giant Cypress lx full suspension hybrid. The woman that I bought it from gave me an indoor bicycle rack and a trunk mount bike rack when I bought the Giant, lets just say that I got more than a good deal on the bike and accessories and couldn't be happier with the deal. Getting ready for the trail I also picked up a Garmin bicycle mount for my 305 forerunner, I installed it and mounted the GPS yesterday so I am all ready for the rail trail! I took it out for a short ride to test the connectivity to the satellites with it in the position that it is on the bike, worked great. This year I will be going for records on my bike, I will have to look but I believe that my longest ride on the rail trail is right around 25 miles and I want to double that this year and have a goal to hit a 50 mile ride at some point, perhaps beyond that even. The weight will come off, I am not too worried about that honestly because the amount of riding I am planning on doing it will have to come off!

Last year I worked on my endurance on two wheels and the year before that was getting use to how being perched up top of a skeletal aluminum frame with skinny wheels between me and the pavement felt, this year we are going for distance. My first bicycle ride was about a mile and I had to pull over because of the prison sex like feeling on my plump posterior...not that I have ever experienced prison sex but I do have an imagination and its how I would imagine it feeling. Now that a 20 mile ride is par for the course I feel ...dare I say... Normal? no longer a 500 pound guy rooted to a couch looking out the window wishing he could join in the fun that is life but a 300 pound man doing what he wants when he wants to but I am far from done with my health journey.

I have more goals that I have not reached yet with my health and weight, there have been times when I doubted that I could get there but when I think back to the 500 pound version of me I doubted that I could lose even 100 pounds. I have done double that figure to date and kept it off for the better part of 3 years now, for whatever reason breaking through that barrier of sub 300 pounds has been a task for me, more mentally than anything else and I can't for the life of me figure out why a mental barrier could stop me. Enough is enough with letting an imaginary line in the sand stop me because if I take the whole number factor of my weight out of the equation its just that... a number. I have lost as much as 229 pounds since starting and have bounced around in that 200 to 229 pounds lost zone for like I said the better part of 3 years now and it would seem that every time I get close to going below 300 pounds it slams into that wall....this time I am bringing a sledgehammer with me, I have to finish what I started.

As Ever
Me

Who me? yes you! couldn't be! Then who??

2011-03-14T23:01:00.004-04:00

Well well well, look who walked in through the door... Its been some time since I posted on ye olde blog and I am sitting here after a long day of organizing boxes of diapers N vs 1 vs 2 vs 3!! Rattles and bumpers and and and the day is getting close. I have recently found some success on the list of Craigs with the selling of some of my double wheeled transportation devices which hurt and is awesome all at the same time! the extra dough is nice and I am deciding on which color my new bicycle will be, what you didn't really think the profit from the bikes would go to diapers did ya? but this ain't that kind of blog so enough about the new addition that's on the way and perhaps I will touch on the bicicleta situation later but lets get to how the fat man has been doing lately.

I haven't made it to the gym in quite a while and my mood is definitely being affected by this, I am an addict after all, and I don't mean cheeseburgers! With gas prices reaching up into the $4.00 range I have decided that my workouts will be local for a bit because of the strain in ye olde wallet and I have been enjoying walks around the lake and the occasional romp on my "Hilly course" on the K2. Honestly though I have not been all I can be in the working out department and my intake has been how do I say? anything but on track what with all of the excitement of the new addition, not to mention the waiting hand and foot on Wify so that she can relax a bit after lugging around her new again rotund belly. If I am being completely honest I am struggling a bit the past few weeks with getting my intake within the range that it needs to be and my waistline is certainly paying the price!

I am slightly up from where I was the last time I focused on my weight but I don't think that its going to be too big an issue to get the couple few extra pounds off with the weather warming up and Wify being home from work very soon. I have a problem putting me first when someone else needs it and I am not in imminent danger of having my heart grenade in the driveway, this is a fault of mine that I am working on but not having much success with when I need to tend to someone else. With all of that said I have to keep in mind that not putting me first is what got me into this whole Hyper obese Supersize me state in the first place so getting my calories back down to my "losing" amount is an important item on my shopping list for the coming days. My eating habits are right now not what I would call on track, Yes I am still eating whole foods, No I am not eating processed foods, I still do not eat red meat or pork but my fish consumption is way down because of Wify not being able to eat as much as we usually eat, possibly most importantly I am not sticking within my calorie allotment.

Making up for the past I would say three weeks is going to be where my focus is for the next couple because after that things will need to be changed up a bit and being able to recognize that is probably a great thing. I am up in weight some, nothing that could be called back sliding or anything but up none the less, My bike is tuned up and rearing to go as soon as the weather starts being more consistent and the trail dries up a bit more and I don't want to get out there to find out that the extra few that I have on me is going to effect my ability to ride the trails. My life is where I want it to be for the first time in a long while, I do what I want to when I want to and feel unlimited in that, I will not give that back for anything because it is who I am, who I have been the entire time and I ain't not gonna give it up.

I have a goal to ride a consecutive 50 miles at some point this year and I have the route mapped out on a local trail, actually a couple trails that intersect and I honestly get excited when I think about the day that I will do it. I have a friend that rides too and I actually met her through my blog and the plan is to talk her into doing that 50 miler with me when I do it, She is capable of doing the ride and I know that I am capable as well and I believe it will be a fun goal to reach. I am going to try and make time to post regularly again but life sometimes grabs you by the cajones and all we can do is go along for the ride and finding time for non necessities just doesn't happen. Keeping my shit together while mixing the ingredients in the proper order to get what I want as an end product has been how I get down for a few years now, the last few weeks has been a break from that and I know how to do it, I have done it and have been doing it so back to the grind I go.

That my good people is all I got for tonight, I shall return again to drop some random thoughts from my gray matter as soon as a few extra minutes pile unto one another again.

As Ever
Me

My life my ride....

2011-02-18T08:17:00.006-05:00

Its amazing how a simple thing like sitting on an aluminum framed contraption and an afternoon can change ones mood to the point that I would compare it to a high. The thermometer hit the mid 50's yesterday and wet roads be damned I wasn't missing the opportunity to get out on the bike for a ride! The trails are still covered in a heavy layer of snow so for safety's sake staying off of them until its clear and I can see the land mines which fell from the trees laying on the path is how its going to be. Everything is melting so the street looks like it is raining out and I was completely peppered with dirt, mud and puddle water by the end of my ride but it was more than worth that small nuisance, I thought that I had the bug to ride but after yesterdays trip around the lake and surrounding roads I am bit and can't wait for the weather to warm up for good.

The one time I stopped to snap a quick picture of my trusty steed next to the still frozen lake.

Figuring that I could get a decent workout if I targeted all of the hills I came up with a just over 6 mile loop that would assure that I hit all of the steeper hills and off I went. Amazingly enough not a single hill phased me, perhaps all of the high RPM spinning that I have been doing at the gym is helping me more than I thought! Dealing with puddles and just an over all soaking wet road for 70% of the ride only to have the other 30% be slush/ice patches or really sandy declines it was a dodgy ride to say the least and I did have one pucker moment where the Darwin alarms sounded loud and clear.

Coming down the steepest decent I got up to about 25MPH, this hill is usually a 35MPH hill but with the roads the way that they were I took it easy but there is one section that has a curve to it and I had relaxed because the middle section of the grade had no sand and was dry. Coming around that bend suddenly there was a small patch of slushy ice sort of like where the car tires make a rut and left that small patch on the side towards the center of the road and it was lining up perfectly with my line and I had to hit it, ooops. All at once in the 1.2 seconds that I had before hitting the patch I thought "Oh shit!", "I hope the tires hold onto this", "I should get a helmet", "You Shall NOT Pass!!" in my best in my head Gandalf voice and then the front tire connected with the beginning of what I thought may be the end. The warm weather had softened it up enough that the patch split with my tire in the center and for a split second I thought "Yay!!!" and then up onto the patch I went "Oh shit!", the bike slid off the side and I was back on the road surface with an adrenaline rush for my efforts.

Upon getting back to the house with my ear to ear grin I cleaned the heavy debris off of the bike and wiped it down, changed my dirt covered clothes and felt relaxed. I did get to use my new Garmin 305 that Wify got me for Christmas for the first time and it seemed to perform as it should have, it reported that I burned 762 calories on my 38 minute ride and I'll take it! I very much dislike wearing things on my wrist so getting a handlebar mount is on the top of my list of things to do and will likely place an order as soon as I click publish on this post. I still find it amazing that I was once upon a time a 500 pound guy that struggled to walk for more than 5 minutes at a time and when I hammer up a hill on my bike I think its somehow pushing me because I know what it feels like to be caged within my own body.

My life is completely different these days because of losing the weight, I am not alone in that I am sure anyone that has done it has similar feelings on the subject. My love for riding a bike was very likely always there but I stripped it away from my options when I allowed myself to grow to more than 500 pounds but I assure you that I will never see that side of the equation again. Make the choice, refuse to accept a life that involves a cage made of flesh and the entire world gets as big as it was when we were children with new experiences around every corner. For too long I sat idle on an old couch wishing that things could be different, these days I choose to take the difficult line and go uphill merely because it will get my heart pumping a little harder than the easy path would. Taking the easy path only got me into the quarter ton club and its not something that I want to be a part of ever again so I refuse to let it be a part of my life ever again.

My bike, my life, my terms, I ride for me and that will never change I will not be caged by my own hand ever again.

As Ever
Me

Define oneself by reinvention.

2011-02-17T09:17:00.006-05:00

Getting over the flu and having not been out on my bike since before it got too cold and snowed in to do so has me itching for a ride but if you read my blog you probably know this. Today I woke up and the little man in the magic box claims that the weather gods shall shine upon my part of the world blessing us with a sunny 54 degrees today which means that I will perhaps get a chance to take ye olde mountain bike out for a trot around the lake. The rail trail is still covered in what appears to be more than a foot of now retreating snow and ice but the roads are pretty clear so I will take advantage of it congested chest be damned! My eating has been on point for the last week or so and my weight is reflecting that...sort of, I am not going up at all and coming down very very slowly over the past week but for being under the weather with no real workouts to speak of it is what it is.

This is whats in my bike bag, The bag itself with a map of some trails wify and I hike stuck in the net, 1 Live strong wrist band, 1 tube, 1 patch kit, 3 tire spoons, allen key for my brakes, small allen key set, 2nd small allen key set with screw drivers, multi-tool with small led flashlight, pressure gauge and the pump rides on my frame usually but it was in the bag when I emptied it so it made the shot.

This break in the weather is going to give me a chance to go over my bike and see what I need to do if anything to get it set to start riding regularly again, which probably just means putting the proper pressure in the tires. I do need to get a new under the seat wedge bag for my tools and junk that I bring along when I ride because last year the zipper failed on the one that I had which es'ploded the contents all over a bridge at speed during a ride so if anyone has a suggestion for a decent yet economical wedge bag I'm all ears! I don't mind using the small camelback style pack that I switched to when the bag broke last year but rides like today where I don't expect it to be more than a couple "warm up" miles on the hills around my house I would rather not have to wear a pack so getting a new wedge would be nice.

I think that its important to find a form of exercise that we enjoy doing as it will help to keep us interested in doing it day in and day out, I tried running and though it had its moments of awesomeness I just didn't take to it like I did to the bike. The bike riding allows me to see trails and sights that no other form of exercise would offer, I suppose running could give me some of the same but the range that a bicycle gives me dwarfs what running could ever hope to. My longest ride last year was 20 miles and this year I am hoping to achieve at least 50 miles in one shot perhaps even more! I have been mapping some routes for me to try out when it warms up and have a 21 mile trail ride that I am looking forward to and hopefully I will be able to do the round trip version of that ride and make it a 42 mile fun ride before the end of the season. My normal rides were falling between 15 and 20 miles depending on whether I left from my house or drove to a trail head in a different city and I was doing that two maybe three times per week, I would like to make my average ride a 30 mile round trip maybe extending out to 50 or 60 at a time but we shall see how that pans out.

My physical limitations shrink by the day as I get stronger and stronger, more weight comes off as muscle builds and my legs are starting to get quite large muscularly with all of the biking at the gym and on the trails. When I was 500 pounds I always thought about how strong my legs were, I mean hell hauling 500 pounds around everywhere I went they needed to be right? but since I started riding I have realized that they were strong as far as raw one time pushing ie: peeling my ass off of the couch to take a piss but when it came to anything lasting longer than about 4 minutes they didn't really have lasting power. These days I am seemingly unlimited strength wise and with my endurance and its clearer today than it ever has been how much I was fooling myself back at 534 pounds, I cannot stress enough at how happy I am that I decided to make that change in my life.

Today I leave you with a quote.

"I believe that one defines oneself by reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself. To cut yourself out of stone."
~Henry Rollins~

As Ever
Me

Gymnastics of the mind...

2011-02-16T11:42:00.005-05:00

"You just gotta want it"

"Enroll in *insert main stream diet program here* and you will be successful"

"Walk"

"Join a gym and go every day"

If you ask anyone that's lost a significant amount of weight or even just 10 to 20 pounds how to lose weight you will undoubtedly get a plethora of different answers and none of them will be the same usually. Losing weight and getting healthy is not exactly rocket science though there is science involved I am in the camp that it is almost totally a mental issue that needs to be dealt with if successful long term weight loss is to occur. Eating unprocessed whole foods will help the cause for sure, exercising daily will almost certainly aid in shrinking your waistline but in the end if the mental part of that equation is left unchanged short term transformation just might be on the menu. Learning that food is merely fuel for our bodies has been something long lost on lots of people that find themselves in the position that I was in a couple years ago, when food takes on an emotional attachment is when we find ourselves on the wrong side of 500 pounds.

"Drink lots of water"

"Portion control is key"

"Count calories"

When we look at food for what it is things become very clear, food is merely the product that we ingest so that our bodies can function on a daily basis, in simpler terms, it is energy. So many of us find comfort in food beyond it being purely sustenance for our ever working bodies and unless we can get past that part of losing weight I am afraid it will be a constant struggle back and fourth almost infinitely ongoing tennis match with ourselves. Decide, make the choice to look at food as nothing more than fuel and the entire ordeal simplifies and yes I called it an ordeal because it best describes how the transition from emotional to as necessary eating feels. This change isn't easy, I will never say that it is an easy thing because its not and people who have never struggled with it may not understand the phenomenon but trust me its real and I feel it every time I get over stressed but not giving into it is key. I just said that its not easy but at the same time that I believe its not easy I do believe that its simple, Decide, eat right, exercise, see? simple.

"Ride a bike"

"Get a personal trainer"

If we approach it as if we are machines again things simplify, a machine has no emotions it does what its suppose to do and it continues as long as it is fueled and maintained properly. Food is our fuel and exercise is our maintenance we are in fact just a complicated machine driven by a motherboard or brain if you will full of emotion, control the emotional part and the machine will run as it should. When I began, this machine theory is how I lived, it was my mantra and I followed it as close as a human could because it was either that or deal with the possibility of dieing by my own hand which was clenched tightly around a fork. I still look at food as fuel but as I got more and more comfortable with the newer me I found that I am more willing to let things slide where grabbing an extra bite of this or that goes, no more.

When I started writing this blog I was a more than 500 pound man that honestly felt that unless huge changes were implemented that death was in fact not far away. Now that I am down more than 200 pounds and have kept it off for a couple years the game has changed somewhat, the players are the same in some ways but the stakes have changed a bit. Not having death looming ominously over my chubby shoulder has in time slowed my pace and the weight has not come off lately. Realizing that this game is one of a mental challenge more than anything else I need to push through the stresses that are slowing me down at this stage of my journey and get down to my goal weight more so to prove to myself that I can more than anything else at this point. Physically I am so far away from that 534 pound man that struggled up a flight of stairs worrying about if the pin would be pulled in the grenade of a heart that was beating in his chest but mentally I still find myself in conflict at times but then I suppose that is a game I will play for the rest of my life, just like every other person who struggles with their weight.

Weight loss is a game played in oneself head, it has nothing to do with the food, it has even less to do with the exercise, beat yourself in that chess game and you will have won your health back.

As Ever
Me

She will not have a fat daddy...

2011-02-11T12:50:00.006-05:00

Being in the right frame of mind is something that is more important than I can stress when health is the subject, I mean hell, look at the banner on this very blog? whats it say? "Its A State Of Mind" and when life tosses obstacles our way that doesn't mean a free for all back in the direction of an old lifestyle. I don't care what anyone says about losing weight its not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination and when that proverbial shit hits the fan sometimes we lose balance and land squarely on our padded posterior but if we refuse to get up then what? Well let me splain Lucy, Shits gonna happen, stumbling on the ice will occur from time to time and eventually we will in fact get comfortable with our health situation and ease back a bit on the strict programs that we have created for ourselves but the only thing that will tear the extra padding from our bones is a lot of hard work and dedication.

There has been extensive testing done on me and as much as I would like to believe so I do not have a mechanical bone structure, I am in fact a human being, I know! I was surprised too! but alas it is true that faltering at times is part of my story. Juggling seventeen things at once like a one armed circus clown with a blindfold on inside a lions cage just comes with the territory when you are a Husband to a lovely but quite insane lady and Dad to a kid that has special needs but there are times when putting yourself first isn't really what a fella wants to or can do. In the beginning I was the priority because I honestly believed that if something did not change in my life that it would be ended prematurely because of my heart grenading or something else equally as tragic but now that I am apparently in decent shape its hard for me to push everything else to the side like I once was able to do. Do I understand that making myself first is an important thing? absolutely, is it a reality to do so when I am not in imminent danger? not so much and the fact that I have floated right around 325 pounds for about a year now is proof of that fact.

There must be a balance between getting where I need and want to be with my health and physical self and prioritizing other things in my life without leaving one or the other lacking in attention but this is easier said than done I am finding out. When I am on I am on, it doesn't take much for that to happen and I will use yesterday to this morning as an example. I have been sick and my hip has been sore from when I slipped on the ice and those two things have kept me from working out the way that I wanted to but yesterday even though my chest was all kinds of congested I decided that I was going to do some calisthenics, so I did. This morning I woke up and weighed my bowl of cereal for breakfast, made my gallon of green tea and was off to the gym as soon as the kids left for school. I rode the bike at the gym for 40 minutes averaging 96RPM's came home made a bite to eat and updated my excel sheet for what went down the hatch and instinctively sat down to write a blog post, dems is what you might call habits. I don't like saying "Good" or "Bad" habits as I believe a habit is a habit whether it be good or bad and we need to decide which ones we will keep around, but my point is that it doesn't take much for me to get back into a rhythm with my day to day.

The pain in my chest from the push ups yesterday was a reminder that this is how I live now, my hip doesn't hurt any more and the remnants of my flu or whatever it was are weak enough that its not really effecting me and I'm back in the game just like that. My excel sheet is filled out for the day not because it needs to be but more so that I have an idea of where I'm going to be for the rest of the day with my intake, again a habit that I have created over the past few years. Making my way through my days the way that I should be in order for my health goals to be reached is very important to me, even if its harder for me to plant me in that number one spot on the "to do" list these days its got to be a priority for more than one reason.

I mentioned in yesterdays post as well as hinted in earlier posts that there is a new addition to the family on the way, when I say on the way I mean very soon! Things will most certainly change for me when this wonderful thing happens, I will no longer have the freedom to go gallivanting through the wooded trails all willy nilly on a whim as I will have stay at home dad duties to attend to. Getting creative with working out at home will very likely need to happen for me, of course I will still get out on the trails, it will just be more of a scheduled time sort of activity and most likely later in the day when I can have the lovely Mrs. take over with the bundle of joy but that's a hurdle to be jumped when it gets here.

From the beginning I have written this blog for me, I have kept anything not weight loss/health related out of it and it will likely remain that way but this post has a tad more personal stuff in it than normal but I felt that I needed to write it out so that I can re-read it to keep me on track in the future. Some health blogs are written with intentions other than losing weight and getting healthy even if the writers elude to this fact and others are purely from the heart sharing personal stories related not to health and or weight loss but a bit more of personal lives than I am usually comfortable sharing. I started writing this blog because I needed to do something to save my life and continue to do so for the same reasons as I had from Day 1 What ya see is what ya get and everything I write here is as real as a punch in the face regardless of whether the masses agree or not. I'm not into guest posts, shilling for products or telling anyone that reads this blog that I use X Y or Z when I don't but if you want an honest point of view from a guy that use to be 534 pounds I might just have what you're looking for here.

As Ever
Me

As the fat guy turns...

2011-02-09T09:01:00.003-05:00

Where the hell ya been man! ice dams & leaky roofs, what the hell is a roof rake? a bruised hip, piles of snow days for the kiddos then throw in some fevers and the fact that we're trying to get the house ready for the new addition to the family and well ya get a fella that doesn't have a lot of time to sit down and write a post. Over the past couple weeks I have gotten lots of emails and messages asking if everything is ok and the short answer is yessiree all is well besides the fact that I am nursing away a pretty gnarly cold that has been kicking my ass over the last week or so. Making it to the gym has been nothing more than a dream between the shitty weather, being sick, hurt hip and the fact that the kids have been home more than not lately but this shall be remedied as the arctic snow gods have seemingly taken us out of the target area for now so the animals are back to school and the roof is mostly shoveled clear so hopefully I can get my big ass back in the gym.

My inspiration.

My whole regimen has been suffering for the last couple weeks because of all of the crap going on and because of that I haven't been sticking to my calories as tightly as I should be. I am not gaining weight but I am not losing either, I have fallen into a holding pattern and have been circling the landing strip again which needs to stop! Not being able to workout seems to put me into that place where I start going nuts and thinking back to my 500 pound days I find myself wondering how I did it for so long without kicking down the walls. Being stationary is NOT in my repertoire any more, bat shit fucking crazy is where I am at right now with the walls of snow and ice that surround my house and my bike taunts me from the corner of the room to get on and go for a ride snow and 9 degree weather be damned. Everything seems to be easing back to being normal so as soon as my chest clears the gym is going on my list of things to do as I haven't had a proper workout in at least a week and a half unless you count the shoveling and roof clearing and I don't count that as a workout, that is merely work.

Very shortly with a new kiddo on the way my time will once again be taken up by changing diapers and reading books, this will undoubtedly change the way that I workout and when I can workout. I foresee lots of evening rides on my bike when the wife lady can take over and perhaps walking will become once again a daily workout as I will be plus one for a while. I need to pack into the next couple months as much work as I can so that I am as far along as possible when the tides change and my program will be dictated less by when I want to workout and it becomes more about when the free time shows up.

The hip is feeling better, my chest has finally stopped rattling and since the snow has stopped school is back in session! all of those things mean that I can get back to the gettin' down in the gym and with the days getting longer again the warm weather will be here in no time so the bike will once again be in use thus allowing happiness to flow from my pours as it should. Mainly the thing that has to stay constant is the keep on keepin' on along with the good habits so that I may one day actually cross over that 300 pound line drawn in the sand! I am as healthy as I have ever been in my entire life, I do what I want to when I want to and am seemingly unlimited physically these days.

My life, my rules, my end result because I insist on things being that way.

That's all I got.

As Ever
Me

Fat guy on ice.

2011-01-25T09:29:00.004-05:00

Long time no blog! well six days anyways, I have been how do I say? laid up for a couple few days because of my jungle cat like gracefulness last Friday. During the last snowfall here in Connecticut I thought that it would be a grand idea to have the small people that live with me go outside and play in the icy fun that was falling from the sky while I shoveled the driveway and cleared off the motorized wagons parked in said driveway. Clearly I state mostly for the twelve year old small person who has a knack for doing the wrong thing most of the time "stay where I can see you until I am done shoveling" the five year old small person agreed as did the other and off they went to the front yard. Noticing that all I can hear is the small one yelling I decided to walk around the side of the house and amazingly the twelve year old was on the other side of the yard with the smaller of the two creatures boot in hand filling it with snow. The dad in me took over as I yelled at him to get his...um... please come over here boy which he apparently suffered from sudden deafness as he bolted in the opposite direction that I told him to go. Now while I am walking towards the small one to help get her boot back on and NOT looking at where my feet are being placed on the steep snow covered sheet of ice that I like to call a driveway abruptly and faster than I thought possible my feet were in the air and I felt like the coyote in a roadrunner cartoon as I seemingly floated in mid air for a few seconds before crashing to the bottom of a ravine. All 300 pounds of me landed pinpointed on my right hip, low on the hip but yeah, As I lay on the driveway the smaller of the two came over and squatted down placing her face within two inches of mine and asked with all sincerity "Dada, why are you laying in the driveway?" because I am honey.

Random shot of our snow fort, the hole looks deceivingly small in this shot but I can just about crawl through that hole on my hands and knees and not hit the edges, the pile started out about 9 feet tall.

After the fall I finished shoveling the driveway which in hindsight may have been the wrong decision because of the fact that here it is Tuesday and I am still in pain and cannot lay on my right side. I haven't been to the gym in that same time and sitting around bored, in pain and unmotivated because of it has wreaked havoc on my good habits and I have been finding myself on the wrong side of some meals that I probably should have passed on. My daughter has been home from school for the past two days with a low grade fever and Sunday night was up until about 1am coughing and puking, yay! lack of sleep resulted in a couple few cups of coffee and I have not been staying hydrated at all so I am sure that I am up in weight. "Why don't you just get on the scale man?" The good ol scale went kaput last week so I haven't been on the scale in more than a week and honestly I am unsure that I would want to see what it has to say right now, I am sure the hard work that I have been putting in is also....kaput.

Not making it to the gym is how do I say? Driving fuckin' nuts! I shouldn't say that because its not the gym really its the lack of exercise as I would really prefer to be riding one of my bikes out on the trail over any trip to the gym. In the background, meaning not making the blog I have been doing the 100 push ups program in an attempt to get some personal goals out of the way, I had been making great progress and literally broke through an old personal record last week before the mishap in the driveway so I am unsure how that will be effected as its a progressive program. Something that I noticed about myself is that if I can't workout in some way or another it does affect the way that I feel, I don't want to say that I get depressed but holy hell am I itching for a workout as I write this. When pain is whats stopping me from doing what I do and there is nothing that I can do about it I feel caged or something and then the boredom kicks in and I resort to grabbing some "snacks" which eventually leads to my going over calories, hmmmm seems like I have been to this rodeo before.

That last statement kicked me in the face yesterday afternoon because my original weight gain was largely accompanied with an injury that lead to all of what I just described above but in a larger scale with my back injury. No, I am not going to backslide my way back to 534 pounds because I slipped on some ice and banged my hip like an elderly person but the fact that I can make some comparisons that seem very much alike one another is a tad bit scary for me because it is possible if I let it be to fall into that cycle. Unsure when I will make it back to the gym, perhaps tomorrow for at the very least a brisk walk on a treadmill, I do have to keep my daily calories in tact and not go over my allowed amount that's in the bank, there is no reason that I should eat badly just because I am sitting around bored and unable to workout. When I think about what I just said about sitting around bored and unable to workout I am instantly flung back in time and I know that's what got me up to 500 pounder with cheese status and falling off of that wagon for a couple days is one thing but not snatching up the reigns and getting back to the task at hand is another thing all together.

Slipping on the ice isn't the only place that I slipped over the last few days, I have had slips during this process and know that I will continue to have them, we all do. There is a lot going on in my life right now that is not related to my weight loss and or health and all at the same time it is directly related because I have so much more because of making the changes in my life that helped me get healthy again.

Today I leave you with a quote that I have agreed with for quite a long time.

"Half of life is fucking up, the other half is dealing with it"
~Henry Rollins~

As ever
Me

A new record and really missing the trail.

2011-01-19T12:45:00.004-05:00

Back to the gym and the timing couldn't be better, Feeling a bit of a twang in my throat yesterday I decided to do some push ups last night to get the blood pumping then today after my trip to the gym today its completely gone. Missing out on my real bike rides being forced to accept the fact that I will be on a stationary bike or spin bike until it dries out and warms up I thought that it would be a chance to go for that over 100 average RPM zone that I have been wanting. Thirty minutes on the bike set at level 11 netted me 12.34 virtual miles, 228 avg watts, 12.37 avg MET's and 101 avg RPM's, something else that I found out on this ride is that K7's song Come baby come is good for a solid 108 RPM pace. This new record avg RPM for me has me thinking about that perhaps I should start riding the rail trail with one ear bud in on low volume just as a cadence tool, I enjoy the wind and the sounds around me when I ride though so perhaps not but I do think I will toy with this idea when I get back out there.

101 average RPM's, finally busted into that triple digit mark.

It still amazes me that when I don't get my cardio into any given day how piss poor my attitude gets, I honestly crave the movement and get grumpy when I can't squeeze a solid workout into my day. It wasn't that long ago when I would get a piss poor attitude because I had to move! I still to this day can't blame myself and I do feel bad when I see a heavier person struggle because I know exactly how it feels, I am unsure that I will ever forget that part of being 500 plus pounds. I honestly feel that my bike, or should I say bicycling as a whole has played a huge role in my weight loss, "but Mister meatball you only bought that K2 bike in June of 2009 right? you had lost just about 200 pounds at that point already" Indeed I did! BUT I bought a stationary bike off of craigslist only 11 days into my trip to the half. From the beginning I, dare I say dreamed? of getting back onto two wheels again but when you weigh 500 pounds and are unsure if making it through a month of good eating and exercising is realistic but from that day when I got the new/old stationary bike I hoped that I would be able to get back onto a bike.

My bicycling means a lot to me, more than I probably let on and when I am riding down a trail I am in control, I am doing something that I want to do and its on my terms and my terms alone which at 500 plus pounds is not an option most of the time. I have even incorporated my bicycling into a tattoo that I got to remind me how far I've come down this road that is weight loss, Last year I designed and drew up the line work and off I went to add to my ink collection. I have heard that some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, this somewhat like that as I wear the design on my forearm for anyone to see and have answered a coupled inquiries already as to what it means, it serves as a reminder of all of the hard work that has gone into my health. Saying that I am a changed man some 1114 days after I made the decision to make my health a priority would not begin to describe how different things are in my life and those around me who depend on me.

Today it is raining on top of the remainder of the snow that was dropped into the New England air last week and looking out my window I am literally weighing the pros and cons of taking my new Crisscross out for a ride. My life, my terms my future, I refuse to live it any other way at this point and though I remember like it was yesterday the struggle to do anything past sitting on a couch will never be my present again, memories will be all that I keep of life at 500 pounds.

That my friends, is all that I have for today.

As Ever
Me

Day 1113, news? and 36 hangers...

2011-01-18T12:38:00.006-05:00

Between the snow, dance classes, birthday parties, OBGYN appts and rearranging just about the entire house I have not had a single minute to myself in four or five days and my body feels it. Friday was the last day that I made it to the gym because of all of the things happening around me all at once so the plan was to hit it hard today but alas the weather gods decided that my children would be home from school again because of freezing rain on top of last weeks feet of snow so I doubt that I will make an appearance at ye olde gym today. I'm going to have to admit that I haven't been the strictest fella when it comes to counting my calories either over the last few days, random schedules and just plain old forgetting to eat has lead to some haphazard meals and meal times.

My wife's creative way to store some extra clothes hangers from our rearrangement of the house yesterday.

What has my bike been reduced to!

The lack of gym time is leading me to really miss my trail, I drive by the trail head and see freshly driven snow, zero tracks or marks in it and something in me says "go get your bike and make some tracks" but alas the snow is deep and without seeing what hides beneath it would be ill advised me tinks. Compound the untouched trail with the fact that Wify has found a use for my K2 and somehow I am really feeling the need to take a ride! a real ride, I am not talking about on a stationary bike! My poor faithful mountain bike has been reduced to an expensive clothes hanger holder for the time being with 36 slaps to the face hanging from her backbone, I suppose that I can't complain too much as it IS in my bedroom.

Tomorrow the children should return to school and I am planning on kicking my own arse at the gym to make up for the couple few days without anything that I would call cardio aside from the shoveling. Missing out on that part of my day effects me, I am literally bouncing off of the walls looking for things to do in order to make up for some of the lack of movement I suppose such is life in the north east eh? When the roads clear a bit I do believe that I will be taking one of the new old bikes out for a cold wet ride mostly because I can't stand it any more but also because I have been jonesin' to take that Crisscross out for a ride since I picked it up. Eat well and often, exercise daily while living life to the fullest is how I get down these days and sooner than later my time will be even more restricted because of a new "addition" so I must bust thee ass in order to get as close as possible to my line in the sand before that day "arrives".

Some news perhaps? complaining about the status of my bike? wishing that the snow would subside just a tad bit so that I might get out on two wheels? all of the above, some more subtle than others and the band shall play on while the world keeps spinning. My life is so different than it was three years ago, than when I was 500 plus pounds and I am embracing everything that I have because of a three year old decision and my only regret would be that I did not decide to do something about my weight problem sooner.

Keep on keepin' on and remember that everything that life offers is mine and yours alike for the taking.

That's all I got for today.

As Ever
Me

A summary of sorts.

2011-01-14T08:26:00.005-05:00

I don't read many magazines, I watch fewer television than most people and really don't read any "diet" books, I never have, Taking a "diet" pill is a foreign concept to me and I don't think that I am like most people that have battled with weight issues and yet am one in the same on so many levels. I came into this world once upon a time in the 70's and honestly remember a normal childhood for the most part, I mean sure I was called fat from time to time and always seemed to be the biggest kid in a group but so what? I knew kids that got called broomstick, nerd, chick-a-dude, fag, burn out and scare crow, why would it define a person? you know someone else's opinion. I honestly felt that everyone had tags at that age and like I said for the most part felt like part of the group, sort of like Our gang aka the little rascals, at least in the younger years because once about 7th grade hit and the opposite sex started playing a role things changed a bit.

Broomstick did ok, burn out and scare crow even got some play but the fat kids always got relabeled, the funny kid and some even got called bully mostly because of our size on the latter I suppose but this was indeed around the time that I remember the whole "fat" persona becoming an issue. Even though this was my label not of choice I did ok as far as having friends enough to get into trouble with but having that "fat" label stick so hard and actually mean something started bothering me but hey! its who I was right chick-a-dude? so of course I embraced it. I can remember my mother offering me a dollar for every pound that I lost back around that time and I thought, "a dollar per pound? what I am I Bologna?" Nah, I'm good. Never once in my life have I taken a so called "diet pill" I have had friends offer advice throughout the years and never once did I take it. My best friend whom was getting that fat label because of the rotundness that was forming around him one summer decided that he wasn't going to be a round boy any more and literally just cut what he ate in half and lost a lot of weight over a summer and even seeing that and knowing how he did it I just said "cool! wanna go for a bike ride?" seriously it happened just like that.

Graduating high school lead to one (or was it two) of the best summers to date for me, lots of hanging at the beach with pony bottles of bud (because we were bad asses like that) and good times, but alas! I hadn't an ol lady on my arm and this was problematic for me. One would think that the time to hunker down and drop some weight was here! I mean here I was 18 or 19 years old and about 350 pounds no lady and a ton of good times but was I really happy? gleefully miserable perhaps but that being alone thing was the real poker. Never even considering the option of dropping some weight more seriously than a day or two of not eating bad only to get right back to it the following day or hour was pretty much the routine. I was that big guy, it was who I am and if someone was going to be with me then its who they got because its the way it was going to be, nothing more, nothing less.

None of that got me to ever read a "diet" book, nothing in that list made me want to run out and join some pay per plan and even though I watched my aunts take every diet pill on the market and count calories with some success it was never an option for me. I read lots of Sports nutrition, weight lifting, power lifting, whole foods, and regular old nutrition books over the years starting around age 17 or so and a lot of that stuck but applying it wasn't as easy as reading it. I knew what I needed to do but was happier running up to Port Chester NY to hit the after hour bars or heading to New Haven for a hardcore show than applying anything healthy to my life. The "big guy" now more than the fat guy now but at the core of it I was in fact still the fat guy, one day I decided that I would run so I started going to a park in Fairfield CT and run at night, me? the fat guy? running? yes sir, I sure did.

The running was short lived and back to the lifestyle that got me upwards of 350 pounds I went, shortly thereafter the love of my life walked in and I found myself going to California without an aching in my heart. BAMN! blew my back out shortly after getting to Cali and ended up gaining most of my weight there, one day I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the guy looking back and it was all down hill from there. My high weight is 534 pounds, I was more than that the summer before I began losing the weight that is recorded in my blog and if I had to guess I would say I was probably 30 pounds more than the 534 mark in early 2007. Still "diet" pills had no place in my life, Weight watchers and slimfast, any of those pay to play programs always seemed like a rip off to me so I never even considered them an option but what could I do?

I decided that I would go the calorie counting road and see what happened, I dusted off some of my old nutrition books a short time after starting and I have lost more than 200 pounds so far without the help of anything with the word "diet" pasted to it. There is enough information out there that in my VERY humble opinion anyone can carve their way down to whatever weight they so desire as long as the work is put into it. I read blogs and see stories on the internet and elsewhere about how people dropped thousands of dollars into every diet plan on the planet before they realized that hard work, discipline and adding movement into their lives is the key to living healthy and I am proud to say that I have never fallen prey to that kind of thing. I think that those plans can work and have heard of people having had great success on some of them but I am also in the opinion that they work because of the change in thinking of the people on them more than the plan itself, which can be acquired without any monthly payment.

My life has changed in more ways than any of you reading this blog knows and I share a lot here! I look in the mirror these days and the guy that looks back is someone that I want to be. We have to make the most of every minute that we have because if we choose to eat fatty foods in excessive amounts while sitting on our arses, it will only lead us to looking at a reflection that does not match what our minds eye knows and an early death could be lurking around the next corner. Discipline, hard work and staying focused on eating healthy while getting some movement into each of our days is a must to lose the weight that holds us back, it doesn't matter if you choose to let someone create a plan for you or read up and create your own but sicking to it and doing something about the problem is the only thing that is going to help the weight come off.

Moral of this story you ask? Put the cupcake down, get up off of your ass! its the only way that its going to work.

That's all I got for today

As Ever
Me

Lots of snow, lots of exercise, tis a good day for a fat guy.

2011-01-12T11:52:00.004-05:00

This morning I was woke up with the BOOMS! of Thunder show! it was actually pretty cool but I knew what my day had in store for me. I attempted to open my back door and take a look at the damage from last nights snow storm and couldn't open the door because there was more than a foot of snow blocking it. Forcing my way out I could see that mother nature owned our asses here in Connecticut and for whatever reason I smiled, I really don't mind the snow and the weather guy said that there is 26 inches of fallen snow in my town and I have a drift in my yard that is higher than my waist so I believe what he says! I figured I would get right at it even though it was and is still snowing (should stop around 2PM) with shovel in hand out I went to attempt to dent the blanket of frosty snow from my walkways and driveway.

This is what I woke up to, see the little black spot on the one car? that's the mirror!

More than 2 hours later the driveway is pretty clear but its suppose to keep snowing until 2:00 PM so I will undoubtedly be back out there this afternoon, take a look at where the snow goes up to on the wheel of the Cherokee!

I sit here typing out my post today and wonder just how many calories that snow clearing for almost two and a half burns! I suppose that I am ok with the fact that I am going to have to skip the gym today. Wify is home today, the animals are home too, we wanted to try and go sledding sometime today but I have a feeling its going to be movies and hot cocoa all around instead and I am fine with that. I think back to my heavier days and how I loathed snow because it was of course my job to clear it and every single time I wondered if I was going to be the heart attack for the day that always seems to make the news during snow storms. I at 8:30 am hopped into some warm clothes and spent 2.5 hours clearing more than 2 feet of snow from my driveway and when I was done walked around playing in the deeper drifts just for kicks, this new life is so much better than the 500 pound version that I had been living.

Just a compare shot of the height of the fence.

Same fence with some pretty deep snow around it.

There are things in my life now that a lot of people take for granted and I can compare the situations from a 500 pound point of view and then a 300 pound view. I have to say that at 500 pounds I was much more limited than I am now than I would have ever admitted back then. I have said this in the past and I like to reiterate from time to time not starting is the worse thing that a person trying to lose weight can do because once the ball starts rolling it gets easier, every journey starts with a single step but if that step is not taken then stationary is where you will stay. Taking control of our lives is the way we will take them back, something as simple as shoveling a driveway can snap some memories into my head and get me thinking about not so long ago and the way things were and its not something that I am willing to allow back into my life. Changing the way that I look at food and exercise is why I have had success with weight loss and I honestly believe that anyone that wants to put in the time and discipline can have it too.

A huge storm hath cometh giving me a day to reflect upon some of the situations that I had to deal with in my not so distant past, I got some alternative exercise into my day and get to spend a little time with the love of my life, that in my opinion is a good day. I have a couple of kids begging for cocoa right now so the end has come to today's episode of As the fat guy turns, Keep on keepin on and all that and all of you New England folks stay warm! especially my fellow Connecticut people.

That's all I got for today.

As Ever
Me

Bustin' arse at the gym and a menu.

2011-01-11T22:24:00.004-05:00

Making my way towards the line in the sand that I put there so long ago I pissed myself off yesterday because I ate something not in my calorie allotment and I did it just because I wanted to. Things like that do not happen to me very often but when it does and I catch myself aggravation sets in and I tend to take it out on myself at the gym. I got to the gym a little early today because we're suppose to get a good amount of snow over night and I had some errands to run, when I got there it was on. Onto the bike I went and averaged 96 RPM's for 30 minutes, a quick wipe down of the bike and I found an empty treadmill and did some interval running for 20 minutes, 6.0 MPH for 60 seconds then walk at 3.3 MPH for 60 on and off until my 20 minutes was gone. Finishing things off at the gym I did another 10 minutes at more of a cool down pace on the bike and off I went to finish off my errands.

Today's ride through the gym, man I am wishing it was the rail trail right about now.

Having done this better health thing for just over three years or 1106 days now I have a feel for what I need to do to lose weight and what I need to do in order to maintain weight. Once upon a time not so long ago Tommy use to work on the docks...no wait that's something else, but not so long ago I was a 500 pound man who had no idea what the future held for him. I am now a just over 300 pound guy that does pretty much what he wants to but I know how much further I can go, I know that I am capable of going all the way. Pushing myself every day is going to be the key to my success, I can eat right and workout every day but unless I push myself just past where I think my limit stops I will just continue to maintain. This is my world, I can have anything that I want in it but the work will have to be put in, I have already put a ton of work into this venture to be as healthy as I can, now its time to see it run its course.

Tuesday's menu for your viewing pleasure.

Breakfast
7:30 AM
2 cups corn pops 240
1 cup 1% milk 110

10:45 AM
Dark chocolate Zone bar 190

Lunch
2:00 PM
2 80 cal wraps 160
1oz italian cheese 90
1.5 cheddar 120
salsa 25

3:45 PM
pear 85

Dinner
6:00 PM
2 80 cal wraps 160
5oz ground turkey 200
1oz low fat cheese 80
lettuce/tom/onion/jalapeno/salsa 50
2 T light sour cream 40

7:00 PM
WW ice cream 130

1680 total calories for the day and a post that is later than normal but I had some time and thought I would pop on before I hit the sack and drop some random words on ya. Just over 19 days until I weigh in for the blog again and the plan is to push myself until then and see where the wheel stops, I have a feeling that it will be a decent month but its an over all result that I am going for. April first will be here before I know it and I am planning on being deep into the 200's by then, as close to 275 as possible would be optimal and I will try to get there with everything that I can muster. Warm weather will be here all too soon and I can resume my bike rides out on the trails, I am considering attempting a century on the rail trail but honestly the idea of that is getting way ahead of myself as I just started hitting 20 mile rides at the end of last season but who knows!

A little bit random, just a tad late but there it is, my ramblings for the day! We are expecting the mother load of snow tonight and I will try to get another post up in the am at some point after I shovel the driveway so until then keep on keepin on and all that, As the fat guy turns has concluded for the evening.

As Ever
Me

Menu's, workouts, and an immovable stone in your world of the weak...

2011-01-07T08:53:00.005-05:00

Thursday went as smooth as a day could go as far as eating properly and exercise goes, Stayed within my calorie range and made it to the gym, it was a fine day all around. The gym is still more crowded than usual I assume due to all of the new year resolution people, the treadmills are thinning out a bit so finding one to walk on after my workout is no issue. Yesterdays workout was 30 minutes on the bike and 25 on a treadmill, the bike ended up at just over 11 miles at 91 RPM's and I am happy with that, treadmill was 25 minutes 3.4MPH 5% incline. My intake was spot on coming in at 1720 calories for the day, I more than had enough veggies while fluid consumption was on par coming in at just over 2 gallons between the green tea and H2O.

Wednesdays bike ride averaged 92 RPM and just over eleven and a quarter virtual miles, Avg Watts? MET's? no clue what that means besides something about how hard the rider is working, perhaps I should google it!

Thursdays bike ride at the gym netted me 91 average RPM's and just over 11 virtual miles.

I have been keeping a meticulous recording of my intake on my excel sheet lately and thought that I would post up yesterdays menu for anyone who cares to check it out.

01/06/11 Menu

Breakfast
7:30 AM
2 cups corn pops 240
1 cup 1% milk 110

11:00 AM
Dark chocolate almond Zone bar 190

1:45 PM
Mixed veggies 140
2 T light sour cream 40
1/2 T Smart balance 25
8oz baked potato 200

3:15 PM
1 Banana 105
1.25 T peanut butter 120

6:00 PM
5oz ground turkey 200
2 80 cal rolls 160
Steamed brussel sprouts 150

6:45 PM
1/2 pear 40

Grand total 1720 calories, and I am happy with what went in, lots of fruits and veggies followed by more than enough fluids. I have tunnel vision with reaching my goals, getting to that 275 pound mark is more important to me than almost anything right now for a very personal reason that will be shared soon enough. Easin' on down this yellow brick road currently with one thing on my mind, beating the rest of the fat on my bones into submission and being as healthy as I can be is my mission, I won't fail.

We all have decisions to make on a daily basis, most of the decisions we make are not crucial but then there are those that define us. Making the decision to get healthier back in 2008 is defining me, it is showing myself how disciplined that I can be as long as I put my mind into it and rush the gate with everything that I have in me. I will get to my goal this year, hopefully I will get most of the way there if not all of the way before April gets here but if not the pushing will get that much harder. We all have choices to make on a daily, we can choose to float along with the flow and what happens happens or we can decide that we will control every turn that we make and force our way through the tougher situations and create our own destiny.

I choose to force my way through and get exactly what I want out of life.

As Ever
Me

My bikes, my obsession?

2011-01-06T20:04:00.009-05:00

Its a later than normal post and I have been playing around with some of my bicycles getting them ready for the spring and Craigslist. I believe that I know which ones will be kept for myself and which are going to new riders, maybe I don't but it dawned on me that I have photos of each of the bikes that I have and thought I would do a more bike kind of post since I had a minute. When I was 500 pounds there wasn't a chance in hell that I would have been able to take a spin around the block on a bike and since losing the weight I am well..I'll just say it, addicted to messing about with older bicycles. It all started with an idea and a walk through a sporting goods store, that idea ended up with me driving home with a brandy new 2009 K2 Zed in my car, from there I was obsessed with bikes again. When I was a kid I had an old Huffy Santa fe' 10 speed, that turned into a Schwinn Super le' tour which ended up getting stolen off of my back porch in the early 90's and that was the last time that I owned a bike until the K2. I thought it would be fun to post up my little collection that I have acquired over the past months since I got a couple inquiries as to "what kind of this or that" do I have lately, so here goes.

The one that started it all my K2 Zed, this was a birthday gift from my wife in June of 2009 I was very self conscious about getting back on a bike because of my size and I even had my father pop off a quick picture of me sitting on it in the store before I bought it for that reason. This picture is exactly how I got it and there have been some changes to the bike since then but I figured it was a good shot so there she is, I started off riding about a 3 mile loop near my house and ended last year with 20 mile runs on the local rails to trails.

I picked this 1991 Schwinn Crisscross up just last week for a decent price and the frame is my size, its a really comfy position when I am on it and I will not be getting rid of this one any time soon. The plan is to upgrade a couple things and make this my secondary ride, or for when I am going to be doing more riding on the street than the rail trail.

From what I can tell this is a 1994 Trek 750 multitrack, I like the way it rides and it fits me but is a little small but it does adjust to a comfortable fit. I was thinking that if it adjusts down to closer to my wife's size that I would give it to her but it may be just a tad too big for her but since she hasn't checked yet I don;t know if it would work, my guess is that it will be just a bit too tall for her. This will likely be up for sale in the spring unless wify ends up liking it but she is more of a hiking kind of gal so chances are it will be on the list of craigs eventually.

I haven't looked into the year too much on this one, its a Trek 220 mountaintrack and is a kids bike, I suppose a small woman could ride it too but its more geared for kids. I thought about giving this one to my son as an upgrade to his bike but his is brand new (a year old) and he didn't seem to like this one so much when I brought it home so again it will probably end up on Craigslist at some point.

This is a 1995 Specialized Hardrock Sport, this frame is way too small for me but the bike is like new! if Wify does want a bicycle this will likely be the one that I make more comfortable for her. There is not a lot that I can say negative about this one besides a broken grip shifter that still works, I rode this one around the lake last week when it was warm and if it was my size I would keep it for sure. I am replacing the grip shift and it will go onto the list of craigs unless wify fancy's it once I have it 100% with the new grip shifter on it.

This one for whatever reason is very cool to me and I can't figure out my attachment to it! its a 1988 Specialized Rockhopper Comp and other than some spots that could use touch up paint rides awesome! I think that its all of the work that I put into it to get it looking good, this thing was covered in dirt, grime and all of the chrome bits were covered in a light rust. I spent more than a couple hours cleaning her up and was the first of my "addiction" after the K2, perhaps that's where the attraction is. It has new tires on it as it sits now (the tires in this image are gone) and its all cleaned up and ride ready, its a bit small for me but it is comfortable, more than likely it will go up for sale come spring but I don't want to let this one go.

Just a small unknown year Murray Legacy, this one will definitely go up for sale come spring, its too small for me, my son doesn't dig the looks or the only 10 speeds and ita gotta go so I can make room for more new old bikes.

Early 1990's Specialized Hardrock sport, I picked this one up last spring and cleaned it up, tuned it up and sold it to my brother in laws girlfriend, She seemed happy with it, I am happy that it got sold so win win for everyone. I was able to sell a bike so this proves that I can do it! so Wify knows that I have it in me to actually let go of a bike and our basement is starting to look like a bike shop between all of the parts I have accrued and the eight bikes that live down there currently not to mention the one in my bedroom.

I may have traded addictions or perhaps just found a hobby that helps me nurture a healthy lifestyle, either way I enjoy playing around with bikes and I like riding them even more. None of my bikes are the end all of high end two wheeled vehicles but they have all in their own way helped me to stay on track in one way or another along the way. As far as hobbies go I will take this one over my Playstation and Final Fantasy 11 online any day but it wasn't the case once upon a time and I am still a Final Fantasy geek even if I don't play online anymore.

That's my fleet? stable? pile O bikes, some I will keep, some will be sold in order to buy more bikes, this is my hobby and it is in fact an integral part of how I am able to keep the weight off. When You love what you do for exercise its not hard to go out there and do it every day, I even for some odd reason miss it if I can't get to the gym and take a ride on a spin bike or a stationary bike, it suits me.

That's all I got for tonight.

As Ever
Me

Coming to terms with the pain.

2011-01-05T09:11:00.005-05:00

The gym has been a little challenging lately, not because I am working my ass off therefore I am challenged but because of the treadmill army that seems to have developed. My normal routine usually ends with a 20 minute brisk walk at a mild incline just to slow things down before I walk out the door but lately it has been nuts at the treadmills but I suppose tis the season. The time that I normally go isn't an especially popular time and the gym is relatively calm when I am usually there, no lines for equipment, no waiting and I hope all of these beginning of the year commandos don't last too much longer! which is bad to say honestly because it means more people are working out and that's good right? I am a creature of habit and having to search for a treadmill isn't what I want to do but the fact that I might have to wait for a treadmill isn't going to stop me from doing what I do. In the beginning all I could do is walk and I somehow connect my success with that fact and I try to walk every day as much as possible because of that, I believe that a person that walks in addition to what could be called "a workout" has a leg up on the game figuratively as well as literally!

My virtual bike ride results from yesterday, RPM's are slightly lower than normal and don't pay attention to the heart rate as it was the only time I touched it and I was pedaling about 105 RPM's when I did that! not a bad 30 minutes.

There are people of all sizes and shapes that need or want to lose weight, get healthier or just workout because it feels good! and some of the bigger folks have to struggle a bit more because of the weight. The new season of The biggest loser started last night and of course I watched it as I do each season (I am sure there will be a ton of blog posts about TBL today but hey! its relevant to what I am gonna say!) anyways, there was a fella on the show that weighed if I remember right 507 pounds and he had already lost 150 pounds to get onto the show or something to that effect, anyways to my point. The 500 pound guy got off of the treadmill at one point and said that his leg hurt and it looked like he tossed himself onto the floor of the gym to prove his point (which at 500 pounds probably wasn't a good idea!) he laid there for a moment and then got up and said something like "it feels better now" and I thought about the whole display and how that state of mind is not a good one when facing a challenge like that. At 500 plus pounds guess what? working out is going to hurt! even just walking like that fella was doing, it IS GOING TO HURT, I know this because I lived it.

When I started off and I know that I've mentioned this before I could only walk for roughly 5 to 10 minutes at a time, my back and legs were on fire the entire time, I was covered in sweat and breathing hard enough to suck any unfortunate bird that flew too close into my lungs. At first I thought about how would I continue? this shit hurts! so the next day I did the same, I walked as far as I could and slowly added length to my walks, then speed and here I am today. Coming to terms with the fact that when you weigh as much as two people that exercising is going to hurt must happen, it is not comfortable, it is not fun but it is in fact a necessity for a healthy life. I don't mean an injury kind of hurt either, that is something different all together but if you expect to walk around and float through the air with the grace of a Gazelle its just not going to happen, we have to crawl before we walk, walk before running and on and on, the graceful part comes later, I hope.

I began this trip to the half three years ago, walking at a two year old girls pace and thought about the day that I would be able to do 30 minutes straight of any kind of cardiovascular workout, that day seemed so far ahead but I knew if I kept going that I would get there and now an hour is par for the course. I wanted to use that excuse of "it hurts" many times, a lot of the time Wify would say in her kindest voice "you should just do it, once your done you can relax knowing that you did it" and she was right so I pushed through it. In the beginning I was in pain almost constantly, I mean sore when I say in pain, I mean my arse hurting from the seat on my exercise bike and the 500 pounds of pressure that was balanced on that small seat for a whopping 10-15 minutes at a time. Coming to terms with the fact that it is going to hurt is as I said key, even now three years later I get sore after an especially hard workout, walking doesn't hurt any more, biking doesn't hurt me at all but a hike can and does leave its mark most times and I do that for fun these days.

Extra weight will not fall off on its own, we have to make sacrifices in order to get into the shape that we want to, pain will be a part of the process, discomfort will be a part of the process and giving up all of that comfort food will also be a part of that process. In my opinion weighing 500 pounds comes with more pain, discomfort and agony than any exercise gave me, I have come to terms with the fact that exercise does in fact at times hurt, I'm done hurting because of my weight so I'll gladly take it.

As Ever
Me

You wear disgust like a crown.

2011-01-04T08:58:00.004-05:00

Keep on keepin on, that's what He says right? this Zeusmeatball fella, This is the plan for me, I am on a roll and keeping to that has got to be how it goes down. Talking about myself in the third person now? sort of, a while back I wrote a post as Anthony and of course that is my name and the post was by me (though I think a lot of people missed that part of the post) anyways back to my point. When I started writing this blog I was a 534 pound guy that was unsure about how this run at a lighter version of himself was going to pan out and I took on the persona of this God of the meatball namely Zeusmeatball partially because I thought it was a cool name but also because I wanted to remain relatively anonymous. My blog has evolved a bit since that first day of sheepishly writing down my thoughts for the first time and I now put it all out there as long as its weight loss or health related for anyone that cares to click the link which leads to my little nook on the net and I do it as Tony, or simply sign off with "Me" after each post. I am not even close to the same person as when I started down this road to better health and am finding that hiding behind an alias isn't something that I need to do any more but I like the Zeusmeatball persona so he...er, it stays but know that I am not in the same state of mind as that 534 pound version of myself.

State of mind? where have I heard that before? oh! that's right! its sort of my tag line and is right on the header of the blog and has been there from day one. People have emailed me, left comments for me and have messaged me on my facebook page asking me "how do you do it? how do you stick to losing weight?" or "can you explain to me how to lose weight?" and I mostly just link them to my day 1 post and say start here to see what I did. I don't have no singular answer as to how I did it, in the most basic way I ate less and moved more. I believe that the most important part of any weight loss regimen is getting into a state of mind that will allow us to keep focused on the task at hand no matter what gets in the way. I could tell you stories of woe and sorrow, stress and dismay that has happened over the last few years but this blog is about my weight loss and the efforts because of that, not about my personal struggles outside of weight loss, besides I am sure you have your own battles. In lieu of any of the madness that goes on around any of us we have to keep our minds right, forcing ourselves into a state of mind which dictates that health is one of if not the most important goals each day is key.

Knowing that we are able to do whatever we put our minds to is very important, this isn't something that I was unaware of at 534 pounds but it is harder to push when simply walking to the bathroom to take a piss is a chore. I mentioned in earlier posts that my father once talked about how small fish will routinely attack fish that are much bigger than themselves in an attempt to eat them or defend etc and how they have no idea of their relative size to the bigger fish because they can't see themselves so in essence they think that they are the dominant fish in this clash therefore they are. This state of mind that I talk about is like that in the way that you are what you believe yourself to be, a lazy no good fat ass on the couch with nothing better to do than eat a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's complaining about how bad you have it? well guess how that one ends? Get into a state of mind where you know that nothing can get in your way where your health and fitness is involved, eat properly (yes I said properly) get some movement into your days and focus on that instead of any of the negative and the same can be said about the results. Expecting thin and healthy to just happen, perhaps it will just fall into our laps while we devour a double bacon bacon and pepperoni pie with extra cheese while watching The biggest loser? is stupid, take a look in that mirror and ask which life you would prefer. I can honestly say that I haven't worn a crown in quite some time now and the fact that I am healthier than I have ever been shows where my head is in this game.

If you could see the you that I see when I see you seeing me, you'd see yourself so differently, Believe Me...

As Ever
Me...

Day 1098.. Thats alotta days!

2011-01-03T07:40:00.006-05:00

Here here! another year has come to pass and I find myself still chugging along with the choice to live cleaner and healthier at the fore front of my way of life. My blog has always been written from the perspective of a 500 plus pound guy that needed to lose weight to stay alive, to be able to do things that the mere mortals of the world take for granted each and every day and over the course of the last three years I have changed everything about my life. Coming to the realization that I am not 500 pounds any more has been harder than I expected but I think that I am coming around to the fact that I don't get out of breath from the most remedial tasks and that feeling has become the "norm" finally. Losing more than 200 pounds and keeping it off for the last couple years is an amazing feat of determination in my opinion but pushing through a comfort zone has to be a priority for me and the plan is as you know if you have read along is to hit my goal of 275 this year hopefully before April.

My new acquisition, early 1990's Schwinn Crisscross as i picked it up.

Other than a FD shifter that needs some love this bike is in amazing condition, of course the fella could have bypassed wiping it down with WD40 before I got there but hey! I need to go through it anyways so it will get a bath either way.

Helping me achieve that goal is my bicycling hobby, I call it a hobby at this point because I currently own seven bikes ranging from mountain bikes mainly to hybrids and even a road bike. When I bought that first bicycle back in June 2009 I never anticipated it becoming the beginning of a new addiction hobby. Accruing enough bicycles to ride a different one each day of the week wasn't a thought and I am sure my wife had no idea that our house would be full of bike parts and whole bikes when she got me that K2 back in June. Come spring I shall thin my herd significantly utilizing the list of Craigs to move a few to new homes and hopefully make some happy riders for this years riding season. Having a hobby that keeps me moving and allows me to get out there and really enjoy my workouts is nothing but a positive and anyone that knows me knows that I like making things my own so getting a bike on the cheap and refurbishing it is fun for me. This weekend I happened upon a bicycle on Craigslist that I thought the price was decent enough so I emailed the lady and it turns out that the frame was my size and it is sort of a hybrid/cross bike so long story short it was added to the fleet for a mere $35, this one will not be for sale come spring.

I am noticing that I have more posts mentioning bicycles popping up so I may work on a "bicycling" section for those posts to be search-able as I have got a couple hits/emails on the blog because of the bike stuff I have posted. My workouts have completely changed from when I started which through evolution is normal I suppose, where I was only able to walk for 20 minutes and about 1/3 of a mile at a go now walking a distance of 5k is just something that I do because its nice out on that day! My first ride on my mountain bike was about a mile and I had to pull over to ponder whether I should name my bike "Prison sex" because of the apparent violation that took place during said ride and here I am expanding my rides out to about 20 miles these days. I am no where near the same person physically as I was when I first sat down behind my lap top and wrote out my first blog post a defeated 534 pound man who couldn't think of anything else so common sense had to be the plan. With all of that said its time to get back to basics with ye olde blog and I am going to start posting my menu's and workouts more often again as I did in the beginning, I liked having my entire week out there for me to look back on as well as any of you fine people who care to take a peek.

So much has changed for me since making the decision to drop the weight from my bones, coming from a place where walking up a flight of stairs was a chore to where I am now going to the gym 5-6 times per week and riding my bikes 15 to 20 miles per day in the warmer months. Looking into that mirror that leads back to my former 500 pound self from time to time forces me to never forget why I gotsta keep on keepin on until I get where I set out to go and though I don't think that I will ever forget that fella I do know that I never want to wear his shoes again.

The end has come to this episode of as the fat guy turns...

As Ever
Me

Zeusmeatball is signing off...

2010-12-31T18:14:00.002-05:00

Until 2011! hope everyone has a happy and safe New years eve and a great 2011!

Another year down and hopefully another few pounds.

That's all I got for 2010...

As Ever
Moi

Survey says! and he weighs....

2010-12-31T07:35:00.004-05:00

On December 3rd I decided that I would at least until April weigh in only one time per month to show my progress on ye olde blog and since it happens to be a Friday and the last day of the year onto the scale I went. I was hoping to end at 319 pounds because at that weight I would be on track to hit my "to be 275 pounds" goal by April first and I thought that I had it! but alas something happened that I am unaware and this week my weight moved very little and in fact went up slightly from where it was last week. This morning I woke up and went straight to the scale to see what the verdict was and I was greeted with a 324 on the dimly lit blue display screen, that equates to just under a 10 pound loss for the month of December. My beginning of the month weight was 333.8 so this mornings weigh in is a solid 9.8 pounds over the last four weeks which isn't bad at all considering that Christmas fell within that time frame and I did have a couple drinks on Christmas day. My lowest number on the scale this month was 320.4 pounds last Friday morning and 322 on Tuesday and that number crept up to the 324 that was there this morning so I don't know if the couple beers that I had on Christmas wreaked havoc on my system and I just haven't recovered or if something else is happening to make the number push upward over the last few days.

As of right now I am 49 pounds away from hitting that goal of weighing 275 pounds, I will need to lose an average of 3.7 pounds per week from now until April first if I am to make that goal date. Losing 3.7 pounds per week is unlikely but not impossible and that will remain my goal because I say so! Making it as lose to or below that number is going to be treated like its my job, in fact I think that I will try and come up with some kind of "weight loss bonus" for if I am able to do it kind of like my Tattoo or the motorcycle that I am buying when I get to my ultimate goal weight. My experiences with losing more than 200 pounds and keeping it off for more than 2 years now have stuck with me, I make the best choices that I can for any given situation where food is involved and its time for me to push past this comfort zone that I have come into.

When I started losing the weight I was a 500 plus pound man that had no idea on what or how to approach weight loss and a healthy life, now I know what it takes and have a good idea on some of the terms that must be met in order to be successful. My drive was shifted somewhere in the beginning of this year as I settled into being able to do what I want to and I was just enjoying life which is after all a big part of why losing the weight was important because without that life just ain't fun. This year I am in push push push mode once again and making it to my original goal weight is VERY important to me again comfort be damned, indeed I am comfortable in my own skin at this point and am seemingly unchallenged by some of the things that would have stopped me in my tracks just three short years ago.

Three hundred twenty four pounds is what I weight at this very moment in time and that is light years away from the five hundred thirty four pounds that I was when I began this trip to the half even if it is only three actual years. The next time that I step onto the scale for ye olde blog will be January 31st, that date is a Monday but its a month away so it shall be the date chosen and I am hoping that I can get down to that 305 pound mark that I reached back in May by then. Three hundred and five pounds? are you crazy kind fellow? I don't mean to doubt you but that's 19 pounds in 31 days right? Yes, yes it is and its what I am going to shoot for, if I don't get it I am ok with that but if I aim high I suppose it may just push me harder, and a fella can dream right? I will need to lose 3.7 pounds per week to stay on track with my April first goal and 4.7 pounds per week to hit that insane 305 pounds this month mark but I'm going for it, I must, I have to and I am.

There is the weigh in for the month and my ideas for the next step in my regimen, will I make those goals? that I am unsure of but the thing that I am sure of is that I will do everything in my power to reach my health goals, might I stumble now and again? sure thing bubba but the most important thing is that I keep on keepin on until I get there.

That's all I got for today.

As Ever
Me

A Weight loss story 3 years later, oh yeah and a weigh in!

2010-12-30T15:26:00.007-05:00

So here we are and tomorrow is the day, you know the one where I weigh in for the blog again, its been about a month since I last stood on the scale and reported here and its been a decent month in lieu of Christmas being involved. I have again adopted a strict version of my plan, I eat my allotted calories, workout each day and drink enough to cover all of that not to mention getting enough sleep each night and its been decent to me. Addicted to the gym once again am I but its worth mentioning that I am really missing my bike rides out on the trail and to make matters worse Wify got me a new Garmin 305 forerunner for Christmas! I still need to get the bike mount for it because she said "I wasn't sure if you would want it so I didn't get all of the accessories to go with it" You what??? its exactly what I needed to make my rides more than just rides.

My new Garmin Forerunner 305 on my wrist, yes its huge! fortunately for me it will be on my bike more than most of the time.

I have been writing my thoughts on weight loss in this blog for three years now! Man does time fly! and I have changed myself physically in that time but maybe more importantly I changed the way that I think about certain things and I believe that is the key to living healthily. When I began down this road I weighed 534 pounds and was unsure that there was an alternative to getting a surgery to help me get the weight off of my bones but I decided that taking things into my own hands and forcing a change was what I needed to do. I am not even close to the same person that I was back in Jan 2008 when I started writing here, when I began I looked at food as more than what it is and it was a pleasure item, now I look at it in a way where for the most part food is fuel and nothing more.

There will be hundreds if not thousands of people scouring the internet for dieting help in a few days, tis the season I suppose and many of them will find a TON of information on how to lose weight along with some ads for Miracle pills and plans like the Jujuberry 7.2 plan. Some of the lucky ones will find out that changing the way we look at food and exercise is a great place to start with a new regimen of balanced eating and getting more movement into each day, there is no miracle pill! none, Zero, Zip, Nada, Zilch! Perhaps someone will find my blog and read a few posts and see that it is possible to drop the weight that literally holds us back from doing what we want to and need to do in life and maybe they will start down a path to better health themselves. I can't tell anyone what will work for them, I have no written out plan with step by step instructions for weight loss but I really do like the fact that there are things written in my blog that can help people out that are in a situation similar to the one I was in when I began writing my thoughts here.

There he is, the guy that so many months ago decided to make a change with how he lived.

I have completely changed...wait I said that already, but its so true I thought that I would say it again! I actually get excited when I find a new exercise to try out or when I realize that I picked up speed on my bike or the workout in the gym got easier, there is so much that I do these days that i was unable to do back when I weighed 534 pounds. There was a time when I literally loathed random people that would walk down the street that I lived on "Who would want to go for a walk just to do it? Morons" seriously! that thought actually formed in my head. I am still just above that 300 pound mark with my current weight yet I am seemingly unlimited in what I can do, I mean I ain't the fastest fella out there but I can run if I so choose right now and that's not something that I could have said when I first started. This coming year will be the year that I hit that mark in the sand, yep 275 pounds here I come, the plan is to go beyond that figure and the way that I feel right now I have a feeling that I will get there.

My world has changed in more ways than even I believed it would with the weight that I have lost and the whole ride is right here in plain sight which is one thing that I know has helped keep me on track over the past couple of years. I don't beg for people to follow me (though I do enjoy seeing that number grow!) and I have never fallen into the whole game of trading posts for posts on any of the more popular blogs to drive traffic, My blog is for me first and foremost, call me selfish if you must! all of the people that I get messages and emails from is an AWESOME bonus of me writing. I have made friends along this journey online as well as in real life and again its something that I never would have expected when I sat down that first day and typed out my very first post on a blog that I never expected to make it past a month maximum and that is what you call cool folks!

Tomorrow morning will show in a poundage number what I have done this month for my weight, whether it is up or down it will be posted for anyone who cares to take a look and the band shall play on, this 275 pound line drawn in the sand is getting crossed sooner than later if I have anything to say about it.

That's all I got for today.

As Ever
Me

Just a fat guy with a laptop..nah....

2010-12-22T09:19:00.003-05:00

In eleven days I will have been writing in this blog for three years, I appreciate everything that I have learned in those three years and to say that my life has been changed in that time would be an understatement. Back when I began down this road to better health I thought about how far away a year was, then thinking about how much I weighed I wondered how many it would take for me to get where I needed to be with my weight and came to the conclusion that it didn't matter as long as I took that first step, so I did. Remembering back to when I was up above 500 pounds and the way that I felt all of the time could upset me if I let it because the state of mind that I was in back then was not where I should have been, imagining that I could lose the weight was just that, it was an unreal feat in my head.

Today I am probably as healthy as I have ever been in my life and am completely happy and appreciate everything that I have because of the decision to do something about the extra weight. This blog has served as a platform for me to anonymously in the beginning and not so anonymously after about the first year lay it all out there and put my thoughts and struggles as well as the triumphs into type written word. Trust me when I say this, it is not really my personality to put things out there for anyone to see I am for the most part a pretty private person which is why a lot of my life that is not weight loss related does not make my blog. I have a feeling that this year will be very interesting for me on the health front as well as personally and the two may clash or meshing perfectly could be in my stars but that's to be found out in a few months.

Making my goal weight of 275 pounds in 2011 is important to me, something personal that is happening makes it that way and I am going to do everything in my power to make it so. It's simple right? as long as I eat right and do my part with the exercise the weight should come off and it will. In the three years of me writing this blog I have received so much support from people that I don't know on a personal level past the comments and email that I get from you all and there is even 377 of you that chose to click the follow link on the sidebar of my blog! I can remember when I hit 100 followers and it felt unreal that there were 100 people that cared enough to follow along with my random fat dude typage each day and I am now approaching 400 "followers" not too shabby for a fat kid from a bad neighborhood.

Nine days from now we will have reached the last day of 2010 and I will post up the weight for the month, I have put in the work and am sticking to the plan so I am expecting a decent drop from the beginning of the month weigh in. In the grand scheme this is just another post from the fat kid, but for today it serves as the chicken scratch that will make up post number 816 and with that the end has come to this episode of as the fat guy turns.

As Ever
Moi

Decisions and a new project for the winter.

2010-12-21T13:52:00.004-05:00

Keeping on track has become less of a chore lately, food equals fuel and that's all is how I see it right now. Wake up, eat breakfast, do chores, hit the gym at some point, drink enough water/Green tea and get enough sleep is my life and I can't let anything get in the way of that. Christmas is here in a few days and there will be a huge dinner I am sure but I will not go over my calorie limit and will make the best choices from the dishes made, in the past I gave myself the Holiday dinners as a day to just enjoy but I want to show myself that food is fuel and I can enjoy the time without over doing the intake. Changes need to be made if success with a weight loss plan is to be had no matter what plan that is, counting calories, south beach, low carb even miracle pills have limits, if you are not willing to change things up a bit then the weight will not come off period.

1995 Specialized Hardrock Sport, its in pretty decent shape besides a broken twist shifter.

Back view of the new Specialized.

Find something that you love to do and make it a form of exercise, sometimes that's easy as in a person such as myself that loves riding a bicycle or someone that finds joy in running but even walking is enjoyable! I honestly believe that whole once it becomes a habit its easy thang but I also believe that ALL habits are hard to break even the good ones so once we make exercise a habit it becomes just as hard to break that habit as any bad habit that helped get us into a rounder shape. Speaking of biking, I came across another Specialized Hardrock for more than a great price so it's added to the fleet and I will enjoy refurbishing it over the winter and will likely sell it at some point for a decent profit. From my best guess using Bikepedia and going off of components on the bike it is a 1995 Hardrock sport and the only issue that I see with it is a twist shifter that will need to be replaced which shouldn't be too hard to fix and lots of cleaning it up so that it looks as new as possible.

I am lucky, I find working on older mountain bikes almost as fun as cruising down a rails to trails path so I can really get caught up in what I do for exercise in more than one way. By making what I enjoy a part of my weight loss efforts I think that I give myself a leg up when it comes to staying strict with the intake and exercise because if I let myself go backwards riding my bicycle down the trails may not be possible. My life has completely changed since deciding to take control of what went into my body and adding a good solid dose of exercise to just about every day and I wouldn't trade what I have created for myself for anything.

I believe that anyone can do what I have done if the effort and discipline is put in, I was a 534 pound guy with a disk injury in his lower back eating whatever, whenever he wanted to, exercise was but a dream and a shortened life span was surely in that guys future. Making excuses for why I was that way is what was keeping me there and the day that I put it into the simple terms of eat less move more is the day that I began healing myself. Do I have days where my back literally feels like it wants to lay me down on my ass? you bet I do but dwelling on that will only get me into a place where I know that I don't want to ever revisit and it ain't happening. Making excuses got me in a place where I weighed more than a quarter of a ton so I don't do that any more, Being negative and focusing more on that than what I could do for myself also helped me to get there so its just not how I get down these days.

We all have the power to make the right decisions regarding each of our own health and all of the choices that go along with that, will it be cake? or a piece of fruit for dessert tonight? I got my apple ready.

As Ever
Me

How do ya like them apples?

2010-12-20T08:31:00.007-05:00

So where were we, oh yeah, I was losing weight and getting healthy and you were reading along with your morning cup O tea. I found something this weekend that was pretty sad, it was my sons birthday and we decided that laser tag would be a good idea so a party was set up and and the big day came but alas I had a problem. On the menu was pizza and unlimited pitchers of soda not to mention the cake, of course I had a solution which was to bring a Turkey subway and a gallon of green tea, easy right? You would have thought so but the small fellow behind the counter with an over exuberant smile and high pitch voice said "sorry sir we don't allow outside food" I explained that pizza and unlimited soda wouldn't work for me that I have certain things that I need to eat and they didn't offer anything he got on the phone to "make an exception" but the party planner came by at that point so we went to our room. Again it was explained to me that "no outside food" was allowed so I said ok and put my tea on the counter in the room, yeah sure I will eat the pizza and drink soda because the smiling people say so.

Long story short of course I ate my contraband food and drink while the kids had their pizza but I found it kind of sad that the only options at a kids party was pizza and soda. I understand it, I mean I am not a food snob in the way that some people are saying things like "pizza is bad therefore no one should have it" and I don't believe having a food that is not exactly good for us once in a while is all that bad of a thing, I love me some rum cake and that's just the way it is but having some healthier options should always be offered. I did get to feel like a bad ass for sneaking in some healthy food to replace what came with the party package and we did joke about how how I was being a bad example to the kids playing the rule breaker role and eating healthy even though it was against the "rules"...wait, not a bad thing. When George Thorogood stopped playing for me and I tossed the wrappers in the trash I did have a tiny piece of the cake and got an earful from Wify for that because of all of the debating with the smiley twins about why I needed to bring the green tea in, but I put it into my excel sheet so its all good.

That is one of the biggest apples I have ever seen next to a normal sized apple.

After the party we ran a few errands while Grandma took my sons friends home after playing an extra game of bowling at the laser tag place and we ended up at the supermarket where I found some super sized apples. Buying one of these behemoth Fuji apples of course had to happen and it weighs more than a pound! 18.4oz to be exact for the one that I brought home and it wasn't even the biggest in the box! I love apples and cannot wait to dig into this thing.

Saturday was a good solid day of um...work! I helped my father move from the first floor of his house to the third floor so to say that I was walking some stairs would be putting it lightly. I woke up Sunday and felt a bit sore from it but not in my legs, my biceps were tight and sore, but this morning my calf's and thighs are feeling it and my weight bumped up a couple pounds from yesterdays weight which I am sure is just water retention from the soreness so no worries. I have 11 days until I post a weight for the blog and we see (well you see) how well I did or how sucky I did for the month on the losses. I know that it's going to be a good month mostly because I know the tight ship that I have been running where my health goes but also because I do check in on the scale for myself almost daily.

The month of December seems to be a long one for me and I am unsure if its because I set myself up with that 31st date to weigh in again or if its Christmas but it will be in the past all to soon and the good food choices that I will be making will be a lasting look for me. Once upon a time I was 534 pounds, now I can literally run up and down 3 flights of stairs all day and only have a little soreness in my legs for my effort where as 3 years ago I wouldn't have been able to help at all. Lives change when we change our lives and make better choices with simple things like what fuels our bodies, put shit in and we will feel like shit, put in good solid food choices and its amazing the way we feel, I live it every day.

You CAN live how you like, it does not take a ton of money, it does not mean that you have to join in on a pre-paid weight loss plan, you don't need Jenny Craig, Weight watchers, Doctor knuckleheads next greatest thingamajig or book, or have pre-packaged food delivered to your door step, a little commitment and a lot of discipline goes a lot further than you might think. I can't tell you that the way I lost weight is the best way or the only way but I can tell you that I eat awesome tasting foods, I indulge now and again and have had great success with the way I do it. Whichever way you decide to hop on the better health train just do it! and do it today not tomorrow and don't wait for January 1st! start now! what have you got to lose besides weight?

That's all I got.

As Ever
Me

Progress? perhaps and the push will be harder.

2010-12-15T09:42:00.002-05:00

I know a guy that took a peek at the scale and could not be happier with the progress that has come in the last two weeks, its the same fella that looks back at me in the mirror each morning. Sometimes I like to look at old pictures from when I weighed 500 plus pounds just to keep me grounded as to how far I have actually come in the last couple of years, every time I look I am amazed. Though the memories are mine, I can clearly remember the struggles as if they were yesterday but somehow I have a hard time believing that it was me in that body. To think about just how much 534 pounds is and then imagine that I use to lug it around with me everywhere that I went may just be the most insane thing that I can think of because it was in fact a feat in itself that I was able to walk up the flight of stairs to get to my bed room.

I have been so focused lately that even though Wify took a day off from work yesterday so that we could finish up Christmas shopping I told her that I needed to be dropped off at the gym at some point because I wasn't willing to miss it for anything. I brought my own food along to carry me through the morning and we had Subway for lunch, my calories for the day came in at 1745 total and there were no huge gaps between meals. Seeing that photo that I took a couple weeks ago photoshopped next to the one where I was down to 305 pounds really kicked my ass, it forced me to realize that no matter how comfortable I am right now in my own skin, and the extra skin, that I need to keep going hard until I get where I need to with my health.

The gym for me has been mainly cardio with some light weight lifting tossed in for good measure, I have started doing push ups at home again like in the beginning and that's been my workouts. I miss riding my bike, That bike is sitting lonely in the bedroom begging me to take it out for a ride but I am afraid when the man in the magic box says that its 2 degrees outside with the windchill I must pass. Yeah yeah, I know that I should HTFU and just get out there and at least take a short ride but that's not what I want! I need to take a nice 20 mile ride down the trail again, I miss it and has become one of my passions. The gym doesn't touch the bike in enjoyment factor but that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy my time at the gym because I do! some of the staff could use some training with their people skills lately but I am not there for anything other than bustin' my arse so no worries on that...for now.

Focusing on myself again I know that I will be where I want to be in short time, pushing myself to get down to that goal weight of 275 pounds in basically my job right now and I am not planning on stopping until I get there. The goal is just that, a goal, I have a feeling that I will get below that initial low goal weight and I have a goal of hitting 267 pounds too because at that weight I will have lost 50% of my total high weight.

Will he get there? will this once 534 pound man be able to remove 50% from his highest weight? I have a feeling that its just a matter of time so stick around and watch.

That's all I got.

As Ever
Me

Dream a little dream.

2010-12-13T09:15:00.005-05:00

You will have to say no to the cake, the Cheetoes and perhaps even the pint of Ben & Jerrys Dublin mudslide on this road and there will be blood sweat and tears, not necessarily in that order along the way. Losing weight in my opinion has to be a full time commitment otherwise we lose site of what it is that we are attempting to accomplish, its like being pregnant you either are or you aren't there is no "kinda" when you have close to 300 pounds to lose, Kinda is fine for maintaining but to lose its got to be more than that. Getting comfy on the couch with your sweet heart is one thing, please enjoy! but getting comfy and slacking off with a weight loss plan just ain't gonna cut it Francis so slowly drop the Doritos onto the floor and step away from the bag.

I saw this in the supermarket and I am not sure if this is "diet food" BUT I can tell ya I ain't touchin' the stuff! even if it is "Microwavable".

As of late my "kinda" has turned into down right "holy hell get out of that guys way" on the diet front, to say that I am focused does not even begin to describe where I am currently. I refuse to miss a day at the gym, which really is par for the course but I have been focusing on Cardio mainly with limited but still present weight training lately because I am still above 300 pounds and feel it has to be where I focus for now. Getting ahead of myself could slow me down and until I get below 300 pounds its the cardio first train for this guy because like that photo from August 2007 that started me down this road the image that I took last week pissed me off. My life has changed in more ways than I can put into type written word here for you since making the decision to work on my health and get the weight off and I can only imagine how it will change when I get down to my goal weight and below.

Just me at the gym workin' on me at the gym.

I Honestly cannot remember when exactly it was that I weighed less than 300 pounds but I know that it was younger than my Freshman year in High school. I am pretty certain that there will be no fireworks or parades when I get to my goal weight but I am 100% sure that I will be in a different place than I was when I weighed 500 plus pounds, and almost certainly things will be different than they are now even. I am looking forward to pulling an XL shirt over my head and having it fit, The idea of wearing a pair of jeans where the waist is smaller than 40 is something that I can't wait for and these are things that more than most of the people on the planet take for granted every morning when they get dressed. Silly little goals in a big mans head that mean more than he will ever say aloud is part of the drive that keeps me pushing onward even when stress tells me to give in and strap the bag of Doritos to my face and inhale its contents.

I believe that as long as I keep what I know about losing weight and getting healthy in the front of everything that I do in a day that I will be successful in reaching all of the goals and expectations that I put in front of myself. Any person can have a healthy life if they want it, there will always be bumps in the road and we all have our "issues" but living healthy can happen as long as we stay disciplined because no matter how bad the injury in my back hurts I can eat healthy and do what I can with exercise. Excuses are just that, they are made up reasons as to why we won't can't eat right and or exercise for any given day, put the excuse on the floor with that bag of doritos from earlier and start livin' because no one else can do the work for you.

I'm itching to get to the gym so for today, That's all I got.

As Ever
Me

What have you done for YOU lately..

2010-12-10T08:21:00.005-05:00

Though I am not weighing in for the blog until December 31st "last weigh in of the year" if you will, doesn't mean that I am going to stay off of the scale for my personal motivation until then. This morning I am very happy with the weeks work, if this pace keeps up I will make some goals much earlier than I project and honestly that's fine by me. Getting back to what works for me was an easy switch from the goin' easy on my self skating along not gaining but not losing stance that I had taken for a few months.

I'm not really interested in hearing anything negative that anyone has to say currently, I mean if I have to hear it that's fine but its but a glancing blow as I have one thing on my mind right now, to lose as much weight as I can before April 1st. When I began this blog I made an image of a train on a track heading towards a man and it has been the header of my blog since then. The image represented me taking on something that seemed an impossible task like the fella who was going to stop the train. I am right now more like the train in that image because unstoppable is the flavor of the day and like in the beginning I am very focused with the task at hand, I need to get down to my goal weight and push through Mr. 97%.

At the gym I have had a bit of tunnel vision lately, walk in, find my machine, ride it until I am done and leave. Nothing matters to me when I am working out besides making it through the workout, sure I people watch while I am there but I am finding that I am collecting different movements that I see others doing and am adding them to a workout list that I am creating. I have basically made my life into one of Count every calorie, workout every day, drink enough and get 8 hours sleep per night and everything else is going to have to be back burnered for a short time because without my health what do I have?

Short and random was today's post but it is what it is because I am looking to get a good hard workout in today and will need to spend a little more time at the gym than usual so need to get my "around the house" stuff done earlier than normal.

What will you do this weekend to nurture a healthier lifestyle?

As Ever
Me

Food is just Fuel, and thats all I got to say about that...kind of.

2010-12-09T09:43:00.005-05:00

Wednesday was one of those days where I felt like everything went right even when it went wrong, I woke up two minutes before my alarm and even though I have a little bit of a cold right now felt good. My morning cup of tea went down and I began my day, The gym was calling so I wrote yesterdays post and did not wait to go to the gym at my normal time and out the door I went into the freezing cold, did I mention that the lake is beginning to freeze over? At the gym I rode my stationary bike for 35 minutes at a 95RPM average followed by a trot on the treadmill 7% incline 3.5MPH for 30 minutes and home I headed for lunch. My calories came in at 1760 for the day and was very balanced, drinking is never an issue but for the record I finished the day with 2 gallons of green tea and H2O with a side of 3 cups of hot green tea. My son came home from school and decided that he would throw a temper tantrum, I told him that it was coming off of his end of the night ie: You're going to bed early tonight kid and on I went with my positive vibe.

The picture that I took a few nights ago has really impacted me in a positive way even though it literally turned my stomach when I put it next to my 305 shirtless pound photo and I seem to have found my mojo again. I think seeing a side by side of myself looking heavier was what I needed right now, Getting comfortable was getting out of hand and like I said even though I wasn't really gaining weight regularly I had gained some and was just hovering there. Nothing is getting to me right now, I believe that a Rum cake from Luigi's Bakery could be put in front of me with a fork and I wouldn't touch it, yes folks, its like that. Every bite, every ingredient, and every drink is weighed and measured before I will eat it and then it is written into my excel sheet for the record books. Right now as I type I have three meals written into my excel sheet and an amount of calories left over for snacks or smaller meals that will fit between my meals and as far as fuel goes I know where mine will come from all day long. As long as I stick to the excel sheet I cannot fail today where my fuel is concerned, this is how I look at food, it is merely fuel for my body to complete the tasks for any given day.

The concept of looking at my food as Fuel and nothing more is how I did it from the very beginning so its nothing new to me, only recently have I started looking at it as "hmmm I like the way that tastes better than this so I will have that instead" so back to food is fuel I go. Saying food is fuel doesn't mean that I eat cardboard either, looking at my excel sheet for today my breakfast was 2 cups of honey comb cereal with 1 cup of 1% milk, I will have an almond Zone perfect bar before I go to the gym, Lunch is going to be 4oz of panko breaded haddock fillets on 100 calorie deli slims with some laughing cow cheese (my version of a fillet O fish but mine are only 225 calories each), then Dinner is going to be 2 soft tacos/burritos made on 100 calorie tortillas (which are huge, two more than fills me up) and the three meals leaves me 205 calories to play with. The 205 calories will be all fruit, perhaps a pear, a banana and a few grape tomatoes? that's the beauty of it, I can adjust it however I want/need to and I am not ever once in a day feeling hungry or like I am missing out on anything.

In the beginning I was a 500 pound man with few options, many of them led me into a hole in the ground, some led to expensive surgeries, and one led me to where I am today. These days I am a much healthier version of that guy but the same guy none the less, I have a feeling that I will struggle with food for a long time but when I can get my head into this in a way where I turn all cravings and ahem..addictions into logical thinking it is I who runs Bartertown. I have a feeling that on December 31st when I step onto that scale for the blog that anyone that is following my little trek through weight loss will understand just how focused I have become again, lets just say that Wify suggested that I take the day off from the gym today because I have been going so hard, just like old times.

We do in fact control our own destiny, we are the one with the fork in our hands so unless you are tied to a chair with a large ogre of a man forcing food down your gullet YOU are the one that decides what goes in.

As Ever
Me

Working hard has to replace all of the things that put the weight on.

2010-12-08T08:42:00.005-05:00

I find that sometimes re-reading my posts helps me to stay focused and makes me practice what I preach so I often times go over what was written for any given day for my own benefit. I read a lot, what I should say is that I read a lot about health, nutrition and weight loss, whether this is medical stuff or weight loss sites, sports nutrition books or some of your blogs and articles I love soaking it all in and have done so from January 2008. I at times hear people say or read in comments or blogs things that are just down right negative ie: counter productive to weight loss/health and a lot of times I want to write an email to them or wish that I could talk to that person face to face and ask them how they expect all of the negativity to result in positive results? When I am face to face with someone and the subject comes up on a mutual common ground kind of level I will ask, or ask them why they feel that way and give my view about it, sometimes its taken for what it is, just another guys opinion and sometimes I get the gas face and a "yeah whatever dude" look.

My black Chocobo and Dark Knight, oh my!

In yesterdays post I said "working hard has to replace all of the things that put the weight on" that statement made me start thinking about my life in the past and how the weight was put on. The variables are all over the place from buying mostly processed foods and keeping them in the house, playing video games for hours on end to late night stealth ninja runs to the drive through windows of greasy doom. Those things need to change but most of all the negativity is the main culprit in this fight, how can we expect to better our lives if all we do is complain about how terrible everything is all of the time? Negativity breeds more of the same and when its broken down its just a way of giving ourselves a reason to fail that is not on our own shoulders, but alas young Padowan, our destiny does in fact fall squarely onto each of our own shoulders no matter how much we pad it with negativity. Focus on what maddens us and we will never become great, but if the things that chain us down are viewed as something to push us into greatness then that is what we will have, and I whole heartedly believe that statement.

I will never and have never said it would be easy, I mean hell! do you realize how hard it was to cold turkey walk away from a level 75 Dark Knight? or the level 75 Black Mage??, but seriously none of it is easy. We are forced to change everything that we know in order to have the healthy life that we want, and you may not know it right now but you DO want it! When I was 500 plus pounds nothing that you could have said to me would have convinced me otherwise but having been there done that I can honestly say that I did want it even if I convinced myself that it didn't matter. There will be no more sitting for hours in a dented couch watching television with mayonnaise on your tee shirt, the 2 liter of coke will have to be left at the store and paying attention to what goes into the pie hole is priority one not to mention the exercise! see not easy! or I should say not as easy as not caring?

I have made a ton of changes in how I get down, I eat whole foods, I drink green tea like no other, the gym and my mountain bike are my go to for when I have free time and no matter what I don't let negativity into my life. I just don't see the point of complaining and whining about things that I have no control over when the things that I do have control over are where it counts, everyone has shitty things in their lives, not a single one of us is alone when we look at our issues, ALL of us have some! The major difference is that some of us roll with the punches and others look at the negative and beat it a bloody pulp looking for it to be the next excuse as to why they failed. Take those negatives and replace them with something that will help the fight, otherwise the negativity will make it feel like shoveling shit against the tide, again ask me how I know.

That's all I got.

As Ever
Me

It's not easy but it IS simple.

2010-12-07T08:17:00.007-05:00

Feeling like a sledge hammer in a room full of glass is the current mood in my gray matter, the suggestion would be to step to the side and let whatever is happening happen as you are powerless to stop it. There are times when something else takes over and this is how it was back in January 2008, something had to be done else there could have been a couple of holes in my future, the one in the side of the house who was close friends with the one in the ground. Unexplainable drive thrown into what I am staring at in front of me the feeling of nothing can stop me is thick in the air and it shall be so, I need to get to that line in the sand drawn so long ago. Perhaps the image of me heavier than I was a few months ago pasted next to each other on my screen showed me something that I never want to see again, a heavier version of myself which means that I am not getting down the way I know how to.

The image of me at 305 pounds and the new heavier image is only a 25 pounds difference "Did he just only 25 pounds??" what the shit man! twenty five pounds represents six months of lackadaisical discipline on my part and I say "only"? because of the enormous amount of weight that has come off already perhaps but I know that 25 pounds is not a small number. That number represents more than just six months of meh behavior, it now represents at least a month of hard work likely more, just to get back what I had already clenched in my fist. I opened this post by saying that I feel like a sledge hammer in a room full of glass and I do, it will not be long before I am pushing my way through that 300 pound mark and I say this because my head feels like it did in the beginning and I don't mean pudgy, I mean focused.

I was once a guy that thought he would die not so beautiful at a young age leaving a family behind with memories of me weighing the same as farm animals and motorcycles, The idea of of that saddens me but more so I get pissed off because I allowed it to get that far. Ain't no fuckin' way it will ever be me again, I busted my ass for far too long to be content with "almost" this time around and if you feel like you want to be an almost kind of person that's fine by me but my fate will be decided by me and me alone. I will never say that losing weight and getting healthy is easy, especially when the starting point is north of 500 pounds, it is a daily struggle and working hard has to replace all of the things that put the weight on. Letting up cannot be an option which is a lesson learned for me at this point, I have proven that I can eat almost how I want to, have a beer or three on a Friday night while maintaining a fluctuation weight that goes up and down within a 10-15 pound window but ultimately its not what I want.

December 31st will measure my willpower, it will be the needle on the scale that shows me that the hammer has in fact swung and that pile of glass on the floor will be glad to be out of my way. I started something and its time to finish it, my terms, my way, naysayers and disbelievers be dammed and if there is negativity within you, keep it there because like the witness on my front stoop the door will be closed in your face, you cannot and will not make me conform to your ways.

See? simple.

As Ever
Me

May vs December and a frown turned into motivation.

2010-12-06T09:01:00.005-05:00

Who knew? I mean who wouldda thunk that the 534 pound guy could with a little bit of hard work get into a healthy way of living? I know that I didn't when I began. It takes some time to slip into the fact that I am not that 500 pound fella any more, but at the same time I can remember the struggle as clear as I can remember the bowl of home made turkey soup that I had for dinner last night. Recently I talked about how comfortable I had become because I am not really limited in what I do these days and that's all fine and dandy but I did something last night and it upset me to the point where I believe that big numbers will be coming off of the scale for a while.

This should last a couple days!

When I started losing weight I was taking pictures of myself twice per month, no shirt, just skivvies three angles and I photo shop them next to one another each month so that I could see my progress, I will save you from the images by not posting them but I have images starting from Jan 2008. I have not taken a picture since May of this year and for whatever reason last night I thought about it and asked wify to snap a few so that I could see just how far I have back slid since May. I weighed 305 pounds on May 21st and there is a definite difference in that image from May and the one that I took last night and it pissed me off that I was smaller than I am now and with no good reason for the change. I mentioned more than a few times how comfortable I am in my body right now and that photo changed that for me, I think its amazing how we can feel one way and look another because if I didn't have the side by side to compare its easy to convince myself that I am ok where I am at because of how comfortable I am.

I have worked way too hard to get where I am, I have come from a guy that couldn't walk up a flight of stairs comfortably to a guy that looks for something to do because sitting still doesn't feel right. I looked at the photo last night next to the one from May and instantly realized that I have become complacent with my weight loss and half way isn't going to be good enough for me this time around. I have talked about being mister 97% and its kind of a joke between Wify and me but I can't let it happen with my health goals, there is too much that I want to do and reaching my goals with my weight and health are at the top of the list of things that I must do.

All of that being said I had a flawless weekend where my health goes, I ate perfectly and got some movement into my days, drinking has never been an issue for me and that continues to be the matter. Today I will bust arse at the gym, I will eat my allotted calories and I will weigh less tomorrow for my efforts, this is how I will live, it is how I will achieve my goals and my focus must remain on one thing. I set a goal to be as close to 275 pounds as possible by April 1st and there is a very personal reason that date was chosen, I have to stay on task in order to make that goal even though I think that getting at or below 275 by then will be near impossible I still have to try. I would need to drop an average of 3.4Lbs per week until April first to hit 275 and like I said I don't think its impossible though it may be improbable, My life will be all about weight loss once again for a while and I will be using the "if it ain't broke don't fix it" philosophy and go back to basics and what works for me.

Whole foods, lots of fruits and veggies, stay hydrated and get my cardio into every day, this is how I roll, won't you join me?

As Ever
Me

Time to weigh in and my view at the gym.

2010-12-03T08:05:00.004-05:00

Taking this new old way back in and this week has gone pretty much without a hitch, I am back in a groove with pre-planning my day worth of calories out on my excel sheet and my calories have been pretty much all whole foods and under budget. In the beginning I looked at this as my job, if I preformed well I got raises, or in my case the opposite of raises and my weight went down, I did it by the book and by that I mean the plan that I created for myself was followed to the letter and I was very successful with the losses each week. Write down every measured bite that went into my mouth and do not veer from that path was how I rolled, exercise every day no matter how I felt was the way of the warrior as it was which has never been an issue for me because I love the feeling after I workout and keeping my tank topped off with green tea and H2O was of the utmost importance, this is how things will be for me from now on again.

The view from my treadmill, no one on the arc-trainers!

Today happens to be Friday and it also happens the beginning of the month so I am going to record my weight at the beginning of each month for a bit because this whole weighing in each Friday thing is meh for me right now. So the first notch in the "what I weigh" belt will come in at 333.8Lbs this morning which is a good amount lower than I was on Monday but it was a not so great eating weekend last week. I have been making myself dinner with the family but adjusting some items so that I can get high calorie bang for the buck like last night everyone else had corn as a side but I chose to have green beans because of the caloric cost being so much lower on the beans which allowed me to have a little more. None of this is new to me but I had slid into just having what everyone else was having no matter what it was for ease of preparation, I am back to being mister measure again with everything and now I will need to focus on staying on this track again like I was in the beginning.

Thinking about the importance of this trek to the other side of 300 pounds I am realizing that no matter how comfortable I am right now and no matter how good I feel that there is more to this trip. I took my life back in the past couple years and now its tome to push myself into uncharted territory by making it below that 300 pound barrier that is seemingly out of reach so says the years of being on this side of it. When it comes down to it I am the only one holding me back at this point, Me and my comfort of not being unable to walk a quarter mile without being in excruciating pain and so out of breath that fear enters the gray matter. I will step aside and allow myself to advance over the bridge without paying a gold piece because there has been enough aggravated assault on my body by its owner over the years for one guy to take.

Friday December 31st I will weigh myself for the blog again, hopefully I am a good amount lighter by then, I am putting in the disciplined time once again and have a feeling that I will push through this go around. There you have it, another episode of as the fat guy turns has come to an end, keep on keepin on and all that fun stuff, that's all I got for ya today.

As Ever
Me

The 300 pound me talking now.

2010-12-02T08:21:00.004-05:00

So here I sit, feeling good about some changes that I recently made to the program and I have a 60 pound monkey hanging off of my back whom I intend on shaking off optimally in the next four months. I have written this blog from the point of view that a 500 plus pound guy would have and that was fitting because it is where I came from but since I have maintained my current weight for more than a year its time to start looking at things from the vantage point of a relatively healthy 300 pound guy that works out regularly. I struggle with the same things on different levels now than when I weighed so much more and with that comes the capability to do more physically and not worry as much about getting hurt because of the weight making me unstable, my exercise is not where I have issues.

Yesterday at the gym looking big just before getting on the treadmill.

These days I struggle with the comfort of being able to do what I want to when I want to and making not so great choices with my intake has come into play because of that. I am not gaining weight so keep all of the "see you're going to gain it all back fat man" in your pocket, I have maintained a weight that fluctuates up and down within about a 10 pound range for quite some time now and it needs to stop. Being comfortable has stopped my progress where losing weight is concerned and I say that part about the weight because I am stronger than I was 6 months ago I am just not lighter, Its a mental thing but then that's what losing weight is all about so its no big surprise.

Because I don't feel like I am in immediate danger of having a grenade go off in my chest at any given moment I have relaxed with my discipline when food is the thing that we're talking about, Partially because of the comfort but that's not the only thing. At the very core of this and as much as I hate to admit it food is an addiction for me if not in the same way a crack addict craves the high it is an issue because as soon as things get stressful I find myself chewing on something. I noticed a pattern within myself where when a situation that is in my life flares, yeah lets say flares because that's a nice way of saying it that still keeps it vague I will have two or three days of not giving a damn about my eating, I still go to the gym, I don't drink less but the calorie counting is out the window. I have at times convinced myself that its ok though because I have after all lost 200 pounds and am not really hindered by my weight any more but I need to get past this 300 pound mark, it is the hardest goal that I have ever faced in my life.

Hardest goal? what the hell are you talking about man? You weighed 534 pounds! this should be cake! Ok saying cake was mean but let me splain something that I have discovered about me and this whole trip to the half thing. I weighed more than 500 pounds for perhaps 8 years of my life, it was foreign to me, struggling to walk, panting just from going up a flight of stairs and thinking about how close I was to being in a hole with a piece of granite scribed with some kind words about the fat man on it was a daily worry. Now if we're going to count how many years I have been right around that 300 pound mark it would be the rest of my adult life right on down to about age 13 or so and honestly this weight feels like where I am suppose to be so its hard for me to see myself weighing less than that. Stupid! I know but hey it is what it is but as long as I see it and understand that its there I think that I can get past it so that's the plan, no matter how comfortable I am right now with the way that I feel I am not happy with what I see in the mirror not to mention the not doing what I set out to do yet.

The time for being comfortable is over because at the very core of all of this I am not comfortable, I need to get down to my goal and I need to do it sooner than later, I know this and anything less than my 100% is just excuses and slacking. When I began this whole weight loss thang I told Wify that as a reward for getting to my goal weight of 275 pounds that I wanted to buy myself a new bike to which she agreed and if I can get my shit together and drop this last 60 pounds I will be below that goal and a new old motorcycle shall be parked in my driveway this summer. I will not do this so that I can buy a bike though, I will do it because I honestly feel that getting down below 300 pounds for good will be something very significant in my life and as much weight as I have lost thus far getting below 300 pounds will be bigger than anything I have done to date for my health.

Lose 100 pounds? done! Lose 200 pounds? done! Live comfortably? done! Tattoo for losing 200 pounds? done! Motorcycle for hitting goal weight? Coming to a theater near you Summer 2011, Weigh less than I did at age 13? Same theater same summer.

That's all I got.

As Ever
Me

The mental game that is weight loss, a guest post from a good friend.

2010-12-01T09:01:00.007-05:00

Today I am going to introduce somebody to you, he will write a sort of guest post and give his point of views, I have only let one other person "guest post" on my blog since I started it back in 2008 and that was my wife. When I started writing in this blog I didn't know how or what it would turn into if anything at all and honestly I believed that I would make it about a week before I stopped logging in to write down my thoughts on weight loss and how things were going but as you know that wasn't the case. I was a 500 plus pound man who had no clue of how many days he had left on the planet because of a whole lot of extra weight and fear was in fact a driving force in how I was able to strictly stick to the plan that I had set in front of myself and I am down more than 200 pounds since Day 1. I wanted to let this person post because of the things that he is finding difficult with his weight loss, there is no fear to drive him its plainly just a lighter weight, he is significantly lighter than I was when I began but a weight loss struggle is at the core the same fight no matter who it is or what they weigh. Here goes nothing, a guest post from someone that I have been friends with for some time now, he struggles as I struggled in the beginning, its usually the case when we press into uncharted waters.

Let me start off by saying thanks to Zeusmeatball for the opportunity to post on his blog, I weigh more than 300 pounds and have for most of my life, there have been times when I was worse off than I am now physically but right now I do believe that I am in the best shape of my life even though the general physical shape of me is round. I do go to the gym almost daily, I lift weights and ride a mountain bike as often as I can but even with that all said I have been over 300 pounds for most of my life and am finding it very difficult to beat the weight down past that mark. I eat mostly whole foods these days but there are times that I feel like having a beer or stopping at a restaurant that I've never been to and sometimes that starts the spiral. I am completely comfortable with my weight even though I know that its too much and that fact gets in my way more often than not.

I have lived healthy for a while now and life gets in the way of my drive quite often and turning to food for comfort is too easy, though I am pretty healthy I don't feel the guy that I see in the mirror matches the fella in the gym. I have about 60 to 70 pounds that I would like to drop, probably more in the long run and am finding it hard to keep built momentum. I drink enough during any given day and I count calories (I learned that from Zeusmeatball) but because there is no death knocking on the door like Zeus had its all too easy for me to justify the extra comfort calories lately. I have goals sure, some of which are pretty important but still I struggle with staying perfectly on track with weighing and measuring every bite that goes into my mouth, I wonder how Zeus did it at times, then I read some of the older posts and the plan is simple.

I am beginning on a journey to get these 60 to 70 pounds off and its very much like the battle Zeusmeatball has fought over the past couple of years but some of the driving forces are a little different. I am not a 500 pound man that struggles to walk more than 50 feet but someone who can go to the gym and work for an hour on cardio machines without too much of a problem, I am not a man that would buckle the rims on a bicycle but someone that can and does ride 20 miles on a mountain bike as often as possible but the food I struggle with. Shifting my concentration to meticulously counting calories, eating only whole foods and making sure that I am getting enough vegetation throughout every day is what I need to do because I have the other stuff down pretty solid. I will take from all of the posts in this blog any information that I can get and use it to my advantage because looking back, if a 500 plus pound man can count every bite that goes in, walk slowly and in pain every day of every week without pause then me at just over 330 pounds can surely follow suit.

Zeusmeatball has written a lot of blog posts over the years, He has saved his life with the changes that he has made in his life and I know that he will be around a lot longer than if those changes weren't made. I look up to him and know first hand how hard the struggle was and is for him, he is the strongest man that I know and I owe a lot to him and because of that I have to show him that I can in fact follow his lead and drop the weight that I need to. Looking down the barrel of having to lose almost 300 pounds and the view of having to lose 70 or maybe even 100 pounds is somewhat different while the cards that must be played are very much alike. Today starts something new for me because I am going to start blogging not as a 500 pound man facing death but as a 300 plus pound guy facing the same kind of struggle from the vantage point of a much healthier version of my former self.

As Ever
Anthony

The guest post is written and a new struggle has begun, You can read Anthony's blog Here, I hope that you can follow along because I have a feeling that it will be a lot like my blog. Pushing through stresses that I have no control over will have to be extremely important in my life because no matter what else is in that life I have to be priority one else I could find myself back in a world of hurt with my health. I can promise myself and the ones that I love this will never happen and to prove it I will become a machine once again with my health regimen because if I can do it at 500 pounds and in constant pain then I can do it when I am physically capable of stopping the world from turning.

The struggles are cut of the same cloth but the mental is much different once you have pushed your way out of the corner.

As Ever
Me

A chip off the old block

2010-11-22T20:04:00.005-05:00

So over the weekend I was cleaning the yard and when I brought a barrel of leaves for the compost pile I noticed something in my mother in laws back yard, who lives next door to us. A HUGE tree had fallen in a summer storm and their chainsaw wasn't big enough to go through the mass of an about 6 foot long section of trunk and its been sitting back there just waiting for me. I thought about how I like to toss "alternative exercises" into my program as much as possible and had the great idea that I would go out and buy an axe and chip this massive section of tree into some primo firewood for the coming colder months. This morning I got to the gym nice and early where I did 25 minutes on the stationary bike followed by some weight lifting, spending time on my shoulders felt good but that chunk of tree was in my head the whole time. Sunday I had run out and bought a shiny new 4.5 pound axe which is an inch under 3 feet long and I decided on the ride home that I would eat something quick and onto the tree I would go.

Da new axe.

Spending about 2 hours with that axe in my hands left me with a pair of blisters and a cracked axe handle but I did make a dent in the chunk O wood and there is a small pile of firewood for my efforts. I unfortunately did not take an after picture of the log and the wood but I will take and post one either later or tomorrow, I know, how exciting wood! but hey! it is alternate exercise for me and I am trying to focus on that to change things up a bit so it is what it is, besides all of the people that say that they can't afford a gym membership can see that there ARE other ways to break a sweat. This chunk of wood has sat where it is for months now and isn't really bothering anyone since its at the back of the property but I know that they would like it to be gone and I know a guy stupid enough to chop up a piece of hardwood that's about 6 feet long and has a diameter of more than 3 feet by hand so its on.

Front view with the failed shallow chainsaw marks from over the summer.

Back side, look at all of those knots! its going to be a challenge to actually cut this entire thing up.

I did make some changes in my calories because I had hit sort of a wall with the 2000 calorie up that I did a few weeks back so I am back to 1700 and on weight lifting days I will add a whey protein shake to see how that goes. Over all the weight is in a downward swing right now and has been coming down faster since I changed it back to 1700 so until I hit a wall with it I am going with the if it ain't broke way of thinking. I lost all of my weight on a 1700 calorie intake and along the way I change things in the way of exercise and calories from time to time and I always seem to come back to the 1700 calorie allotment so that's where I am at right now.

This week is Thanksgiving and I will have some good eats come Thursday but I am not going to over indulge in anything and am bringing a low calorie side dish so that I know I can make good choices come dinner time. Making my way towards 275 pounds one meal at a time and one workout at a time I know that I will be there and that April goal is still on the table, perhaps I will make it to that line in the sand and perhaps I will fall short, all to be found out on a later episode of as the fat guy turns.

Until next time, keep on keepin on, its all that we can do after all.

As Ever
Me

Set the pace.

2010-11-19T15:57:00.003-05:00

This morning I awoke from my slumber and decided before my feet even hit the hard wood floor that I was not going to the gym, I was up late, was out of bed 30 minutes early and feeling it. I read somewhere that we should make our beds every morning because it sets the pace for the day so after I hit the head I walked into the living room and asked the boss lady if she needed any help to get her morning going. She could see that I wasn't my regular old not a morning person self and said "Nah I got it" so there I sat thinking about what I would make for breakfast, a bowl of cereal later I sat down to write a blog post. Nothing was coming to mind and nothing exciting happened that would lead me to write a post, nothing health/weight loss related anyhow because there was the incident with the raccoon a jack O lantern and flip flops. Al Roker was running about on the Today show and I began thinking about how my day would play out, should I finish raking the leaves in the yard? perhaps it was time to paint the bathroom or maybe I would just sit on the couch all day and be as useless as I felt.

Not long after I shot down all of my ideas including the one where I had a go at world domination with my new friend the raccoon I thought some green tea needed to be made. Somewhere between the ice cube tray and stubbing my pinky toe I decided that bad attitude and bloody toe be damned, I needed to at least go to the gym for a short bike ride. The gym clothes were placed upon my slowly moving body and I had a time getting the pants pulled up over my dragging ass but I was off. By the time I made it to the gym My attitude improved marginally and I honestly thought "Well, I did technically go to the gym today so now I can go home" Suck it up Butter cup! get your ass in there.

That trip to the gym was very much productive, I started off with a 20 minute bike ride to warm things up and I ended with a 99RPM pace which is great! Off to the weights I went and did my back and biceps, I threw in one shoulder movement for good measure and the weight lifting session took me the better part of an hour, realizing that the mopey uninspired fella that drove me to the gym had gone home it was back onto the bike for 30 more minutes. Covered in sweat now, I return to my car and drive home to make myself a nice lunch, The leaves are raked and I pulled up all of my Canna bulbs to store for the winter.

I just came from my bedroom and ya know what? that bed still isn't made.

As Ever
Me

That guy

2010-11-18T08:45:00.005-05:00

To think that I was "That guy" you know, the one that would eat a whole pizza just because it tasted good and not think twice about the repercussions of the act, in fact I have a friend that would do the same thing and it was normal to us to go grab a couple pies for dinner and scoff them down with a 2 liter of coke. I was the guy that would take the challenge of "So, how many $.99 Whoppers do you think that you can eat at one time?" and run with it, the answer is 8 and because the tab was on someone else I was ok with it and I look back at that and my guess is that it was one of the most calorie laden $8 ever spent. This morning I noticed that it was 8:40am and I had dropped a half gallon of green tea down the hatch already, I thought about how that green tea use to be soda or whole milk and seriously what the hell was I thinking? how could any of that be alright? but that was me guilty as charged.

I worked in a manual labor job at the time and believe me when I say that I got PLENTY of exercise at that job and I think its the reason that I was able to eat the way that I did and not get over 350ish pounds. Seven in the morning until five or six at night digging holes, mixing concrete and installing most of the time steel frame work for five to six days per week gets the blood pumping and in hindsight I can say without a doubt that is why I never gained weight back then. An injury back in about 2000 forced me to take a job that was not physical at all, in fact I spent the next 8 years either not working because of the injury or behind a desk and since there was no movement other than walking to the car to drive to the office I was unable to drop any of the weight that I had gained in the first few years after my injury. I became "That guy" again, You know, the huge fellow pouring himself into the car each morning wearing uncomfortable "business casual" clothing, looking sloppy because none of it fit correctly and of course because of those things did not come off as confident as he could, typical fat dude behind a computer in an office and not because it was a choice but because anything more labor intensive would grenade his heart.

My life is what it is, I wouldn't change any of it mostly because my experiences make me who I am and I can honestly say that I am happy over all. I have everything that I need and most of what I want in life right now, sure there are things that I wish I had done earlier and other things that I want to accomplish that could have been done by now if I had gotten started years ago but at this point in my life things could be much worse. I choose to focus on the positive things in my existence insisting on doing things the way that they need to be done in order for me to stay where I need to be and I can't say that was always the case, perhaps I am evolving? growing up? maturing? I am unsure but I know that focusing on the negative will only drag me down so its just not how I get down these days. I fuel my body with mostly clean food, drinking H2O and green tea exclusively these days and I attempt to get some sort of physical activity into every one of my 24 hour segments of time that you humans like to call a day.

I go to the gym almost every day and I only say almost because I enjoy riding my bike more than I like the gym so when weather permits I try and ride instead, I hike when at all possible and Wify comes with me when that happens, I am always looking to do something physical. My kids randomly drop to the floor and bang out some push ups or sit ups all of the time, they say that kids learn from their parents and I would like to believe that they do it because I do the same, I know its why and I have faith that none of my kids will ever suffer from being obese from inactivity. Every person in my family eats healthy these days, there is no soda in my home, no jars or bags full of cookies and I know that the home prepared meals are full of nutrients and not laced with fats and overly salted calories. Again I am finding that I am "That guy" but this time its something to look up to, no more "So, how many $.99 Whoppers do you think that you can eat at one time?" instead I am that guy that insists on living healthy and making it to the gym each day is a very important ideal to me. I don't care how "picky" or "pain in the ass" I might seem to be these days when it comes to what goes into my body, the key words are "My body" and its the only one that I have so from now on its just how its gotta be.

I like this version of "That guy" so I think that I'll keep it for a while.

As Ever
Me

Giving up..

2010-11-17T07:39:00.004-05:00

What can I do? it feels hopeless and I can't figure out how to fix it, this is how it's going to be forever no matter how short forever is and nothing that I can do will be enough. I know that I need to do something about this or it will do something about me and the story will end up with a fat man in a hole with a rock at one end carved with something nice about him while the earth keeps spinning. Why can't I just stop eating the garbage that passes for food these days? What is it about eating a satchel full of greasy over processed food that is so appealing? yet here I am with a bag full of Del Taco in my lap wolfing down my second cheese burger so that when I walk through the door no one will know exactly how much I ate. I don't want to get up off of the couch any more, simply sitting here has become enough, at least that's the perception that I want people to believe because if they don't believe it then I have to admit that I can't do much more than this, fuck, I have to piss and I can't just sit here and do it on myself, I suppose I will drag myself into the bathroom even if it makes my back hurt.

I made it to the top of the stairs which is awesome but now I need to wait a few seconds so that I can catch my breath and let my heart rate go down, I don't want Wify to know how hard I struggle with every stair and I know that I am only fooling myself because the concern is all over her face day in and day out. Why can I not get a hold on this? something that in theory seems so easy is turning out to be the bane of my existence, will today be the day? the day that my heart hand grenades behind my ribs shredding everything that I know and love as the shrapnel exits my chest? Front page news, 550 pound man had to be cut from his home this afternoon as the scene of a hole in the side of my house graced the news sites and television, no fuckin' way I was going to let it be me.

Diligently counting every calorie that entered my body while walking as far as I could every day feeling a little more confident in what I was doing. I started off by eating the foods that I was use to but in smaller portions, then I began researching types of foods and what they do for me or to me and adjusted my diet to include as many whole foods as possible. Walking one third of a mile at a two and a half year old girls pace became walking at my pace while she rode in the stroller for half of the ride which became her on my shoulders and on and on. The weight was coming off and I was feeling better and better physically, I was missing less and less and it dawned on me that as long as I did my part the rest kind of just happened on its own, who wouldda thunk? When you weigh 500 plus pounds everything that you do is hard, I mean everything and without getting into details I am sure you can use your imagination and get pretty close on most of it but as plainly as I can say it life pretty much sucks when you weigh that much.

I've had people say to me "I have X Y and Z which limits what I can do so you don't know what I am going through" when I say to start small and do what you can while making the commitment to the eating less part priority. That is ALL excuses, I don't care what a person perceives as a roadblock I call them excuses at this point and before you get all "Oh you cocky son of a bitch where do you get off blah blah blah" I weighed more than 500 pounds, yeah that's a quarter ton, I have a disk injury in my lower back and I go to the gym every day currently and am limited only by my own hand, as a 500 pound man I walked while my back was on fire, my heart pounded and sweat poured from every inch of my skin but I kept doing it despite the pain and discomfort. The whole time I walked I held the hand of the most beautiful little girl in the world which was a constant reminder of why I needed to keep going no matter how much it hurt, no matter how slow I went and no matter how uncomfortable I was. I never said that it would be easy and every one of us that has lived or is living the life of a super obese person knows the feeling. Something that I've learned is that I am not and was not the only person with this problem and feeling sorry for myself helped me to get to that 500 plus pound stage of my life and if I had looked in a mirror sooner I may have figured it out earlier than I did.

Now its time to finish what I started because even though I am seemingly unlimited in what I do these days I do have health goals that I wish to reach so its on, I wouldn't recommend standing in my way.

As Ever
Me

Submit to me...

2010-11-16T19:51:00.004-05:00

Lately the name of the game has been get to the gym, count the calories and drink my green tea and H2O, I have been all business at the gym and for my efforts the posts have been coming slower lately. This afternoon I did 20 minutes on the stationary bike at the gym @99RPM's covering eight virtual miles, following that I lifted weights for about an hour covering my chest, triceps and did one movement for my biceps since they were a secondary group being used in one of my chest exercises. My calories as I type this are at 2005 total and I am done for the day at this point, included in those calories is a banana, 2 peaches, 4oz of roasted turkey breast, a whey protein shake and the rest of the menu is very similar, to say that I have been eating cleanly is an understatement. Somewhere along the way in the last week or so my focus has become strongly aimed at getting below 300 pounds as fast as possible without stressing over it and I can see the numbers on the scale in my head as clear as I can see the screen in front of me as I type right now 299.

I have not been posting my weight on Fridays for a couple weeks and that is sort of purposely not on purpose, wait what? Somehow having that "I gotta post my weight on Friday" monkey sitting on my shoulder was screwing with my mojo so the first time around it was literally I lost track of days but last week I decided that I wasn't posting it because I was in a zone and didn't need the false road block to get in the way. I have had no time to write daily because of a non weight loss related situation that has kept me from the keyboard as often as I would like to be here but I am going to try and get to posting on a regular basis once again as some of the smoke is clearing and I actually feel guilty not writing a post! not to mention that I have fallen behind on all of the other blogs that I enjoy reading.

My wife has been a peach the last couple weeks, She has kept me on track with some extra support and we even got out on a hike yesterday which played a part in why I didn't get a post up. We hiked about 4.5 miles much of that was up hill and we packed a lunch that we enjoyed on a "look out point" along the trail that actually over looks one of the bike trails that I ride and that was probably the most awesome lunch that I have had in a long time. I started something back in January 2008 with this whole weight loss thing and back then it was a matter of do I want to live or do I want to die and that made things easy because if there is one thing that is certain its that I want to be around for my wife and kids, for about the last year though I found that I was/am comfortable with where I am physically....to a point.

Comfort is one of those things that can sneak up on a fella and slowly take over the drive that was once flowing in his blood, it is after all one of the main reasons that many people try and lose weight right? I LOVE the being comfortable with myself thing, I am finding it harder to find things that I am limited from doing these days and feel that I have my life back not in the respect of anything other than my stamina is there again and I do what I want to. The mere fact that I can on a whim go on a hike with the love of my life and sit in the quiet of the New England woods sharing a moment of just enjoying the company is something that I was not a possibility at 534 pounds and I have been soaking those moments up as they come for the last year.

There is something on my horizon that is very important to me and getting myself back into the groove of dropping weight like its my job is just how its going to be for as long as it takes me to get to my goal weight. The days of letting the comfort be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow are over, I need to get to my goal so that I can prove to myself that I can in fact go the full 100% and not be mister 97% like I have been in the past, its time to get the last couple few off of my bones once and for all. My lowest weight since starting down this road to better health was 305 pounds back on May 21st, I am right now as I type this post 25 pounds higher than that low number and honestly it aggravates me more than almost anything that I can think of right now but to focus on that would be a mistake.

I am focusing on my calories, I again started weighing EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth a week ago, no more "going off of what I know" with my "eying it" technique. Missing a workout is not an option which is nothing new because as you all know I LOVE the gym and I LOVE the workouts but I am going to push myself harder in order to get to my goal weight which will start by me getting back down to that 305 pound mark that I made back six months ago. I need to get to that initial goal not because of anything other than to prove to myself that I can finish what I started back in January 2008, I've come this far and I've done it on my own, no payment plans or food in a box delivered to my door, not at the edge of a knife on an operating table and no miracle pills, I will get to the weight that I set out to get to, my way.

That's all I got for tonight, tomorrow will be just the next day in a string of many where I punish my body into submission.

As Ever
Me

The Human Engine, When did you last change your oil?

2010-11-12T21:05:00.007-05:00

I had an old 1984 Buick LeSabre once upon a time and that car looked like hell when I was through with it, there were dents, broken windows and it had about 200k miles on it, I inherited the car from my mother when she moved out of state when I was about 22 years old. I drove that car for more than a year with about a quart of oil in it right up until the time that I sold it to the scrap yard it never quit on me, it ran in lieu of the treatment that it was getting even if it knocked and dieseled when I tried to turn it off. There was damage to that engine and transmission but it held together just long enough for me to save up and buy myself a 1986 RX7 (yes I fit into an RX7 so zip it!) so it did its job and I didn't have to take care of it one bit in the time that I owned it but it didn't last as long as it could have. If we take care of our cars they will last a long time, sometimes when we beat the shit out of them they keep on going but at some point something will break, it has to because it was not designed to work with extreme abuse and some are better than others at taking the abuse while still performing even if at a lesser standard than it was meant to.

That RX7 was WELL taken care of when I bought it, the thing ran like a top and that rotory motor hummed perfectly, I changed the oil regularly, washed and waxed it weekly and drove it everywhere. The fella that I bought the car off of had owned it since new and it had sixty some odd thousand miles on it when I purchased it and became the second owner, this car was my baby...for the six months. In my younger days lets just say that I was known to put after market parts into cars and proceed to beat the living hell out of them, this was starting to become the fate of that once pristine RX7. The car was taken care of all of its life until it met me and ultimately died at my hands and was sold off as a parts car the very next summer, yes I said parts car, so this car had a different life than that LeSabre but did share the same fate. Sometimes when things get taken care of properly they can still end in disaster because of all kinds of different problems or stupid decisions.

Engines work as they should when taken care of properly, change the oil regularly, tune ups help to keep things working and driving the way the car was meant to be driven will most times mean a reliable car for many years. When a car is not taken care of it may last for a while but eventually all of the parts that are wearing down every time it gets driven will fail and at that point the car is shot, we may be able to limp it back and fourth to work while it sputters and chugs along like that LeSabre did but it will be a short lived ride. I recently have been reflecting on some things that were in my life not too long ago and what I may have been doing to my body in the process of those things and the car analogy came to me, at 534 pounds I was beating the shit out of my body just like I did that LeSabre. My heart, my lungs, my bones and muscles, all of my ligaments along with every part of my mental was getting the shit beat out of it on a daily basis just because I weighed more than a quarter ton and was essentially running on a quart of oil and broken windows, I was fucking myself and couldn't see it.

Something was going to fail catastrophically in short order if I hadn't changed the oil when I did, but does it mean that because there are fresh plugs and oil in the engine that it will now be a 200k mile engine? this I am unsure of. Like a car that was beat to hell and then changed owners where the new guy takes care of the car sure it will last longer now because its being taken care of but are there stressed bolts internally that will ultimately make the engine fail? or will that odometer reach 250k and beyond? perhaps I worry about things that should not be as close to the surface as they are, perhaps not. As a once 500 plus pound guy I think that there are worries that are valid and should be monitored and all at the same time I know that the oil is being changed regularly now and the engine is being run properly so it should last a good long while more with this maintenance routine.

We need to take care of our bodies as if they are the most precious thing that we own because they are, we cannot call the scrap yard up and have them tow away the shell of a Lesabre because a shiny new RX7 was bought, we get one go around and that's it and the scrap yard that we end up in has a 6 foot deep hole in it. These days I am a machine, I eat properly, I exercise daily and I live as clean as I possibly can the days of beating the shit out of my cars is in the past and the days of me beating the shit out of my body are over, that is until I get into the gym or onto my bike but that is another story.

You gonna end up in the scrap yard? or pull that oil and wax out and show a little love to yourself? I know which one I choose.

As Ever
Me

Appreciation, what is that exactly?

2010-11-05T09:50:00.005-04:00

Today I am stealing an idea from somebody on my facebook friends list, Josie is posting things that she is grateful for for the next 30 days on her page and this idea somehow sounds like a cool idea so I shall do something similar. I don't know if I will be able to post EVERY day so I can't say for the next 30 days but I am going to attempt to post something that I am grateful for or something that I appreciate as often as I remember, this could end up being easy or it may be harder than I think but either way its an interesting venture.

So I wonder, what do I appreciate, there are so many things to choose from and so many different directions this can go in but I have to say that the thing that I appreciate today is my wife. She is my rock, she is there when I need her to be and she is there no matter what the situation, without her I am unsure how successful I would have been with my better health venture and she knows this but in the spirit of the appreciation thang, she gets the number one spot. The image that I posted is her standing next to a sun flower that we were growing, She is my hiking partner, my conscious and you will never find a kinder person on the planet, which is subject to debate on the days that I don't put the dishes into the cabinet! she is a huge part of why I am able to do what I do.

Ok, ok enough of the sappy stuff, back to the weight loss related chatter, This week I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off and finding time for myself has been quite the task and because of that I haven't gotten many posts up this week, such is life I suppose. The little bit of time that I have had to myself has been spent at the gym so you can't fault me too much for that right? I mentioned that I got some seat time at a tattoo shop and because of the placement of one of them its bothering me when I lift weights so I have pretty much spent my time this week on Cardio more than lifting and Saturday through Tuesday I didn't even make it to the gym because of an unrelated issue so its been an odd week for me over all. Making good choices with my intake hasn't been hard for the better part of the week and Halloween did toss a couple hurdles in my way but I think we made it through pretty much unscathed for the most part and this week the theme will be hardcore workouts.

The things that I do now compared back a couple hundred pounds ago and the way that I do them aren't comparable, Making good choices with diet and exercise force me to stay healthy these days. I have said this on my blog countless times but I believe that anyone who wants it can lose weight and get healthier than they are currently, the biggest part of weight loss is the mental because as soon as we realize that fact everything else doesn't seem so hard.

A bit random but that's all I got for today.

As Ever
Me

DXXXIV...

2010-11-03T10:14:00.004-04:00

I have in 1037 days transformed my entire body into what it is today, what exactly that is I am unsure of but I know that its much healthier than it was at 534 pounds. This weekend a couple things happened, Halloween came and went but not without me dipping into the pumpkin for a couple few pieces of chocolate and I got some seat time at the tattoo shop on Saturday which was cool as its been a while since my last ink. Friday I hurt my neck yes yes I am ok so don't start crying, and that kept me away from the gym until this afternoon, so a whole four days of no work outs had me bouncing off the walls and pretty uncomfortable between that and having to watch where I placed parts of my body because of the new tattoos.

Working as hard as possible to get as close to or surpass the goals that I have set in front of me is all that I can do in order to make the deadline, This is what I will do in order to realize all of my health goals. Sometimes there will be obstacles, sometimes it will be as smooth as silk and then there will be the times that an injury or something else stops the bustin' ass cold in its tracks but keeping all of the underlying framework that has been built in check will keep me rollin' in the right direction indefinitely.

Anyone can do this, each and every person out there that has a weight problem can grab control and drop all of the extra padding that is holding them back from doing what they want to do in life and I believe that statement to the very core of me. If I were to somehow gain 200 pounds back onto my bones I would have to say that I would be completely at fault because even if I was immobilized I control what goes down the hatch, taking responsibility for ourselves is pinnacle in making a lasting change in how we live. Learning that I have control, that You have control of your intake and whether an attempt is made at some real exercise is a step that needs to be taken in order for this to work, without it I am unsure that success can be had in a world where weight loss and better health is the goal.

I weighed 534 pounds at one point in my life and I will never go back to that life, ever...

DXXXIV...Never again...

As Ever
Me

This is a Rooster..The scale says??

2010-10-29T07:14:00.007-04:00

Its that time of the week where the number on the scale counts towards the blog tally for weight lost or gained. This being the first full week of the 2000 calorie bump up I wasn't sure what would happen this morning so when I woke up I staggered into the living room and stepped onto my scale, and.... All week I have been weight lifting on a regular basis and have been diligently working out whether it be at the gym or out on a trail, I have done my part is the point that I am trying to get at and yes I did have a single day where I mussed up the program but even with that I should have lost something. My feeling has been that eating more calories to lose more weight feels counter intuitive, I always say "eat less move more" right? so this eating more thing just didn't jive with me mostly because I have eaten 1700 calories for so long that its become habitual for me to stop when I hit that number. Oh! wait, I stepped on the scale so I suppose before I get into anything else I should share what it said right?

Points to you if you get this reference.

I could say that the scale was kind to me but I would rather say that I was not kind to the fat on my bones instead, seems more fitting to me. I this morning weighed in at three hundred twenty seven and four tenths pounds and that is a 2.8 pound drop for the week, coming in at 327.4Lbs was pretty cool because its a pretty good drop for the week and I feel like I am on a roll again which does wonders for the positive attitude. I don't want to say that the up in calories was the key because I have upped my exercise routine along with it but the extra calories certainly doesn't seem to be hurting the cause, If we get a few weeks in a row with decent losses i will call it the new calorie allowance, for now its still on a trial basis.

Last week at my gym there was a fella doing body fat percentages with a little gizmo that I held in front of me after he input my height, weight and age, he offered me a free evaluation and offered to show me a few movements with weights that I may not be doing, sort of a fine tune for my workout so I will be doing that this afternoon. This is something completely out of my comfort zone because I have always been self sufficient in that respect and have always just researched things on my own to create my workout plans and calorie allowances. Could it hurt to have this fella walk around though the free weights with me? nah, I am sure that he will be showing me everything that I am already doing but in the spirit of doing something different I signed up, what could it hurt? right?

Today was not going to be a lifting day for me because I have an appointment tomorrow that I don't want to be sore or fatigued for but I think that just going through the motions and getting the "fitness eval" from a trainer could be good for my mental. This week has been good and starting off by stepping out of my box (even if it is ever so slightly out of that box) will hopefully keep me going at the same pace that I have been at because I feel good and the weight is coming off again and that's the point. I am down 2.8 pounds this week for all of the hard work, I am stronger than I was last week and I know that as long as I put in the work that I am destined to succeed straight to my goal, no excuses, no whining, just going to keep the momentum for as long as I can and try to get to that April goal of being 275 pounds or less.

Halloween is here and it will just be another day for me, no candy, no sweets and nobody will stop me from getting to my goal, the way I see it is that I will get some extra exercise in by walking the kiddos around the neighborhood, I suppose its all about how you look at things, don't let it be an excuse to eat badly, capisci?

As Ever
Me